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Come Here for all the late shit... but if you didn't read it when it was news, what the fuck is wrong with you!!!!
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News and Reviews for 11/29/02
Well it's friday time for the weekend, time to get lit and time to drink some Skyy's..... I think I'm about as fat as I have ever been after yesterday..... I ate too much, but damn turkey sure does taste good.... I wonder what the newly married couple Borash and Chicken Hat did for thanksgiving... It does my heart good to see two people in love so much..... To enlighten you more on the Borash and Chicken Hat issue we need to look at it from a different perspective.... One not of biased nature like myself but an outside entity... I've enlisted the help of The Reaper, yes mother's he's back lock up your virginal daughter's and small pets, The Reaper is back and here is what he wrote on the whole event....
Hey what's up holmes, anyways was at the show tonight and what about the Chicken Hat / Borash incident... Oh dude that was classic.... I can't believe that The Rash actually read the sign in the first place.... The Heel Section sporting the sign you created for two weeks in a row rocks my friend! But the reaction on The Rash's face was priceless, it was like he was actually looking at it as a pissed off person and as he was trying to hold back laughter..... When Borash was asking what a Chicken Hat was the camera guy had the camera on him for about all of 5 minutes, then Borash noticed him and called his ass out..... Charles' face resembled that of a child seeing his new puppy get run over by a bus and having vultures eat the dead carcass.... Dude if I had a camera it would have been the shot of the fucking year.... But dude he took off the hat, what was up with that???? Look Bro you made Chicken Hat and he spit in your face by taking the hat off, he finnally get's recognized and he darts off to the bathroom to piss his panties like a little girl.... What respect is that???? At least keep the hat on Charles..... I remember that one time Charles got ran over by the bus and then refused medical treatment so he could go watch wrestling... Maybe thats why he has a lazy eye???? But anyways this dude has been going to wrestling for years and he gets recognition because of you and he shows no respect!!!!!!! What is up with that???? You made the Chicken Hat before then he was known as Pepino and other stuff, but nothing comes close to Chicken Hat, all your hard hours, slaving over ACD Viewer cropping photos, all the pub you give him and all he thanks you with is a dart off to the bathroom to punch the mirror and come back out... No I won't have it and neither should you..... If you see Charles tell him you made him a star or post on your site for everyone who sees Charles That The Bro made him.... Maybe teach this kid some respect...... The Rash I guess gets a pardon for one night for putting him over..... Someone told me he gave you a longneck too, are you selling out dude??? Jesus I hope not.... Snoochies and Boochies from the 615...... Reaper
Well that was part of the email he sent me, the other part dealt with this hot-ass lesbian picture he sent me... Reaper, much props my friend, but the evolution of Chicken Hat was a work in progress someone who will remain nameless emailed me awhile back we both decided it was in Charles' best interest to have a selling name..... It's taken months of dedication to get him where he is hopefully his star will continue to grow, and maybe one time the husband and wife team of The Rash and Hat coonection will do all ring announcing.... Could you imagine Charles doing the ring announcing with Borash it would go something like this.... Borash ' Ladies and Gentlemen introducing the challenger weighing in at 305 lbs Malice ' Chicekn Hat ' Oh my God what a Bitch, Hot Magenta Flick the Switch ' Borash then would say ' Honey not here, not now ' Malice gets up in Charles's face Chicken Hat would say ' Sit Down... Sit Down..... Oh Shuuutt Up, talk to the hand ' at this point Malice being the killer of all Lame Ass things would pick him up and throw him through a table breaking his body in half, the last words of Charles would prolly be his catchline of ' Oh No, Oh No!.... mumble something unitelligible ' As Borash goes over to check Malice would take the hat and wear it himself thus creating the first Chicken Hat brigade.......
For real though I'll be in Madison tonight for the USWO and hopefully Charles will be there to make me laugh along with the chicks in the front row who like to scream obscenities even though they are retarded, something about retarded people cussing that weirds me out and makes me fear for my life..... Sometime this weekend will post the Cyrina interview for all you out there.... How many of you guys got this flyer on your car after the show on Wednesday for the Black Male Strippers show???? Oh man I'm so there......
Meant to write about what Reaper said when he said ' Are you selling out? ' and in one sufficiantle answer NO!..... See The Rash is finnally coming around to my way of thinking and thats a good thing, will I still give him hell??? YES will I still do my stories on him... YES and on other people shortly too.... But Yes the Rash was cool enough to give me a longneck so he earned my respect back but that still doesn't mean my sh*t won't stop, as anyone can attest no publicity is the only bad publicity, I made Chicken Hat maybe just maybe in due time I can make The Rash... He's already over but maybe even more over???? Who knows.... the Bro has many,many projects under way and this upcoming week and month will prove to you and the world that The Bro is taking it deeper and deeper into the turd bucket.... Don't worry my little Bro's out there, I thinkthe plural for Bro is Brah and that sounds fucking fresh, so all my little brah's out there don't fret, The Bro will never sell out.... It just seems some people are starting to come around to my way of thinking... scary huh???? Well for those who haven't seen make sure you check out the interviews section for a bad-ass interview with Trinity who is in love with me now, and The Rash's and Chicken Hat's wedding pictures in NWA/TNA Articles.... Remember next week major news.... Keep checking back... The Bro is about to get large and live...... Mark my Words The Bro invasion is only in it's spern faze we have to go all the way to full adult maturity!!!! Peace! I'm out like Ricky Martin 
News and Reviews for 11/27/02
Added a TNA PPV Preview to Brosef's Views, get's yo lazy ass over there to check it out Wanker! |
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Bro's TNA PPV Review 2/5/03
Hey what's up it's another TNA PPV Review, from your old chum, The Bro..... Take out an H in chum and you got what part of Bro, Desire likes to moisturize her face with.... SCORE....... You know it always amazes me at the talent and the auora of the fans at the asylum... I swear to God if you were to take the wrestling ring out, you'd be almost certain you were at an auction for dentures and girdles..... Devoted, Yes..... Great Fans, Yes...... Scary, Most Defintly....... I'm with Russo he should teach these ingrates a lesson, how dare they disrespect my Lord and Savior, they better be glad he didn't cause a rain of frogs and cover there skin with boils..... Ahhhh my bad, that's already been taken care of....... With that it's on to my lousy,pathetic review, which no one reads or cares about.....
Well we start out the PPV with a giant bag of human feces set on fire..... Oh wait..... Someone told me that was Larry Zbyszko, I ask the question ' What's the difference? ' The Living Legend of Felchers graces us in the ring with his dubious stench and presence...... Damn I bet I get sued because I didn't get the clearance of old man Z to use the phrase ' Living Legend '....... I'm so nervous..... Zbyszko rambles off incohrent stuff to most about the title and tries to put himself over again.... blah,blah,blah...... He tells Jarret that AJ wants a title shot, I ask myself why must AJ need a mouthpiece??? Can't AJ talk for himself???? I think Ralphus would be a better mouthpiece for AJ than the Z man...... A more suitable role would be the guy who baby powders the guys balls before they go to the ring so they don't get smelly and chaffed..... Anyways Jeff Jarrett comes out in street clothes..... Tells Z Man that if AJ wanted his title shot he could ask for it like a man, but the Z man has the belt and he can either give it to Jarrett the hard way ( I'm envisioning a steam roller,surface to air grenade launcher, tweezing each nut sack hair or making him listen to his whining voice commentating on nitro until he gives up the belt ) or the easy way...... Jarrett goes to the ring to give it to the Z man the hard way..... And yes that could be an intro to a gay porno.... but then the true phenom.... AJ comes out and attacks Jarrett.... Then I get a twitch in my pants and The Broner starts to point just slightly to my east.... IT must be Russo..... That's when Russo and S.E.X. hit the ring in there full army garb ( more on that later ) and they take Jarrett to the back to there lockeroom.... First segment, pretty entertaining, even though the 2000's version of Chet when he was turned into that big pile of sh*t from Weird Science, was in the ring......
First match of the night actually was Jorge Estrada vs. Glen Gilberti ( Disco Inferno )....... Look I hate to down anyone ( rolls eyes grabs nuts and coughs ) but Jorge just don't entertain me.... He's kinda dull to me..... I mean maybe if you gave him a bellhop outfit with a trained monkey and a music machine and that way they could dance in the ring, maybe that would make him more entertaining????? I doubt it.... I think the fro sorta sucks the charisma from him.....Think about it... Fro's were always synonomous with hippies and potheads and well there all lazy so there may be something in the hair..... You know while writing this I was like this chump had a short haircut like three weeks ago, what happened???? I mean this dude is the human chia chump.... sprinkle some magic seeds, water the seeds and watch it grow...... Damn Magic Fro hippies.... Anyways back to the match..... if Jorge could grow some magic spots like his hair we could be in for a treat as this dude has ability and it sorta comes through but then he does something to make me go... ' What the F*ck??? ' He's the Bob Saget of TNA.... See Bob Saget always told people that he was a great comedian and that Full House held him back, which I believe him since I saw one interview where he professed to actually walking into the Olsen twins room when they were sleeping with a pair of scissors, ready to debrain them.... That rocked...... Anyways Jorge won the match.... thank God it was over... If Jorge is the Bob Saget of TNA, then Disco must be Uncle Joey......
Goldylocks, dressed in some sessy lingerie, interviewed Bullet Bob ( Athena's Number One Hunk of Liver Spots ) he vowed to stop Russo from taking over NWA...... Right..... Bullet Bob.... Pass me that phatty......
The lights go out and Russo and Gilberti are in the rafters.... Russo informs us that Operation S.E.X. is in full effect and he's put Gilberti in charge of developing Jeff's character because he loves Jeff ( Why couldn't I be Jeff ) He is the uncle of Jeff's kids ( why can't I be Jeff's kids ) in fact why couldn't I be relegated to be Russo's toilet, I'd gladly accept his turds..... I'm scary, I know..... Anyways he tells Gilberti to make up for losing to Saget and he has to make it up to him by developing Jeff's character.... He wants him to join S.E.X. and be a badass...... Jaba The Birthmark, I mean Dusty Rhodes interrupted his promo and called out Red,Lynn,Killings and, Bro's no. 1 tag team America's Most Wanted ( BURRRRRRRP ) Dusty explains ' My bwaby bwoy was eeeelectworocuted on WAW de udder night if you weeel, wight or wong I must attend to my son in d hosspital, hold down d foat boys, I'ze be back.... Where's my fuggin middet ' First person to email me the correct translation of this sentence gets a pair of panties from a TNA superstar.....
Wow we get the Konnan interview next...... He's an amazing superstar, he created Luchalibreism or whatever you call it..... He say's his people are coming to take over TNA, he calls everyone in wrestling racist and I must agree.... I feel your pain Konnan, beautiful people like me are discriminated against too..... The J totally dissed me last night passing over me to partake in a game of googly eyes with The Doug...... So yes racism abounds on all levels my friend..... Can I join your little group and dress in imitation Fubu, grab my crotch and scream 'Aribbalarassa Ondelay Ondelay'....... If it doesn't work out my friend we can go live on that mattress with Rick Santel.....
Next match was The Amazing Tenacious Z....... Heel or Face fan you gotta show some love and respect for the Z...... He took on B.G. James..... This match was good, Z is amazing and people need to check this dude out, he does things with one leg, that makes my pretzelbirdwingdoggiemakemetapoutwhenyoutaptheoring sexual move look like Woddy Allen getting it on..... B.G. is well B.G...... The Z won...... Good Good Match
The Z was celebrating and Raven came to the ring and beat down The Z..... I liken myself to the Z in the music world.... Can't hold a note, Can't carry a tune..... Styles came out to take on Raven, short,brief beat down then Chet 2003 came out to make the save.....
Next match was the four way elimination match between Killings,Lynn,Sanders and Flair version 2.0..... This match was good, just kind of slow, but anything Lynn is in is good..... He makes Flair look like his daddy..... And I've all but given up hope of Sanders playing to us again..... The man is obviously keeping him down, Hey man fugg the man, we love you too...... We'll pay you with our love and support Sanders..... the win went to Killings after Flair hoisted up his heavy sack and hit Lynn upside the head with it...... That sounds like an awesome finishing move.... 'I'll hit you with my heavy sack b*tch' Lynn and Sanders got mad cause Lynn was like ' Dude you listen to that crap music ' Truth ' Yeah Fool got a problem with it ' Lynn ' Yeah me and The Bro like Death Metal...... B*tch ' and then they left.....
The next match was a corncopia of splooge..... Blue pants clad Desire, who taught Goldy what a proper Boob job looked like earlier.... ' Ummm ladies I'll be happy to give the tongue test as well, as you can't be certified withought a tongue test ' Hot Damn Desire is finer that a Camel's Hair..... Everytime Desire bent over in her little S.E.X. shirt that song from the eighties kept going through my head ' One moment in time...... ' I wish I had that stupid watch fromthat lame ass move Clockstoppers so I could stop time go in the ring, fondle her then leave..... HA! what am I talking about, I don't have to do that to fondle her... GEEZ...... Trinity well is Trinity hot as ever...... Both were fighting over the love and affection of The Bro.... I mean it's like the song say's ladies... ' Bro Cream... a little dab a do ya... ' ...... ' Man Please Lord when you reincarnate me, please let me come back as a fiber of material that will be placed right in the crotch of Desire's pants..... ' Trinity won the match... But the Bro truly won.... Ahh Ladies... They love me...
Hey... last match was Triple X vs. New Church...... This match had a clusterf*ck ending...... Ok the belts were held up after the match because two referees, One Rudy ' Mr. Burns ' Charles, who claims he invented these things called sideburns made one three count for the New Church but Thomas the other referee made a three count for Triple X.... Wow.... This is twice the belts have been held up... No More... I blame this all on Rudy....... His burns are f*cking with him... He's not a heel, but yet sports heel sideburns, they're not cooperating and making his abilities fail... He say's he invented sideburns and we just copied him.... psssft.... Abe Lincoln may wanna kick your ass for claiming that my man..... Abe was the originator of Beefy Burns.... Anyways after the match Russo came out to the ring and pulled a masked Glen Gilberti into the ring and told him to unveil the new Jeff Jarrett, there were golden locks of his mulletosed mane poking out for the mask, so I knew it was Jarrett, Disco came down the ramp in his turtlehead popping BVD's and then Jarrett unmasked popped Russo, but then got beat down for his disobedient actions...... That's where the PPV ended, afterwards Russo and S.E.X. tied Jarrett up and flogged him with a belt... Midevil Style baby.....
All in All a gret PPV...... One Mr. Don West came up to after the show and told me that My Lord and Savior had hit him in the arm with a full water bottle and he was heart, I informed Mr. West that he hasn't fully accept Jesus Christ Russo yet, and when that happens, such events will cease to happen..... That's a message to all you non-believers... you're next... Join the First Church of Russo..... Hey somebody shoot me some email... The Bro wants to talk thebro1869@hotmail.com
TNA PPV Preview 2/5/03
Whattup, I'm back like a bad case of Genital Warts up in this piece..... Tonight is another TNA PPV and as always The Bro is back to deliver his in depth hypothesis of tonights events...... Whatever, you know all I'm gonna do is talk about who sucks, How I wanna touch Russo's @$$, How horny I am, and How I'm a pimp...... It's hard to be this good, but damn somebody has too..... SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tonight's card looks about as empty as a buffet after Percy Pringle made his first go-round.... Only three matches have been announced so far.... But one match will probably be off the charts SEXtastic.... And that my friends is Sonny Siaki w/ Desire ( Quite Possibly one of the hottest chicks ever created by God..... ) taking on Amazing Red ( Quite Possibly the most Silent Man on earth ) Will the young Red be able to win the Belt from Siaki???? Probably not because God is on Siaki's side and God's only begotten son Jesus Christ Russo is Siaki's Leader and God's Hottest @ss he has ever created Desire, A.K.A. Bro's Personal Penile Sleeve are all in Siaki's corner..... The odds are kinda stacked against Red...... But if there's one thing Red can do is overcome the odds...... Ok that sounded dumb.... Look I've said it once and said it again... I'm 99.99 percent A Heel Supporter but Red is wayyy super duper good so I have a soft place in my heart for him... And I'm 99.99 percent straight but if I could be fruity for one person in my life it'd be Red, well Red would be number 2 of course number 1 is Russo, so I guess that makes me 99.98 percent straight..... I have no idea why I'm talking about this.... ( Side Note.... As writing this this weird Mr. Drummond look-alike temp keeps on walking past my desk staring at me.... He's a weirdo.... He's old and probably likes young boys..... He needs a NAMBLA handbook and then he would be complete..... Maybe he's Jerry Lawler in disguise ) Anyways Expect Siaki to keep the belt, but this will set-up a logn running feud between Red and Siaki...... But with Jesus Chris Russo on yourside, it's just hard to lose...... Now an ode to Desire ' Desire,Desire, the girl of my dreams, Desire, Desire, I can make you queeve..... Desire,Desire you know you're the one, Desire, Desire, you can give me a bath with your tongue, Desire, Desire a smile that melts my heart.... Desire,Desire will you please fart.... Desire,Desire want don't you lay down in my bed... Desire, Desire, let's make babies with nine-heads..... ' And that my friends wins all the girls over, singing sweet soliloques ( sp? ) to them will have them riding your merry go round for hours.... Need material email me...... Girls who fart are sexy for some reason, it's that whole white-trash attitude......
Another match is the 4-way corners elimination match between Mike Sanders, David Flair,Jerry Lynn and Ron Killings...... Yeah ok David's sack will be a main focal point in the match, people have said it's a belt in there, but what belt??? Mike Sanders will dominate the match, why because he's Heel Section approved b*tch!!!!!!!!! For some reason when Sanders say's the word 'b*tch' it's so much cooler than when my grandma does it..... My grandma makes me laugh when she say's it, but Sanders say's it and it adds an air of coolness to it..... TNA needs to allow Sanders to 'Heeeey' the Heel Section again..... I mean we are The Heel Section, we support The Heels, Sanders is a Heel, could I be anymore clearer on the subject, let him cut a promo saying that only The Heel Section can cheer him, and if he finds one other person going ' Heeeey ' besides us then he will get Percy Pringle to come out and drop a load on you that will suffocate you and the remaining 25 people around you..... Now to the match..... I see Jerry Lynn turning heel here... Why???? Because I want it to happen that's why Ho.... That would complete me... My second dad turning Heel..... Truth is too obvious about turning so he won't..... This match will probably have no winner as Jerry Lynn will turn and accept Russo as his personal Lord and Savior and Join Team S.E.X. so he can try to get up on Desire, it's ok Jerry I'll share, but only for you, my friend..... ( Devil Sign in the air ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR )
And the only other match being hyped on the website is TripleX taking on Disciples of The New Church..... The Disciples of The New Church sold out faster than Bro PeePee flavored toothpaste ( New flavor available in May... Spicy Cheddar, endorsed by the ADA for daily allowance of protein ).... This will be Triple X's first title defense since they won the belts, will they keep them, Is that a question or a statement.....???? Of course they will keep the belts, I'm sure AMW will come down to the ring in there diapers with bottles in hand crying like babies about how they deserve a shot... Look My Mulletosed Cousin beat you down.... Does that mean The Bro- 1 AMW-0???? So expect Triple X to keep the belts but AMW will come down and that way it will set-up a three way dance for the belts in the coming weeks, or maybe they should break up AMW???? What will a returning Mitchell have to say???? Will he be dissapointed that his boys went and joined the land of milk and honey where all kids draw pictures for you and fat chicks confess there undying love with the faces???? I would expect so, maybe he'll unveil someone new to the New Church??? That would rock.... A certain Mikey???? An Awesome??? A Credible???? Hmmmm the possibilities are endless.....
That's all the matches now let's look at the intriguing storylines to develop tonight shall we???? yes we shall..... Konnan has a sit down interview with Tenay..... In this intriguing interview will learn about Konnan's disdain hate for the internet, where he gets those cool immitation Fubu clothes, Is Bert a jilted ex lover??? What did Toss my salad and peel my potatoes mean in his old WCW promos, and why does he hate Tenay so much.... Easy my friends it's the Tux, me and Bo from www.totalnonstop.com have come to the conclusion that Tenay gives off a certain pompous attitude with his Tux on all the time.... that and it's creepy.....
Also tonight will be the ever intriguing storyline of The incredible expanding Girth of Percy Pringle, when will BellSouth contact him about his own area code???? When will little moons start to appear around Percy's waist???? I'm sorta curious as to how Percy uses the bathroom.... Maybe he has one of those super cool infomercial rechy things that can pick up most anything endorsed by Billy Mays..... And he just uses the reachy thing to hold his peepee and wipe his butt... Enquiring minds like me want to know.....
Also tonight will there be a continuing storyline between Athena and Desire, my little Broner hopes so.... Will someone dethrone The J of her Hottie of The Week status??? All these and many more questions to be answered tonight on TNA 7 p.m. central time on PPV... Order it or be there B*tch!!!!!!!!!
| WITH JESUS CHRIST RUSSO, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE |
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HAD TO REPOST THIS......
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Bro's TNA PPV Review 1/30/03
Hey what's up, The Bro back up in this b*tch...... Well last night was another TNA PPV, and while it had it's hits and misses ( see Tony Schiavone ) overall it was a decent attempt at trying to further storylines and work in new surprises.... The important thing to keep in mind is Day 5 in Bro taking over TNA is in full effect, and I have to say in my latest attempts it seems to be working.... More on that later.... On to the review......
To start the show, they start with a video of Double X ( Low Ki and Skipper ) winning the Tag Belts from AMW..... That segues into the lights going out and a spotlight on Raven sitting up on the steps leading to the upper bleachers.... Vintage ECW,WCW promo days..... Raven said he was Brilliant but that the fans didn't understand him..... ( GEE that's an understatement as evidenced by Raven saying Latrine and 2/3 of the audience looked like someone switched on there Tard n Drool button.... For those who don't know a Latrine is a toilet ) Anyways he talks about how the NWA belt is the most important belt in wrestling and it's his.... Jarrett comes out and attacks him with the official Bill Behrens sticker clad Trash Can..... Jarrett takes Raven to the ring and puts him on a table, he goes on top, but then.... ( The trumpets sound, A bright shining light appears, a chariot of Gold and Diamonds and a bevy of beautiful women with Hoover Vaccuums in the place of there mouths, comes down from the Heavens and drops off Russo..... Russo climbs the post and tugs on Jarrett, Raven gets up ( hahahahah Get's up ) anyways he gets up and suplexes Jarrett through the table..... Mullet Murderer!!!!! The Truth and AMW come to the ring a little two late to make the save.... Someone said they were greasing themselves up for a little game of Twister...... Who knows, either way they were late for the save.... The Mulletose Marauder, Jarrett was laid out...... Why???? Quite Simply my friends.... Russo = God..........
The First match of the night is Jorge Estrada vs. Red...... Before the match Jorge cut a promo with Goldy..... He stated he had an offer from S.E.X. to join them, and he was thinking the offer over.... As he was talking I was thinking to myself ' Wow Goldy looks good tonight in her little cowgirl outfit, How'ze about later we play a little game of Savage Navaho Cheif meets The Scared little cowgirl..... And afterwards she can puff on my Peace Pipe...... ' Seriously though... As much as I try to like Jorge, cause he genuinly seems like a nice dude, he bores the butt cheese from my cheeks man..... I swear everytime He comes out I pull out my membership card for the ' I don't give a sh*t club '..... On to the match.... Red and Jorge do not work well together..... the match was just way to slow..... Jorge does his ' I still have a h@rd-on for Elvis gimmick '... Great for him, I'd like to idolize some fat dude that died on a toilet, but I'm too busy worshipping Russo right now.... Red wins with a Infrared and then hits a Red Star Press immediatly afterwards for the win..... Afterwards Sanders hits the ring to offer a position to Jorge ( at this point in time I'm wondering if Julia Childs is boning Brad Pitt as Jorge in S.E.X. would suck worse than B.G. James in S..... errr nevermind ) Jorge does the right thing and slaps Sanders and turns down the position..... Disco Inferno hits the ring and attacks Jorge with a chair.... Sanders intoduces him as The New Director of Talent Development and he has a new name.... His real name, Something Gilberti..... It's cool he dropped the whole Disco bit, the only time I liked the Disco bit was when he did a remake of the K-Dogg Rap Video..... ( Places gun to head for even saying K-Dogg )
The go to the back with Goldy interviewing The walking Corpse, Bullet Bob..... Jarrett comes up and attacks him, I can't hear what they're saying so I'm assuming that Jarrett was pissed that Bullet lost control of his bladder over Double J's Gym-Bag......
The next match is Jerry Lynn taking on David Flair..... Last week I said I can pass a kidney stone, dress him in a tux and Lynn could make him look good in the ring..... Well He truly is the the magician I said he was..... David Flair looked like Art Barr in there thinks to Jerry Lynn.... David Flair gets alot of heat for not being that good, but he is still young and everyone goes into a match thinking, ' He better be as good as his daddy ' and that's just not possible..... He's good in his own right but noone can be the greatest ever like his dad... It's unfair to him... He does sell things like his father does... Selling like a B*tch on Dickerson Rd. is classic..... Whooooooo!!!!!!!!! During the match Flair throws Lynn into the ref knocking him out allowing Flair to go after the mysterios Burlap sack..... He goes to use it on Lynn, but Truth comes down, steals the bag, He attempts to hit Flair but Flair pulls Lynn into the way.... Flair gets the win..... Setting up future tension between Lynn and Truth.... My question is still... what's in the bag.... Is it the decapitated Head of Gabe Kaplan, The Bling -Bling Silver Studded Hair net of one Fish Fryer scrubber, Monty Brown....... who knows, but I'm sure we'll all find out soon.....
They do an interview ( taped ) with B.G. James..... About as compelling as me pinching a loaf..... There trying to get B.G. over.... Ummmm yeah.... B.G. say's one of the most ridiculous lines I've ever heard in my life... ' I sold out Madison Square Garden 20 weeks in a row ' Ummmmmm yeah..... Last time I checked WWF never ran for 20 weeks at Madison Square Garden and I'm pretty certain Ticketmaster didn't have to many people calling going ' Hey man Road Dogg headlining the show... No????... Oh, then sh*t I ain't gonna go '..... Tenay puts him over by saying he was the most entertaining person in the WWE..... I guess Tenay was referring to that time when Austin,The Rock,Mankind,Taker,McMahon,Triple H,HBK and Mark Henry all had heart attacks and were out of action for 5 months... remember that???? Yeah it's about that believable..... Granted I marked out for Road Dogg and Billy Gunn, but for some reason the B to the G has lost his image to me..... Especially if he wears those ridiculous outfits out in public he wore during this interview.... B. G. to mirror ' Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the hottest of them all???? ' Mirror ' The Bro..... you look like you dressed to resemble the afterbirth of Ronald McDonalds Love Child..... Oh and lose some weight, you're bothering me!!!!!!! ' The interview was luckily cut short by His Brother Scotty......
In the ring AMW is in there, Harris cuts a promo talking about how they were nobodies and now have earned whatever they have, and they want there shot tonight at the belts.... Storm gets on the mic and mumbles something and then say's ' Sorry about your damn luck ' my thoughts exactly...... I think S.E.X. would be very wise to do a mockery of AMW.... Have Daniels dress up like Storm with overalls and a straw stick in his mouth and have Low Ki dress up like Harris with Boxer Briefs on.... A long haired wig and Bret Hart coat and glasses..... Have them come out and just go ' Beeble Bumble bumble beeble barble bubmble..... ' totally making fun of rednecks and the way they talk all the while with the theme music from Deliverance playing.... Then Have Daniels and Low Ki ( playing Harris and Storm ) do a little square dance in the ring... That would be entertaining.... Oh and pick up two pairs of those Billy Bob fake teeth at the gas station..... Anyways back to the promo..... Anyways they want there title shot..... B.G. comes out ( man my membership card for the ' I don't give a sh*t card is getting punched alot tonight ) and say's Triple X isn't here, but they sound Sexually Frustrated, so they need a lesson in Group S.E.X., coming out of B.G.'s mouth that could be the worst statement ever, I think I'd rather have my Wookie, Wookie speak and tell me she wants me than to have B.G. tell me he's gonna show me what Group S.E.X. is all about..... S.E.X. charges the ring and beats down A.M.W....... Cue Bro invasion part Two..... The Rock n' Roll Express hit the ring.... the go after S.E.X. with there chairs but then hit A.M.W. with them and lead a beat the Jesus out of them @$$ kicking..... Hmmm so let me get this straight... My cousin is now in S.E.X. which means literally I have a connection to Russo... Could life be any better right now.... Why yes it can... Lollipop just wedged her shorts up her @$$ and I splooged.... But back to the Rock n' Roll Express...... See Harris and Storm... You cross The Bro and my Cousin will beat you down..... You may think he did it for Russo ,but it's all for The Bro..... Somewhere in America The World's Baddest Bandana Maker is rejoicing.... His bidness just picked up..... Is this a message to The Bro.... IS this Bro's message to TNA and S.E.X. Hmmmmmm questions and no answers..... Perplexing..... I still am resentful that in Middle school when I was fat and had mustard covered jeans, I told all these kids, ' Yeah Ricky Morton is my cousin and if he finds out you throw rocks at me, he;ll beat you down ' The didn't believe me so I said ' Fine I'll produce a signed picture.....' Well I never got my picture... And when I became cool in High School I thought they forgot about that forever, but then at the graduation party they introduced me as ' The Rock n' Roll Liar ' That still stings...... Burns me deep down inside.... I wish I was Robert Gibson..... For one he can look at his old lady while checking another piece of @ss walking down the street..... You could watch a movie and read a book at the same time.... You could play chess and parchessi at the same time.... My mom has a lazy eye... They rock.......
