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ASK THE PROFESSOR - BRO STYLE
Since Borash has been avoiding my constant picking apart of his column, by releasing it, on weird days and sometimes not at all, I emailed Mike Tenay and told him ' Hey Mike, I know your answers on ' Ask the Professor ' aren't your true feelings, come to my site and answer them for real. He didn't want to, so I made a plastic mold of his body, slipped on the skinsuit and answered the questions for him.....
FROM: NIGEL (INDIA)I am a fan of TNA that watches via Star World. Please give the history of TNA.
ANSWER: What a Liar..... Watching us on StarWorld, hey do me a favor gimpilicious, tell the Battlestar Gallatica I said hello, Chode...... The History of TNA???? Are you kidding me??? TNA has been around for a year and a half, there's hardly any history, maybe an abridged Cliff Notes version, Geez give us 5 to 10 years you insensetive b*stard. You're and idiot and may your fingers explode so you never send another dumb email, you freakin' prick.
FROM: RYAN WEST (NORTH DAKOTA)Wow, I can't believe I'm sending a letter to one of the announcers I used to listen to on every Nitro and Thunder. I was a diehard WCW fan and I'm glad to have discovered TNA. I was amazed that many of the WCW wrestlers I was familiar with are in TNA. My all time favorite Sting, along with Raven and Vampiro all in the same promotion! I'd just like to know how the promotion is doing overall. I've already devoured all the information on the official TNA website. Who knows, maybe this will get me into wrestling again. Good luck.
ANSWER: Now, I'm no genius but you act shocked to send an email YOU typed out, you f*cking moron. ' Wow, I can't believe I'm sending a letter to one of the announcers I used to listen to on every Nitro and Thunder. ' Unless some mythical gnome, came in while you were asleep and typed this email and you woke up and said ' Wow, I'll send this email, i had no idea I wrote! ' it would make sense, but since we live in a modern world, with idiots, such as yourself, I'll just assume you're a b*tchbubble, sending me an email, stroking my ego hoping to get on my column. And you claim you listened to me on every Nitro and Thunder, wow, Hey, I don't have very good eyesight, could someone clean my glasses, cause I think I got an email from George Washington's Evil Twin..... ' This guy cannot tell the truth! ' Unless you were shackled as some sort of torture and placed in front of the TV for 5 years and all you had on the tv was TNN and TBS, I'd might believe that, but seeming as how that isn't likely to happen, your just a moron again, may you and your family be burned at the stake to spare the world from getting infected by your retardedness. I hope you don't have children, otherwise they're little liars too, Hey, maybe they can come work for us.
FROM: ABRAHAMDo you think we'll see TNA superstars wrestle against WWE superstars? If so, I would like to see A.J. Styles against Jeff Hardy. I'm really impressed with the X Division.
ANSWER: Hello there friend..... Glad you could finnally join the real world, so where's that rock you crawled out from under??? What an idiot, Jef Hardy was released by the WWE 5 months ago, so your little fantasy about him and AJ ' Fighting ' each other isn't really a fantasy, although I think I know what you mean when you say you'd like to see AJ Styles up against Jeff Hardy you sick freak. I'm reporting this to your local police department, you sexual predator! And thanks for the compliment on the X Division, now, give me your home address, I'll come by with a lapel pin that say's ' I'm a dumb@ss ' and I'll make sure I get it nice and straight in your eyeball.
FROM: BRENTMy friends and I would like to get tickets to a future show. Can we do this in advance since we'd be coming from Appleton, Wisconsin? Love the product and the storylines.
ANSWER: No you can't get anything in advance we only sell tickets 13.5 minutes before a Pay Per View...... What a b*tchmuffin.... Of course you can get them in advance, obviously you are stupid and didn't see the big banner right next to my extremely small picture that said ' Order Tickets Now ' Althought being from Wisonsin, I can understand you're a little slow, In fact maybe you shouldn't come to TNA, I'd be scared of you actually operating a vehicle between here and Wisconsin. ' Me and my friends are coming to Nashville to see a show, Can we drive a car???? ' I mean come on idiot, get a grip.... Stay in Applesauce Wisconsin and fdinger your belly button
FROM: DAVID MARTIN (US AIRFORCE, SEMBACH AB, GERMANY)Please explain the X division. I used to watch you on WCW.