The next match was Sanders vs. Lynn....... Sanders let us little heel's down tonight... There were no ' Hey's ' to be found..... Someone must have passed the message that the ' Hey's ' were getting him over, what they fail to realize is that he was doing it to the ' HEEL ' section... key word there.... It's sorta makes you feel empty.... Like he stared at us... wanted to say it but didn't... kinda like when you bang this totally hot chick and you want to be like what's up to her and shoot a smile and she wants to do the same, but for privacy reasons there's that moment of awkwardness and you just glance off after making eye contact.... Yeah..... I know all about that too... last night for a good example..... Anyways the match was great.... Sanders is excellent I don't care what people say about Sanders, the man is a mat technician... it's all about ring thinking or psychology..... He's got it, his matches tell a story... Sanders is the Holy Ghost in my Holy concubine..... Toward the end of the match... Flair runs in with his sack..... Lynn comes down and takes the sack and knocks Flair over.... Lynn tries to get in the ring to help Truth but Truth thinking he was gonna attack him, punches him down... This allows Sanders to get the win.... Always thinking.... Genius!.... The best thing was afterwards... Flair said ' It's all about my SAck ' to the camera.... Golden..... Pure 10k... I think that's what he said as I was lip reading... of course I thought Desire said ' Bro come here and let me snap into your beef bar and get some of that spicy beef that'll make me go ' Lawdhavemercy ' but she didn't... I'm not the best.... I only pretend to be....
We cut to the back where My cousin cuts a promo about how they were the innovators of Sports Entertainment to begin with.... True.... HBK stole there gimmick.... Then he makes mention of Goldy's boobies..... Can't blame him... Heck he comes from the same seeds as The Bro..... Basically just an establishing promo as to why they joined S.E.X.
AJ comes out.... cuts a promo on how he isn't with Mortimer, he isn't with Russo, he's just out for the belt.... Some guy who obviously was confused and thought he was auditioning for the Old Man Wrestling Porn organization comes to the ring.... ( Larry Z ) and say's AJ is still young and not good... Ummm yeah makes since considering he handed you your liver spots last week.... He say's if you can beat me twice in 10 minutes then he will do all things possible to get AJ a title shot... Since when did AJ need a broken down has been to get him a shot??? That'd be like Alf needing Hogan to score him some tang..... AJ gets on pin at the 5 minute mark or something then during the last 3 minutes Mortimer comes down and tries to help AJ by one... Brass knucks that don't work... then by baby powder that Larry doges and lastly by placing achair in the corner for AJ to throw Larry into... Larry reverses the whip and throws AJ into the chair..... AJ kicks out but time expires..... So umm yeah time expired... I'm still trying to find the purpose in this match..... Z should be putting people over.... Bottom Line.... ( Side Note someone told me that Larry is AJ's manager now... Huh???? What... WHY????? )
We cut to the ring.... Goldy is in there with Percy Pringle..... Stand back Goldy Percy will give a new meaning to ' wanting to eat you '..... She asks him' What does it feel like to eat 30 small children in a little over 1 minute ' Pringle ' Well Goldy it was nothing like the time I ate ChickenHat and I sh*t him out and that's the product you see today... Stomach Acid can mess you up ' He really said.... something about joining Russo when some dude who looked like my father trying to be cool came down to the ring.... Actualkly he looked like USWO ring announcer Jingus..... He was Tony Schiavone..... Great... That's Scatastic..... ( guess who needs a new card for the club.... ME, I've punched it to many times tonight ) Schiavone talks about blah blah blah, he was the best announcer on Nitro, Goldy got her job cause of t*ts and @ss.... you're point being????? He basically tells Tenay he's with Russo cause Russo is the best and The Bro reccomends Russo..... Tenay calls him a sellout basically and an ass-kisser, I kinda like Schivone's sarcastic role now...... Goldy walks to the back..... Man... SPLOOGE Again.... God thank you for Goldy in Cowgirl Clothes..... I've never wanted to be a snot ridden Bull before until now......
The next match was Siaki and Desire taking on Kash and Trinity..... Man... If God doesn't tease me evry week with Desire..... I've got to get Russo to talk to his father about this.... She comes out every week, shoots me these provocative smiles, bends over showing me her beautiful bodacious boobies and then walks off.... That's called a tease my friend and my boys don't like it.... Trinity comes out with Kash and I was pretty sure the dude in front of me has a third rate concussion from my Beef Bar stabbing him in his head... poor guy..... Match was good, but to tell you the truth... Saddam Hussein could have walked i nthe ring took a crap and threw it at the crowd and I wouldn't have noticed as the Magical Powers of Desires Boobies had me in a trance.... I kept on Envisioning myself stuck between them dressed as An Astronaut... bouncing on them giving everyone the thumbs up sign..... Siaki wins... Athena comes down and does soemthing but Desire's Boobies were all that mattered to me..... I had some dirty thoughts about a Broweiner sliding between to buns.... Schiavone hits the ring to interview Siaki..... all of a sudden I hear a thud and the rail moving... Konnan busted his ass trying to get over the rail... pull up your pants homeboy..... Ariba LaRasa Ondelay..... Redneck Spanish up in this Mofo.... Konnan canes the color out of Siaki's pants.... He leaves a mark that resembles the marks Desire left on my back a couple of nights ago..... Siaki gets much props for taking those shots.... Prentice comes in and tries to wallow in the ring....... Konnan has an interview with Tenay next week....
Can't get enough Goldy as she's back on Screen.... Splooge..... Jarret say's something.... hmmmm didn't notice that...
The Next Match was AMW vs. Rock n' Roll Express...... Ummm yeah.... I don't think my Cuz needs to wrestle anymore, just beat down people would be cool..... People that mess with The Bro.... Actually there match surprised me cause it didn't look bad at all... Ricky taunting the crowd and Harris was funny, something about a 50 year old man doing pelvic thrusts is funny to me... Man Ricky looks just like my aunt linda who lives in a trailer.... Background : she's my crazy aunt ( you know every family has one ) She's believes she's an Indian even though her father was British or something and her mother was German.... Great Chief.... She also had this dog once that slept in the backroom of her trailer and when she turned on the fan in that room, a vortex of dog hair swept through the room like an F-5 tornado.... Crazy Aunts rock!!!!!!! Ricky and Robert get the win after Skipper nails Storm with the belts... Trend... I think so..... Afterwards during the beatdown.. The New Church comes out to help AMW... Faces Suck... thinks for selling out like that other ring girl person... What's her name... Oh I don't know either....
They cut to the back after my main man Don West hard sells the next show.... Raven and Russo want a shot at the title next week..... Jarrett attacks him and the go to the ring where Raven Evenflows Jarrett... Russo sets up a table to put Jarrett through bu Jarrett sends Raven through it instead... AJ comes out and beats them both up and steals the belt..... Wow... Three way for the belt will be awesome!!!!!!!! Was reading where Tenay ' Said Yeah Jarrett has Balls, Big Ones' one Raven said he has no balls..... Funny.... That's so gay...... But funny.....
All in all a good show, glad to see the cuz is getting some work nowadays, although i do haveto ask him to get rid of the Red Rooster Mullet..... it's ok dude... 2003 will accept you with a short haircut.... A good show that developed feuds and storylines and did it's job... thumbs up show, but Larry Z almost brought it down for me..... Remember to check out my Hottie of The Night, Best and Worst Sings and PPV Awards..... thebro1869@hotmail.com
| WITH JESUS CHRIST RUSSO ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE |
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Bros' TNA PPV Preview 1/29/03
Whattup I'm The Bro, and I love internet porn...... Ok, so getting that off my chest today is Wednesday, and it's time for a TNA PPV Preview..... I liken my anticipation to that of a date where you're certain to score some 'Tang and you have to wait a couple of days.... The anticipation of the PPV and seeing my Savior Russo is just too much to handle sometimes... Pass the Kleenex.... Tonight's show looks super good..... Why??? Well Raven will be back and Mike Sanders will be in action which is enough for me to consider this PPV Grade A...... Bro approved..... Credible Alert, Credible Alert!!!!!!!!!!!! So withought any delay here's the review....
First match I know of is Jerry Lynn vs. David Flair..... Last week I pulled up to the arena and Jrry was getting out of his car and he said ' Bro, could you park your car here , so I'd be assured that noone will mess with my car... I mean you're The Bro.... Please ' I said ' Sure Jerry, no problem anything to help out a friend ' so we have that connection now..... My car parked next to his, I can only hope that my car being the mack daddy that it is slid it's exhaust pipe into Jerry's gas tank... Word.... Little Lynn cars driving around.... Bro and Lynn deadly combination!!!!!!!!!!! B*TCH!!!!!!! Anyways as much as I love ' Moopy ' Flair, I cannot turn my back on my second daddy Jerry Lynn...... I still envision him as my father, me going to McDonalds and ordering a 6 piece McNuggets, I go to sit down with Jerry eating a McChicken, he seems like a McChicken eating person, and I notice that they shorted me one nugget.... I start to cry because I'm upset... Jerry goes ' Hold On, get your sh*t raining gear, it's about to hit the fan '....... He goes to the pimply faced attendant who is wearing a buffy the vampire slayer pin on her lapel.... Jerry say's ' My kid ordered 6 nuggets, there's 5 in here.....b*tch ' The attendant goes.... ' There was 6 in there he must be confused ' Jerry ' You calling him a tard?... it's on.... ' at which point Jerry punches the kid in the gut, sets her up for the cradle piledriver and bust her head on the floor..... He calmly picks up another nugget from the back, does a springboard leap over the counter and brings me a nugget.... Ahhh to have Jerry Lynn as a father..... Jerry should win the match but there's always the factor of the mysterious burlap sack.... David Flair could win if this comes into the equation.... What's in the bag..... Bullet Bob's Reinforced Steel Bladder Bag.....
Match Two....... Ron ' The Truth Killings vs. Mike ' Heel Section Mark ' Sanders....... Kids, does it even matter, should the Truth even show up for this squash???? Come on with Sanders and The Heel Section as a Double Team Supreme, the Truth stands no chance.... He should just come to the ring rap about how ' he sucks ' and then just throw a white towel at Sanders feet...... Sanders is way too good... Hell he don't even need to wrestle, he'll just promo Truth to death..... Sanders is The Holy Ghost to Russo's Jesus Christ..... If the Truth decides he needs his daily @$$ beating done by the Enigma Sanders the match shouldn't be long, maybe Sanders will sell a few things to make The Truth not feel so bad, but ultimately Sanders will win.... Doesn't Truth have to go record somewhere, please dude save your dignity.... Sanders wins and The Heel Section marks out......
Last match that I know of..... Siaki and Desire taking on Kid Kash and Trinity..... Man oh Man, I'd trade in my signed picture of Grady from Sanford and Son to be a fly on the wall of that Dressing room with Trinity and Desire...... Desire is the pied piper to my b@lls and Trinity is the Queen Supreme of Splooge..... Pairing Siaki with Desire has made me respect Siaki even more, I used to make fun of his pants but Geez, if he can get a chick like Desire with those on, I wanna go by me all the fruity flavors of those hot pants..... Plus everyone needs to give there firstborn to the Siakalypse Now..... I'm super duper glad they gave Kash a storyline/persona...... But pairing him with my human Splooge Mop is not good... Kash has the skills to steal The Bro's heat away...... Which is a compliment only given to him and Abraham Lincoln..... I expect Athena to have some role in this match.... Oh to be a teathered ring mat with all those girls sitting and grinding and rolling on me.... I'm so envious of another inadimate object.... All ladies after the match are invited to come and suckle on the Bro's Skin Bottle filled with magical Baby Makin' Sauce, with a hint of liverwerst...... Kash and Trinity will get the win... But it will be with the help of Athena, plus I expect a new chick to debut tonight....
Also tonight.... Jarrett will be searching for Raven or will Raven be searching for him.... Will Raven cut a promo.... Will Lynn from the Heel Section pass out if he does??? It all remians to be seen..... I heard Percy will be back tonight, He successfully defended his title at the ' World's Championship for small Children eating festival ' so congrats go to him for that achievement.... And look for ' That's not just the Coolest, That's just not the best.... That's..... you fill in the blanks.... Road Warriors where are they??? Piper, will he return tonight??? What was the mysterious ' Have a Nice Day ' comment after his promo???? Tune in tonight or show up to find out.... That's all the matches that are on tap for tonight, guess TNA is booking on the fly, or using the surprise system..... To me though they need to reveal more matches because it may bring in more PPV revenue, but who knows.... Peace, Bro thebro1869@hotmail.com
| JESUS CHRIST RUSSO |
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Bro's TNA PPV Review 1/23/03
You know in writing my reviews of TNA PPV's I sometimes go overboard with my love and respect of Russo, but that's all changed because now it's ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You see Russo last night delivered the surprise that TNA and it's fans have been clammering for.......... Mo-Fuggin RAVEN...... Now Russo has been promoted from Jesus Christ Russo to God Russo, that doesn't have quite the ring, so f*ck it we'll still call him Jesus Christ Russo...... I'm a firm believer that if I were to drop a turd and Russo touched it, I could go make a million off the gold bar he produced...... I'm pretty convinced that if I could partake in some man-love for one moment in time it would be with Russo, but only for one moment ( Did I just write that? ) Anyways before I go ahead and splooge all over my keyboard let's go right into the review....
The PPV started off with Borash welcoming the Australian fans who saw TNA live for the first time last night...... How many poisonous things does Australia have???? I'm pretty sure after watching The Crocodile Hunter and all those animal shows on Animal Planet I can safely say Australia has more poisonous animals than any other place on earth..... That being said, Could not one of those f*ckers have bitten The Rash??? I mean they dropped the ball over there, they had the opportunity but " YOU BLEW IT!!!!!! "
The first match was David Young,Jimmy Yang and Shark Boy taking on The SAT'S and A-MAZING Red...... Hey Look David Young is withought a doubt the Baddest,Coolest and Most Punishing Fat Guy on Earth, and that's not a bad thing.... Being a cool fat guy is better than being a not-cool fat guy..... I was a not-cool fat guy in school, in fact I was the Fat-Guy with Mustard Stains on his pants fat guy, so Being the Coolest,Baddest and Most Punishing Fat Guy is actually a compliment.... Take it and Run with it.... This match was a good match to start off the PPV with so all the Australian fans could see what the X-Division is all about..... To me David Young should be pushed as the destroyer of the X-Division..... A guy who just comes in and destroys all his competition. There were alot of high spots, and the teams seemed to flow together fairly well..... I'm not much on overanalyzing moves, as I find that kinda lame so to me it was a good match...... The ending had Red giving the " Code Red " to Jimmy Yang..... After the match Konnan came into the ring with his Kendo stick and laid some brutal shots on Young,Shark Boy and Yang.... Dom Deluise came in to save the day.... I think he said something along the lines of ' Don't you know who I am??? I'm Dom Deluise.... HAHA!!!!!!! Fear my Taxi Cab Hat Fugger ' ( Actually this was Bert Prentice ) after that Security came in and escorted Konnan Out...... I'm wondering if Bert is just trying to take Konnan's offer when he was in WCW to ' Peel his potatoes and Toss his salad '?????
After that match The Heavens opened and on a Chariot of Gold and Diamonds carrying Teddy Bears and Chocolates there was Jesus Christ Russo..... He comes to the ring with S.E.X. Russo let's everyone know that the TNA PPV buyrate is up 22 percent...... He points out a sign in the audience that said ' Russo is a Virgin ' and Russo said ' You may wanna ask your mom about that pal '...... GOLDEN!!!!!!!! It may be immature and childish but dammit that's what I'm about..... I love poop,fart and burp jokes..... Anyways Russo announces that tonight America's Most wanted will face Low Ki and Elix Skipper..... Sonny Siaki will be in a three-way match with Chris Vaughn and Athena to defend his X-Division match.... And Jeff Jarrett had to defend his World Title against Christopher Daniels, BG James and Don Harris in a gauntlet match..... Russo then said he had to go call someone to make sure ' IT ' was still on...... He introduced Mike Sanders ( Who is a full sponsor of The Heel Section ) as his ' Director of Talent Acquisitions ' Sanders is golden on the mic..... Sanders introduces the ' Australian Champion ' Ashley Hudson....... he then has a match against Jorge Estrada........ Somewhere Kory Williams was crying..... Jorge got his Fro back..... No more wet dog hair for Jorge.... It's all about the Fro..... This match was probably worse than Jackie Gayda in a match against a cloned version of herself... It was just boring.... Hudson won the match.... Whoopppittty Whooooo Gives a F*ck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The next match was AJ Styles vs. Larry Zbyszko...... Zbysko came out and I think one person cheered..... And that person was a blind student who thought it was AJ..... Zbyszko has b*tch titties and a b*tch belly..... He looks good to have been previously embalmed..... AJ comes out and the crowd erupts..... Larry doesn't understand he seems to question the audience as ' How can you cheer for a heel, when I'm the Living Lesion..... Have I told you I broke Bruno's leg, cheer for me!!!!!!!!!!! I'll do my Liberache wave....... ' This match was good, suprisingly... Alot of Rest Holds.... ALOT of rest holds..... Larry had the upper hand but AJ won... Was there ever any doubt??? Larry walks to the back wondering how he lost the match and where he lost his dignity......
The next match was David Flair and Mike 'Heyyyyyyyy' Sanders taking on Jerry Lynn and The Truth....... Sanders and Flair work well together and Lynn automatically makes everyone look better, Hell I could pass a kidney stone, dress it up in a tux, throw him into the ring and Lynn could have a five star match with it...... During the match Sanders kept on playing of My compadres and Myself baiting us into his ' Heeeeeyyyyyy ' chants..... BG and Don Harris could learn lessons on how to use us for your advantage..... To end the match Flair hit Lynn over the head with his handy dandy burlap sack and that allowed Sanders to get the pin and the win...... Sanders then cut a promo on the Truth using The Heel Section for one more goodbye ' Heyyyyyyyyy '..... So what's in the Burlap sack??? Who knows???? Maybe it's all of Borash's socks???? Maybe it's Bullet Bob's Bladder pouch???? Maybe it's Maxx Mini????? Either way it's sure deadly as sh*t!!!!!!!
Now the next segment was Roddy Piper giving his shoot interview on Russo.... And after the shoot interview we can all consider ourselves dummer, as anyone outside of a Mental Instituion had no idea what he was talking about.... He started off the interview pointing at a chair saying that's where Owen lived.....????? OK so now Owen used to live in a chair??? Isn't that impossible??? A chair has no roof,has no bathroom,has no heat,has no water, so basically in the' real world ' someone couldn't live in a chair..... He say's he will never come back to Nashville ( By God thank you ) He then say's the saddest thing he's ever been witnessed to is the killing of Kid Kash's spirit, and that there was not a prosthetic for that.... Ok so he was witnessed to a killing of an unliving enigma, that is a spirit, and he goes on to say that there is not a fake arm, or fake leg or a fake eyeball that can cure that.... OK????? He then keeps on making references that he is on WB32 in Portland and that he is bringing Hell Russo's way.... Why do we care he's on WB???? That frog is gay..... Dubba Dubba shut the f*ck up Piper.....!!!!!!!!! If he was supposed to save the tradition and help NWA, I'm sure Russo had wrestlers beating down his doors..... I think if there was a lobotomist in the Asylum he would have made a killing after that interview, as we all felt mind-f*cked.......
Thank God we have a match after that..... Elix Skipper and Low-Ki take on America's Moist Wanted..... This match was good, then it got Great as Skipper and Low -Ki won the match to become new NWA Tag-Team champions..... Low-Ki is a natural heel, he even spit in Chris Harris's face... SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!! Daniels was sportin' Bro love by acting like he was gonna Donkey Punch Bonnie Baldwin...... XXX Rules..... Meanwhile James Storm was out looking for a golden shovel and Chris Harris was calling around trying to find work modeling those animal faced thongs........
Next match was Sonny Siaki taking on Athena and Chris Vaughn..... Siaki was led to the ring by Deisre.... Man.... I don't know if it's possible but Desire just gets Hotter and Hotter every week..... Controlling the splooge factor when she is around is hard.... Speaking of Hard..... Athena was in the ring...... She was looking good tonight... Defintely strokin' material for later while taking a dump in the bathroom...... This match was a squash.... Siaki killed Vaughn giving him the win.... Athena and Desire got into it because Desire said ' Bro taste's Great ' and Athena said ' Less Filling ' and then they went at it..... It's not my fault, once you nsap into Bro's beef bar and get some of the good Beefy Goodness it's hard to turn your back on that..... Desire then got her shirt ripped off by Trinity who came in to save Athena who was about to be attacked by Siaki...... Trinity,Athena and Desire..... All my Women, fighting over my Beef Bar..... Could life get any better???? Yes it could... Seeing Desire's beautiful boobies in her Victoria's Secret black Bra was enough to make Ivory Flute start puffing ' Let's get it on '...... Hey ladies you ever heard what they call The Bro..... No??? Well they call me the plumber, cause I'll snake your drain...... SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Next we get a segement where Dusty Rhodes comes out and asks Nikita Koloff to join him and turn his back on S.E.X..... Nikita starts walking into the ring, when A burning bush appeared in the corner... It was Russo..... Russo say's that he is the future and Rhodes is the past..... Nikita goes to join Rhodes and before Rhodes could whack off in a trash-can Nikita knocks him out, sealing the fact he's with S.E.X., the question I have is why would anyone, especially male turn there back on S.E.X.??????
We get a view of S.E.X. celebrating in the lockeroom for there achievements tonight... They pull Goldy in and Sanders being cut from the same mold as myself pours champagne down her top.... SCORE!!!!!!!!!! Russo then get's upsrt and say's they still have one more match and to stay focus......
With that being said, we get the Main Event...... Jarrett vs. Harris vs. James vs. Daniels... This match was at it's best when Daniels was in the ring and when it was outside the ring.... Daniels even jumped off the stairs and put Jarrett through a table.... WORD!!!!!!! BG and Harris kinda slowed down the match alot...... Jarrett eliminated both of them as The Ref Armstrong punched BG out and started fighting with him..... Rusdy hit the ring where Jarrett gave the stroke to Daniels..... Jarrett gets the win and the whole Lockeroom empties to celebrate the win.... Just then.... someone emerges from the S.E.X. side and hits the ring..... RAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He Evenflows the champ and runs out with the belt... doing his arm pose....... Man...... Was that a f*cking good PPV or what!!!!!!!! Somewhere Vince is kicking himself in the @$$ yet again.......
Random thoughts on this PPV...... Lollipop got some non-permanent Australian flag tatoos on her @$$, is that an invite to go down......... UNDER????? Desire...... Man If I could possibly just stand within 2 feet of her I'd die..... I bet her farts smell like roses..... Jesus Christ Russo is my personal Savior, he proved it again tonight..... I think Athena needs to get a tattoo on her right butt-cheek with an outline of my hand and on the left cheek the same thing, that way I can always find my way back home.....Something that disturbed me tonight was something that happened to this guy I talk to..... He has been every week sine it has been in Nashville and usually always sit's front row... He makes a trip from Kentucky and has always been one of TNA's strongest and best supporters.... Anwyays he bought a ticket for the Front Row and then before the PPV started he was asked to move down because they wanted to work The Free people in...... Why in the f*ck do free people get front row seats??? That means nothing to me... In baseball Free people get general admission seats or at least farther back from the paying customers..... Why do this to someone who constantly supports your growing product is beyond me..... I saw him go and talk to Bert... Bert's solution..... throw an extra seat at the very end of the row for him... No Bert that's not the way you do busines... This guy had tickets he bought for that specific seat and they ask him to move because they have to work in the free people... Give me a break..... That's ridiculous, and another thing..... This guy should be given free tickets for the next two weeks for all his troubles, I mean I've never seen someone get asked to move seats because they had to work in the free people.... ?????? Nonsense..... It seems is you ain't down with The Bert you get screwed..... Much like how The Heel Section was told that Row 3 in our section last week wasn't there, only to get there that night and it magically appear....... It seems if there priorities were right that The every week paying custmoers such as myself, The Heel Section and The Kentucky Crew, and The Huntsville Crew should be given the same seats much as how the freebies do..... I mean we're the ones supporting the product............
Also you have to check out Explosion this Saturday for Xavier vs. Kid Kash... That match was off the chain...... X Rules.......
Bro's TNA PPV Preview 1/22/03
What's Up, tonight is another TNA PPV, and to me this is the most intriguing...... Why???? Because my Lord and Savior, The man I pray to at night, The man who turned Fish into Skyy Vodkaa, The man that was crucified for all of WCW's sins, The Martyr himself, Vince Russo is in charge..... WhoooooWheeeee I could Fart the Chorus of ' Hallelujah ' I'm so happy...... You see I may catch alot of heat and turn people off with my admiration of Russo, so be it I gives no f*ck, why cause it's my opinion and furthermore, I find Russo to be very entertaining and under the right structure to be the best mind in the wrestling business. And don't give me that bullsh*t line of ' Russo is only in it for himself and he won't focus on wrestling ' that's garbage, complete hogwash, Because, if you'll remember the December 18th show, exclusively the main event, you will see a perfect example of Russo letting the talent shine.... That has to be one of the greatest main event's or matches that TNA has had, bottom line..... So all you Russo haters, just go on and admit you love the sexy cockiness of this Yankee Mofo and admit you're undying love for him...... I have and I've embraced the enigma known as Russo..... The pic above should explain it all.... Now on to the preview......
Like I said earlier Russo has complete control over the show, well all the belts, tonight so let's look at some possible scenarios.... Sonny Siaki, The X-Division Champ, will be in action with a person that Russo picks.... It will probably be someone pretty easy as Russo wouldn't want to lose the title, so let's say he pairs him against a Corsica Joe or a Sarah Lee or a Bert Prentice, man that would be entertainment to see Bert's fat head get rolled off with the Siakalypse.... Maybe then that Taxi-Cab hat would fit his mongloid head.... But wouldn't it be awesome if he named someone like Trinity to compete against Siaki for the belt??? I mean who embodies S.E.X. more than the woman who's body is the Bro's splooge sponge??? Noone, plus she has moves that would make your grandpappy say ' Holy Sh*t '.... But my money is on an easy win tonight for Siaki, as much as my wet dreams want Trinity out there, it's highly unlikely... Expect an easy opponent tonight.....
Since America's Most Wanted ( By Tards ) have the Tag Belts, Russo gets to name opponents for them tonight to challeneg for the belts.... Who will it be??? My money is on Daniels and Low-Ki..... Or maybe it will be all of XXX in a handicap match.... Come on let's face it.... AMW may be good, but they're no matches for the supreme Gods of wrestling.... Let's put it this way XXX are the patrons that go into a XXX porn shop and put a quarter into the slot to watch the 1 minute movie, AMW are the people that come behind to clean up the splooge, Understand??? Another scenario that my ECW rich blood would love to see if for Russo to announce a new tag-team has been signed..... Axl Rotten and Balls Mahoney.... Now if AMW are supposedly ' Hardcore ' like some would like you to believe then I want to see them go up against the mack daddies of hardcore.... Axl and Balls would pimp there @$$e$ out...... Maybe an Eliminators return???? Maybe The Original Gangstas reform???? Nahhhhh, but I can wish and that would be awesome.... If that ever happened you would probably see the ring coated with a white foamy substance, and the camera zoomed in on a red-faced Bro......
Also with Jarrett having the Heavyweight Belt, Russo has control over who he faces..... Who will it be??? My guess is this is where the surprise comes in..... Plenty of rumors of Raven and Credible maybe being the man, and as much as I'd mark out for Raven and Credible I don't see that happening as I'm sure they have no compete clauses worked into there old contracts for when they were released..... There are plenty of possibilities out there, my guess is that it could be a Sabu returning to join S.E.X. since everything that Sabu does is a slap in the face of traditional wrestling, also I'm looking at a return of Steve Corino, But Bro Steve is all about Old-School, Yeah see Nikita Koloff..... Plus Steve cutting promos is about as Golden as Ms. S.E.X., Desire, naked on a bed, spread eagle with a slip and slide mat placed between her legs..... Yes my friends, That Golden!!!!!!!!!! Also don't rule out the possibilities of Russo naming himself a competitor and teaching Jarrett what world-class wrestling ability is all about :) or a return by Syxx-Pac to swerve all us internet marks..... It will be a surprise I'm sure and I probably won't be dissapointed, because Lord Russo never dissapoints....
Also on the card for tonight are matches that have been signed by the NWA-TNA..... Jerry Lynn and Ron Killings taking on David ' Moopy ' Flair and Mike ' S.O.L. ' Sanders..... Sanders is the Holy Ghost in my opinion..... I don't care if people say he can't wrestle, he's good on the mic and that's all the matters to me, plus all those people who say he can't wrestle go suck on an busted battery because I think he's got skills..... David Flair is good just because he has a little bit of 'Naich' in him.... Well he has a lot of 'Naich' in him, but the old-man is still the greatest of all-time.... With those two going against Lynn, my second father, and Killings this match should be good.... I ecpect the faces, Lynn and Killings to get the win.... Why???? Because Russo will be getting all the belts tonight and you can't have Russo's faction having all the heat otherwise all the internet marks fingers would fall off typing about how Russo is the antichrist they all told you about. in the immortal words of ChickenHat ' Blah, Blah Blah ' Someone call Piper and ask if Hell just froze over because I qouted ChickenHat......
Another match that has been signed is, say it with me now, A-Maz-ing Red and The SAT's vs. ' The Amazing Incredible Bulk ' David Young, Jimmy Yang and Shark Boy.... This match should be great.... David Young is still the coolest fat guy in America..... His Spinebusters are to cream for..... Jimmy Yang, nuff said, Sahrk Boy, ahhh he's ok, overrated in my opinion but o.k...... Amazing Red is the best wrestler ever and the SAT's may be spot masters, but they make it look oh so good..... Almost as good as Trinity bent over with Bro handles on her hips...... Expect Amazing Red and The Sat's to win.... 'The Brooklyn Connection' will get a win over 'The incredible Bulk' and the fantastic two....
The final match that has been revealed is a match that has my interest for the plain simple fact of my disdain for Zbysko.... is AJ Styles vs. Larry Zbysko..... This match should be over with quick..... Please for my sake make it quick... Make AJ destroy him..... Make AJ Mame him, Make AJ totally annihilate him and his future generations..... Alot of people wonder where my disdain for the Z-Man comes from, it stems from the Bill Walton factor..... All those nights on WCW talking about himself and how great he was bothered me, I didn't give a sh*t, focus on the talent, not yourself, you broke some guys leg a couple years ago, Whoooppppety Who-Gives a sh*ttyyy.... I broke Paul Anderson's Leg on the playground when i was 10, he turned out to be an amateur wrestler who was great, but when I gave my High School graduation speech, I never said ' Yeah yeah all this but nothing compares to breaking Paul Anderson's leg on the playground for calling me fat '..... Plus that little fruity hand wave he does.... Dude you didn't just get through composing the 5th serenade of Bach..... Get over yourself, before AJ kills you... AJ wins..... Z serves a purpose in TNA for history alone and to put over the young guys, do not let him go over here, that would be a huge mistake..... AJ WINS!!!!!!!