ANSWER: OH WOW..... Here's another brainiac, you think you're special??? You used to watch me in WCW??? Well congrats, so did 5 million other people, that's like making a dumb@ss statement like ' I like potato chips ' so many others like potato chips, it renders you meaningless. As for the X Division??? It's a place at your local video store, that is seperated from the rest of the movies, by a rotting wood door or a velvet curtain, in this section you can find your favorite adult videos I suggest ' Granny Got Back and Back and Back ' and ' Where's the Beefstick? '.......
FROM: OTTO HEUER (MINNEAPOLIS)What is Karl Gotch up to these days? Is "Maniac" Mark Lewin still involved in wrestling?
ANSWER: Mark Llewellen was the younger brother of Doug Llewellen that little baby faced cherub choad that used to interview people after Wapner tore them a new @sshole after losing on ' The People's Court ', Word on the street has it that Mark is the world's top seller of stuffed animal foam. And who is Karl Gootch, I used to know this prostitute named Brenda Gootch, that could Fart the opening anthem of Hawaii Five O, that was worth my money alone, right there.
FROM: KHRIS WATKINS (US ARMY, GERMANY)Do you think there was (or is) a better Cruiserwight (or call it X) Division than WCW had from 1996-99?
ANSWER:Yeah, this may shock some, but I do believe there was a better Division than the WCW years.... YOUR MOTHERS BED.... Boy, you should see the high flying and rough and tumble action that takes place on that mat. Top competitors from around the world compete week in and week out.
FROM: BRANDON CLEARYIs Roddy Piper coming back?
ANSWER:I don't know, or could careless, don't you have a casserole to bake, before your significant other comes home, Brandon??? Little reserch here..... Roddy in German actually means ' p&nis ', so you take that and add Piper to it, what do you have??? ' P&nis Piper ' Which if you yell outloud at a reststop or behind a Dunkin Doughnuts, will get you beat down. I suggest giving it a try!
FROM: MICHAEL MORENO (HOUSTON, TEXAS)I absolutely love the show! Keep up the good work. Is Sandman still with TNA?
ANSWER: Well marry it then you retard. Micheal Moreno - if that's really your real name. I suspect your the typical Sandman fan...... Probably show up to the shows, with a Nascar shirt on, disheveled mullet, stonewashed Bugle Boy jeans, that roll over at the waist from your bulging hemorrhodial belly, sucking on a beer calling everyone a homo or a f@g. May god have mercy on your pathetic excuse for a soul.
FROM: DEE SEEBERDid you ever meet "The Dean Of Pro Wrestling" Gordon Solie? If so, did he give you any info that helped you as an announcer.
ANSWER: He said ' Tenay, when you start having to answer bumblef*ck redneck fans questions on the internet, you either turn to alcohol or whores ' luckily both are readily available in TNA, and we got some good looking women too.
FROM: ARBOKIs Rey Misterio Sr. still alive? Is Paul London in the WWE?
ANSWER: This deserves no answer, because you're not important..... Your parents obviously never loved you and never wanted to claim you as you have no last name, and that first name????God Bless you and Gadzundheit!
Mike Tenay - NOT TENAY BUT BETTER - EMAIL ME, BUT MAKE SURE IT'S NOT RETARDED! thebro@tnattitude.com
Open letter to TNA 7/8/03
You know, call me crazy, but Wrestling is one messed up entertainment alternative. Let me sit down and tell you a little story, this being from a secondhand account, mind you, but a very reputable and trustworthy secondhand account. Last week before a TNA show The HeelSection was informed that TNA was taking a ' new direction ' and they wanted to have clearcut babyfaces and clearcut heels, all well and good right??? Well read on. They put it to the HeelSection that chanting for the Heels in the company was hurting the overall product by taking the focus of the match and putting it on the characters or whatever there reasoning was. It was asked of them to tone it down and stop cheering for the heels or at least make it even. They were even told that the Cage Match between AMW and Triple X could have been better withought the crowd cheering for Triple X and booing AMW at the beginning. So, let me get this straight. TNA has been in the wrestling industry as a company for a year, They have one of the most critically acclaimed cage matches, EVER. And they tell us it could be better withought fan involvement??? That'd be like me working at Baskin Robbins for a year and making the Ultimate Sundae, and me calling the peanut company and asking if they could send me better peanuts the next time. IT MAKES NO SENSE! It was also asked of 2 members that they could either take down there sign that said ' We will not be censored ' or leave. But to be fair the person who asked did apologize for saying that. Now, call me a skeptic, but I don't think George Lucas would call random people up and go ' Hey man, I heard you didn't like the way Darth Maul died at the end of Episode One, So I don't want you