Besides those matches we get the Piper interview..... Ummmmm Yeahhhhh, who will he blame Russo for killing this time??? Louie Spicolli??? Speaking of Louie, how come noone ever talks about him??? Louie was gonna be a star..... He owned Zbyszko..... LOUIE!!!!!!!! Anyways, Piper is a turd and fears ' Plastic Hips '..... What kind of revelation will Piper reveal to us??? Do we even care??? Will he tell us he invented Wrestlemania???? Will he confide is us that he is the love-child of Vince McMahon and Stu Hart??? I mean everything he say's comes off as some mad scientist babbling..... He will probably get on there and say something about a return... I can't wait..... I will have my signs in full effect tonight for Mr. Toombs...... Piper Fears Honky.......
Well that's it... That's all I know for tonight, looks to be an awesome PPV, I can't wait.... See you tonight, tommorrow will have the PPV Review and all the good stuff that comes with it... email me at thebro1869@hotmail.com...... Peace, Got any sign ideas email me thebro1869@hotmail.com
| Snapping into a Beef Bar |
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OHHHHHHHHH YEAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!
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TNA PPV Review for 1/16/03
Well, I'll say this...... This PPV was a splooge fest.... The TNA Asylum should just be called The TNA Splooge Spot..... I have never seen so many fine women as I did tonight..... There was Desire, Who's lips were made to coat my purple-mushroom headed Brosicle.... Trinity, Who by all intensive purposes, should be permantly attached to my crotch, that way we can just go ahead and cut out the middle man..... Athena, Who looked hotter than ever in her street clothes, plus she showed some goods tonight..... and April Hunter was there she's about the only chick who weightlifts who is hot..... I got some new excersis for her.... Lifting my dumbell into her mouth.... That would be a workout alone.... It's like 12 lbs..... But besides all that, the PPV was good..... You want a review???? You want The Bro to give you a review??? You want The Bro to punch Larry Z in the balls??? Well here we go.....
Ok so The Asylum was packed as it has been for the past two weeks... When I got there at 5:30 they had the longest line to get in that I have seen since TNA's inception..... While standing in line to get in I was privy to this wonderful conversation between a 12 year old girl and her dad..... ' Hey Dad that guy is handing out tickets do we need one??? ' The Dad ' F*ck no... I got about 40 of those sonnab*tches in my coat pocket anyways ' The Dad ' Where is your friend?' The Girl ' I don't know she is a b*tch ' The Dad ' Girl, you better watch that f*cking mouth, I'll whip your @$$ '.... To me that's funny..... This dude was just cussing and cussing and cussing and then his daughter uses a bad word and he goes off, but not only does he go off, but he goes off with even worse cussing.... I LOVE REDNECKS..... Seriously I don't.... If you were to round up all the rednecks on earth and totally anihilate them I wouldn't lose any sleep.....
Anyways the start of the PPV had the opening video montage leading up to why everyone hates Russo.... What's the bias against the guy??? He's my Savior.... Russo is GOD!!!!!!!! They then go right into The Interview between Tenay and Russo... Tenay does his typical ' I'm so jealous I'm not as sexy as Russo ' schtict...... Asking him about WCW ratings, The David Arquette title angle, Lucha Libre's with Ferrara and Madusa.... Asking him about killing WCW..... PUHHHHLEASE.... Tenay can't even sniff the fart fumes from Russo's @$$..... After the interview they cut to the ring where SEX comes out ( Splooge Fest 1 : Desire's A$$ was banging in her pants..... I have never been jealous of pleather before in my life... In fact I've never been jealous of a toilet seat until Desire sat on one ) Anyways Sex comes out, Russo brings a soapbox and gets on it and starts cutting a promo about how they are here to educate the people and they are not thugs like the NWO..... Then in the immortal words of Leah Andreone ' I feel the earth move, under my feet, I see the sky tumbling down... tumbling down ' As Percy Pringle comes out..... The first words out of his mouth are ' Well,Well,Well '.... Jesus Christ, this guy ate Gertner, That Beast!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways he gets in the ring and starts talking about how Russo was begging for interviews back in the day, ' Hey don't flatter yourself Fatty Arbuckle, it was an honor that he wanted your interview ' Then he say's ' You might be right ' and extends his hand to Russo..... Russo gets pissed 'cause SEX is all about image.... It ain't about Fatty Fran and his pack of Fat..... So SEX attacks Pringle and BG James actually does something besides get fat and busts the soapbox over Pringle's head..... Jorge runs out to try to 'save' Pringle ( I must wonder why Jorge would come out, he's been off TV for a month or two... The Elvis's are Dead but yet he still wears the outfit..... It's kinda sad in a way.... It's like let's say a MC Hammer still wearing his parachute pants.... He's walking down the street going ' Hey guys check it out, I got these parachute pants on, they're cool and I even have the Fade haircut with those super cool lines cut into my hair... It's Aerodynamic ' I must wonder why they would have him come out ) Jorge is ' Just Annuder Victum ' for SEX ( Tazz, Oh how I miss the glory days ) They put Jorge through the table.... It was total destruction..... Broken Bodies, Broken Tables, Screws all over the place, Percy Prinlge bleeding like a 13 year old on a high school john ( Yeah Yeah it's tasteless, who cares ).....
The first match of the night was next...... America's Most Wanted vs. Divine Storm with Trinity..... Trinity was spankin tonight and you better believe The Bro will be Wankin' thinkin of her in that outfit.... I bet her outfit is Wax, someone just dipped her in a vat of Red Wax and pulled her out..... Ahhhhhhhhhhh and have you ever seen a finer @$$ than that??? Geez..... God, he's a good man, God made that @$$ cause like when he made her he was like ' Honey I'm making you have an @$$ like that because when you come back I wanna stare at it all day ' And seriously can you blame him??? I wish I was God.... If so I would make Trinity be my Personal Penile Vaccuum.... The Bro is like an old Krispy Kreme Jelly Filled Donut..... Large,Hard and filled with a sweet tasty gooey center..... I got napkins too!!!!!!! Anyways to the match..... Divine Storm attacked first and put AMW to task..... Divine Storm controlled much of the match owning Storm and Harris..... Trinity hit her Hurracanrana on James Storm, you know now that I think of it strike that God statement, for her to put Storm's head between her thighs is like me making out with a Wookie, Anyways AMW took control after Harris came in and acted like someone pulled his anus hairs with tweezers - on a rampage, screaming and yelling - They set up Divine for the Death Sentence but again Trinity low blowed Storm..... You may want to seriously cut off that hand honey, it's tainted goods now...... AMW recover and put the Death Sentence on Quiet Storm getting the pin and retaining the belts.... Don't worry Trinity your team may lost, but hey you've always got The Bro's Beef Bar of Blubber to Bounce on later.....
AJ Styles comes out next saying he isn't with Russo and he isn't with TNA..... He's with Styles... Hey when you're that good, you can do that..... Anyways Killings comes out to beat down AJ and say's noone gets a title shot until They beat him.... So AJ proceeds to beat the living damn out of Killings.... The ref gets knocked out during the match allowing David Flair to run in and hit Killings with that mysterious bag allowing AJ to win.... ( At this point a Bro thought enters my head : It would be awesome if one time Bullet Bob came out and got in the ring and said ' Tenay you been wantin to bogart my bag of hash for awhile.... Well it ain't happening I've joined SEX together we will smoke Grass and Kick @$$, at this point Bullet puts on his rastafarian hoodie complete with fake hair braids hanging down from it, David Flair comes out with the bag and they pull out spliffs for everyone to smoke.... With Bullet Bob changing his name to Bong Tokin' Bob, now that my friend is a sure fire hit character).... AJ then gets on the Mic and demands a title shot tonight.... That's when I smelt the faint stench of bile and I looked down and noticed that I threw up on myself, I couldn't figure out why till I turned around and Larry Zbysko, then it was self explanatory. See my body has a reaction to Zbysko whenever he is within 56 feet of me I go into convulsions and barf..... Why??? Cause he has to be the most annoying announcer ever, never caring about what was going on in the ring, mainly cause he was too busy talking about ' How he broke Bruno Sammartino's leg at MSG ' Wow great career highlight there Z.... I know maiming people is the first thing Employers see on my Resume'...... Get this he actually challenged AJ to a match next week..... I guess Kevorkian wasn't able to be booked next Wednesday so Z took the other road by hiring AJ to kill him off..... Please AJ for us The Bro and everyone else.... FINISH HIM!!!!!!! ( As Doug Would Say )
So next match is the best match of the night for The Bro.... April Hunter Vs. Desire.... After cleaning her lips of Bro splooge and getting into the ring Desire was pretty good in this match.... She had on some Pink Thongs that rocked, althought she had to change out of the other ones because they were to splooged from snapping into my Bro Beef Bar..... Man come to think of it there's other things I'm envois of when it comes to Desire.... Her Dad's hand for spaking her ass when she was bad.... Her spoon, her toilet paper, and yes I'm jealous of a tampon..... Desire did a tope rope hurracanrana that looked good and got the win... Afterwards Siaki attacked Hunter, that's when Athena got in the ring in her sexy street clothes..... Midriffs & bubble butts rock!!!!!!!!! Athena went after Desire but she rolled her off and started ripping her top off.... YES BOOBIES!!!!!! Actually know Boobies but a sexy black bra..... Then Desire was trying to rip Athena's pants off but Athena didn't want that to happen so she fought it off..... Probably didn't want people to see her new tattoo that said ' Property of The Bro's Beef ' with an arrow pointing down.... BOOYAH!!!!!!!!!
A small Video Montage is shown with Goldy saying Dusty was pulling up but a dude with a mask hops out and it's Mr. Wrestling IV..... So.....
So Mike Sanders comes out.... He graduated from The Bro's school of how to cut effective and smart Promo's..... I love Sanders, say what you will, but the guy is Golden on the mic... his mic skills alone could draw millions.... He comes out and talks about how Russo is the only reason why he is in TNA and even say's SOL in appreciation of The Heel Section support.... Jerry Lynn comes out and challnges him to a match.... Jerry Cussed... WORD!!!!!!!! This was a good match and people that say Sanders is no good are idiots... Sanders made Lynn look good and vice versa.... Lynn got the win by intereference from The American Dweeb Dusty Rhodes.....
Dusty then cuts a promo where he refers 5 time...5 time... 5time to a midget beating off in a trashcan..... Why??? Well it seems like the American Dream is more of a freak than his son, and actually enjoys and gets off to Midgets beating off in Trashcans.... ( Another Bro thought : Imagine if you will Dusty sitting at home alone with only his whity tighty BVD's on... eating Cheesy Curls with crumbs all over his stomach..... He keeps on rewinding and putting into slow motion The Midget beating off in a trash can... He calls over Babu, the guy he hired to wipe his @$$ and Felix the guy he hired to dress him... he say's ' Boys.... Right or Wrong I feel the need to wax my sax if you weeeel ' at which point they do the job and hold up his folds'o fat so he can take care of his business to Psycho the midget killer in a trashcan.... that's why he is obssessed with it folks, cause it turns him on ) Anyways he goes on and on about Tradition...blah blah blah..... Russo comes out and say's he wants to knock that hideous birthmark of his fat stomach ( All Hail Russo, The King of pissing on tradition ) and actually makes the six man match an eight man match with Russo joining SEX to fight and Rhodes joining Jarret and LOD...... If Russo wins he gets to make all the challngers for all the belts next week......
Next match is The World's Baddest Fat Guy David Young taking on Jason Cross..... This match was Sexellent.... David Young is the best fat dude ever..... I would never call him fat to his face as a spinebuster that would make my eyes pop out is not on my to-do list.... He's great.... He beat Cross with a spinebuster that I'm sure They had to superglue him back together..... During the match BulletBob came out... don't know why... Guess he got lost trying to find the john backstage... He was prolly like ' Damn Security told me to take a right, now I gotta make this look good ' Still wearing his sweatpants mind you.... Must be to fit over his Adult Baggy Diapers..... After The Match Konnan hits the ring, gets no crowd reaction besides 'Oh no it's Konnan'..... He cames Young and Cross, then Bert Prentice gets in the ring, looks like he was dressed for the gay porn version of Taxi.... Couldn't make out what he was saying but it probably was... ' Hey don't mess up those prettyboy lips... I likes 'em waxed.... And you can peel my potatoes and toss my salad anytime K-Dogg ' What a joke..... Bert is a trip.....
The next match was Kid Kash taking on Sonny Siaki for the X-Division title.... Sonny came with Desire and KAsh came with Trinity..... She's mine dude.... but you can rent her.....Siaki got the win using the Siakalypse, but seriously this was a good match and KAsh getting paired with Trinity was good too..... Trinity and Desire got into a catfight..... Splooogeeeee!!!!!!!!! They were fighting over who got to taste my creamy center.....
The next match is the main event.... Triple X with my savior and former WCW World Champion, Russo taking on Jarrett, LOD and Dusty Rhodes.... Match was what you'd expect with a contrast of styles..... The ending was Dusty trying to goat Russo in the ring... But Russo being the mat technician as he is kept on faking him out till Mr. Wrestling IV came out and attacked Dusty letting Elix get the win..... Then he unmasked and it was revelaed to be Slash' Dad.... oops I mean Nikita Koloff...... WORD!!!!!!! Tradition just got sold out like a b*tch on Dickerson Road...... SPLOOOOGE for Russo!!!!!!
This was a good PPV, people are gonan complain about too much talking and all that other good stuff... too much Russo whatever.... Hey there's a promotion you should check out called ROH, Ring of Honor..... Go there and watch all the wrestling you want... people who like to be entertained can watch TNA..... KAyfabing @$$holes..... Peace... People email me,discuss things..... thebro1869@hotmail.com
Bro's TNA PPV Preview 1/15/03
Hey what's up Bumblef*cks, The Bro is back and in full effect... I can hardly move this morning!!!!!!!!! ' Why Bro? ' You ask??? Well, take a look at the picture above.... Yes my friends that's right Desire came over my house tonight to get some world famous and the lust of everyone woman, The Bro's Beef Bar...... Russo told her to come over and satisfy The Bro, there are perks to being on Russo's nutsack like a condom....... So she shows up and tells me how much she lusts after the Bro and how the reason she gave Goldy a concussion was because she thought Goldy was trying to hit on me in the interviews I did a long time ago...... I said ' Baby, Bro got enough Beef Bar for everyone to snap in to ' So I slipped The Bro's Beef Bar into her Vertical Smile and it was on...... So the pictures don't lie...... So if the Goldylocks vs. Desire angle takes off, remember kiddies it's all about The Bro....
Anyways today is another TNA PPV...... And as usual The Bro is back with his rotten thoughts on tonight's PPV.... There is not a whole lot of the card that has been revealed.... I guess it's all because TNA is going after the shock factor..... But what I do know as far as tonight I will review...... Well all know Dusty Rhodes with his babybutt forehead showed up last week and delivered those powerful bionic elbows ( :) ) to all the members of S.E.X., Where was Sapphire????? ' Ahhhhmerirerererican Dreeeeeeeeeammmm....... He is a Common Man.... ' Ahh sorry broke into old Dusty Rhodes day in the WWE.... The Polkadot Pirate..... Anyways today's Dusty Rhodes looks like the old ECW Dusty Rhodes...... Just don't make him wrestle and we'll be ok.... But the plus side to Dusty Rhodes showing up is that he may bring in ' The King of Old School ' Steve Corino..... That my friends would be awesome..... The bad thing about Dusty Rhodes being there is the fact that the pre-show meal will be eaten by one man as well as missing small children that were last scene somewhere near the vicinity of Dusty's mouth.... I swear the big PPV battle would be a tag match with Dusty and Percy Pringle taking on the Buffet Line..... I could hear the promos now.... ' Hey you going down Food!!!!!!! ... 'This is the Amherican Dweaammm Dusty Rhodes and I'm gonna eat and eat till there ain't no time for no jibba-jabba, if you weeeeeeelllll ' Food.... ' Bring it Fat Man ' Percy.... ' Oh he's gonna bring it and I am too fool once I get this crane to lower my fat @$$ in my seat ' Food..... ' Can you two even wipe your own ass??? ' Dusty ' HaHaHa I'm feeling lively tonight food, you better duck for cover cause the food lover is coming to jack you up ' Food..... ' When I died as a human I wonder what relative of Christ I killed to have to come back as a slice of Bologna and then reside in the stomach of these to f*cktards ' Percy.... ' Show us some respect Douche, we've eaten small cars, so what makes you think we can't take you?' Food.... ' Cause you're so fat you have to hire someone to lift your arm to your mouth and Dusty has no idea where he is ' Scene cuts out showing Dusty in a pair of diapers with a bottle in his mouth..... Now that is an insight as to what rolls through my mind at least 50 times an hour... just random stuff like that... Must have been those bad shrooms I ate like 5 years ago..... Anyways back on track..... Dusty being there is a good thing.... Especially if he brings in Steve-O Corino....... Expect a big promo on Russo from The Dream tonight.... And possibly bringing in a new wrestler to the fold.....
One of the two matches that have been announced tonight is America's Most Wanted taking on Divine Storm with Trinity...... YAY! Trinity is back... I hope she's not too mad that The Bro had to get some from Desire while she was gone..... Hey baby don't get mad, you're still my number 1 Penile Storage Unit...... This match should be good as Divine Storm is a great team and work as well if not better together than AMW.... Don't expect America's Most Wanted to drop the belts but it should be a good match....... Trinity won't care though cause she'll be too busy making her lips another layer of skin on my Beef Bar..... Like I said America's Most Wanted will and should win, gotta make the belts mean something nowadays, look at the WWE where they change every month, it makes it a joke..... My idea is to make Divine Storm vs. AMW an ongoing storyline with Trinity being a key focal point......
The only other match I know about tonight is Jeff Jarrett and The Road Warriors taking on Low Ki, Christopher Daniels and Elix Skipper, also known as Triple X....... This really makes no sense to me seeing as how Jeff Jarrett beat all three members of Triple X by himself last week, now he has the Road Warriors on his side..... Oh I get it, it's really a handicap match because he has them..... It's kind of like Jeff Jarrett's mulligan... Sense you beat Triple X, now you'll have to face them with The Road Warriors....... Now look I have nothing against The Road Warriors, in fact when my cousin was somewhat big in WCW they were my favorite Tag Team.... But..... They are old and way past there time..... They would have been cool as an enforcer role which was what they were doing but as wrestlers.... That's scary..... The funniest thing was if S.E.X. came out dressed as them with Christopher Daniels as Double J with a guitar that said ' Suck Nuts ' and a cowboy hat with JJ on it lighting up with those ridiculous glasses, giving everyone the Peace sign.... LowKi & Skipper as The Road Warriors in full make-up of course but have them in WheelChairs with red strands of paper on the back to make them look like they have flames coming out of the WheelChairs, on the back of the WheelChair have a sign that say's ' What a Rush ' But have them keep crashing into the guardrails and acting like they are out of it..... That would be entertaining and would build heat to the match, more than what has been already..... Expect this match not to have an ending as this should be a clusterf*ck ending with run-ins and possible new people debuting..... Should be a decent match just because of Triple X......
Also tonight Mike Tenay gets the interview of a lifetime with Vince Russo... Hey why didn't this go through me first???? Jesus Christ Russo the Savior o'Wrestling gets a chance to take on Mike one on one.... If he took him on in a wrestling match, Russo would have a homicide on his record..... Russo will tear Mike a new @$$hole....... I'm a disciple of Russo..... The best thing that Russo could do tonight is to just get up Donkey Punch Tenay and spit on him while he's knocked out.... That would rock..... Hopefully this interview will happen in the ring and not in a taped form...... Russo will hopefully elude to The Bro again..... I'm his best Disciple.... I score him the best grass......
Other than that, that's all that's on tap for tonight....... As far as I know..... Other Storylines to look out for is what side will AJ fight for??? New or Old or for AJ????? And the ongiong storyline between Goldy and Desire and Athena fighting over The Bro's Beef Stick.... Come on girls calm down..... Each gets a taste... I'm like Baskin Robbins you get a little spoonfull to taste the goods before giving it the old first ride.....
Will Curt Hennig be there tonight to take on The Bro..... Will it be a battle of The Donkey Punches or will Curt not show up in fear of the Massive,Mammoth and Monstrous Donkey Punch The Bro has made world famous??? All Hail the Donkey Punch..... See you tonight..... thebro1869@hotmail.com
TNA PPV Review for 1/8/03
Well I'm be damned skippy... It seemd as if The Perfect One has met his match in The Bro.... You see last night at the PPV after his stellar ( rolling my eyes and grabbing my nuts ) match where he had Chris Vaughn scramble up the pole to get his axe handle because he's too much of a washed up fat ass to do it himself, Mr. Perfect ( Curt Hennig instead of Curt I like to subsitute a crude name for a female private part in there ) came over and tried to start shit with The Bro...... There's more on this encounter later in my report.... Now onto the show.....
The show starts off with Mike Tenay in the ring looking sexier than ever in his dapper tux.... he's surrounded by Jerry Lynn, Truth, and America's Most Wanted on the outside of the ring he introduces the legends Corsica Joe, Sarah Lee and Eddie Marlin and on the other side of the ring he introduces ' The Future ' of the NWA, Some Mexican Guy who had Mild Sauce dribbling out the corner of his mouth, named Santel and Chris Vaughn.... Anyways Tenay rambled on about How Russo is terrible and that all of the NWA including the fans need to band together to end SEX before all of wrestling is destroyed.... At this moment The clouds opened out of the Heavens and coming out of the sky on a ray of golden sunshine dressed in a Jesus Robe and smoking a joint was none other than My Lord and Savior Vince Russo.... OK OK so he came in with new intro music with SEX from the back dressing room, but tell me if The Bro's entrance for him wouldn't have been better??? So Russo and SEX come to the ring... Tenay wouldn't give him a mic so Borash, knowing his role, handed Russo the mic.... For one the Nashville crowd shows my boy Russo no love and that is not acceptable, not at all..... Russo talks about how he has friends in management and that's why he is allowed in and how he has intro music... and that Tenay has it all wrong because Russo is here to save wrestling, not kill it.... Like you would think anything differently... If Russo say's it's true it is.... It's at this moment I realize how great Russo really is.... You see I've seen hot chicks and I've seen superhot chicks but Desire, Miss Sex, My personal garage for parking my Beef Bus whatever you wanna call her has to be, withought a doubt, no questions at all, hands down the hottest chick I have ever seen... I'm pretty sure If she opened her mouth to talk to me I'd need to run to the bathroom to clean the splooge off my pants before she even said a word....Russo is God to have her in his group... Russo is a pimp like The Bro obviously.... Anyways Russo rags on Santel and Vaughn because it's just too damn easy and he cuts on Sarah Lee and corsica Joe with quite possibly one of the funnier promos I have heard in a long while ( He told Sarah Lee withought Him she'd be changing his ( Corisca Joe's ) diapers ) at this moment she charges in the ring and tries to go after him, he pushed her down that's when the melee' broke out and the NWA cleared the ring of SEX..... Just don't hurt Russo or you'll have to answer to me.... Understand???? Any Questions???
The first match is David Young ( The loveable and huggable coolest fat guy ever ) and Tony Mamaluke taking on Kid Kash and EZ Money..... If you ever thought you had homosexual tendencies look at EZ Money and you'll quickly be assured that noone could be that queer.... He even tried to toss his pants at me beforehand, like I'd want them, I think I smelt semen! Anyways this was a decent match but I'm tired of seeing Kid Kash get wasted away in tag matches... Give the guy a persona a bad ass, fuck you and your mother, persona.... He doesn't need to be teamed with Money cause that guy brings his stock down, stock..... get it??? Ahhhh fuck it someone punch me I'm lamer than Christopher Reeve laying in bed, Anyways Mamaluke and Young are a very good tag team and Young breaking backs with his spinebuster, that would make Arn Anderson squeel like Monica Lewinsky walking into the World's Largest Humidor Museum , could possibly be an untapped potential..... Young and Mamaluke got the win with Young hitting a spine buster on Money for the when, He hit him so hard his butt plugg fell out.... Young rules!!!!!! After the match Daniels,Skipper and Low Ki hit the ring and beat down all there asses cause, well the fucking rock and can, They call themselves Triple X and Jarrett comes out to make the believable save and challenges them each to a match tonight... So let me get this straight Jarret probably at 40 wants to take on arguably 3 of the best wrestlers in the world in there prime??? Hmmm makes sense, everyone needs there ass kicked every once in awhile.....
So the next match is Sonny Siaki taking on Jason Cross for the X-Division title.... Cross is super duper green and Siaki now gets my love as, my parking space for my beef bus, Miss Desire comes out with him..... Cross controls most of the match but then pushes Siaki into the ref kncoking him down so Desire trips Cross and pulls him into the ring post crushing his nuts.... I wouldn't mind having Desire grab my ankles any day of the week, even if it were to crush my nuts i'd still enjoy it.... At one point she bent over and in my mind that half second was 30 minutes as 4,005 X-rated thoughts entered my mind, everything from her dressing as a Nurse to Me and Her dressed as Spongebob and Mr. Krabs respectivly going at it... I pleaded for her not to move, but she did. :( Siaki rolls Cross over and gets the 1,2,3 then Bullet Bob comes out ' Screaming stuff about his overactive Gall Bladder and his latest liver spot as well as saying to restart the match.... Russo comes out and say's they aren't going to start Shit.... Shit rules.... ! Scat Rules....! So they beat up Cross and say he isn't in any shape to continue anyways ( gotta love Russo logic ) Russo tells BG James to knock out his father to show there is no compassion, but before he does that and I don't get to see Bullet Bob get cold cocked by a Donkey Punch Jerry Lynn and Truth come in and they start a tag match between Lynn and Truth and Harris and James
Harris and James vs. Truth and Lynn..... Mostly brawling on the outside of the ring and Lynn hit a VanDaminator which I didn't see, I could so use a kick in the balls for not seeing that, but they were brawling on the outside and BG looked like he had drunk one of those really syruppy orange drinks from McDonalds as his blood pack he used looked really really orange.... But anyways the highlight of the match was cemented with Mike Sanders climbing in the ring and beating down Lynn and Killings thus joining SEX.... Ahhh another Bro favorite joins SEX.. Russo loves the Bro obviously.....
So the next match of the night was AMW taking on Disciples of the New Church with Belladona and Father Mitchell..... This match was great, probably the best match of the night..... Storm played the partner in peril, my cousin was the originator of that name, for most of the match, he got powder in his eyes, got a spike driven through his head which goes to show that He has no brain as he kicks out of another cover after all the near falls AMW hits there Death Sentence finisher to end the match..... And again to ruin The Bro's birthday buzz AMW are tag team champs..... Doesn't that just fucking suck... piss in my wheaties, dockey punch my mom or violate my puppy... do all those things but please dear lord why did you have to put the belts back on these Guys???? Why Oh Why ????
So the next match is when all the shit between Myself and Mr. Jobber Cunt Hennig starts... He comes out to the ring and I point out the fact he must be the original gangsta cowboy as he has one pant leg tucked into his boot and the other one out.... Little shit right.... nothing big... So David Flair comes out to take on Hennig.... The match was subpar at best but it wasn't Flair's fault by any means.... Hennig had knocked Flair to the outside and he climbed the pole to get the axe handle, since this is an axe handle on a pole match, but Hennig couldn't get the axe handle instead he just looked like he was imitating what really happened on the plane by grasping in vain reaching for the handle like he was reaching for Brock's Nizzodeson the plane.... Instead he got Chris Vaughn to climb up the pole and get it for him, since obviously a man that large would tip over the pole thus killing a few fans in the process, anyways he gets the axe handle beats on flair.... The match is over when Flair comes after Hennig with a bag that has something in it that scared Hennig, probably a human vagina since it's obvious he hasn't gotten any or seen any in quite sometime...... Flair leaves the ring then thats when the shit hits the fan.... I give Hennig a quick Thumbs up to poke fun of his great effort he sees me and actually takes it as me liking him.... I won't have none of that so I quickly reverse that into a thumbs down..... Obviously Thumbs down strikes a serious nerve in him as he comes over gnawing on a girly hair band that was purple, purple for chrissakes, if you want to be a bad ass for one don't wear a girly hair band, for two make sure it's a manly color if you do wear one like a red, or a black, not a fucking purple!!!!!..... So he say's " I'll show you wear you can stick that arm ' I said ' Dude what's your problem it's a thumbs down' he goes ' You're a pussy ' I said ' Bring it ' and laughed at him at which point he goes ' You're a fucking pussy ' that's when I said ' Dude there's the exit ' and pointed up the ramp to illustrate where he could go..... I mean I never noticed it but it seriously looks like Curt has been hit with a bag of ' what the fuck ' recently as his face is even more jacked than what I thought..... You know I didn't really come back with anything good, it always comes to you 30 seconds after the convo, like when he called me a pussy. I should have said ' Well they always say you are what you eat, tell your mom thanks ' I mean that would have been good or I could have been like ' I don't have time for washed up has been's, who are you again???? ' Those all would have been good, but I stood my ground and didn't like just sit there like some people... He's an asshole so I throw down this challenge to you Mr. Imperfect... A Donkey Punch challenge.. You get one Donkey Punch I get One Donkey Punch.... I'm a fair man and will let you go first seeing as how I'm the Master Of Donkey Punchery and I'll even sell your hit.... You name the place..... I'm there... Donkey Punch'in up in this bitch.... There was a time when you were cool, WAS being the key word.... Curt didn't want none of The Bro he backed off before his career was tarnished even farther..... Score one for The Bro, 1 to nothing......