to come to the upcoming Third Epidose, ok??? Good ' No, I don't believe Mister Mustache would actually do that, Why??? Cause he understands the fact that every dollar equals another ' Grecian Formula ' Bottle for his lovely Mountian Man Beard. You see, Wrestling has always been sorta of the abusive husband to the fans, who in turn were the battered wives. The promoters,bookers, wrestlers can all treat us like a little nugget on the restroom floor and guess what??? We'll be there next week, supporting the same people and cheering for the people that treat us badly or call us deragotory terms and even resort to threatening us or beating us up. Why??? Because we do love the sport, sure the wrestlers may love it more, because they put there life on the line to entertain us, but we do love the business in our own special ways, otherwise we wouldn't spend our 15.00 dollars every week to come see the show. There's about 15 reasons in Kentucky right now, that I could go spend that money on and win the lottery and get rich, and own TNA and then show what the words ' we appreciate the fans ' really mean. See, I find it really hard to believe that a company that survives off ticket sales from paying customers and PPV buyrates ( which in TNA's case I would venture to guess that there main cash cow is from in-house receipts ) could treat the people that pay for there nice house and cars and every other vice of life so badly, but I've since been amazed. Telling a paying customer that they can leave the arena, because the cheer for the Heels, is utterly ridiculous. It's ridiculous on so many levels for one there's no disclaimer on the ticket that say's ' you may be asked to leave if you cheer for the bad guys ' and for two, this is America, and while that is a tried and true, worn out analogy, it still means we have the right to cheer or boo whoever we want. Somehow I think that TNA feels we should be privileged to see the performers in the ring each and every week, and while it is good to see talent like we have, the roles should be reversed, they should feel privileged that they have fans that will support the product and spend there hard earned 15.00 dollars every week. And this is coming from a guy who has two child support payments a month that equals close to 800.00 dollars a month..... Somehow I always manage to find 15.00 to attend the show. But that may stop.... And I know that after this week two important people from The Heel Section, two of the founding Members of the TNA Heel Section will be leaving for good, and It's been rumored that the founder of The HeelSection won't be attending any more shows as well. Is it really worth it TNA??? Is it worth censoring your fans, if all it does in the process is drive them away??? I mean for poor Borash, think of him, he's a frail looking guy, I don't know if he could cheer anymore ringside to get the fans into it anymore, he may pass out, so if not for us, do it for Borash....... Swag Stallion himself. I certainly think not having our section chant for certain people will hurt the crowd noise, but I'm sure you could always pump in crowd noise a la WWE, hell you're already censoring the fans, might as well.
It was also told to certain people that TNA is going away from the Shade of Grey characters and going more for a true cut heel and true cut babyface. And there going from a more ' old- school ' approach. Yeah that's right, I forgot the biggest reason wrestling became such a huge product was from a True Heel, or was he a True Babyface??? Oh that's right Stone Cold, he's one of the greatest all-time Shade of Grey characters Ever. So I could understand TNA logic with this one. I mean let's change the direction of the company when the direction it was going in, was perfectly fine and the shows with Shade of Grey characters and bad language were actually getting good reviews. That'd be like whoever the fruit was that painted the Mona Lisa going ' You know this could be better, if I erased it and put a stick figure dog in it, instead '..... Hey TNA go rent some ECW DVD's watch how Taz,The Dudley's,Shane Douglas,Raven and many,many others, had the fans and the viewers eating out of the palm of there hands with vulgar promo's. Why illicit cussing is stupid and really serves no purpose, cussing done at the right spot at the right time can drive home a message of ' Hey that guy right there is really pissed at that other guy '... Instead I hear Shane Douglas cut a promo using the word ' rear-end '...... I know Borash may look like a pre-pubescent Schoolyard pimp, but this is the real world, and if I'm gonna kick someone's @ss, I'll say it..... I won't say' Well Gee, Buddy you made me mad, come here, let's scrap and i'll kick your rear-end ' that's really threatening, in fact my fingers would hardly let me type that. This is 2003, Not Mayberry. The New Direction of going toward a more ' old school ' approach may seem like a variable from what the WWE offers, but what about swinging the variable to stuff the WWE would never do.