So after that to end the PPV Jarret has his gauntlet matches against the Three memebers of SEX.... He gets Daniels first and beats him which totally is unbelievable and then he beats Skipper and then Low Ki is his final opponent, Ki tries a couple of submission moves that would make Jarrett tap on his best day but he doesn't... Then Jarrett tries the stroke but before he can land it, Skipper and Daniels rush in and beat down Jarrett, that's when the Road Warriors come out and clear the ring.... Aj jumps from the outside and beats up on the Road Warriors and goes after Jarrett and cleans house, Russo comes out on a beam of golden sunshine to hus AJ but AJ walks off saying ' You Wish', SEX continue to beat down Jarrett and The Road Warriors when all of a sudden A dude who looks like he should be selling authentic replica cowboy hats at flea markets comes out and it's Dusty Rhodes..... He gives everyone the Bionic Elbow, but Russo who is too smart cause he's GOD! Dusty's forehead looks like a dimpled baby ass..... come to think about it Dusty resembles that of an overgrown retarded baby..... I don't mark our for Dusty or any of the older guys... there time in the sun was good, but that time is long past, I understand why he's there to link the hisotory so that's cool but I won't mark out..... Anyways all in all a good show.... and Hennig it's on, you're nightmare has been granted..... Everyone needs to go see TNA for real, it's gotta ten times better in the last month and you feel as if you are acutally getting your money's worth and more..... thebro1869@hotmail.com
TNA PPV Review for 12/18/02
Hey what's up it's another TNA PPV Review for last night's last show of the year for NWA/TNA...... I'm the Bro and I'm back to plant the seeds of jacked up Brosef into each and every one of your minds..... Let me preface my report by telling you last night's PPV was probably the best TNA has delivered..... So that being said you would know right off the bat that my essence, my enigma, the savior of all things wrestling, Vince Russo was in the House last night.....
Ok so the opening of the PPV had Goldy trying to interview Curt Hennig..... He was on his way to the ring ' to stick his 24 inch fist down Vince Russo's throat ' Now I don't know about you but I started thinking 24 inches.... I have seen a 12 inch peepee on a porn once... that was extremely long and it took like 5 hands to wrap around it..... but Curt claimed that he had a 24 inch fist which would have doubled that size...... So obviously either Curt would be a star in the gay porn community or lying... Either way I will forever call him Big Hands Hennig..... He's a total deuche-waste..... I mean for real how many people are at home going ' Hot damn I'm sure glad I ordered this PPV to see Curt Hennig come out ' If there truly are people like that I encourage you to go stand in front of a moving train..... Oh and also as to say ' The bro was right I am Deuche-Waste he had one pant leg tucked into his boot and the other one out...... It's the little things Curt.... The little things matter..... Anyways My man Russo is like ' wanna call me out Deuche-Waste Mcgee??? Fine here it am, here it am '... He didn't really say that but he climbed over the railing with the Harris Bros. to tease Hennig to hit him.... So Hennig being the true idiot that he is goes after Russo.... IT was a set-up as Low-Ki, Christopher Daniels and Elix Skipper all attacked Hennig and threw him in the ring.... Where they proceeded to lay down a few Donkey Punch beat downs on Hennig..... OH MY GOD!!!!!!! Did I just say Daniels,Low Ki and Skipper all joined SEX... oh my god this has to be the best alliance ever formed... Russo is Jesus Christ..... Russo just come to the ring in a white robe, sandals with a cigarette hanging out his mouth and sunglasses and I would worship him.... I already do but then it would be official that he's my Savior...... So Jesus, errrrr I mean Russo rounds up his followers after laying the Donkey Punch beatdown on Hennig and they leave the ring........ What a way to start of the show..... Time to go to the sh*tter and put on new panties as mine are soiled already..... Russo makes me poop myself....
Goldy is shown interviweing Bullet Bob.... Oh GOD will someone please translate what this inbred is trying to say, I swear when this guy talks all I here is this ' Bebble babble bumble boodle...fart ' along with the deuling banjos playing in the background..... AJ walked by and he mumbled something to AJ.... AJ doing his best to put together the sentence fragments that twirl around Bullet Bob's head.... replies to his nonsensical chatter by saying he isn't with Russo but wants Jeff Jarrett's belt... And who can blame the lad... it is shiny, it's heavy, it's big and I heard the hot mamma's like it..... Hot mamma's like Borash's Ol' Ball and Chain, who was consistently shooting The Bro the ol' ' My man ain't the Bro... now come here and give mamma a little taste of the Bro's Sexual Love Juice' look.....
Speaking of The Rash he comes out and starts the X-Division Gauntlet match by telling us 'stupid marks' the rules..... So the first two competitors in the Gauntlet are introduced as Jason Cross and Amazing Red.... This match was by far one of the best matches of the night..... Well that was stupid huh... I mean 10 X-Division wrestlers in the same ring and I make a statement like that.... Great Bro..... It would take me forever to go over every little detail and competitor in this match so I'll keep it simple.... Tons of spots..... Ace Steel actually made a return and yes The Bro was happy...... He came out with that look of ' If only you knew how I just violated your puppy and your pet hamster, you'd kill me '.....David Young also came back... Dude David Young cleared the ring like Percy clears the Buffet at Sizzler... Like Mofuggin Gangbusters.....!!!!!!!! David Young is like the coolest fat dude in the X-Division, granted he's the only one but boy that dude got some moves..... Ahhhh he's not fat just big-boned like I used to be... I remember this dude busting open a can of 'all damn' on Air Paris a few years back..... See the X-Division needs more big guys like Young..... Fat Boys representin'...... Anyways the match came down to Cross and Red and Cross won with the Shooting Star Leg Drop... I swear this move is so Cherry..... I mean it's more cherry than a 72' gremlin..... It's more cherry than a newly turned 18 year old at the Sexual Bungalo of the Bro with a keg..... It's more cherry than... well I'll stop there... Dude's move is Cherry... Dude's move is Goo...... to good for the D.....
Jesus Christ Russo hits the ring with the SEX crew and introduces the three newest arrivals.....but first he makes fun of us all... it's tough love..... Hey and some deserve it... I mean I'll be the first to tell you that the genetic gene pool inside the asylum is equal to that of a port a pottie..... I mean Russo targeted this redneck grannie that goes to the shows in Madison and wailed into her... gotta love him... Geez he must be a Bro fan..... This woman looked like she had the brain of a retarded sea urchin.... Anyways Russo introduced Low-Ki and told the reason why he joined SEX was because TNA told him to think about things when he went to Zero-One, which I totally supported Low-Ki for doing.... he talked about how Daniels plane ticket was too expensive and that He would buy him a plane...... He talked about how Elix wanted more money they couldn't give him.... Russo said that he would get them laid twice a day to... Which again nails home the fact that all men should answer to Jesus Christ Russo......... Look sex twice a day is a 100 percent improvement over my normal schedule... I'm a busy man but I find time in my hectic life to make room for SEX once a day... Twice a day.....??? This guy is GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially if it's with that Kim Neilson... Ahhhhhhhhh Sweet sweet Kim.... Come puff on the Bro's Magical Skin Cigar..... Anyways Jarrett comes out runs his mouth about how Russo never did anything for him... Yeah Jeff like that stupid light up outfit would have made you a star...... Anyways he tells Russo he won't join him and then Russo gets up in his face leading to Jarrett trying to beat up 7 men... These Hendersonville Homies just don't get it..... 7-1 the odds are not good my friend... that's like betting all your money on Percy Pringle winning The Sexiest Man of the Year Award, or like betting money that the week before Christmas ChickenHat would be wearing a Halloween Sweater... Oh wait that did happen....??? Anyways he got the Donkey Punch Beatdown from SEX...... SECURITY!!!!!! came out and cleared the house.... Good Job guys.... now go back and get me some beer.... Russo got on top of the announcers table to piss of West and Tenay.... he spit his water at west and threw his water bottle at him... In return some F*cktard redneck threw there drink on Russo... How dare you inbred sadistic unappreciative mongloid... I wish a pack of wild wildebeasts to maul your face off and lick your butthole....
Ok so after that The Three Way dance for the tag titles was next...... AMW vs. Harris Bros. vs. New Church... After all the teams came into the ring... Percy Pringle waddled his way from the entrance to a seat at the top of the ramp where a team of cardiac paramedics revived him from the heart attack he had from walking that distance..... You know staring at him you can forget about Camel Toes.... he has the whole Camel below his belt... GEEZ..... Percy is so fat he's phat.... I mean you can only be cool when you hit that weight..... the funny thing is after the match when Pecy left the chair was nowhere to be seen......WEIRD..... But anyways The Harris Bros. were in control of this match when all of a sudden Athena comes running to the ring she low-blows one of The Harris Bros. grabs her by the hair.... I can see the thoughts of them as I type this.... ' Hey Ron this here is what they call a woman..... ' Don Says ' What you supposed to do with a woman??? ' Ron ' What we do with everything else... F*ck it up!!!!' but before they could do that... The Road Warriors came barging into the ring... that's right that's not a typo... The Road Warriors came into the ring and cleared house..... they did the Doomsday Device on Slash and then Hawk hit a tope rope splash on either Ron or Don Harris damn bald headed people can never tell them apart.... Storm covers for the win... Opportunistic Mofugger....!!!! Here's something to ponder..... Athena doesn't like Russo in fact she hates him... But could that Hatred be so strong that she loves him??? I mean Russo is Jesus Christ and I bet this dude squirts out turds Gold plated so why wopuld she not love him.... Maybe she comes to the ring to get abused because it's like one of those puppies that you beat and beat and beat but they still love you....??? My prediction Athena will be by Russo's Side in 6 months.... Guaranteed, book it... Sell your stocks on it.... Why??? Cause The Bro said so that's why and it's all about the Bro!!!!
The next match was Jerry Lynn vs. Siaki vs. EZ Money....
Bullet Bob said that Jerry should be in this match since he was screwed last week out of his title, and remeber whatever you can decipher out of Bullet Bob's mumbling has to be done.. Cause Bullet Bob is life... hell he's about as old as it.... Anyways this match was good alot of good spots and moves.. but the end came when my little hot burrito of love came down to ringside, man was she smoking..... what a pair of legs, what a pair of tata's,what a pair of lips... I could here God when he made her.... God to Self ' Self you have made the ultimate woman, I am a man because I made this woman with a perfect ass,perfect tata's and perfect lips everything a guy could ask for....' God looking around ' Hey where's my Clone Machine?? " Right here sir ' says some little angel... God ' Oh yes time for the little old Lord to have some fun.... let me clone this hot mamacita....' So God puts on his sunglasses unbuttons his robe to expose the littlest bit of chest hair and says ' Hey there sexy mama you come here often??? No... oh well we can change that.... Yes indeed... You like butterfingers???.... Ever been to cloud 9..??? Well let the keeper of your eternal soul show you how to get there....' So yeah the Lord... eternal Pimp.... I swear if I had 5 minutes to talk to this chick, spread my Bro pixie dust, in no time flat we'd be going at it like to sadistic cavepeople... hitting it pre-historic style...... Oh yeah the match.... Ummmm Siaki retained the belt after My Spicy FemmeTaco smacked him upside the head allowing Siaki to hit the Siakalypse for the win.... Russo then comes out and offers up his prize for Siaki... My woman????? What... She's mine Russo... Come on Russo you promised me.... Alright Lord whatever you say..... Anyways Russo, Siaki and My Woman leave and go back to have a little Two on Love game of pig in a poke
Next match was a match that was... well it was a match... BG vs. Truth in a hardcore match..... James got the win over Truth because my Boy the Fallen Angel helped out as well as Low-Ki and Skipper.... So Bullet Bob comes running out like someone said there was a 2 for 1 sale on adult diapers at walgreens and demands that Low-ki,Daniels and Skipper fight The Sat's and Red..... Oh man... talk about Adult Daipers I needed about 5 in this match... I'd say I came close to shatting myself 3 or 4 times... there's only a few times in one's life where you can say ' I was there to see the best wrestlers at the time fight.... and truly there were 4 in the ring who were probably the best in the world right now..... The ending had Low-Ki getting the win over Red with a sick looking finisher that made me cringe but smile..... Russo then comes out with SEX and they get the tables out and put the SAT's on the table.... Curt ' One pant leg is still tucked into my boot while the other one is not' Hennig comes out and tries to break it up but Moop the Clown comes in and beats him down, who's moop the clown??? Oh yeah David Flair... Why do I call him moop the clown??? He gets Rosy cheeks like a clown all the time when he's on TV.... MOOOOOOOOOOP!...... Jarret comes out, clears the ring and puts Flair in the figure four.... Then AJ comes out and beats on Jarrett they place him on the table where Daniels and Skipper jump on it and bash his mullety-@ss through the table..... Russo then barges up the entrance ramp and takes the axe and destroys the TNA sign..... That's because when they come back the letters... BRO will be up there in homage of me..... I was so worried about my Savior hitting himself with that axe, he seemed so violent.... kinda made me aroused... did i say that outloud again... GEEZ....... Jesus Christ Russo Ruled!!!!!!!
Post show thoughts.... You know that feeling after you've taken a poop and you wipe your bottom and the toilet paper is clean... It means you did good.... the job was done... Great job.... Well that's exactly what this was like... It was great.... Jesus Christ Russo in the man..... Why does Bullet Bob hate SEX so much???? Is he castrated??? Why did Bullet bob say we need to seduce SEX???? This man is a sexual predator.... Goodbye..... thebro1869@hotmail.com
Bro's TNA PPV Preview for 12/18/02
Hey what's up it's time to take a look at tonight's NWA/TNA PPV..... that's right Tards and Ho's fasten those seatbelts and get ready for a trip into the Biohazard Wasteland that is Bro's Brain.......... Tonight's PPV is the last one for the year 2002, so that means there will have to be plenty of cliffhangers for everyone to be talking about over the next two weeks... Cliffhangers like, What small child will Percy Pringle eat next???? Will Trinity's lips ever come detached from my Ivory Rythm Stick???? Will Russo come to The Bro and say Bro me and you are like Starsky and Hutch, we're like Ponch and that white dude from CHiPs, we are like Brothers???? Will Borash dump his gf so she can have a real man and he can be free to spend a life full of man-beef smokin with the Chicken Hat???? All these question will probably not be answered tonight but lets look at what will......
Tonight's match list is kinda short so we can run through those quickly.... Sonny ' Raspberry Tort Pants ' Siaki takes on the World's most out of shape Chippendale EZ Money.... This is a match between the most gayest of wrestling Pants.... We Have Sonny's Raspberry Tort Fruit Roll Up pants taking on EZ's BVD inspired wrestling panties.... ' Hello Mr. Money it's time for me to drain your bladder I'm gonna need you to pull down your hospital panties please'.... This guy is so not money the name is an oxymoron....... Sonny gets the win on the pure fact that EZ is by far the most gayest person I have ever seen wrestle, from his slit your wrists from anguish, intro music down to that stupid little pose he does, He makes me curse his mom for ever bringing that into the world...... So the Bro say's Sonny gets the win for not being that Gay.... Plus he's got a hot valet that in no time will be all over The Bro like MTA on ChickenHat.....
Hey we get this match... Truth vs. B.G. James.... yeah I know,.... sh*t break.... I'm not really thrilled about this match... this match will be a time for The Bro to scope the crowd for a hottie...... Unless of course My reason for living and the only man who SAVED wrestling... Russo comes out...... I think the best thing in this match is how many times can we see B.G. have to slow down the match so he can get his breath back..... Rehabbing at Burger King rocks..... You know I was thinking in all my years I have never seen Road-Dogg, B.G., Roadie, whatever you wanna call him withought his shirt off..... What's the reason for this..... Is there a face there of his Japaneese Siamese Twin that they didn't cut off and it mysteriously lives on Stomach.... I can here it now.... ' B.G. you blew it.... That chick was super duper fresh.... pull up your shirt next time and let me do the talking you panty-waste... ' So the mystery of what is under B.G.'s shirt will probably never be answered but The Bro knows...... Expect B.G. to get the win here furthering S.E.X. as a formidable group..... Maybe when the Truth comes out rappin' the microphone will explode in his hand and we won't have to watch as blood trickles out of our ears from that horrendous rap he does..... I got a rap for you Truth..... ' My Gimmick was fresh not long ago, but now I'm running 'round looking for B.G.'s blow..... I used to be fresh when i danced and fought, but now it seems a hooker's love can't be bought..... I sing the same rap everytime I come out, My hair looks like it caught a case of the gout..... My name is Truth you better stand back, cause I'm sinking fast into TNA's ass crack....' So there..... Yeah serious flows from the Bro.... Freestyle baby... The Truth got nothing on The Bro.... It's all about The Bro.....
Also tonight we have AMW going against The Harris Bros. and the New Church in a three way dance for the belts.... I expect the belts to change hands tonight and they should go to the Harris Bros. .... I say that because I'm tired of hearing people talk about how stupid they look in the ring.... OK look the Harris Bros. may not have been blessed with the greatest wrestling ability in the world, but they have been blessed with the ability to Beat you down so bad that your momma will be burning in hell.... So on that note I won't say anything bad about The Harris Bros. as they could pound my @$$ into something that resembles ChickenHat liquifide, or however you spell that stupid word...... Yes I can hear the conversation between the Lord and baby Harris Bros..... God 'Ye sons have a choice.... Ye want Brains???'..... Harris Bros. ' Only if you can have sex wit em... hahahaha ' .... God ' Ok well Tripple H asked for that request so let's move on.... Ye want wisdom dear children?' Harris Bros.... ' It got a nice @$$????'.... God ' No child Wisdom is.... Nevermind.... Ye children want peace and understanding???? ' Harris Bros. ' Is that some type of Alceyholic beverage??? If so Hell Yeah! '.... God " Oh forget it you are blessed with the power to be tall giants among ye peasants... go squash brains and get drunk....' Harris Bros. ' Oh Hell Yeah it's on now....' So that was a conversation between God and your local neighborhood Harris Bros..... So I expect Harris Bros. to get the win in this match.... with a little surprise outsaide interference.... But could Athena come back and challenge the newly crowned champeens?? Only if she wants to get H-Bombed again.... I am forever nice to The Harris Bros. as they are the only people on earth to make me squeel like a girl and poop my panties if they looked at me the wrong way......
And the match that will steal the show tonight will be the X-Division Gauntlet match for the Number 1 contendership.... We have names like Red, Shark Boy, AJ, Kid Kash, Tony Mamaluke, Jason Cross, Jerry Lynn and Jimmy Rave with Low Ki and Christopher Daniels hinted at returning..... I fully expect Red to get the win in this match but if you wanna talk about pee your panties excitement... this is the match..... I fully expect to have to change my depends during the match..... think of all the moves you'll see.... Styles Clash,Cradle Piledriver, Infrared, Shooting Star Leg Drop just to name a few... a virtual smorgasbord of helly fresh finishers..... I hope Daniels makes it to the finals..... I hope he joins the New Church... I hope Daniels marries me... Oooopa did I say that out loud???? Red better win or Ryder has to answer to The Bro.... It's all about the Bro.....
Also tonight we get the shocking interview with Percy Pringle for real who's gonna be on the end of there seat for this one.....???? I mean I can only see his shaking that face so many times.... He shakes it and the fat don't stop jiggling for at least 5 minutes later... poor skin mites.... Think of all the earthquakes those microscopic bioorganisms have to endure to live on that man's skin..... Tenay ' How many Missing Children are located in your general Belly Region???' Pringle ' Enough to fit.... ahahahahaha' Tenay ' Seriously, have you ever sat on anything and have it lodged in your fat? Pringle ' Remember Monty Brown??? Nough Said....'
Also my Lord and Savior the man I answer to... Russo will be there tonight.... WhoooHooooo Russo time up in this bizzzzitch..... Jarrett will probably tease joining Russo only for Russo to bring out his newest member..... Who will that be.... The Bro.... No really I don't know but it will be someone new joining the fray tonight, I'll guarantee or my name isn't Beth..... Anyone who doesn't like Russo can answer to me... I'll have this guys back.. he's cooler than the other side of four pillows.... I'd give that man my last dollar..... i'm in love....... Bro and Russo sitting in a tree.... F E L C H I N G..... First comes love them comes marriage, then comes little baby Bro in the baby carriage..... HAHAHA I'm insane... Insane I tell you.....
Hey how about some Bro signs tonight... Show me some love people...... I need more love than one man can handle.... Make me some signs and the first person I spot with a Bro sign tonight gets 1.00 cash... no joke I will personally walk up and give you a crisp, new,shiny and warm 1.00 bill....... See you tonight..... Peace, Bro.... Anytime you wanna talk email me at thebro1869@hotmail.com
| Bro Attacks The Hat!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Doug From Heel Section took the pic... he's such an artiste'
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TNA PPV Review for 12/11/02 on: 12/12/02
Hey whats up, its time for another Bro's Look at last nights PPV.. But I must address something first.. It seems my MILF has turned out to be someone with a lot of power in TNA.. You know when I first started to have my illegal thoughts about me and my MILF it was harmless, then someone told me who she was and she was sitting front row last night by the announcers so I gave her the old whattup head nod you know the ol' 'yeah baby you know you want this dangerously hot love sauce' look.. and she returned the favor with the wink........ MmmmmmmmmHmmmmmmmm SESSY!!!!! So, after going to the bathroom to take care of a large problem I returned to my seat to find out that my MILF just happens to be Dixie Carter, No not the Designing Women chick but the Dixie Carter that is like over Panda Energy, although I'd do Dixie Carter ,cause she used to tempt me with those Yellow Pages commercials when she said 'Let your fingers do the walking'.... Yeah, but thats another pre-pubescent love story........... Ahhhh the kleenex I could go through............ Anyways, yeah so like she is Dixie Carter, My MILF is Dixie Carter, So soon enough the boys in TNA will have to be answering to the one and only Bro....... WORD!!!!!! Dixie baby Ill bring the Beef and Hot Sauce if youll bring the Taco!!!!
Ok so like the dark matches started first as usual and the first match I had more fun laughing at the ridiculous look of the tag team than I did actually watching the match. One team was Tiger Kahn who looked like the Reverend Al Sharpton and Profit who looked like those dudes in high school who tried so hard to be black, you know the dudes, the dudes that wore clothes 5 sizes to big for themselves and wore fubu and cross colors. Yeah those dudes.. Im secure in my whiteness and honkiness to know I could never be able to pull off being a cool black dude, They'd only laugh at me and kick my @$$.. But this dude tried hard to pull it off.. The other team was some dude named Justice and Tank something. One of the dudes looked like his second job was to be the side of a house. It wasn't like he was fat he was just wide. He was like Stretch Armstrong Junior or something and someone Stretched him sideways to far. Ok, who am I kidding, the guy was fat too and he had b**ch t*tt*es.. Anyways Stretch and his partner won the match. Al Sharpton is a better speaker than he is a wrestler and that's not saying much......
The next dark match was Jorge Estrada beating Dr. Heresay they should have just called Him Dr. Tight Scrubs McGee. I swear he wore the tightest scrubs ever. I thought scrubs were supposed to be loose???? Anyways Jorge was sporting a new haircut I think, actually his hair just looked watered down you know like how a fluffy poodle looks after being out in the rain, hair all flat and sticking to the skin??? Well Jorge's was like that a wet dogs hair The Elvis gimmick is dead, it always has been in my heart. I've hated Elvis since I was young. He was average at best just cause he had swivel hips he was a star. Maybe it was the fact that when I was 13 and fat people used to say I looked like Elvis, which I guess they meant the fat, bloated and dead Elvis.... so I think you can see the resentment there that I could have..
So the final Dark match was some kid that looked like he was fresh out of the Womb named Kid Krazy taking on A.J. Styles.. It was a decent match, AJ was saving himself for his match later in the night.. AJ got the win OH BOY what a shocker I actually thought that Kid Krazy with his Krazy Outfit and his Krazy skinny self with is Krazy fans would have Krazily won the match. He didnt. He lost..
So the PPV started off with Tony Mamaluke taking on Jason Cross.. Tony Mamaluke is an amazing worker. For real he doesnt get enough credit for his work. Jason Cross is good to, the only thing I'm wondering is why he has an arrow on his PeePee???? Does he need a reminder as to where it is??? Does someone else need to know where it is??? And his last name is Cross not Arrow???? Hmmm little details like that always bother me But the cross is on his arse which I guess he feels his arse needs blessing or he thinks he has a holy arse.. Theres only one holy arse and that belongs to Lollipop.... Why am I rambling about a dudes arse???? Anyways the ending had Cross during his top rope shooting star press leg drop, but because Mamaluke had weakened his leg he wasnt able to make the cover which allowed Mamaluke to put a messed up looking submission maneuver on him causing him to tap out. SEXELLENT match!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BG James came out and gave The Slapnuts Guitar to West and Tenay to keep a safe eye, on the cut a promo talking about why he joined SEX.. His Fashion God Father Bullet Bob came out and was sporting some ash grey sweatpants with his black sportcoat.. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh look Bobbby boy I'll bring you a pair of slacks. Ok.. I have plenty of nice slacks you can have. Please dont wear sweatpants with your sportcoat anymore.. Give me some new material to work with like wearing your catheter bag on the outside of your clothes or wear a Worlds Sexiest Grandpa hat out.. Something.. Anyways Bullet announced that tonight BG would be taking on Truth in a dog collar with a chair on a chain match Yeah thats what I thought too..
Kid Kash beat Jorge Estrada that's it he beat him..... same kind of match, they still havent built up Kids character so he just comes out and wrestles then walks back, They need to give this guy a persona.
Next match was Divine Storm taking on Harris and Storm. This match was good. Anything that Trinity in is good .....Hell, anything the Bro is in is good too right ladies ( Bro hands them a 5.00 bill ).. Trinity was looking hotter than than anything last night, ladies take a lesson from Trinity, you all should look like her and if you don't ye shall be Donkey Punched in your jowls courtesy of The Bro.. Trinity helped Divine Storm win by nutting Storm while they were trying to set up there finishing move. Come here Trinity Daddy got some antiseptic hand lotion for you baby doll before you stroke these again!!!!! Man Trinity, Trinity, Trinity has The Bro ever got some X-Rated thoughts to be played out on you!!!!
The next match was AJ taking on Amazing Red Red got the win with a sick looking top rope huracanrana seriously this was one of the best/worst hurracanranas I had ever seen Red is soo good I'm proud of my little Red baby.
The next match was the New Church taking on The Harris.. The Harris won by outside interference when BG James finnaly fit his gut over the rail and busted Slash with the chair.. But Percy Pringle came out and told the ref what happened so they reversed the decision giving the belts back to The New Church, later Mitchell talked about how Percy shouldnt stick his nose in other peoples business.. Or that that fat ass stomach i.m.o.. I've never seen someone so fat, I mean I used to be fat along time ago, but my GOD this dude has fat everywhere possible.. I guess we got the answer to 'where does your fat go when you lose it?' IT ends up on Percy Pringle........ he must have really pissed off the weight Gods.
Next match was about the highest and lowest points of the night for me See I knew Siaki would win so I was braced for that. But what I wasnt braced for was that hot mamacita that came out to help him get the win.???? If there is a chick that is hotter than Trinity then my eyes have witnessed her. Ouch..... I'm still wearing bandages over my badly burned eyeballs. This chick was unbelievable.. She was licking her lips too. Hey what can I say. When ladies see The Bro and know He's in attendance they just can't control themselves.. Plus shes aligned herself with Siaki and since his last GF dug The Bro so much, I'm sure this one will follow in those immortal footsteps.....(Side Note) When I was 16 I sold my soul to a little Leprachaun that lives in a hut outside of town, He gave me some pixie dust to sprinkle on myself and that dust holds magical powers to captivate any female that comes within 5 feet of me.... you know its hard trying to please all the ladies sometimes, but I know you regular people out there cant do it, so someone has too..J I need to interview this chick.. She's by far the hottest chick ever created. See GOD is a dude. Would a chick GOD create something that hot??? Hahaha I think not my friends
Truth vs. BG in a dog collar match was absolutely terrible.. BG tried to hit Truth with the chair but hit his pappy with a chair shot so weak it would have had a hard time crushing a flower. Truth got the win big deal let me go take a poo
Last match was the Battle of the mullets Jarrett vs. Hennig. Jarrett won because Russo came in and hit Hennig with the guitar twice. The first time he hit him it didn't break so he had to hit him again.. Russo is the greatest thing ever, just the way he carries himself reeks of the 'I'm better than you' attitude He's my boy.. he loves The Bro hes my biggest fan by far!!!!!!!! Russo you are getting a free T-shirt.. pick which one you want and email me and let me know. Go to the marchandise page and pick you out a good one my man..
This PPV was kinda dull, a lot of wrestling I want more Russo.. Luminaries in the house last night included. Gordon, Arrick Andrews,Rick Santel, who The Bro let out of cleaning my pool early to go to the PPV, I'm such a good boss, Miss Ethics was there The Docs were there. And if I missed anyone Please dont forgive me..
Something has been weighing on The Bro, I have talked to a few people who come to the site, but to others its kind of an unknown entity.. And I think I'm about to call it quits.. You see everday except for Saturday and Sunday I update my stuff for you and the only time I don't is when Tripod is down. I ask for someone to email me to let me know what you think, if you hate me or love me email me, I get nothing except for some dude named Ernie Hernandez calling me every deragortory gay name in the book.. But that doesn't bother me, in fact his stupidity and misuse of the English language is pretty funny, plus when people email you to cuss you out and misspell words its funny and pathetic kinda loses its meaning.. I'm not a professor at spelling but if I had a point to make that I felt strongly about I'd use spell check. The point is this, I'm burned out, I never get any positive feedback except for a handful of people, but maybe thats all who go to my site who knows. I'm just tired of doing this and not making an impact on anyone. Look at my message boards. There empty.. Jeckyl bless his soul is trying his hardest to make it a success but I mean no one posts there. I will guarantee you that if I don't get 5 emails by the end of the day I will shut down operations and let someone else take over the site. The Bro has always been a little out there and maybe Im a little out there too far and people don't like my stuff. It's cool like I said all I'm asking for is to someone to go hey you do a good job or hey you site is terrible. Either way I need feedback!!!!!! I need to know that hey these people actually appreciate what I do I don't wanna sound like an uptight jack@$$ about it all, but The Bro needs some love here people.......... 5 emails thats all I'm asking. Just 5, I average 175 hits thats only 5 otherwise I'm out.. Peace thebro1869@hotmail.com Also check out Hottie of the Night for my hottie and PPV Awards to see my awards section... Peace
| Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh Trinity.... Down Boner! |
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Doug from The Heel Section took this pic, click picto go to there site!!!!!!!!!!!
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TNA PPV Preview for 12/11/02
Another week has come and gone and it's closer to Christmas so that means 2 fucking days off work!!! Fuck Yeah, that's the best present ever!!!! But there are more presents that I want, if you'll stroll over to my News and Reviews section you can see my short wish list for this year, i'm not a picky man.... I like Ass!!!!! Speaking of Ass I've been farting tonight and it's smelt like sand... weird... Not that sand has a distinct smell but my farts smell like sand.....
Ok so moving on to the PPV tonight there are a few matches already set up so lets take a Bro's Eye View of them shall we??? Yes Mofugger we shall! First match we'll look at is 'My second father' Jerry Lynn taking on 'Hot Pants Mcgee' Sonny Siaki... Jesus as much as I want Jerry to keep the belt, I nkow he is going to drop it, and this pains me more than a blowjob from a chick with Braces, but he will drop it to Siaki... I guess Siaki has earned it.... I mean look at the ensemble he wears... Rasberry Tort, Fruit Roll up and Shit Tar Black Hot Pants how could you keep the belt off a fashion God like that??? that would be the major question here...... I'm sure the beaded hair 'Herm' in the front row will become aroused in whatever form it's sexuality will allow it to be.. Seriously folks I'm gonna invent an at-home Self Sexuality kit, and she'll be my first patient... only she can administer the test as getting close to her privates would be like eating a big cleveland steamer... Shitty! did I just say ' Folks' above??? Oh Jesus where's my ' Jeremy Borash shut the fuck up ' spray at...
Next match is AJ Styles taking on Amazing Red... I love Amazing Red, if it were possible for me to bear his children I would, but last week during Xplosion people were chanting 'Mazing Red'.... Come on Assholes it Amazing Red for one thing and for another if a Mexican was watching they'd think you'd be talking about 'Amazing Corn', so let's be a little more thoughtful for our Burrito lovin' followers k???..... AJ has been having his run and everything and with him laying a beating on RED last week it kinda sets up a revenge factor for the match.. I expect Red to win, but this match should be off the Charts super helly fresh!!!! During Xplosion last week RED had on a Grand Theft Auto III winter hat ( Yes that's for my Tobogan friend).... Glad to see that Red likes to mow down innocent pedestrians, kill cops and cause about as much fucking damage as Anna Nicole could at an all you can eat Buffet in one night... GTA Rocks, pick up Vice City or I will personally come Donkey Punch you in the penis!
Up next is the Disciples of the New Church taking on the Harris Boys.... I swear I thought James Storm's promo from a month back was redneckish, but shit it had nothing over Ron ' I'll grunt for 5 minutes and you can guestimate what I said mmmhmmmm ' Harris.... If you could decipher what Harris said last week after giving Athena the H-Bombs and joining Russo, you prolly are sitting in a doublewide, wearing a flannel shirt with the arms ripped off and pounding some Strohs.... Still I like The Harris'.. why??? Umm let me drink a few more Skyy's then I'll have you a reason.... But seriously I like them, possibly because they have teamed up with my One and Only the King of Sports Entertainment, the loveable,huggable... Vince Russo... Yes... Expect The Disciples to drop the belts tonight as Russo will be looking for total fucking control... How could you blame him... When you're as cool as shit and down like Russo you deserve complete power....
Tag match Number two will be America's Most Wanted taking on Divine Storm with my Penile Storage Unit Trinity.... Ahhh Sweet Sweet Trinity... An Ass made by the angels and banged by Satan himself... BRO... I wish, you know I would probably strike myself with leprosy, have my penis fall off, have bubbling boils all over my body just to tap dat ass once.... I'd do all of that just to have a taste of Divine Pie.... MmmmmmMmmmmmmm Finger lickin' good! This match should be good... It's becoming uncool to hate AMW now so I will be nonpartial and not give a shit either way... Yeah it's kinda like when it was Cool to listen to Korn then everyone started listening so you were like ' fuck this shit, I want me some new shit' that's what it's like I hated them since day one but now the 'Kill the Cowboy' chants are chanted by everyone Neck with a pulse so I'm backing off... they can have fun beating a dead horse but I'm off to pursue smellier shit..... Ohh yeah the results... ummmm Divine Storm will win because of a James Storm error causing Chris Harris to question him, setting up there eventual feud.... That's right Hogs and Heffers, get your crying towels out because they are gonna break up sonner or later... No more late night love making with yourself envisioning Storm and Harris doubleteaming you and feeding you pizza... nope it's all done now....
Ohhh yeah another match is Kid Kash taking on ' Honey I Blew Up his Hair' Jorge Estrada.... i'm sure he'll bring Priscilla out there with him, Jesus dude save me the pleasure of vomiting that cheap ass pizza they serve there and not haul her ass out there..... Something about that chick screams to me Flea Market Beauty Queen..... I've done better and could get better so this is nothing about jealousy, she's just jacked up to me.... I'm sure Jorge couldn't find her attractive in real life??? I mean you'd have to drink at least 15 alcoholic beverages, have your friends punch you in the head 18 times to swell your brain, and remove your eyeballs just to have any arrousal what soever over this chick... Damn I'm harsh, oh well... I Gives no fucks! Kid Kash will probably get the win but who knows how long he will stay around as he had a dark match Monday night on Raw and had some tryout last week in Atlanta for them??? Best of luck Kash if you decide to go, I just hope you forever like jobbing to Jeff Hardy and being his bitch if you do go....
Ahhh the Main Event of the Night is the Battle of The Mullets.... Version 4.0 that's right who will have the stronger Mullet tonight, who will be able to muster the strength out of those fluffly flocks???? Jarret vs. Hennig... Has Hennig ever won a match in TNA.. hell has Hennig won a match in WWE??? Fuck this dude has to be the most losing person on earth... His greasy played out Mullet has lost it's Mullitude..... It needs to be sent to the Mullet rest home with Jerry Seinfeld's, Billy Ray Cyrus's and AC Slater's..... Expect Jarrett to win as how can you put the belt around someone who hasn't won a match since 1997... That's be like walking up the the Janitor at your corporate job and saying' You know what? I thinkyou are the perfect person to be our CEO....' Ain't gonna happen.... The Semi-partial Mullet will pull through and defeat the greasy pimped out... He Man Mullet
That's all the matches for tonight's card that I know of, but you know TNA will have some surprises such as Percy Pringle and Hot Rod last week.. Who this week??? Honestly look for the Stinger.... Borash and Jarrett were overseas with WWA and he was on tour with them..... I never liked Sting... I thought the whole black and white stuff was shitty, but the real Stinger with flouresecent tights and face paint was the shit... I remember when I was 5, i kicked the dog so hard I broke a rib cause Sting lost to Muta for the 80th time... Fuck that green spewing dude.... Stinger rocked!!!!!!
Also tonight my boy Russo will be there, will he get retribution on Athena for her heinous and violent act of treason upon the Idol that I worship and hold so dear....????? Will he call out Rowdy Roddy and tell him ' Hey dude The Bro hates your guts, and you know what, since The Bro hates you, I hate you... now pleasure me with your tongue and call me Shirley'.... Hell he wears a dress already and has lost all his dignity....
Will we find out why Percy Pringle came out to end the show last week??? Will we find out if he ever shat out that Baby Rhino he had lodged in his intestines that caused him to make those hideous facial expressions??? I've never seen so much fat on a human face before till I saw him ,it's like his fat rolls has fat rolls... disturbing little Weeble Wobble.....
Will we get to see Bullet Bob get confused as to which son turned his back on him and replaced his Hanes Swetapants with some Bugle Boy ones??? Will he get retribution on his son BG James for doublecrossing his old ass.... Who knows....
Email me if you like and wanna chat thebro1869@hotmail.com... Peace out and remeber check out News and Reviews....
TNA Review for the 12/4/02
Well sorry this report is soo late but for some reason the fuck ups over at Tripod decided to go down for the day.... So this will probably be a short and kinda not-funny review as I'm massively tired and a little drunk.... So here's goes...
The PPV started off with the familiar bagpipes of Rowdy Rossy Piper playing over the moors.... Ahhh yes Rowdy Rossy and those sexy, pasty white, pencil thin legs of his were in all there glory underneath that kilt.... He came out with some douchebag who's main function was to hold up the ring post by standing there with this stupid shit eating grin on his face.... anyways Rowdy came out and basically shot on Russo because secretly I think he wants him, but he is just nervous... Anyways Rowdy Rossy even went as far as to say that Russo killed Owen Hart... Yeah ok... That was even tasteless by The Bro's standards.... So after Rowdy Rossy had killed off the fans by uttering that statement Russo came out to end the shit spewing rants of the Rowdy One... But Rossy wouldn't give Russo the mic... He kept on asking him about Owen and how he could run WCW into the ground??? Let it go Rowdy.. It'll be ok I know WCW was a safe haven for old fat ass has beens to still act like one of the boys, but it'll be ok... Anyways Rowdy ended the promo by telling everyone to buy his book and check out some shoot interview on his site... What a dumbass.... He looked like a complete fucking retard with his kilt on and talking about Owen's death.. Call Russo what you will but at least he tried to end this horseshit... I find it funny that at the end Rowdy said he was going to the back to talk to the young guys, but Percy Pringle on his commentary said Rossy hopped his ass on his bus and took off after that.... Hmmmm The Rowdy one wouldn't be lying to his fans, the fans that demanded his tour... the two fans who he paid 5 dollars to cheer him... Ahhh those fans.... Plus Rowdy don't ever fuck with my boy Russo or i'll take those bagpipes and shove em up your ass so the next time you fart ' We can here a haunting ere' ' Fucking dick!!!
The first match of the night was Divine Storm with my new bride, Trinity taking on The SAT's... Ever wonder why Trinity always comes out Sweaty and Smiling... Me baby, it's all about The Bro.... Anyways this match was good and it ended with Trinity hitting one of the SAT's in the nuts allowing Storm to take the victory... I believe the SAT she hit was actually quite glad she touched his nuts... During the match Trinity did a top-rope hurracarana and I'll tell you even though your spine seperates from your skull that has the be the best 1/2 second of enjoyment to be between those thighs... What am I talking about pssshhhh I know all about being down in her fallopian fields....
Chris Harris comes out but Russo jumps in the ring and say's I like you but let me say something first.... He said the fans are tired of TNA and they want blood and violence and cursing and theywant SEX at which point I about died as the my Hero said four words I truly adore... He said every week he sees signs for Athena and tonight he's gonna give you Athena... Athena gets in the ring and he tells her to show the goods.... Athena doesn't do it as all good girls wouldn't you gotta make a man earn that right.... So he berates her calls her a slut,whore and Wench which means he reads The Bro's site because wench is quoted alot on my site... Russo is a Bro fan... No doubt... He wants me! Anyways the Harris's come out to break this up but Athena beats down Russo... i'll have to have a talk with her about that.... Beating up my hero, my enigma... that will not be tolerated!!!! The Harris' seperate the two and then Harris cuts a promo talking about the Old White Hair man in the ivory tower.. hell which one??? That's like saying 'that old scuzzlebutt waitress at the waffle house with only one good eye' you need to be more specific Ron... Anyways he says they are joining Russo's group and then give Athena two H-Bombs... Poor Athena... I got some beefy hands and some analgesic cream... need a massage???
The next match was Chris Harris taking on Brian Lee, this match was decent at best but it's getting old seeing the same people fight everyweek... It's like seeing Pam Anderson slurp on Tommy's beef bone.. the first times are cool but then you just go damnit to hell who hit her face with a griddle??? Harris got the win...Shocker!!!!
The next match was James Storm taking on Slash... see above...
The next match was the four way X-Division match with the winner getting a shot at the belt... Kid Kash got eliminated first, then AJ got eliminated but hit Joel with a chair on the way out setting up EZ money for the win.... I seriosuly hate this dude... He's way to beefy and he gets the RVD hair poof after the match you know the look of there coarse hair that pops up all over the place from being pulled back in a pony tail too long... Hell EZ Money's theme music alone could cause riots.. it's horrendous...
Mike Tenay comes out and interviews Jerry Lynn who talk about his injury and how he cannot fight tonight... during the interview the Harris enter the ring with a table and America's sexiest promoter Bill Behrens, they place Behrens on the table but Jerry Lynn comes in to try to make the save... they say fuck it and H-Bomb Jerry through the table and through the world's sexiest promoter.... Truth decides you can't have a good ass kickin till I get mine kicked, so he comes out and gets thrown from the balcony through some tables for his effort....
Next match is the bullrope match by virtue of there wins Storm and Harris get to take on Mitchell ina bullrope match... Too bad Mitchell suffers from priapism and his dr ordered him not too fight... I don't blame him for having priaprism if I had a half naked chick like that little undead supermodel rubbing on me my staff would rise faster than Chris Harris' at a geriatric lingerie convention... Anyways Storm and Harris got the win in another shocker... as they beat Belladonna for the win....
The main event was The Harris Boys taking on Jarret and Killings.. so really just Jarrett.. anyways Jarrett got his ass kicked as it was two on one until Truth came from the back demanding Russo.... So the Harris boys gave him an H-bomb and Russo was taunting him the whole time.. Love that shit... Then B.G. James came in to make the save and went after Russo with the chair but SWERVE B. G. hit the Truth and joined Russo's SEX group... they were celebrating but looked to the top of the ramp to find Percy Pringle a.k.a. Paul Bearer standing there contorting his face as if he is shitting out a small child....
After the PPV ended the Harris Boys decided to furhter cement the fact that Russo was a Bro fan and gave Borash two H-Bombs!!!! Holy fucking Chicken Scat Batman.. they fucked up Borash....!!!!!!!! It was a good PPV but the whole Rowdy Rossy thing kinda put a dull over the crowd... And yes I know I keep on calling him Rossy, just sounds cooler than Roddy.. Roddy is that dude who wear sparkly jackets on the price is right.... Rod Roddy.. he's stupid looking... Peace Out Bro
TNA PPV Preview for 12/04/02
You know there's nothing I hate worse than snow and ice..... I hate when I go to my car to heat it up in the mornings and ice is on my car making it virtually impossible for even The Hulk to pull the door open, I hate getting into my freezing car and driving to work with all the idiots who believe ' Hey it's icy as f*ck out here so let's hit our brakes every time we accelerate '. I'm thinking about going out and buying me a little Mexican to drive me around town as I'm developing to much of road rage and might find myself behind bars one day after pulling the fingers off some prick that can't drive.... Oh and another thing... This lady was weaving in and out of traffic this morning and she had a Disabled Driver liscense plate on the back of her car..... There's a true oxymoron if I ever saw one... Since when did Disabled people be allowed to drive in traffic??? I can here them now... " Yeah I gots no legs but I sure can drive like Mario Andretti on the freeway " You ever seen those people with there hoverrounds at the mall... now that's scary they can hardly drive through the aisles withought hitting some random table.... But yet these people are allowed to drive... Ahhhh America Where Disabled people can drive 85 on a freeway but still can't ride The Bumper Cars at the fair.... Speaking of Hoverrounds you ever seen that commercial with those two old ladies at the gran canyon on the motorized wheelchairs??? Ahhh that's a classic, would it have hurt the producers to switch the gauges letting reverse actually be forward and vice versa..... I mean to hear them saying ' Hoverround ' while going off a cliff would be fanatastic!!!!!!
Well after that long diatribe of sh*t I will write about the PPV tonight.... My boy Vinnie Ru will be there tonight so I should dress up in case I come in contact with him huh??? Ok toothpaste, check..... deodorant, check.... Nair for my hairy legs... nevermind...... Yes I'm infatuated with Russo who gives a sh*t you can be infatuated with Ozzy Osbourne I'll be infatuated with the True Prince of Darkness Vince Russo.... He's the shit and tonight he promised that stuff was gonna happen.. What stuff???? Hell I don't know but I'm on the edge of my seat for that stuff.... TNA promised this to be a can't miss show.... Can't miss by there standards or mine???? See mine are a little higher, like Borash and Chicken Hat having there wedding on live PPV, Vince Russo powerbombing Mike Tenay through a flaming table and then have New Jack take a 45 ft dive on top of him, Chris Harris and James Storm turning Heel and punching Bonnie Baldwin and Chicken Hat right in the jowls, The New Church doing a live sacrificial offering to Satan using the one and only Brian Christopher.... Now that would be a can't miss show.....
The X-Division title match looks to be o.k. with Jerry Lynn taking on Sonny Siaki.... Jerry called me last night and said ' Bro let me put down my beef burrito... ok Bro I'm gonna kick Sonny's living shit out of him, I'm not talking about just shat my friend I'm talking about the shat that's so fresh it talks to you ' I said why Jerry??? Why you so violent for'... he said ' Because I personally hate those raspberry Tort pants, and the fact that his girlfriend truly wants you instead, I will allow that to happen Sensay ' I said Jerry you are a true friend and great student.. he replied ' Anything for you Bro.... Burp... Damn I splooged some Beans from my burrito from burping to hard I gotta jet ' And with that he hung up the phone... I expect Jerry to kick Sonny's ass for The Bro, Hell I taught him everything he needed to learn... He owes it to me, plus I can score with my hottie...!
Another match tonight will have My Girlfriends team of Divine Storm taking on The SAT's this should be spotfest supreme... I'm sure there will be alot of high flying and crazy ass spots being done in this match.... Now if Trinity isn't her usual self tonight it's because she's worn out after her long night of passionate love making with The Bro... Cut her some slack it takes alot of energy to keep up with The Bro..... So if she has those eyes like ' I have been to heaven and seen the light ' you know who put em there.... Yeah I'm a stud... what can I say.... Anyways back to reality The SAT will probably get the win but expect this match to be crazy... I want to see someone break the announcers table dammit.... let's destroy it!!!!!!
Two matches that coincide with each other are Chris Harris taking on Brian Lee and James Storm taking on Slash..., now if both James Storm and Chris Harris win they will get a bullrope match with The Minister James Mitchell.... My personal opinion is this.... Harris and Storm will win there respective matches and then have the bullrope match... during the match... Chris Harris joins the dark side baby and beats the living damn out of James Storm..... that way they can have there 4-star matches down the road.... Chris will cite his recent winnings and James' losing as the reason he turned on him... Nothing worse than dead weight to pull down the party..... I once had a hamster that I loved ever so dearly but he died cause I fed him a cheeseburger one night, Hey he asked me give me a break, and he died, so I took him to school in my backpack the next day, well I pulled out one of my books and somehow he got caught in the book so when i pulled it on my desk there was my dead hamster and the teacher was like what is that... So I beat him with my book and said damn those things are everywhere, secretly it broke my heart to do it but I had to save face..... Kinda like Chris Harris! Maybe??? Not really!
The best match on the card as far as pure excitement and action is the double elimination 4-way X-Division match with the winner getting a shot at the belt.... The participants are Kid Kash, EZ Money, Amazing Red and A.J. Styles... I'm predicting a huge upset and having Amazing Red win.... why??? Cause damn you heartless bastards I can!... This match should be good, but man the world's beefiest chippendales model, EZ Money, gets on my nerves.... Everything from his greasy slicked back head that you could roll quarters off of to his stupid stance like he's The Gay version of Michael Jackson, oh hold on nevermind,... and even down to him kissing his muscle!!!!! For one thing EZ pound for pound I got more muscle than you do and that's just located between my inner thigh, secondly the name EZ refers to the road to your anal cavity and money well that's what they call those scenes with the big payoff in porno films, but you should know that after you stint as Beefy Buffy Bart in Willy Wonka hits The Chocolate Fudge Factory.... What's my beef with EZ, hell I don't know he just annoys me, I guess he's doing his job.... A.J. better look good in this match.... And everyone knows Kid Kash will do fine, just please TNA give that guy some new intro music, Kid Kash looks nothing like a hillbilly but that's the persona the intro song gives off.... But expect my little dude, The little Bro, Amazing Red to get the win...
Hold your breath or maybe better yet your groans of agony as Road Dog and Brian Lawler will be there as well..... I've heard numerous reports from people that Lawler is a prick in real life as well... I guess it goes with all the success he has... I mean I'd like to boast of getting caught with weed and then saying it some dude's but I wasn't going to rat him out so fire me, I'd like to boast of my impressive dancing skills that looks as if a gimp in a wheelchair in extreme pain just got told to dance or die, I'd like to boast those superior acting skills that's sure to win him an emmy among the Blind Persons of America, I'd like to boast all those things... Really I'd rather be shot in the head with a BB gum over and over in the same region till it finnally reached my brain that to have to hear this little asshole whine anymore.... He should be grateful he has any fans at all..... Brian here's a tip if some person comes up to you and is nice to you and acts like they like you and your charatcer be a little nicer to them, cause your 5 fans are turning on you quick...... And Road -Dog, I mean BG, I mean Brian, I mean James, I mean damn why so many names Dogg??? You on the run from the law... eerrrr nevermind... Anwyays I got more fans than this dude so let's move on.... Jarrett will be in the house tonight to answer Russo's question and Jarrett let me tell you this, you mess with my boy Vince and you get yourself Brotized.... that's not a promise pimp, that's reality!!!! Peace check back tommorrow for a TNA PPV Review and awards... PEace Out see you tonight and sport Bro signs The Rash loves em...... thebro1869@hotmail.com
TNA PPV Review for 11/28/02
Well I'll preface this report with a good holiday cheer ' Happy Thanksgiving and when your stuffing your girlfriends turkey remember to shoot the giblet gravy in a side dish....' Well it's Wednesday night and just got back from another TNA PPV.... This show had some high spots and some low ones as well... I'll make this a quick report as noone will read this anyways since Thanksgiving is tommorrow....
The dark matches... well sucked tonight, not even the appreance of NWA legend Dory Funk Jr. could save these matches..... A strip show by Lollipop and Molly would have been better and would have drawn more audience awareness.... If dark matches are tryouts then why the hell put established TNA stars out there??? Either way it didn't matter as Lollipop was shaking that ass to everyone's delight to make them forget about the in-ring product.... Sweet Sweet Ass.....
Goldy came out to start the show with her rendition of ' America the Beautiful ' and yes how beautiful America is with her, Lollipop and Molly all together in the same building.... Sweet Jesus I hit the jackpot.... Lord thank you for making hot chicks.... Anyways as usual Goldy performed the song great and with those 'great' acoustics at the fairgrounds too(that was sarcastic).
A funny thing happened before the PPV... Borash reads the signs in the crowd each week to see who has funny signs... Well this time he stopped at the Heel Section who were holding up The Bro's sign of Borash + Chicken Hat = HLA..... Borash kinda smiled but you could tell was a little ruffled so immediatly he starts asking what a Chicken Hat is.... So finnaly the camera guy turns and put Chicken Hat Mofuggin' Charles on TV and Borash is like so that's a chicken hat... you're a chicken hat... At this point Charles looks as if someone took a shit on his precious hat and he's gonna dismember the first person who talks to him, So after the crowd is laughing and whatnot Chicken Hat goes to the bathroom wear he had this conversation into the mirror ' Dammit Charley you're a star, Everyone is envious of my precious beautiful polyester feathered hat.... I'm smart enough, I'm good looking enough and dog-gone it people like me... Now get yourself out there, The Bro made you a star tonight, your audience awaits....' Seriously though seeing Borash call out The Chicken Hat and Charles' face of utter ' fuck you-itness ' was priceless.. There was even a smal ' Bro ' chant breaking out.... Yes dear children The Bro made chicken hat.... he's a star because of me!!!! I'll expect my check in about a week Charles!!!!!
Anyways the first match of the night was Divine Storm with my hot ass little mamacita Trinity taking on the Briscoe Bros. Wow Trinity looked super hot for The Bro tonight, must have been that wild,sex filled date we had later.... This match was decent, it had it's first match on PPV shitter nerves by The Briscoes who looked uncharacteristically sloppy.... Must have been Trinity fucking with there heads. I tell you her ass has magic powers.... Quiet Storm get the win with an awesome finishing maneuver.... Trinity's hot ass = Bro's moist sheets.....
So Tenay enter's the ring and brings out Jarrett, but before Jarrett can enter Russo storms the ring and rips the mic away from Tenay.... He told Tenay if he didn't like him being there, that he knew where the door was.... told to Tenay to go home with Sean Waltman.... Russo then went on to explain his weird and fucked up relationship with Dubba J... This was by far the best promo that has ever been cut in TNA, hands down, and not just because I'm a Russo mark but because Mr. Anal who hates Russo, even thought the promo was great!!!! Give the mic to Russo more, let him shoot it's what he does best.... After saying he's pulled Jarrett's ass from promotion to promotion he wants to have an answer by tonight... either you're with him or against him.... I'm with him, If Russo is the antichrist of Wrestling consider me a minion....
Next match was America's Most Wanted taking on The Hotshots.... This match was decent, nothing really stood out in it except for those fake dicks the HotShots wear.... The end of this match had Mitchell and Belladonna come out to the entrance and distract AMW, AMW left the ring and got counted out, but grabbed Belladonna and drug her to the ring.... They were about to seriosuly fuck her up when Slash and Lee came in and cleared house.... Cowboy's don't beat women they ride them.....
Next match had Slash and Brian Lee taking on Hennig and BG James.... so it's Evil vs. Gluttony... ohhhhhhh the drama... BG and Hennig looked they have been chilling with Harris at buffets but eating the food instead of the women.... I swear have scissors ever touched the Goldy Mulletoed locks of hair on Hennig's hair??? Has anyone seen my lost puppy??? Oh shit thanks for telling me BG ate it along with everything else........ But then AMW came out to look girly in the ring and make Manly gutteral sounds like 'ughhhhhh' ' come onnnnnn' 'yeahhhhhh' Just have a best of 7 series between AMW and the New Church for the belts... that would make it interesting and both teams look better against each other....
Next match had the guy who got kicked out of Chippendales for eating all the finger foods during his first performance, EZ Money taking on Alex Jobber... who you ask... ummm yeah noone knows or cares, they prolly just paid some dude 50.00 to get his ass kicked by EZ Money, I would have taken the money and kicked his ass after the match when he does that stupid Phil Collin's stop-motion thing and kisses his muscle... Queeeer, I'd kick your ass EZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways EZ got the win... Honestly I'll pay 10.00 to the first person who say's they gave a shit!
Next match was Sonny Siaki taking on Crimson Dragon, now you'll have to forgive Sonny if he was a little pissed off tonight, it seems last week The Hottie no. 2 was none other than his girlfriend..... Sorry Sonny, she was giving me the eye Brah.... No hard feelings.... Girls just love the Bro dude, even Borash's old - lady..... Anyways it seems Bullet Bob came up with the Color scheme of the Crimson Dragon's new outfit..... You'll have to see this fabulous fashion trendsetter..... Looks like something I threw up a week ago at a party.... Why can't they just let Chris Hamrick be Chris Hamrick, bill him as The Lethal White Trash Ass Kicken Machine..... Sonny Siaki got the win but Hamrick took some hard bumps and did a few high spots.... Seriously Hamrick could and should be a star!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Next in-ring segment Was Brian Christopher saying he was thre with wrestling because April left him and the fans hate him... well boo fucking whooo miss pissy pants..... I won't miss your wrestling ability, your ability to make children cry from watching your hideous acting, the only thing I will miss is April going down on me to get at you.. .damn you Lawler always trying to steal my damn heat!!!!!!!!!! After that Lawler is shwon leaving the arena with Priscilla rubbing her ass or whatever.. Seems like Old Brian is gonna tap his dad's kegger for some vintage wine.....
Next match was AJ vs. Jerry Lynn and like my analogy this morning said you can get a blow-job from Jenna Jameson so many times it chaffs your balls, but you still got licked by a hella-fine porn star.... This match wasn't as good as there previous ones but was decent.... Jerry got the win to retain the belt.... So no complaints. cause it was a good match, just overdone....
Nect match was Jarret vs. Killings for the title..... This match was as exciting as last weeks match as both men fought up the lighting structure by the stage and took a big bump onto a couple tables the wrong way... Brains on the floor rule!!!!! They fought there way back into the ring and Jarrett did the stroke and then Russo Appeared and gave Jeff the guitar, Jeff appeared as if he was gonna hit Killings and then hit the ring post with the guitar.... Jarrett then hit the stroke twice and got the victory... Afterwards Russo asked Jarrett what his answer was, either you're with him or against him.. Jeff just laid the belt in the ring and said if you want it come get it..... After the PPV went off the air it legitamitly looked like Truth beat the shit out of Russo, he landed at least 2 punches and looked like he was genuinly pissed off.... Who knows if this was a work or not, but it seriously look like Russo had called Truth's momma a bitch or something....
After the PPV stayed around and talked to ever cool and suave Bob Ryder who got The Rash to give me a longneck after all this time..... The Bro finnally got The longneck he deserved. the one he worked so hard to achieve, That beer will forever remain on my desk... Rash, you're a good sport... thanks for the beer, but you know The Bro is still gonna run his mouth cause it's what I do best.... But thanks again my man.....also got to hug Trinity and she said I did the best interviews and she had soo much fun, damn baby i got some more fun you can have... needless to say after hugging her I needed to go change my undies.. wow is she super fucking hella hot!!???!!!!??!?! also met Sean and his wife from Lonewolf.com and met LA Player and chatted and hung out with the shortest reigning tag team champs in NWA history The Amazing Sticks.... Wow it was a fun night.. Trinity is still the shit and loves her Bro... Cyrina was looking hot hella fine tonight.... The Bro oozes machessmo, all the girls want The Bro... sorry this review sucked, it's late, i'm drunk, i's thanksgiving I wanna go rest.... Peace out and thanks to everyone who brought there Bro signs... Peace out and remeber to go check out NWA/TNA Articles for pics of Borash's Wedding... Peace thebro1869@hotmail.com
News and Reviews for 12/02/02
To borrow those infamous words from, I believe the Bangles, 'It's just another manic Monday'.......... I need some love.... The Bro woke up this morning and feels like poo-dang.... See yesterday after all the family left to go back to there own little sh*tholes, the people who live with me decided ' Hey this is the perfect opportunity to clean, we havent cleaned in a year and we wont have anymore guests until December 24th so lets clean and get every minuscule dust particle to float in the air and get lodged somewhere in The Bros nasal cavity '. Now, I could understand cleaning maybe Wednesday or Tuesday, but why the f*ck clean after the guests have left, thats like putting a condom on after doing the shank! Just dont make too much good damn sense too me So anyways yeah Im not feeling well, I feel like someone in the middle of the night wedged a large baked potatoe into both my nostrils and beat me in my back with a heavy wooden butter churner thingie.
So yeah I'm sick I wanted to go to the benefit show yesterday but I was afraid in my weakened condition I might fall down the stairs and hurt myself. Anyone remember that line???? Yeah it was off Ferris Bueller and, like always, The Bro is like a month behind on the news but I heard where Ed Rooney off Ferris Bueller got arrested for engaging in sexual acts with a 17 year old boy, Damn now I can never look at that guy ever ever again, he has totally ruined the magic that was Ferris Bueller, I guess we will never know why Mr. Rooney was actually showing up at Ferris house now, was it to prove he was skipping or was he looking for some man beef???? Kinda makes me wonder why Ed Rooney was so infatuated with Bueller. Yeah I know they were acting but sh*t I like to live in the make-believe world. I'm Batman by the way and youre not so eat a d*ck
So anyways lets talk about TNA shall we. The Bro must tell you TNA has become a lot better with Russo joining the fold again and this time as an on air character Me thinks that Russo will change TNA into something that will become as large as my limp dickzit, ok well that sounded quite funny, But you get the point.. Everyone is saying Russo is going to form a stable of Sports Entertainment people to take on the traditional values of the NWA the Jerry Jarrett side shall we.. Thats all cool and all but it better be revolutionary as most stables are dead and gone. So lets look at the picks here who would Russo pick to be a part of his stable???? I think we may have seen some of the answers...
First would be Sonny Siaki after last week saying that he was tired of not getting Main Event Matches he wasnt gonna fight till he got his main event shot, so they put him in a match with The New F*cking show Jerry Lynn. Expect Russo to intervene here and help Siaki win the belt. And Maybe Russo can afford to buy him some new pants please!
Another good pick for Russos click would be the Dupps to come back.. what better team then the Dupps to talk about how Sports Entertainment being frowned upon by internet smarks ruined there chances.. The Dupps were entertaining and actually gave one hardcore match a PPV to me I love them for that, I love the one dude whos banging The Cat to piss off Lalwer thats the sh*t The Dupps are good, these internet smarks are idiots.. you have to have the right mix of wrestling and sports entertainment to even have a wrestling show succeed.. Look at when the WWF was most popular when Sports Entertainment was in full gear.. Now that they are back to there roots it kinda sucks and there fanbase is dwindling.. I love wrestling as much as the next guy, but I'm not blind to the fact the Sammartino vs. Brody couldnt draw a dime today People want drama they want other stuff, Russo gives them that
Another person who should be brought into Russos clique should be the one and only Athena.. think about it all cliques need some sort of female figure and what better fit for her than the group taking on Jerry Jarretts Hillbilly Millitia I mean she's only seen other local people who couldnt wrestle my ass and look good get shots before her and make more money, so I would think playing that into a storyline would be brilliant but who am I to say??? Im just a stupid mark who doesnt do anything but fantasize about Alf in Lingerie making out with Gizmo in an S & M outfit.
Also I'd throw into that group Sabu, why??? Cause supposedly he got pissed off at TNA management and what better way to use him than as up against the authority.. I personally was witnessed to the tongue lashing of the lifetime, no Im not talking about the one I put on Borashs chick, Im talking about the one Sabu laid into Borash after the first show at the fairgrounds.. Intense!!!!!, I thought Sabu was gonna rip his marmie head off and toss it to the fans and do his triple jump on his beheaded carcass..
I think we all know who would be on Jerrys side.. Thats funny haha in a weird/lame way they could call themselves Jerrys Kids.. Jarrett,BG James,Jerry Lynn,The Harris and Scott Hall whenever he comes back and soon Syxx-Pac will join the fray. I also forsee Dory Funk being with them but getting his head caved in by chair shot after chair shot by Sabu and then finally the one and only Living Legend Terry Funk comes back to tear down the house against Sabu That would be unf*ckinbelievable Hey I can dream cant I????? All in all I feel this is a positive storyline for TNA and I expect it to be a major storyline for a few months. Russo is the best, Id pick up every last single dead skin particle he shed just to talk to the dude. Damn Im like a Russo Stalker now.. Hey everyone make sure you venture over and write Borash a lovely wedding email for his marriage to Chicken Hat. It was a lovely affair until the Priest asked Chicken Hat to remove the hat, he got mad and started crying on the altar and the tears seemed to have smudged his dress, oh well Borash made the save by stroking the feathers on his hat which root down to his brain to soothe him. I was a lucky one who actually got to go to the wedding. I know dont hate appreciate. Peace out and check back tomorrow. Bro! thebro1869@hotmail.com
Special Weekend Edition of News and Views for 11/30/02
Yeah so like I decided it's Saturday, I'm bored as fuck, just got through watching Office Space and drinking two Skyy's, yes I know it's 10 A.M. but Tennessee is about to take on Kentucky and well I may need to be inebriated so I don't get upset if Tennessee loses.... Last night I ventured out to Madison to go see USWO and you know it was pretty decent..... On the way out there I got behind this old lady in a Dodge Colt, now for those who don't know the Dodge Colt resembles a car that was designed by people who were smoking crack and said ' Hey let's see if we can quite possible design the ugliest car in history and make it's primary color Shit Stain Brown, Anyways this old lady was weaving in and out of traffic and driving at the breakneck speed of 25 mph. Anyways I go to pass her and i drive by to laugh at her and she flips me off, picks her nose and wipes it on the window.....???!!!!!??? What The Fuck!!! How dirty, I mean The Bro does some Dirty things but those are in the bedroom but wiping boogers on your on window to taunt me???!!! Jesus.... after seeing this Madison habitant, I knew where I was and what I was in-store for.....
So I get there and the first match is Superfly P taking on The Drifter.... Superfly is an o.k. wrestler, although he is extremely skinny and had these shorts on with eyeballs above his penis..... Weird I guess the eyeballs were there and his penis was supposed to be the dudes nose on his trunks and his mouth??? Hmmm well I guess his mouth was his butthole which would give a new meaning to the phrase talking shit... The Drifter looked horrible and had some dude as a manager that looked like a poor man's pimp.... You know the kind of pimp you see at waffle house trying to pimp the waitresses out... Yeah that kind of pimp..... Heard he was a Money Mark... Oh well he sucked! Superfly got the win but was attacked by the pimp who hit him with some stick in the back, then two dudes from the back came out and attacked P but Superfly did the old Ken Shamrock snap and beat the hell out of everyone! An o.k. match but kinda sloppy and lacked intensity til lthe end
Christina Desire took on a little white dude named Y.T., Christina was looking finer than a passed out cheerleader with no panties on in my bedroom... The match kinda sucked but who gives a shit with a hot chick in sexy ass clothes she could be taking on someone with no arms and legs and I still would watch..... Christina got the win by doing something like a fisherman's suplex but I didn't care as her legs were spread right in front of my face and the only thoughts going through my mind was bald or landing strip??? I'll find out soon enough my friends, inquiring pimps need to know!
The next match was L.A. Player taking on Lonestar... At first I hated Lonestar's gimmick and thought he sucked but later this night he would vastly become over for me! Anyways this match to me kinda sucked.... Two big guys that worked really slow and sorta sloppy, Lonestar made his punches sound good but everytime L.A. Player threw a punch you could have heard a fly fart and burp.... The match ended with a double countout, WTF, I hate double countouts worse than I hate those stupid asses who decided to take the Spiderman Cartoon off of ABC Family.... Fuck you douche bags... Spidey will be back!!!!
Just Gordon came to the ring, and Gordon I will send your questions either tonight or tommorrow , and called the spotlight worker to the ring, I think his name was D-Love anyways he was telling the crowd about him when Slacker J hit the ring and gave him two helly-fucking hard chair shots, another person got in the ring with him and revlealed themselves as that sexy ass Rocksan or Belladona, I prefer Rocksan... I'd prefer to tap that ass as well...... Anyways I believe Slacker J hit a moonsualt on D-Love on the chair.... Slacker J also through the chair and it sounded like stell hitting spine, that fucking rocked, they totally fucked up that D-Love dude.... and then his momma came after Slacker J and Rocksan.... Why??? You know what your son is doing in the ring so why get mad when he gets fucked up, hell beat the shit out of him for being a p*ssy! anyways let me say this Slacker J and Rocksan are the shit, they defintly are the most exciting things at USWO and Slakcer actually is a Spotfest Slut like me WORD! Plus Rocksan is totally fuckably delicious!!!
Next matchwas Sweet Daddy Z with Charming Charles who is a fucking Juggalo taking on Faron Foxx with the woman who ate Norman Smiley, Savannah... This match was one of the worst matches I have ever been witnessed too, Sweet Daddy Z is not very good and Faron seemed to be not too much into selling anything at all, no punches, no clotheslines, nothing.... They added a stip before the match that whoever loses leaves town, well Sweet Daddy Z threw powder into Faron's face and he actually sold the powder like it was a powerbomb... Anyways Sweet Daddy Z got the cover and now Faron has to stay gone for 30 days??? I thought this was a loser leaves town match??? Not loser leaves for thirty days??? Oh well who cares... It's Faron Foxx for Christ's Sakes.....
Next match was The Heartbreakers taking on Dynamite Dan and Robby Ruffin.... Cyrina was in the corner for the Heartbreakers and she was looking hella fine hot... Her little Catholic Schoolgirl outfit made me wished I was a wicked old Preist, I'd have her seeing God fer sho! Anyways it's kinda silly to have Cyrina out there if she doesn't do anything, she needs to go after the fans and get in there faces and be more active in the match, so whoever is holding her back stop and teach her what a chick manager is supposed to do and that's to piss off the retarded fat heffers in the crowd and get into the faces of the redneck dudes.... Start some riots! Anyways this match kinda sucked but The Heartbreakers won, What a shock
The Next match was the Shane Eden and Chris Bomb taking on Hammerjack and L.A. Player..... The stips were this was a tag match but not really a team match as whoever got the pin got the shot at Renesto's belt... Hmmmmm weird booking even to a burned out paranoid smoker like myself.... Shane Eden makes me laugh, he comes out doing these dances like someone is coarsing small amounts of electricity through his body.... He went and danced with this thing that someone said was a woman who had more arm hair than me and Robin Williams combined... thats scary my friends, plus she had a lazy eye and wore a doo-rag that said precious on it..... she literally scared the shit out of me something about lazy-eyed people... Damn them!!!! Anyways Shane Eden got the pin, This Hammerjack dude is pretty cool in the ring to be honest and out of all the workers he is prolly right up there with Slacker J as one of my favorites to watch so far.... So I guess Shane Eden gets a shot at Renesto's belt now??? Who knows.... Just stop that stupid insane and eye-burning dancing, it serves no purposes and makes it look stupid, ' Hey stand there while I dance and impress the toothless rats then I'll punch you ' Pshhhhhhhhh.....
The Main Event was Rex Sexton taking on Dante..... Rex Sexton has to be the weakest big guy I have ever seen, he may even have problems powerbombing my weak ass...... Cyrina sprayed hairspray into Rex's eyes during the match for Dante and Dante almost got the win but in the end Rex looked like he did some pump-handled slam to get the win.... But still it looked weak but he's over with the Redneck Asses so they gave him the belt.... All the faces came out to congratulate him on the win and thats when Lonestar stormed the ring and beat the shit out of them all and powerbombed Rex... Yes SWERVE SWERVE SWERVE.... Chicken hat looked like he was about to hyperventilate as one of his face star's turned his back on him, so he picked up the chair and started hitting LoneStar with it, he took a slice out of Lonestar's arm and Lonestar looked like someone just called his momma a fat ass ho and he went after Chicken Hat..... He pushed him up against the wall and pushed his face a couple of times, it could have been worse, he could have easily broke him in half and used one end to wipe his ass and the other to scrub his balls, but Lonestar wanted to preserve the newlywed for his passion filled nights with The Rash.... Chicken Hat look, I know your passionate about your hat, the way you tuck your clothes and wrestling but never touch a wrestler, ok.... I think he was fired up after being put over about the Billy Joe Travis thing.... Anyways Lonestar was about to start a riot with all those necks and he left.... Anyone who can make necks hate them is ok in my book....
Overall an ok show, the lady with more hair, the grandma with the pirates jacket on who goes after all the bad guys and most of the rednecks frightened me but it was a fun show.... Some things they can improve on is as follows..... Get better managers or tell them how to manage.... Charming Charles is good, the YT guy is ok but the rest fucking blow chunks... Use Cyrina right and she will become better, just tell her how to be used..... The Bro could be an awesome manager down there as my hatred for all things redneck would be instant heat, plus I'm great on the mic.... the sound system could be better, it kinda sounded like Helen Keller gave her seal of approval over that sound system..... Get rid of the promos cut after every match.... or at least make them shorter, I swear Tony Faulk is out there every week to make some new stips, add somethign etc... Let's cut down on all that... and last but not least, if Tony wants to be on TV that much give him someone to oppose as in a Commissioner of sorta to be with the heels... Just fucked up thoughts from a fucked up brain... kinda drained today, sorry the review sucked but as I said The Bro is working on major major changes.... Peace and Take it Easy
Ahhhhhhh it's Tuesday turds...... Not much to report on, although if you'll take your ass over to the interview section you will find an interview with that lovely, luscious, sweet candy ass... Trinity the chick who is with the Quiet Storm tag team that will be on the show Wednesday Night for NWA/TNA...... In this interview we learn The Bro may actually have a shot with the lovely bubbled ass Trinity..... We also learn many many more interesting tidbits on the sexiest and most kick-ass female wrestler out there..... Go check it out!
Last night The Bro hit the sack at an old person's time of 9 p.m. so I missed the second half of RAW which I heard from people kinda sucked anyways..... Tommorrow is another TNA PPV so you know tommorrow I'll be having my ever so f*cked up Bro's PPV Preview Report.... www.nwatna.com has a new super duper flash intro go check that sh*t out...... And remember to go to the interview section for an interview with the Ass that could give me a heart attack.... Trinity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I may be back around lunch time to drop this story I'm working on, but that's just a maybe you demanding bastards!:) Rumor has it that Borash is supposed to share a longneck with your friend and his The Bro's... I made the guys career that's the least he can do.... GEEBUS CHRISTO!
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TNA PPV Review for 11/21/02
Well last night in a word to me was The Shit, ok that's two words but don't correct me or I'll donkey punch you in the nuts. You see please allow me to be in 7th heaven right now, as the return of Russo last night was everything I wanted.... I know there are people out there going ' He's a cancer ' ' He's a bum ' ' When's he gonna put the belt on Arquette ' give me a break.... This guy is a genius, he has fucked up but granted we all have.... Once in third grade this fat girl stole my sandwich at lunch for like the third day that week so I stabbed her in the hand with a pencil, I was suspended from school, but guess what they forgave me and later in high school I banged the chick, so let's all let by gone's be by gone's and lets give the guy a fair shot..... With that being said as a preface to my little report lets get into it.....
I arrived at the fairgrounds around 5:15 and we were let in at 5:40 I got in and talked to some cool people who go to all the shows and support Athena and even had a Bro sign.... When Borash came out to do the cheerleading promo and to get the people to cheer that's when The Bro signs popped up.... It started with the Heel Section they had two signs ' Borash plus chicken hat equals HLA ' and ' Da Bro is my Mofo ' then in the other section with the beaded hair hermaphrodite hippy three guys who come in from Huntsville every week had two signs ' Chicken Hat Charles is my idol ' and ' Oh my God what a bitch, hot magenta flick the switch ' That was great and the athena crew had a sign touting The Rash vs. The Bro at the next PPV. I would have to make The Rash look good so I would give him the first three shots and then lay his ass out with one punch, then rip off those moccasin shoes and club him upside the head with them until he was bleeding from the brain.... I love Borash.... Ummm No!!!!!!! But again to those who brought The Bro signs, keep it up.... The Bro is nationwide baby and you're part of the Bro Invasion.
Anyways The dark matches I really don't remember as I was fucking with my digicam trying to set up preferences on it...... So sorry about not remembering so I guess we'll go straight to the PPV..... The first match was Sonny ' Hot Pants ' Siaki and EZ Money taking on Divine Storm with the most perfect ass ever Trinity... Ahhh to be her tights, I've never been jealous of pleather before, but now I am..... Bro snap the fuck out of it, the only way you could ever touch that ass is to get her drunk and convince her you're a pre 1990 Tom Selleck look-alike..... But anyways back to the match, it was good and even saw Trinity do some high spots.... EZ Money still looks like the love child of Brutus the barber Beefcake and Kid Kash.... He looks kinda stupid with his chippendales outfit on and kinda overweight, if I were a chick that paid to see him strip I'd tip and ask for change definetly... and Sonny had on his Raspberry Tort pants on tonight.... Look Sonny I'll buy you some new pants ok.... Hell you can even borrow some of my fruit of the loom sweat pants.... Anyways Sonny got the win for he and EZ Money with the Siakalypse and my hot baby ass walked to the back with her team, oh damn how the hell do they get her, I deserve her The Bro can wrestle... Come to me Trinity..... the Bro likes, the Bro want touchy....
The Next match Had Malice taking on Kory Williams, when Kory walked out I smelt vegetables and the rancid smell of squash because this was defintly a squash match, anytime local talent comes to the ring with no music or intro, it's a squash.... Malice tried some top rope maneuver that he fell flat on his face with, that was the funniest thing I have ever seen.... He was gonna jump off the top rope and do some high flying move, but I guess EZ Money's greasy ass hair had lubed up the ropes too much and he fell on his face.... Didn't matter anyways as Kory was gonna get his ass kicked either way.... Malice got the pin and then tried to throw him out of the ring but Kory hit the ropes and flew right back into the ring... It was a rough night for Malice.... then by my orders he went over to try to attack Chicken Hat.... The look of fear on Chicken Hat's face was enough joy for me for a lifetime so I told Malice ' Back off buddy.... Go eat some raw meat backstage and whittle me a George Washington stick figure ' That Marmie Borash tried to check on Charles to make sure he was ok.... Partners in crime... The Butt-Burglers, The Mexican Chicken Hat Brigade.... But the sign summed it all up.... 'Borash + Chicken Hat = HLA'.......
The next match was The Harris Brothers vs. The SAT's, with the winner getting a tag team title shot..... sometime???? Anyways The Harris's won, but during the match Don or Ron or does it even matter they look alike anyways, but one of them went flying over the top rope on top of the SAT's, it was like horrible but great, kinda like watching A fat kid do a belly buster in a pool, you know it's gonna hurt the kid cause he's so big but you give him props cause well he shouldn't be doing it, it was cool that earned my respect for these two to do that... I write that because The Harris brothers are two of the biggest mofuggers in wrestling, I'd really hate to piss them off, I don't wanna draw disability benefits this early in life so They're Great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The SAT's kinda looked out of it tonight maybe they were thinking about dropping some Spanish Fly in Trinity's drink afterwards... ' Guys if you do give me a call, I'll drop everything...k? '
Next match was B. G. James, the B stand for Bloated the G stands for Goat cause that's what's located in my belly James.... Get it, Got it, Ummmm don't...... and he was taking on Lenny Lane who earlier called Bruce a wannabe homo cause he was caught in the shower with April.... Anyways this match was short as during it Bruce came in and attacked Lenny and then Brian Lawler came out with his Airbrushed flea market pants to attack them both, then April came out to ringside crying because she had no idea screwing three guys, 4 coutning me, would cause such turmoil, poor naive babe.... Then Goldy comes out, I seriously thought Goldy was gonna beat her ass down but then that's when it happened, The Bro has now gotten turned on twice in two weeks as Goldy put her arm around April and they walked to the back.... Damn..... Damn.......... The dirty thoughts dance across my head like little elves dancing to Ricky Martin and working out with Jack La Lanne, at least 54 of those thoughts are illegal in 50 states but damn HLA rocks especially with those two hot mama's... Too me Goldy looks better in just jeans and a T-shirt, I guess I'm a sucker for that natural look shit you know.... goldy rocks, lesbians rock, Hiipies rock, as long as they don't have beads in there hair.....
Next match had AJ Styles taking on Jorge and Crimson Dragon.... It's funny seeing Hamrick as the Crimson Dragon, he looks so unnatural with the mask on, plus he's albino and not too many Luchadors are Albino.... But he put on a good show... Jorge, was well Jorgrrible... I don't know dude, world war 3 could break out and bullets could get lodged into my penis and I would prolly still be asleep if I had to watch his matches for too long.... And Priscilla, ummm yeah we all know the jokes...... Look baby no offense but I got a thigh master here that my fat friend never used and like Susan Sommers said just 5 minutes a day and you can have thighs like her, if you want I'll give it to you for free...... And my aunt seriously owns a beauty shop we can go and get your hair done as well, maybe touch up the roots and make your hair not look as brittle as 3 week old shit..... So the only real reason I watched this match was for AJ..... AJ is the shit even though he stole The Bro's persona... I still love him...... AJ got the win but Jesus I tell you Hamrick is the shit and always will be take the fucking mask off him, he looks like an idiot, who cares he looks like a wife beating redneck, that's what makes it so cool...... It's like driving into your local trailer park establishment see some dude with a trash bag painted red on top of his trailer with a schlitz in his hand going ' Hey watch this mofuggers' and then doing a moonsault off the top of his trailor into a mound of old used car parts... Wheeew that'd be the shit and that's the vision i get everytime Hamrick hits the ring, this guy is Gold!
the next match was a great match.. it was Slash and Bulldozer Brian Lee taking on Storm and Harris... First let me say that Bulldozer for Brian Lee's name is totally lame, this dude is a big mofugger, and Bulldozer doesn't convey EVIL to me it convey's that hippy as fugger on nickolodean... Bob The Builder so lets think of other names to use with the letter B.... There's Brain Eating Brian Lee, that's Evil, there's Bodybags Brian Lee, which by the way was the name of my first Band.... That's EVIL, there's Bone Breaker Brain Lee not to EVIL but shit better than Bulldozer, and then my all time favorite... The Bastard Son of Satan Brian Lee, now that my friends is the best name ever.... Anyways this match was intense and James Storm fucked up Belladona.... That's not very nice.... AMW got disqulaified because they started stabbing the new church with the big retarded looking white pencil they give those semi-blind kids in school to write with.... The best chair shot of the night happened in this match as James storm layed out one of the security guards that so happened to Be Chris Vaughn who was sacrificed to the wrestling God's last week by Sonny Siaki... The dudes cool met him after the show, he got a concussion from the shot and stitches.....
The next match was Jerry Lynn taking on Redd and this match was super fucking phat.... Ahhhhh I marked out like 4 times alone in this match.... Jerry Lynn is my adopted father he just don't know yet..... Redd is my adopted Brother he just don't know yet.... That would be the best thanksgiving ever.... ' Jerry pass me the giblet gravy please' Jerry says ' Sure thing Bro ' Redd says ' I asked for that giblet gravy first moron ' Jerry says ' Shut your mouth you fucking rookie ass mofugger ' and then it gets thrown down, Jerry Lynn and Redd start fighting over thanksgiving Dinner, Redd hits the infrared from the top of my grandma's walker and then Jerry Lynn counters that with a cradle piledriver on top of the turkey that gets semi-lodged on Redd's head.... Ok back to reality... Jerry got the win but Jesus H. Christ that was a good match... Exactly what does the H stand for in that statement??? Hippy maybe??? he did wear sandals and have long hair....
Next match was The championship match.... Jarrett vs. the Truth.. Borash did his best Michael Buffer impersonation.... I bet he felt important huh..... Anwyays the match was very very good, It had me watching it and taking pictures... Tehy fought all through the building and Jarret got tore up, Hell Truth even did a high spot when he jumped from the balcony and put Jarrett through a table... back in the ring Jarrett and Truth went at it and the ref took a bump knocking him out, this allowed Mr. Wrestling 3 to hit the ring with a slapnuts guitar he acted like he was gonna hit Jarrett then acted like he was gonna hit Truth then acted again like Jarrett, then he laid out the Truth with a guitar shot.... Jarrett turned around and got the victory on Truth and then Mr. Wrestling came into the ring congratulated Jarrett and revealed himself as the Mofuggin' greatest Antichrist in the history of humankind... RUSSO!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhh I think I dropped a huge load in my pants when he pulled the mask off.. Russo is and always will be the shit in my mind... All you naysayers can naysay, but Russo is the shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he's back............
All in all this was a great PPV the last two matches anyway, it's kinda like when you go home with some ugly chick and you start making out and you're like damn i need to turn the lights out cause she's ugly but i wanna get some so I can at least imagine it's someone hot, so you turn the lights off and it's the best sex you have ever had..... That's like last night if there was bad parts of the PPV I will forget it seeing as how the last two matches were great!!!!!!!!! Peace I'll be back later in the day with some more!!!!!!!!
TNA PPV Preview for 11/20/02
Well it's Wednesday so I'm here to dish out a heaping helping of some f*cked up views on tonight's TNA PPV.... But first I'd like to address something.... Last night on The Mid-Southern Message board, someone posted a chat transcript with Jeremy Borash doing a live internet radio interview. In the interview that marmie Borash said they have offered Athena a job three times and she has turned them down. After a short while Athena posted on the board that she was only asked once to do a dark match and that she wasn't medically cleared to do it so she had to turn it down..... Now either Borash is lying, which in the immortal words of Gomer S. Pyle, SURPRISE, SURPRISE, SURPRISE, or Borash and others have been asking people other than Athena if she would like to work, but think about it, when a job wants to hire you, do they call you friends to make the offer???? No they call you!.... So obviously Borash is lying and trying to make himself look like the suave pimp that he thinks he is..... Borash, today my friend you are awarded with the ' Bowl full of d*cks award ' Go munch please!
Now on to the PPV..... Not many matches have been announced for tonight's PPV which doesn't surprise me seeing as how all the buildup has been around The Truth vs. Jarrett match.... Personally this match has little interest too me, they've both lost there edge on being heels, and both cut weak promos lately, plus Jarrett has a mullet and you can never take a mullitia member seriously and The Truth still wears those silly airbrushed pants.... He and Lawler must go to the same airbrushed pants artist because they all look the same..... I don't know it's not very intimidating to me, to me it screams ' Yo Mofugger check out these bitchin' jeans I bought at the flea market... 2 for $10.00 ' In my opinion Jarrett still will not win the belt..... Something will happen with Mr. Wrestling III tonight and that will allow the Truth to keep the belt..... Remember when the Truth gave those cutting edge promos when he first started???? Oh where oh where have those days gone.... the Truth..... I used to cream my panties over his promos but now it's very lackluster.... Maybe The Bro needs to write his promos...... Anyways like I said expect The Truth to keep the belt......
The next match I know about pits my boyfriend in training RED taking on my father Jerry Lynn..... No he's not really my dad but I'd trade my dad in for Jerry Lynn any day of the week, well not really maybe on Mon. Wed. and Sat. I would..... Like I said it would be cool to have him as a dad cause you'd be buying a tasty slurpee at the gas station when someone knocks it out of your hand and laughs, well that's when I casually stroll to my car and say ' Dad some guy just knocked the slurpee out of my hand and laughed '..... Jerry Lynn would enter the store and come out with bodies hanging out of broken windows and return to the car with the severed head of the person who knocked the slurpee out of my hand, rub my head and go ' there ya go Sport ' Ahhh yes Jerry Lynn is a badass..... It will be hard to cheer for someone in this match as I like both people but expect Jerry Lynn to retain the belt as him losing would need more hype.... But hopefully we get to see the infrared and the cradle piledriver.....
Another match has The Spanish Announce Team taking on Bullet Bob's favorite Brothers The Harris Boys, Bullet Bob refers to them as the HAHris Boys..... This match has a ' why the f*ck did we book this ' feel to it... Ok the Harris Brothers are squash masters but no. 1 contenders??? Give me a break.... The SAT's better win or I'll march down to the ring and b*tch slap Don and Ron Harris and return to my seat with my fingers ripped off and missing an eyeball, but at least they'll get the point! Maybe we'll get to see Bullet Bob come out with his leather sport jacket and sweat pants on looking like he just ran out from taking a massive sh*t that expanded his intestines to the size of my legs... I swear this dude when he comes out looks like he has just dropped a massive turd, you know that glassy eyed look you get, and runs by the clothing co-ordinator Stevie Wonder who gives him the thumbs up and stumbles out on the ramp.... Damn I love that old man, he's entertaining!!!!
Then there's the three - way X division dance with AJ taking on Jorge and The Crimson Dragon-aye... Sorry tried to make that rhyme in good ole spongebob fashion..... Anyways for those who don't know The Crimson Dragon is Chris Hamrick with a mask on.... I think that's funny this dude kicks major ass and has worked for XPW,ECW and others but he screams Wife Beater,No Child Support Payment,Moonpies,RC Cola,The South Will Rise Again, Redneck..... So TNA resolved the problem... We'll put a mask on him and call him Crimson Dragon... One problem though Hamrick is like 99 percent almost Albino.... Most Masked competitors are Mexican or Japaneese and I don't think I've ever seen an Albino one of those..... I say take the mask off let him wrestle the way he is, That Shiny, Toilet Bowl White Mullet Rocks!!!! I say AJ will get the win, the human joint, Jorge, will get eliminated first and The Crimson Dragon will come within a wiggle of a jackrabbits ass of beating AJ, but AJ will win out.....
Also tonight The New Church will be defending the Tag Titles against someone...' Dear Lord I know I have made you mad, I watch too much porn,drink too much, cuss to much,smoke too much and genrally live the life of a heathen but please Lord let the tag team that fights The New Church tonight be Axl Rotten and Balls Mahoney..... I so wanna see them Lord If you bring them in to fight tonight I'll forever give up Porn, ok I won't but it's the thought that counts... right??? ' Yes I'd love to see that tag team come in and kick some helly ass, there the best this side of ECW Era Dudleys...... But I'm sure we'll get Chris Harris and James Storm... Well the world's not perfect but it could be......
Well honestly those are all the matches I know for tonight...... I'm sure there will be more and maybe they will throw in a special match after a run in or something... Book on the fly baby... Paul Heyman always did and it was great!!!!!!! My MILF wasn't there last week, hmmm I hope she is there this week... Tonight marks the return of Holly to the Fairgrounds, your favorite Red-Head is coming back albeit with her Boyfriend but hey at least she's back... Peace out and remember to check out my Borash story in NWA/TNA Articles and to check back tommorrow for a full Review of the PPV.... And Borash one more time my friend... ' Eat a d*ck ' Peace I'm out!!!!!
TNA PPV Review for 11/13/02
Whattup, well quite honestly this was one of the best shows TNA has put on since it's relaunch in my opinion, sure it has it's ' What the fuck were we thinking segments ' but overall it was a really really good show.... This show gets awarded with a prestigous ' This show didn't suck ' award from The Bro.... Sitting in general admission with The prestigious Dr.'s of Nashville Wrestling and The preeminent leader of The ' I Love Bert Prentice ' fan club, Trent this show was kept entertaining by them and the Heel Section..... The Bro wants to know who the tall hottie was that came and sat on the front row of the bleachers half-way through the show.... Ouch...... Mamacita.... The Bro would like to explore the depths of your love island.... Someone said she was a female wrestler in Madison, if so Tony Faulk has a paying customer in my ass as now I have become her stalker!!!! WhoooooHoooooo
The First Dark Match sucked it was Rick Santel vs. some member of that stupid Gospel singing group The Gatlins..... I think Santel got the win but then again.... Who gives a flying fuck???
Second Dark match had The Briscoe Brothers taking on Devine Storm or some name like that either way they had a chick with them named Trinity and her ass was Devine..... The Bro was amazed at this hotties ass, so small and perfect like a bubble, i like blowing bubbles it's fun!!!!! This chick could prolly break every bone in my body but to hit it.... i'd let Her.... Hey like the song says ' Love Hurts! ' Anyone know this chick??? Let me know if you do, there's a hefty sum for some info biyaaaaaa's..... Well after wiping the glaze of a perfect ass from my eye, I saw The Briscoe's win, that Chick Trinity seemed dissapointed.......... I got a purple peach eater to make her happy!!!!!
So after that The Rash charges the ring and does his usual Pepping of the crowd.... I swear this dude has got to overdose on Yellowjackets and Buzz Cola he's all over the ring telling the fans to cheer.... Borash you're a turd still but props on your energy level, it must be from those long nights of lust filled passion with the one and only hottie of them all Bonnie Baldwin....After we hear Borash Cheer for 10 minutes straight and my unsuccessfull attempts of slicing my wrists the PPV begins.....
To begin the show they had my babymomma Goldylocks come out and sing the National Anthem in honor of Veteran's Day, let me tell you Goldy would fucking beat the shit out of Lillian Garcia in the singing dept and my flag was at full attention during that rendition (Thos lips ahhhh sweet sweet lips of joy)..... WhoooHoooo........ Goldy is so sexy and a great singer, too bad she has obviously sold The Bro out like a Ho, I still love her though as she was my first interview and the coolest chick this side of Athena.....
The wrestling side of the show started with AJ Styles coming out with Mortimer and saying how in AJ's contract it states he gets an automatic rematch if he loses the title..... I'm sorry I'm suing TNA as AJ Styles is a complete ripoff of The Bro..... Think about it The Bro has always been a pimp, a jerk and an asshole since the beginning....where did they get the idea??? Only from the most hated site out there... Mine Baby...Mine! So after stating that Jerry Lynn comes out and says that's cool cause he got word from the back that it's going to be a 3 way dance for the X-Division title between him AJ and Kid Kash...Whoop!
The first match of the night was the debut of EZ Money who took on Tony Mamluke.... EZ Money resembles the offspring of Brutus the Barber Beefcake and Kid Kash if they ever hooked up.... This match was good, a pretty impressive showing for EZ Money who got the win.... there's alot of hype surrounding this guy, some people I heard only ordered the PPV for him.... Hmmmm ask for your money back! But he is and will continue to get better so look out!
In the next match you had Sonny 'Hot Pants' Siaki taking on Ashy Knees Mcgee I mean Chris Vaughn... How in the hell did Chris Vaughn get on PPV??? Did Bert have a raffle between his wrestlers saying ' I need new tires for my ring truck and I have a helly late charge on YMCA Butt Banging Bonanza 3 so whoever purchases the lucky ticket gets to job to Sonny Siaki on the next PPV ' and low and behold the guy who all the rednecks think can dance, but in my opinion it looks like someone let loose about 3 angry beavers in his pants, Chris Vaughn won the raffle but lost hig dignity, as I don't believe even the faint whiff of his fart offended the least little nose hair on Sonny Siaki...No shit I don't think he got in one single offensive move.... I can hear the before match prep to Chris.... ' Ok kid when you get in the ring let him beat the shit out of you, don't scream, don't move, just sell, you're a star baby!!!!! ' Sonny ' Hot Pants ' Siaki won...
They did a funny segment where Lawler barged in on April in the shower, luckily The Bro had just gotten done playing Inspector Gadget with my Go-Go Gadget tongue and had lathered her boobies in soap so her nipples were covered, anyways Lawler came in and she got upset cause she was expecting one more 'O' from The Bro but had to see that Fat Ass...After demanding he leave we see Bruce's head pop out and smile from behind the shower curtain... WTF????? Bruce swings both ways and is banging April... The Bro had no idea he was back there while I made a saliva body suit with my tongue, Maybe he was checking out my sexy Ass????
Next on the Ramp The New Church's music hits and Mitchell comes out looking like a pimp for Satan and says he has a new member of The New Church called BellaDonna..... It's Roxanne from Madison fame and local indy fame... She was super sexy like this... Hell I'll put on horns and drink lambs blood if I get to tap that Satanic Ass.... I never thought she had a banging body under there till this week....WhoooHooooo, Then Mitchell goes on to explain that A former member is back with The Church and out comes Mother Fuckin Malice..... YES the Bro is such a happy TNA watcher now.... Malice kills Kid Kaos and Kaos pulls a Chris Vaughn getting in no offense whatsoever..... Malice wins in a squash... Malice is a franchise.... TNA make sure you keep him this time!!!!
Next match had Jorge with Thunder Thighs Priscilla taking on Brian Lawler and April..... This match was less exciting that watching a rash form between my thighs from wearing sliding shorts during baseball season... But during the match Prisiclla said something about wanting to bang The Bro and this made April furious as she only wants me (sweet thing) so she attacks her and beats the shit out of her cause only one woman gets to have the the Bro's beef bus parked in there Tuna Carport and that's April.... Lawler got the win as Jorge was distracted by watching these two ladies perform a sensual beat down at ringside..... The more I see Priscilla the less attractiv she gets, tonight I noticed that it looks like someone put her head in a vise and shrunk it.... WEIRD everything is just to close!!!!! Ughhhhh Priscilla quit calling my cell phone please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Match of the night was Red taking on a returning Jimmy Yang.... Red was fantastic and The Bro will massage his feet when he gets home..... Jimmy Yang was very impressive as well, it looks like Japan has been helping him out some, and thank God he wasn't wearing that God-Awful Flying Elvis's get-up..... Officially The Evlis's have left the building!!!! Red got the win by using the infared.... this move is amazing... He should copyright it 'cause it will get stolen soon......
Next match had The SAT's taking on The Rainbow Express... This match was more funny than good, as it had Lenny and Bruce emulating butt sex and the 69 position many times in the ring and numerous blow job and jacking off references...... I saw Borash trying hard to conceal his hard on to no avail... think back why wasn't the always eager beaver, Borash cheering during this match???? Hmmmmmm!!!!! The SAT's got the win with the Spanish Fly and will face the winner of the Harris and Hotshots for a chance at the Tag Team Championships
Speaking of which the Harris's totally demolished the phallucly challenged HotShots..... This match was shit as it was just The Harris's kicking ass, it'll be interesting next week to see how much the Harris's sell to the SAT's... my though is none..... Funny not before the PPV went on the air Dr. Jeckly pointed out that Ron or Don was wearing the same SS shirt walking around the Merchandise Booth..... Either this dude is about as dumb as they come or his balls equal the size of The Bro's...... You Loose Cannon Imposter!!!!!!
Next BG James came to the ring and called out Jarrett the Mullett Murderer, I call him this because his mullet looked like someone fucking killed it, it's rough..... Anwyays Jarret laughed off James's lame attempts to get him in the ring until James called him and his father and his dead mother a pussy!!!!!! Hey I don't know why he got so mad.... You are what you eat! Maybe it was a compliment to Jarrett and his dad but not his mom!Defintly not a compliment to old lady Jarrett God rest her soul..... So of course like any god ole boy Jarret stormed the ring and then they brawled out of the ring and into the stands.... I thought for sure Jarret was looking for Jeckyl as he stole all of Jarrett's heat last week!!!!! But this was a decent brawl and even at one point because of Jarrett's messed up mullet and those shiny tight gay outfits he wears all clashing together some lady went into a seizure.... You know you put on a good show when a fan has a seizure!!!!!! There goes that Tornado Releif Fund... To pay for that woman's hospital stay!!!!! Jeff and BG fought and Jarret knocked BG over the railing so Jeff headed to the ring to get the win by countout.... and afte the longest ten count that saw Red become the legal drinking age and Bert Prentice shed ten pounds... BG finnally got in the ring only to be put into the stroke and lost.... So next week Jarret vs. Truth for the title......Whoop!!!!! You know siting here sipping on some sizzurp, It's funny Jeff called himself the Chosen One who was hand picked by the boys in the back and his finishing move is called The Stroke use your imagination a to where I'm going with that one......
Next was the Bestest of all Best Matches as the New Church ( Slash and Lee ) took on America's Most Wanted.... James Storm is a homo trash hobgoblin, more on that later but Lee and Slash got the win and are new TNA Tag Team Champions... See Chris knew better than to win and have that pic shown of him and someone else I have..... Good Call Chris...... Belladonna helped The New Church get the belts and she really does add alot to the group including one fine sexy dead ass!!!!!! i'm so happy, so very happy, The cowboys belts have gone away!!!!!! I'm so happy, so very happy, all you hungry fucking heffers are soo gay!!!!!! Hey Chris and James have the 'stroke' with Bert, go to his show on Saturday night maybe they'll win his errrrrr the belts then????
The main event had AJ Styles vs. Jerry Lynn vs. Kid Kash for the X-Division title and this had Jerry Lynn retaining the belt... this match wasn't as long as I had expected and really was kinda lackluster but shit they deserve to put on bad matches sometimes.... The Bro gives you a free ' I fucked up this match ' card to use.... It's cool it was still a good match..... Just not the usual crazy-ass action.....
Like I said this was a very well done show... AMW lost the belts so the Bro can sleep easier at night knowing that all the Heffer Ring Rats are crying themselves to sleep instead of pleasurinf themselves under the poster of AMW..... Will be setting up new awards that will be unveiled later today so check for them..... Oh god that sexy ass Mamacita that sat in the bleachers front row by me... I want you to have my babies... We'd make cute babies!!!!! I think I saw Russo tonight or maybe it was my imagination??? Check back later for an interesting look at the Satruday morning show that was taped after the PPV....
TNA PPV Review for 10/23/02 Show
Why yes Children I was broke so that's why I sat in the bleachers but I had fun as after I was there for about 30 minutes Dr. Icon,Dr. Jeckyl and Trent from the Mid-Southern Wrestling Board showed up and I knew I would be entertained at least!!!! You can find a link to that message board in the links section Bill Behrens is a big fan of the board, go write him a love note or something! Anyways They start of with the ever so suave and ladies man Jeremy Borash who hypes up the crowd like a pimply faced,overweight high school cheerleader who is just way over excited in her first game....After his somewhat long spiel he announces the TNA girls and great googly moogly they have three of the finest women ever created as TNA girls.... Why we have Miss Molly (My almost roomate...could someone hand me the clorox,bleach and drano, i'd like a drink!) Jaime the lollipop girl ( Shakes that ass more than Bert's belly getting a manly massage from the Colorado Kid) and some new blonde whose ass I now worship! She was a freak she bent over and left nothing to the imagination... Yep I creamed myself again typing about it... She couldn't dance very well but damn that girls ass was amazing!!! Hey baby you reading this shoot the Bro some email and maybe you can feel what it means to be Brotized!!!! Whooohooooo!!!!
So the girls took to there spots in the cages and the dark matches were underway and I'm not gonna pretend to remember who was in the dark matches all i know is that new TNA girls ass was amazing!!!! God thank you for creating asses like that for perverts like me! I do remember there was some KK dude that looked like Billy Gunn he was cool and some tag team with some black vests on they were cool too.. You have to either have no hair or long hair to pull off leather or pleather vests in wrestling... It would look dumb otherwise, like you were some reject fag from the reformation of the Village People....
So after I peel away the burnt layers of my eyeball from the TNA girls ass the PPV begins.... The first match is the 5 way elimination match with Red,Skipper,Kash and Joel & Jose Maximo..... This match was in one word...GREAT.... sure there was some sloppy work but my God these guys always put on a good show and like my prediction stated in the preview it came down to Red vs. Kash with Red getting the win.... The thing I don't understand is these guys are all showstoppers and main event stealers why place them at the beggining of the PPV and why have them all come out at once these guys need the respect they deserve!!! I demand it otherwise The Bro will march his ass down there and get his skull caved in by Don and Ron Harris but after that in my hospital room I will demand the respect they deserve!!!! During this match the amazing asser TNA girl was removed and Jaime was put in her place.... Fine with me!!!! As Jaime's ass will actually hypnotize you and make you drool and blubber like a parapalegic at dinner time, but damn that ass TNA girl was more fly than a horsefly on steroids!
Next match had The Bro's bestest friends in the whole entire world Storm and Harris taking on The Hotshots..... Cassidy O'Reilly fresh off of getting his ass kicked in 30 seconds by Raven in a WWE dark match looked sharp in this match and shit I hate to admit it but Storm and Harris put on a damn good match as well...hopefully this feud lasts as it can and will produce quality wrestling... Hey even though they are local an I give them a hard time the match was good!!!! Well Storm and Harris got the win, The Bro would have muched rather have seen The Hotshots win and bring Bert Prentice out to anally probe the Cowboy and Wildcat with the Hotshots Dildo's but I digress it was a good match!!!!!
Next match was Jerry Lynn vs. Sonny Siaki and Sonny had on his raspberry tort hot pants tonight The Bro wants to know when the Mango Madness Hot Pants will be worn...? And where does he get these pants??? I mean they look like they were made from some flimsy plastic stitched together by a midget with a stump arm and a bad eye.... This was a decent match but to be honest I'm not to sold on Sonny being a heel he just doesn't seem to either like doing a heel role or he's just way shy.... Most heels play up to the crowd... Sonny comes out and after Borash dusts the cobwebs from Sonny's mouth he puts on a good match but his promos and mic skills need some helly fuggin work! Jerry Lynn carried this match IMO Sonny didn't seem to into it, maybe it was because his TNA girl Molly was there and he was worried that his raspberry tort hot pants would convey the message I'm Homosexual and Proud to be wearing these Torts! or maybe it was something else... either way Jerry Lynn go the win... Hehehehehehe that rhymed I'm drunk I'm lame!
So next we are treated to The Perfect Mullet.... Mr. Perfect coming out with B. G. James and they cut a promo on how everyone wants to be like Perfect... Now I'm not saying this because I don't like Perfect I'm just saying not to people get up look in the mirror and go " Damn I got a damn fine greasy mullet, I can shoot a hole in one after 55 retakes, I can spit my gum out and recklessly smack it into the crowd where upon it blinds the elderly guy who couldn't move out of the way.... I wanna be perfect! " During his promo he even said twice.... count it twice...." He was the man who took down Brock Lesnar at 35,000 ft...." that my friends was funnier than shit! BG James tried to rhyme but it was lame and pathetic it reminds me of this dude named Chip who was in this frat and at one time he was the coolest dude there because he had an enormous penis well after about 4 years he came back to the frat house and started bragging about his peepee and how he can make it dance and people were like oh dude thats pathetic you're 25 and still trying to make your peepee dance to score chicks.... Why did I tell you that story??? Hmmmm trying to figure that out myself but prolly because it's stupid and pathetic for BG to come out there and rhyme like Dr. Seuss... It's ok BG lets hold hands and walk down the Street called i'm a bad ass that rhymes don't look at me funny or I'll stab you in the eye with my hangnail....
Next match is Scooter Hall vs. Jeff "The Mullet" Jarret.... Jarret is getting a nice sculpted mullet nowadays and when he greases it back it looks suave and flea markish now all he needs is a fanny pack and a doo-rag of any color and a fishnet T-shirt..... Anyways this match was boring like I predicted cause there repetoire of moves are short... The Perfect Mullet did the run in and set up Jarrett in the outsiders edge which Hall had to do twice since he couldn't muster up the fat to put him over his head....
Next match has BG James vs. Brian Lawler.... Lawler's heel character is actually starting to grow on me... he is doing a good job of it... this match was boring until Syxx-Pac apeared on the ramp with April and probed her mouth with his tongue... Christ on a Crutch!!!!!! April is hot.... They asked me to bathe her in my tongue and I said guys we cannot have a woman have an orgasm on the ramp on live PPV and they agreed and scrapped the idea.... Ahhhhh what might have been....... good thing April is coming to my room later for some Bro Action... Hey baby I got the Boar's head if you remember the Mylanta and Preperation H! Anyways the makeout session distracted Lawler enough for BG to get the win... Syxx squeezed some serious ass in that segment...can't blame him!
Next match was a great match it was AJ vs. Syxx and AJ got the win and is new X-Division champ... Syxx came out later and said April and the whole rib distracted him hell Syxx I don't blame you I'd rather be parting her thighs than wrestling anyday!!!! Whoooweeeee..... So next week we will have Red vs.AJ damn that will be good
After that we had crowd killer match Jorge vs. Ace Steel, i'm serious the crowd started leaving like someone farted and it smelled like Bert's soiled panties... The match was slow and boring and not booked very well.. Plus Priscilla garners no 'I wanna f*ck her" heat... she looks like someones mom you'd see at Krogers picking up groceries.. She doesn't do it for me and the crushed velvet made her thighs look like someone overinflated them... Her hair oh geez.. I'll stop before Jerry Lawler smacks me for talking sh*t on his ho! Anyways Jorge won and Ace lost whoopity freaking dooo!
Main Event time had The Perfect Mullet vs. Truth..... Truth won... nothing good in this match... Hennig's in ring work is still better than most guys half his age but still it was boring the run in by Mr. Wrestling III was stupid and cost Hennig the win but goddamn that boy has an awesome Mullet!!!! Fear the mullet damn you, shit your pants in fear of the awesome Mullet!!!!
All in all a good show... best matches were at the beginning and it got slower as night went on.... Bert's redneck militia was in full froce.... got a question how do these yokel folks who have no idea how to count from 1 to 2 get there front row seats so early!!!!??? Is a certain rotound promoter giving them tickets???HMMMMMMMMMMMM.... That TNA girls ASS is still giggling in my brain I have an ass concussion!!!!! Bobby boy Ryder was walking around looking like the chesire cat on thanksgiving morning!!! But still a decent show and my milf was there!!!! Oh why oh why hasn't my Milf contatced me??? Hmmmmmmmm go check out hottie of the week and best and worst signs and shoot me some email at braceyoself02@hotmail.comOh yeah and Athena was smoking tonight as always Hey Athena get that chicks email they ass one I need her ass to be in front of my face ASAP!!!! Also don't forget to check out NWA/TNA articles for an exclusive story from Borash himself!!!!!
TNA PPV Preview for 10/23/02
Well sh*t I forgot to update yesterday!!!!!! Sorry guys I was ummmm parking the old Beef Bus in Tuna Town in you know what I mean.... So onward to tonight's PPV let me preface this and say I will not be sitting in the posh ringside seats as I'm broke as joke on Christmas Eve..... So I will prolly be sitting in the bleachers but if I find someone to give me a ticket that would be grand!!!! Hint,Hint,Hint!!!!!!! Anyways tonight's PPV shapes up like a pretty decent PPV I guess, Kind of like a sequel to last weeks matches and well sequels seem to always suck unless of course you are talking about Blade 2 which far surpassed Blade 1 which I finnaly saw thanks to the Reaper! Anyways we'll start off with a matchup that I do feel strongly about that's Sonny Siaki vs. Jerry Lynn why am I interested in this match??? Well I'll tell you why I love Jerry Lynn... If he were to say "Bro come with me and make my wildest fantasies come true in only the way that The Bro can" I would!!!!! He's the sh*t he may be old and look like my neighbor but Christ on a crutch the man can wrestle the fat off Missy Hyatt.... The best thing about Jerry Lynn is he looks completely normal in public I have seen pics where he's just wearing glasses a shirt and jean shorts the only thing giving away that he may be a wrestler is the matching pleather fanny pack ( See NWA/TNA Articles for that story ) and I bet he prolly gets a lot of sh*t from people like everyday people do and he prolly would beat the shat out of them and they wouldn't know who they were messing with! That would be the sh*t to see Jerry Lynn at McDonalds standing in line behind the Mexi's and he come in and they talk shat and he does the cradle piledriver on them on the floor busting there head open and the little kids would bring there nuggets and dip them in the blood spewing from there cracked skulls... That would Rock... Damn back to reality Bro that sounded like I was trying out for a lead WWE writer spot!....Well Jerry is taking on Jimmy Jam Pants Sonny Siaki, this boy has more pairs of ridiculous pants than M.C. Hammer I wonder what'll be this time Mr. Siaki, Raspberry Tort pants, Fruit Roll Up pants, or how about the Snozberry Stew pants!!! I'm sorry I still think Sonny is way to green to be getting the push he is getting... Chalk this win up to push and they are gonna give this to Sonny Siaki 'Oh the humanity!'
Next match that I wanna see is the Five Man X-Division Elimination match with the winner getting a shot at the X-Division title.... The people in the match are Kid Kash,Red,Joel and Jose Maximo and Elix Skipper, You know this match is gonna rock and all these people who say this sh*t is getting old do me a favor and go stick your finger in a garbage disposal then dump the stump of tattered flesh in lemon juice and let your neighborhood stray dog lick the wound!!!! This stuff never gets old to me, bodies flying,bodies falling,bodies in weird positions reserved only for the private bedroom of Bert Prentice and Mike Rapada, Bodies everywhere.... This will rock my friends and it will come down to Kash and Red..... IMO They were building up some heat between the two a couple of weeks back and I think they will continue the storyline plus.... Red winning would be the sh*t because I'm a Red MARK and I would sh*t my pants to see him with the X-Division championship.... But I am a Kash MARK too but RED Wins hands down MoFuggers!!!!!
This leads right to my next match Syxx-Pac vs. AJ Styles.... 'Yo You dealin with the X-Factor... You know you're everything I ever wanted and i never felt like that.....' that had to be the gayest intro music in WWE history... Unkle Craker come on give me a break... I'm a Syxx Mark but recently AJ has been making me an AJ mark..... but last week I about turned in my official membership card to the AJ Styles fan club member no. 45, mind you... because they paired him with Mortimer Plumtree.... OK guys why??? Did you think AJ wasn't getting over his new gimmick withought him??? Ok I'll give you that but you never let it develop he was getting better but it just didn't develop to quickly!!!!! The best thing was for him to not have a manager sorry my opinion.... I think AJ gets the win tonight why else have a rematch??? Doesn't make much sense for AJ to lose twice in the same style match!!!! but then again this is TNA.... plus it sets up a huge match between my boy Red and my man AJ WORD!!!!!!
Ahhh Yes Scooter Hall comes back tonight.... We'll see I'm sure he'll come out and do some shoot interview going 'All you internet smarks were wrong go to hell and I hope Satan Screws your mammy!' he's fighting Jeff Jarrett for the umpteenth time.... This gets old after awhile seeing Jeff Jarrett vs. Scooter Hall I mean with the X-Division it's cool because the guys are always coming up with new moves and innovative finishes but with these guys there repetoire of moves are kinda short considering there ages..... Jeff Jarrett will get the win tonight some kind of run in from someone will do in Scooter and Jeff will get the win IMO.... I think these guys need gimmick matches to help there storyline out... Have a loser gets there crotch coated with Raw meat and have 16 pit bulls released at ring side match!!!! That would defintly rock!!!!! Not like the WWE hell in a cell kennel match were the dogs were actually humping each other ringside! I love gimmick matches they make me happy and entertained... I watch my old FMW tapes all the time and anyone who hasn't seem this stuff you should it is the sickest,most brutal,messed up carnage on the face of the planet and to see all these Japaneese people go crazy and shocked like Gardzeera (Godzilla spelled the way japaneese people say it) just teared through the ring is funny as sh*t!!!! They even have women in these exploding ring death matches that rocks!!!!! Anyways back to TNA Jarrett should get the win but all the fans love the Greaser Scooter so it will be a toss up my money is on Jarrett.... Speaking of FMW one of FMW's greatest should come to TNA and the fans would lvoe him....Masato Tanaka I don't even have to explain why this dude gets my respect but damn TNA needs this dude!!!!!
Hey and tonight we have the ceremonial " I could give to sh*ts about this match where's the TNA girls dancing" match B.G. James vs. Brian Lawler.... BG is a mystery to me why he would come out dressed like his old WWE character and use the same old tired promos gets to me... Lets liven it up BG come out there with some new innovative stuff.... And Brian Lawler well there's not much to say there, this dude gets on my nerves has always gotten on my nerves and from some sources who have met him is a prick in real life.... I don't know if that's true but if it is it wouldn't shock me.... I mean I guess I would have a big head too if I were him I mean he got to dance like a stupid white boy with a dude who's gimmick was his fat ass,his daddy is a known pedophile and marries chicks who are a year shy of graduating high school, and he wear flea market sterling silver necklaces and thinks they are fly... Well Lawler they aren't fly, you are not fly, you wear air brushed pants for God Sakes... You actually think Air Brushed pants are cool??? Man last dude I saw wearing air-brushed pants was this fat dude at Shoney's who was sitting by himself with a ratty tank top on and sporting a Tugboat belly and his pants said Ladee Thrilla on them... So you're in prestigous company.... Brah And BG James don't think I don't rip you like that.... you were good in DX but withought DX you just don't have it.... I hope the ceiling caves in and this match ends with a ceiling tile being raised as the winner as they pull there unconcious bodies from underneath the rubble.....
Tag Team Match.... My Best Friend James Storm and my second Best Friend Chris Harris take on the ambiguosly gay duo the Hotshots.... Now I watched all these dudes in Bert's MCW and then whatever it changed it's name to afterwards and I have to say this match seems to be pretty interesting from my viewpoint.... The Hotshots are hungry... hungrier than the man meat they sport in there trunks... and AMW are out to prove people like me wrong when I say I hate them and they will never be cool! So this match should be good.... I think AMW wins but it should be close, maybe one of the Hotshots will pull out his fake Wanker and bust Chris Harris and James Storm upside the head with it giving them a win so that way I can rib the guys over losing to a fake penis!!!! That would rock.... and then while they are laying there after being beat lay the fake phaluss' on there chest and spray paint them with the Words.... D.W.O. ( Dick's World Order ) and have there manager be a porn star named Dick!!!!!Genius.... I tell you pure Genius!
And then to round off the night we have Truth taking on Perfect in another return match and guess what Truth wears Airbrushed pants too....Wow another story pops in my mind!!!!! I will prolly not really care about this match as I'm sure Truth will win but I'm certain that the White hoddy feller will come in and beat down someone.... Truth newfound agression has been cool, he needs to keep it up, he was getting stale quick... But word of advice TNA do not I repeat Do not have him come out there dancing and rapping, he is a heel, he is mad, he feels discrimanted against.... Most people that feel that way do not come out to a debate dancing and rapping and singing... they are pissed off bruthas.... So to get his image over more just don't make him rap and dance before or after the match it ruins my image of a heel and makes me laugh!!!! " Hey dude I'm about to bust that ass but let me break dance and rap for ya real quick ok?" Nawwwwww that ain't cool..... Truth gets the win I'm sure of....
All in all a pretty decent PPV it should be, hopefully we'll get more info on the return of Evil and hopefully Gertner will come out tonight in all his glory... God I love that man he was an inch from me last week smoking a cig when Reaper said nah that ain't him he's too skinny I said ok and these dues asked him and he said yeah and they talked... Man Gertner Rocks!!!!!!!! My little MILF better be there tonight so I can have my fantasies about her after the show.... Russo better be there tonight so i can have myfan..... never mind:) Everyone come say Hi and what's up..... i'm cool I'm not a prick in real life:)
Peace
TNA PPV Review for 10/16/02
Ok I'm one pissed off motherfucker... why??? Cause I wrote a long ass report about the PPV only to have some page trouble on tripod and lost the whole thing...Cheap ass webhosting service!!!! Anyways On to my second review of Tonight's PPV.... The dark matches were just that dark.. But the Lost Boys did wrestle in one, and I mizzark out for the Lost Boys they fucking rock and if you don't think so I'll bash a brick up side yo skull... They got a win over the Future Schlock and if the future of wrestling looks like these two homos someone hand me my Smith and Wesson please.....
Anyways on to the PPV... and Jaime,Jaime Jaime was back shaking her ass in that cage tonight.... She's got the body like the Mona Lisa and ass like A Jaguar, one i could ride on for hours.... Damn weird she was the only TNA girl and where was the fucking lollipop at??? It came in towards the end of the show but if TNA is taking away her damn lollipops the Bro needs an explanation.... thats the best gimmick in TNA, her sucking on that lollipop gives every guy great thoughts, and makes us all jealous and wish we were a round ball of hard confectioned sugar!!! fucking confection sugar always gets the chicks!!!!
Anyways to begin the show West and Tenay sell the PPV like you need to order it.... And if you don't you'd be doing the worst thing ever like pissing in your grannies potatoe salad and feeding it to her!!!!! Hello guys we are all here because we bought the PPV obviously or bought a ticket... DETAILS PEOPLE... Anyways we start off with my baby the one and only Goldylocks interviewing 'Chia Pet' Jorge Estrada and Priscilla 'Ring Rat' Lawler.... Ummmm Priscilla is decent and all but she dates Jerry Lawler and her hair is kinda funky but shit I'd still bang her... Cha Ching... to the Bro.... Anyways during this interview Syxx-pac exits Sarah Lee's ticket booth and Brian Lawler walks up and asks Goldy if anyone has seen April he storms out like someone stole his dime bag... After resuming the interviewing The ticket booth door opens and April exits meaning she was polishing Syxx pac's nut-sac.. or she was giving a tongue bath to his one eyed purple nurple Yogurt Dispenser.... Oh the drama that is TNA..... But here's the question I have if that was Sarah Lee's ticket booth where was she and if she was there where can i purchase a tape... Sexy Sarah Lee
To the ring we go and it's Brian Lawler vs. David Young.... This was a decent match and David Young worked great, he should be full time in TNA already if not what's there deal??? Anyways the ending saw Lawler score the pinfall with the Tennessee Jam, you know before he did the jam he had to put on his Space Man Sparkling Dollar Store Glasses and then jump... It's like he magically becomes blind after getting to the top turnbuckle at which point he says " Hey I'm blind someone hand me my nifty Space Man Sparkling Dollar Store Glasses Please... Ah yes there we go much better" I mean come on give it a rest you're not Grandmaster Sexay anymore.. you're Brain Lawler and The Bro banged April you Jealous Ho... Just ask her where that flyer came from :) Do it I dare Ya!!! Cha Ching The Bro hits again!
Ok so next we hear the worst music in the World come on 'Born and Raised in the USA..... Born and Raised ahhhh fuck it' Jerry Lynn needs better music and The Bro demands it now!!!! Pooof Try some deathmetal he would like that!!!! Anyways he comes to the ring and says Sonny Siaki is a punk ass bitch...whoooo someone finnally with the balls to cuss on PPV... and what a shock he used to work for ECW.... Raspberry Tort Siaki comes out, why do I call him Raspberry Tort?? Because he was wearing Raspberry Fruit Roll Up Pants this week instead of the red kind... Fairy!!!!, Anyways he comes out and says Jerry Sonny is life and Then Jerry says well after life comes death, and I guess Sonny is sensitive about that cause he charges he ring like someone said his mom gives head for crack.... they do the brawl thing and it takes 57 security guards and 6 wrestlers to break them up, but miraculously they both break free 3 times and still try to pull each other's hair out... Bobby Boy Ryder's trip to Columbia must have paid off in the how to stage a brawl notes section....
So this leads us to Sonny 'Raspberry Tort' Siaki vs. Jorge "Chia Head McGee" Estrada... this match for all the build up was a let down and kinda short, just as I was envisioning Priscilla, Jorge's new valet , naked and seeing her stretch marks it was over.... Sonny got the win of course!!!! but then Jerry came out and attacked him again and again they brawled Columbia Style for a few minutes!!!!! Good notes Bobby Boy now take this note down.... Buy sharp object and fall on it!
Side Note - Ok I'm jonesing hard for this chick at TNA, she works for them as she is there every week and always wears the tags... Anyways she is older and tonight had on a long black leather jacket and blue v-neck underneath and her glasses pulled up in her hair.... she was standing by the screen and then later moved to stand with three other TNA hotties as plants in the front row by the bleachers TV side.... OH MY GOD you are sexy... You are the Sexiest MILF I have ever seen please let The Bro to Tap the ass!!!! I love Older,Mature women and this chick is sexy and mature DAMN!!!!
Ok back to reality... dang ok quick Janet Reno sucking on a cucumber!!!! Alright feel better now.... Next match was Ace Steel who looked like he just snorted a primo line backstage and Derek Wylde... This match was not that good and looked extrmely dangerous... Derek Wylde missed three spots that actually made me cringe and it was a sloppy fiht, they both need to work on there skills and i'm sure they will be impact players soon enough... Of course Primo Ace Steel got the pin as Mortimer Fucktree looked on...Homo!
Ok damn The Milf is on my mind again... Damn quick... John Ritter making out with Don Knox... ok better now.... Next match had BG James and Herpes Hemie Sadler vs. Jarrett and Bruce... BG came out and referred like in his old DX days to the TNA Asylum as the baby boys play pen... Ohhh that's scary mister baggy pants Mcgee let me go cry and run home and suck on a nipple and soil my diapers... Geez this is not the retirement home for old WWE gimmicks let's get a fresh idea please shall we??? Anyways this had Herpes Hemie Sadler getting the win over Bruce as Jarrett and BG fought up the ramp... After the match one of the Bro's predicions came true and that was Jarrett stomping the ky jelly out of Bruce's ass, now TNA do as The Bro says and Let Bruce come out as The Funkster next week... Do It or ye shall face the consequences!!!!
Next match was the most anticipated match in the last four years of wrestling, probably even bigger than Hogan and Sting.... i'm talking about Norman Smiley and Ron Harris, what you didn't get the memo on the hype for this match??? Me neither and this match was horrible, I hate Smiley, how he ever made it in wrestling with his stupid hair helmet is beyond me and it shames me to know that 1 cent of my 15.00 goes to him... Probably buying a face gaurd to wear with his helmet dumb idiot!!! Anyways Harris got the win but then Norman went Ape Shit on him sending Big Bro Don in to toss Norman out, and then Don and Ron had a stareoff a my penis is bigger than yours stareoff, but come to think about it if you were twins your penis'sssssss would be the same size right???
Ahhh Yes Jamie shaking that ass more than Muhammad Ali's hands!!!! Damn she's a fine woman!!!! Ok next match Harris and Storm vs. Rick and Chris Michaels.... I wanted Rick and Chris to win of course but God wanted to punish me for waxing the one eyed mushroom to pictures of Aunt Jamima so he allowed them to win one more time.... Seriously I'd rather pull my pubes out with a rusty pair of tweezers than see them retain the belts, they are both good workers I just don't like them together maybe it's because the heffers and rats that love them stupid local yokel necks!!!! Anyways after Harris and Storm got the win The Hotshots came in and beat them down and Rick and Chris Michaels helped them out, I never liked the Hotshots till then,...... coincidence I think not my friends!!!!! During the match couldn't help but piss on myself watching Chicken Hat Charles the crazy lazy eyed Mexican celebrate like he just scored Tang when Harris and Storm came out.... He's a ladies man I tell you that Crazy Chicken hat attracts more Lice and Women thn one could deal with, could you imagine a chick in bed with him and what she would say ' Charles baby, could you maybe take off that Chicken hat and stop staring at me with your crazy lazy eye, and yeah they invented a thing called a shower 100 years ago, learn to use it...' What I must be crazy Charles couldn't score Tang if he had a cocaine filled penis......
The next match was AJ Styles and Syxx Pac, this was a good match and syxx worked with the style and pace of AJ very well, some dead spots but the whole show was kinda in a dead spot.... This had Syxx getting disqualified for hitting the ref, which made about no sense becasue AJ did that 5 minutes before and didn't get DQ'd.... Details people Details!!!!! Anyways it was a dissapointing end to a good match and Syxx looked thrilled with the way it ended like someone told him his mother had been hit by a dump truck! Oh and people it's not Xpac it's Syxx pac...
Last Match had Perfect vs. Truth and the Truth used to cut good promos but ow thy suck like he'll say punk ass bitch but won't say shit... where's the wisdom in that??? Geez..... Anyways this was a snore fest and had a stupid clusterfuck ending... Truth went apeshit knocking The fuck outta Borash for not sharing his longnecks with me... I told you not to mess with me Rash.... and then Sweat Pants Armstrong and Billy Behrens came down with a look like they just ate ' what the fuck am i supposed to do cereal' Armstrong told Truth either get in the ring or lose your belt, at the same time Jarrett hit Perfect in his nuts and Truth got the easy win.... Hmmmmm Armstrong and Behrens both saw the nut shot but didn't do anything.... Details people Details... Or maybe they both were still suffering from there side of 'I forgot what the fuck i was supposed to do' toast???
All in all a very mediocre show.... This was not good at all, they need to do way better and The Bro is only an email away to help!!!!! Wanna say whattup to Dr. Jeckyl,Dr. Ikon and Jingus, you are guys are cool as shit... Somethings to ponder... why was there only on TNA girl??? Jaime asked to dance she was not asked beforehand does that mean they are gonna cut back on dancers too??? At 6 the place was like a ghost town, how did it fill up that quick??? I swear the place was 30 percent full at 6:15 then it became larger but still a very weak crowd!!!! We need substance!!! I nned Jamies ASS and I need that Sexy ASS MILF!!!!!!! Athena's sexy ass outfit was cool too and The Bro loves the attention his sexy litle Italian Momma gives him keep it up Mama!!!!
Anyways I'm out and if you wanna shoot the shit,talk shit,call me a shit email me at braceyoself02@hotmail.com please do i get bored, keep me entertained:) And especially if you know that MILF!!!!! MMMMMMM HMMMMMMM Peace Out And Borash still hasn't given me a longneck guess i gotta get rougher!!! You asked for it Rash... Now The Bro if going to Brotize your ass!!!!! also saw Joel Gertner after the show and man noone, I mean noone would have known who he was except for a few ECW marks like myself... This man has lost at least 30 more lbs. since the first show.... Why was he just sitting outside the Arena smoking a cigarette for??? Is TNA going to bring back the quintessential stud muffin??? Jesus I hope so.... Gertner Gertner Gertner!!!!!!!!!!
TNA PPV Preview for 10/16/02
Well tonight is another TNA PPV and in my opinion this looks like the weakest in awhile, but hopefully it won't be hopefully something will happen to make it supremely good.... First off we have the Tag Team of Chris Harris and James Storm facing Rick and Chris Michaels now this reminds me of MCW to be honest all these local boys vying for the belts.... I mean realistically the belts are gonna stayt on Storm and Harris for another week, why.... because Rick and Chris are somewhat over but nothing compared to Storm and Harris and Rick and Chris just formed this tag team in NWA/TNA last week so too new to win the gold but it should be an ok match to watch... Except for the ringrats who mark out for Storm and Harris, I had this one girl who wears a red bandana sitting in front of me last week who cussed at people who didn't cheer for them she acted all tough like a gangsta hell she was even sportin a Blood bandana but from the looks of things she ate the whole gang... Oh Oh Oh we get to see the crazy lazy eyed Meskin blow out his imaginary guns when James Storm shoots off his.... I suggest you look for the Shotgun Red replica hat on the dude who looks like he just spent his whole life savings at the thrift store and has one of the creepiest lazy eyes in the game! You will die laughing I guarantee, oh and watch for his signs they are so well made, looks like he pulled a turd from his winnie the pooh undies and scribbled something on the poster board he makes into a bed at night....
The match that I'm looking forward to is the AJ vs. Syxx match... Syxx said recently in an interview he didn't like the way the ending to the ladder match went and that he had something to prove and this was the most important match he has had in awhile, that's good stuff to hear, cause when Syxxy baby is determined he is one of the best workers in the world, and AJ could wrestle Bert Prentice and make him look good, granted AJ won't sell for sh*t but he makes the other wrestlers look good especially with blown spots.... I see Syxx getting the win but this will setup a rivalry down the road with either AJ or Jerry Lynn.... Yes I expect Jerry to come in and let Syxx win at which point Syxx will get pissed saying he didn't need no help and then they have a manly brawl session because Jerry says something to the effect of well where i was sitting you needed all the help in the world you pathetic piece of sh*t! Yes I rock I could make Jerry Lynn's promos awesome!
To me the dumbest match on the card is this whole BG James and Herpes 'Speech Impediment' Sadler vs. Jarrett and Bruce.... Now besides the entertainment of listening to Herpes cut a promo saying the word Supastwar four times and awound,dwon't and various other words with w substituted for r this match will prolly be boring.... Not to mention the fact that it looked like last week Bruce had a Parrot stuck underneath his dress that had me mesmerized for some reason! In my opinion Jarrett turns on Bruce which leads to an all out beat down of Bruce, which leads to Bruce coming out next week shedding his Miss TNA gimmick and going with The Funkster's return!!!!! Oh Yeah Brother The Funkster is running wild in TNA... That my friends is entertainment... Thats the best Gimmick going.... Forget The Rock,Stone Cold,Truth,Goldberg.... The Funkster is the best I would mark out for the Funkster and I guarantee you would too....
And the only other match lined up tonight is Hot Pants Siuki vs. Jorge 'Chia Head' Estrada Expect Siuki to get the win in those god awful fruit roll up hot pants he wears, get the boy some regular pants man, thats almost as stupid as bullet bob forgetting he's wearing sweat pants with his sport coat.... I cannot take a man seriously who looks like he is going in after the show for a night of manly love at the Jungle... Maybe he borrowed the pants from Bert Prentice in which case he would have had to hem one leg since Bert wears a size 60 waist....
Well sorry about the short preview be sure if you see my ass tonight say Whattup Bro.... Till tommorrow Bro
TNA PPV Review for 10/09/02
'Well Well Well' in the immortal words of Joel Gertner..... Well last night was a pretty decent showing by TNA.... High points were plenty and low points were few, keep on doing shows like this for a couple of weeks and I guarantee the buyrates will go up!!!!! I got to the Mecca at around 5:45 and it was already a pretty decent house.... I got to my seats by the entrance ramp and lo and behold I was sitting behind the two coolest dudes in America ( Hint of Sarcasm ) I'm sure you have seen them....
The Schmo with the Big Sombrero on his head and that other dude with Braids that looks like the Truth contracted HIV and yes I know it's a chick but when a chick talks like a man, looks like a man and has nose hair like a man it must be half man!!!!!!! Anyways They announced the TNA girls and lo and behold if it wasn't Molly Quigley the blonde who everyone was raving over.... See Me and Molly used to chill back in the day she was gonna rent a space in my house at one time but everything got clusterf*cked to hell.... Now I don't know about you but wouldn't that have been the greatest Roomate of all time??? " Hey Molly I need you to clean my house please in this little Franch Maid's outfit!?!" " Yes sir Bro " AHHHHH I can see it now... She actually is a truly great chick and Hot to BOOOOOOOOT!.... Jaime the lollipop girl came over and said hello and we talked for a few.... She has had a bad couple of weeks, makes you think Geebus God why give such a hottie a hard time....
Anyways she wants me to run a site for her, a personal site devoted to the lollipop girl!!! WHOOOHOOOO Any interest out there??? Anyone, Anyone???
Anyways the Dark matches sucked!!!! the Kingpins are over with the necks... Is there any wonder why??? Bowling + Necks + Strohs + Beating Your Wife = Fan Appreciation at the fairgrounds...... The PPV started off hot with the six man tag match of Syxx and BG James with Mr. Perfect being revelaed as the mystery surprise vs. Jarrett Truth and Lawler.... Me and Holly got up to the fairgrounds at 3 to get our tickets and I saw Mr. Perfect there and so it kinda ruined the surprise for me... I was sure during the match he would pull the old Four Horseman swerve and turn heel and join Jarret,Truth and Lawler but he didn't and he even got the pin for his team giving them the win..... During the match lawler tripped on the ring and ripped his flea market sterling silver necklace off and threw it in our direction, If that b*tch would have hit me I would have sued and then banged April.....
So next we get Jerry Lynn coming out he cut a promo and then was interrupted by Hot Pants McGee I mean Sonny Siaki , you have to see his pants... They are Red and look like a fabric made from a Fruit Roll up..... Anyways The Fruit Roll Up Cabana Boy beat up Lynn and threw him into a Guardrail prompting the arrival of 5 very stupid looking EMT's.... Jerry did take a bump but I'm sure that his knee was work, but maybe not....???? Next we had America's Most Wanted vs. The SAT.... Like I said Basically it was the Dudes pulling for the SAT's and the Heffers and Hogs pulling for America's Most Wanted... I give props to Harris and Storm they actually had a decent match... kept up nice with the SAT's and made the match very enjoyable except for the three count.... It's funny when James Storm comes out and shoots his little peepee cap guns, that lazy eyed Mexican starts shooting his imaginary cap guns.... It's a scary thought to think about what he would be like with a real gun... Could you imagine??? His lazy eye wandering while trying to line up a shot that's scary..... He then very erotically blew out the imaginary smoke from his imaginary guns... Amazing!!!!! Stupid Ass!
Next was the iron man 10 mintue match:) Oxymoron statement there... with Low Ki vs. Ace Steel vs. Tony Mamaluke vs. Kid Kash... This match actually was great... Low Ki got his ankle hurt again after already injuring it before and I heard him say F- you so that rocked!!!!!! Ace Steel got the pin, his work looked sloppy so hoepfully he can improve, I think he stole Glaciers contacts as his eyes were steel blue... pretty cool, after the match he joined Mortimer Plumtree who became his new mamaner WOW!!!!! Just great... I have been waititng to see that storyline develop since oh...... NEVER..... Anyways Bullet Bob comes out with his official cool looking sweatpants on and his sport jacket and lays down the law saying Steel Vs. Low Ki to see who gets the X-Division title shot... Plumtree F-cks with Low Ki prompting Bullet Bob to ocme back out with his snazzy looking sweatpants again and say all X-Divisoners in a ladder nmatch for the title..... Now look Bob Buy some Slacks, go to McPherson's Men Shop get yourself some J Sansabelt Pants and then you will look all official like, you coming out with a sport coat and Sweatpants makes you look like you just woke up after a long sleep and threw on something or you have Alzheimers.....
Anyways so we get the ladder match and Well this was defintly the best match of the night..... So many innovative moves, I seriously don't know how they keep on reinventing stuff withought it being stale... this was great!!!!! I love AJ Styles.... Now in the Homosexual way but in the non Homosexual way.... His matches make me feel all warm and cozy like a Caterpiller in his cocoon... Damn... I'm strung out this morning on coffee.... Anyways AJ was climbing the ladder to get the belt when Syxx came down pushed him off and stole the belt and Syxx is the New X-Division Champion?????
Oh well great show overall..... Holly was there with her Boyfriend who I'm sure had her on lockdown.... To the dude in the Sombrero Dude I know you want attention but damn don't wear anything that stupid again or we will make you watch Bill Behrens belly dance with a tutu on.... You may like that but still other's wouldn't!!!! Speaking of funny shat... What about Herpes Hermie Sadler..... Supastwar..... SUPASTWAR.... This man makes me laugh how Jarrett and Bruce didn't ;laugh during that segemtn when he said SUPASTWAR I have no idea..... It's kinda hard to take spomeone seriously as a bad ass with a speech impediment.... Bruce came out.... May I suggest some Tape for Bruce to tape down his Pack... It was clearly potruding from his dress... It had me hyptnotized... Don't you hate when you just satre at another mans pack???? Man makes me all weird feeling but I just stared like, it has magical powers... BEWARE!!!!!!!!
Hey did you know Wrestlers smell like Righ Guard..... All of them do whenever they come out I always smell Right Guard. I'm a big fan of the Arm and Hammer Deodorant but Right Guard is cool, maybe TNA has a stock purchase plan in it???? The Chris Rock thiong was good at the end of the show... The beaded hair black man in front of me was so pissed that she didn't get a sign.. that she refused to stand and cheer, thats pathetic, she bases her whole life around getting a Chris Rock sign.... It was funny during the taping that they had Harris and Jarett and Truth stomping at the miaginery dude in the ring... That was funny... Saw Chad last night he was Drunk but still remained calm.... Lonewolf I'm still looking for you, couldn't find you at all... Who was the hottie in the front Row last night???? Short hair, white shirt on... she may not have been hot to anyone else but to me she was!!!!! Peace I'm out Like Whuttt!!!!! Hey For Real someone Email me and let me know what you think... Braceyoself02@hotmail.com Please I want some Feedback Scmos!!!! Anyone at TNA read this... Like It, Hate it, Wanna Murder me and then Use my Body for fun Party Favors Email me... The Bro has tough skin Braceyoself02@hotmail.com Peace
Preview of 10/09/02 TNA PPV -
Whattup this preview will be short, I was late to work this morning my new car broke down... Damn Automobiles.... Damn them all... Go check out the interviews section for an exclusive interview with Athena and don't forget to check out NWA/TNA Articles for an exclusixe (fake) interview with Bill Behrens.... Anyways tonight is TNA's big hollywood night... Chris Rock the TNA self proclaimed funniest man on earth will grace us all with his presence... Isn't he nice! Anyways I could give two sh*ts about that I wanna see wrestling so tonight we have the SAT's vs. Harris and Storm... The SAT are over with the male crowd, the Storm and Harris ambigulously gay duo are over with the Femmullets..... Will be interesting to see which sex has the upper hand..... SAT's baby... SAT's!!!!!!!!!!! The Iron Man Match will be dope as it will have Kid Kash vs. Tony Mamaluke vs. Low Ki vs. Steel..... Expect a heavy feud to develop between Low Ki and Kash.... Low Ki is a very stiff worker my grandfather loves him and most old wrestlers hate newer ones but he loves his stiff style and no that's not a gay reference for once..... Jerry Lynn vs. AJ Style in another ladder match tonight, I'm sure this will be great as last week they came up with some innovative spots, be interesting to see how they do the match considering WWE put on one on Monday.... Prolly to underscore the TNA match in my opinion since thats been a TNA calling card.... then the big 6 man tag team match with Lawler,Jarrett and Truth taking on Syxx BG and a mystery partner.... Who will it be???? I got one guess...... and I'll tell you if I'm right tommorrow :) Remeber Chris Rock will be there and everyone will be hanging off his sack like he's soo funny.... Hey I'll laugh I'm sure but funniest man on earth??? nope thats ridiculous.... The Bro will be there, The Reaper will not... Come say hi to the Bro... Sorry this is short and not funny or entertaining I've had a bad morning... PEACE
Review of 10/02/02 TNA PPV.......
Well Hello there my little Bro's just got back from a pretty good TNA PPV, lets get to the review.... The show opened up with Syxx and BG James coming down and cutting a promo on the Truth, so lo and behold the Truth comes out and Says that he ain't giving a shot to them because they ain't like him..... Ok let me be political for a moment.... It's kinda stupid to play a race card when all you been bitching and complaining about for the past 2 fucking months is how you are discriminated against.... During this interview I had my sign up that said Syxx-pac touched my Bo-Zac..... that rocked!!!!! The fans were chanting overrated at the Truth... we fickle fans.... We love you then we hate you.... Ah life will go on, during all this talking Elix Skipper storms the ring and attacks Syxx and BG..... they run him off after regaining control and BG does his little dance where it looks like he's trying to keep in a turd!!!!! You know knockins knees, moving his legs, we will call this the BG James Turtle Head Dance... figure it out kids..... During this promo the nicest guy in the whole wide world, Bert Prentice, comes over and tells me and Holly to sit down..... I mean I will go into that later as I find that totally ridiculous, this was not the only time tonight those words were uttered to our precious ears..... Next match was my Homosexual partner (if I were gay, I'm not, and there's nothing wrong with being queer, But I'm not k ) Red vs. Shark Boy.... Honestly I don't like the whole Shark Boy gimmick.... I don't know something about him playing Dean Baldwin on Jive Talkin has ruined me and scorched my fragile eyes..... Anyways this was a decent match helped out tremendously by Red's great spots during the match.... Toward the end of the match it seemed as if Red had hurt his foot.... Red got the pin but was beat down by the Matrix Elix Skipper, Why do I call him the Matrix??? Cause you ever seen him do that crazy fucking back bend he does.... Looks just like the Matrix that shit was great he must have had scoliosis as a kid.... Ha I touched Red's ass I will never wash these hands again Thank You Lord....... Backstage interview time with the hottest chick this side of Britney Spears getting set on fire, Goldylocks.... Ahhh sweet sweet Goldylocks, don't you have some loving in store for the Bro???? Snap out of it Dickwad and write damn you!!!!!.... Ok back to reality.... let me clean the spooge real quick... Alright then Low Ki cuts a promo, some Japaneese voice over mumbo jumbo.... Low ki is cool as shit and he's a fucking great wrestler but dude get the grill fixed k....... Your grill is jacked up but you're still the shit and could kick the Bro's ass any day of the week..... Next match was the SAT's vs. Flying Elvis's.... Sonny Siaki was at the top of the ramp for most the match he had shiny red hot pants on, I gotta find out where to get me some shiny red hot pants, they are the shit and even had a flubber belt with it.... Carny Pant wearing Mofo.... Anyways this was a good match it saw the SAT's get the victory after Sonny teased a tag in to Jorge but then walked away, Why did Jorge think Sonny would come back, Why would Jorge actually try to tag in Sonny, Why does Jorge wake up in the morning and model his hair after one of the character animals in my grannie's chia pet collection??? Oh Jorge likes ringrats so if you are a ringrat and hot then see Jorge!!! WORD or me! Next match up was David Young vs. Sonny Siaki... David Young can actually move to be a big guy.... I was quite impressed with his work after seeing him here in Bert's promotion MCW a few years back.... Sonny got the win, but they actually made David look good which will probably help his stock... He seems like a genuinly nice person so good luck to him.... Yes that's The Bro being Nice, take a snapshot Dickface won't last long! Ok next match was Chris Harris and James Storm ' my new best friend and ESP personality extraordinaire' vs. Ron Harris and Ashley Hudson.... Match was decent I am starting to like Chri Harris; in ring work.... He still needs a hair cut and to turn heel but for now he is growing on me.. This saw the usual Heel downturn as Harris was gonna boot Storm to the face but him Ashley instead giving Harris and Storm the victory..... After the match Harris beat up Ashley Hudson and then proceeded through the Herculian Security Guards till he got to his brother and they got into it again, i see an angle forming here.... Jacob and Eli Blu and mean DOA, I mean the Harris twins vs. each other for Bonny Baldwin's next offspring.... Man i could see these two dueling to the deaths for that one.... Ladder match time motherfuggers, AJ vs. Jerry Lynn this was the pervebial shit as it had great spots and Holy Shit moments.... When Jerry Suplexed AJ onto the ladder from the barricade to the ring that was the absolute best thing that i have seen except for the time I saw My neighbor walk outside in the street with a gun naked pointing at cars, that was the best thing too.... He's retarded so the authorities cut him slack..... Anyways this had Siuki coming down to interfere which distracted Jerry and let AJ get the win... I like AJ he's the shit, he's cool,cocky and bad, damn that was the honky tonk man's song.... Anyways AJ you're the shit my man plus Holly creams whenever you are on and that turns her on for the Bro so thanks Pal..... But then after the match was over Armstrong with a sport coat and SWEAT PANTS.... I shit you not the man had on a sport jacket and sweat pants...... comes down and says mumble mumble aj, gargle mumble ladder mumble gargle mumble next week mumble blah gargle jerry lynn keeps the belt..... First time I ever seen that... he just comes out from getting his Blood Transfusion because old people need those and he throws a sport jacket over his wife beater and SWEAT PANTS and he thinks he's the shit..... At least buy Target Sweat Pants, these look like those cheap kind you get for 2.00 at walgreens... DAMN !!!!!!! Anyways he said because he attacked jerry before the mact hand outisde interference he will lkeep the belt on Lynn and next week the same match will take place.... Damn they are milking the shit out of this udder till it bleeds!!!! But damn it was a good match..... Last match had Jarrett and Lawler taking on BG and Syxx.... Lawler and BG fought in my aisle and i touched Lawlers greasy pimply back and my hands are still oily from it!!!! that was officially 3 hours ago!!!!!..... Anyways this saw the typical Elix Skipper run in and then beating down Syxx and Road Dog..... errrr BJ i mean..... I meant to mention during a Truth promo some dude dressed in a white jumpsuit attacked him and I have no idea who it was, who coul it be???? Abraham Lincoln, saying show me respect fool???? Vince Mcmahon???? or my left nut???? Hmmm only time will tell...... All in all this was a decent to good show this gets a Bro's reccomendation just to see the oh so hot Goldylocks..... Thats always a plus!!!! Ahhh Goldy, Bro, Ice,Water Buffalo, and Pool sticks.... imagine the possiblities..... Ok back again from dream world..... Various notes during the show.... I was told 4 times to sit down... Once by Bert and three times by Sarah Lee, this is ridiculous..... You want people to be loud and get into your product but you yell at them for standing..... then you tell us to sit down because ypou can't see when those were not your seats to begin with??? By those seats next time and then ask politely for us to sit down... We'll take it under advisement... Look it makes the product look better to have people going ape shit around the ring..... Noone goes to www.nwatna.com to get the updates, they go to 1wrestling or nwatna2 with the ever so large and in charge Bobby Ryder..... It's just i pay 15.00 dollars to cheer stand up do whatever the fuck i want to as lonmg as it doesn't distrupt and you tell me to sit down... Thanks you win Hospitality of the year award..... The TNA girl in the cage by the screen danced like she had a gun to her head and someone screaming dance bitch dance!!!! She sucked.... if she screws like that then heaven help the dudes she is with, I went to school with her and she thought she was the shit back then and she was quite cute but damn you are a horrible dancer.... Sean from www.lonewolfwrestling.com could shake his ass and rub his tits better than you could.... After the show went out back and James Storm walked by and this dude handed him some pictures and said those are for you to keep James and he was like ok thanks.... So like I said to Holly yeah he's probably like whatever dude yeah, and so he goes You talking to me all attitudy and shit, I was like naw i was talking to that dude over there.... I was a pussy I'll admit it first but I didn't want the Bro's ass to be kicked by the guy I joke on the most.....:) Plus he needs to chill out dude, whether or not you liked my comments or not no need to jump on me like that but it's cool my man maybe you had a bad night... whatever just chill the next time The Bro means no harm... I'm a cool breeze G! Ask your buddy Chris Harris who was cool and nice to me even though he probably wanted to analy probe me with a broken broom handle..... Talked to Camera dude Franklin or something like that I call him Red cause of his Red goatee he was the shit.... and he covers college football so for that he is the shit!!!!!! Go Rebs!!!!!! Talked to Merle Hamburger from www.gimmickphotography.com he's the shit, he's a cool motherfucker even though he used the Bro to get to Holly, that's alright My man at least you admitted it.... I was used by the Hamburglar.... But for real Merle is the shit and a damn good photographer and he challenged Low Ki behind his back so that makes him supremely cool.... Holly was getting alot of attention backstage I wonder what next week will bring for Holly as she brings her super jealous BF back next week, that will be fun to watch..... Don West was cooler than shit...... Well folks besides James Storm about to kick my ass, Sarah Lee about to kick Holly's ass and getting told to sit down 4 times this was a good show...... If you wanna shoot comments my way email me at braceyoself02@hotmail.com.... I know this report sucked... It was late and well i have court in the morning so no other time to write it..... So I apologize for the not so funny post!
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