I hate to be the purveyor of bad news, but turning from a mix of Old and New to just Old School is a bad idea. The Common fan that TNA wants to attract will not be turned on by two people fighting and no grey area. The General fan wants to see extensions of themselves and personality and that's what a grey character does. The general fan wants real life storylines, not ' hey these two people hate each other, cause they bumped into each other backstage '... I bump into old people all the time, I don't wanna kill them, so see why the old school logic is flawed??? That was a bad example but I think you get my drift. TNA WAS cutting edge at one time and actually had a decent blend, now they wanna go mess with the recipe. See what happened to Popeye's Chicken??? Take a note TNA.
I've loved TNA since day one and will continue to support and review the product, whether I go live or watch in on TV. I just try to add my opinions and views on how I think that TNA could improve, with all my ideas at least 5 in a year, have to be good..... See AJ, Title win and aligning himself with Russo.... Damn I put myself over.... :( Sorry. And to you guys out there who obviously think we are putting ourselves over instead of the product and we're marks for ourselves, let me just lay the truth on you. We're all marks for ourselves, well all but JDThrash, cause he hates himself, but other than that, we're all marks for ourselves. You want people to like you and you like yourself, that would make you a mark for yourself, plus if you're not, than who could be??? And we've never taken away from the product, except for throwing papers once... ONE..... We always respect the wrestlers and the performance they give, hence all of us clapping out of respect for AMW in the cage match. That's respect, cause we respected the effort that they along with XXX put out. You will never hear us chanting ' you f--ed up ' to someone, because that's disrespectful.
I maybe have pissed off some who read this, if so, sorry..... It's just the way I feel about it all. My views don't represent the views of everyone in the Heel Section in fact later today The Doug will have an article up as well on www.heelsection.com . To Bob Ryder, I appreciate everything you have done for everybody in this case and understand your position. You have always been cool to us and I think we have always been respectful to you. Thanks for everything you have ever done for us and all that jazz. thebro1869@hotmail.com
And I leave you with this
Tuddle Waddled to school one day
Inisde a plastic bubble
Motions were limited and air was running out
Together through the mud he waddled with Wally
Hugging and singing happy songs
Everyone was dressed in old Dock Worker uniforms
Beelzebub came from Hell
Ordering Mexican For Everyone
Despite this, Tuddle was not swayed
Yelling to everyone ' don't eat the Mexican Food '
Everyone blew it off
Attacking there food with forks and spoons
Telling everyone ' yummy, this shure be tasty '
Sadly Tuddle could only watch, I mean he was in a buble for christ's sake
Suddenly the peoples bellies started to moan and groan
Cackling with laugs beelzebub told them he had put Pop Rocks in the food
All there bellies exploded and the shrapnel shredded Tuddle's bubble
Together he ate the rest with Satan, they were friends
News and Reviews for 6/24/03
News and Reviews for 6/20/03
What's up...... It's Friday and well usually I take these days off from writing because I'm extremely cool and like extremly cool people I have stuff cool to do on Friday's such as sit in front of a computer and enter claims into a database for a company..... Envious??? I thought so! But being super cool comes with having Super Cool Ideas and since TNA has been talking about coming out with TNA Action figures, I thought I'd help them with the first set of TNA Superstars to use for there action figure set.......
1. Jeremy Borash - Oh Yes, we have to start with the Backbone of the company....... Mr. Borash would be adorned in his typical ring attire of Black Slacks,Jacket and whatever cool Silk Shirt Target has on sale that week underneath and a weird necklace, but the pack would come with changing Lounge Lizard Suits..... Also he would have ' Pump Handle Mic Action ', squeeze his legs together and watch him raise his microphone to the crowd..... take the microphone out and it could double for 'Sign Taking Action ' as well..... Also Borash comes adorned with a button on the back which you can push and hear him say his catchphrases such as ' 1 point Handman '..... ' TNA,TNA,TNA '.... ' 1 point Handpire Warrior '..... ' Wow ' and ' Are you in High School Yet? '..... Also when you pull one leg to the side Borash's right arm lifts to his hear to signal that he can't hear the crowd, put the micorphone in the extended left to get the real feel of being at the show.....
2. Jeff Jarrett - Ah yes, Mr. Jarrett, Jarrett would be wearing ring attire that would come with various sunglasses including his all time fave.. pink..... Also Mr. Jarrett would come with Various Frollets to adorn his head with.. those include ; The Angry Frollet,The ever so famous Sassy Frollet, The Frollet in Danger, The Verklempt Frollet and the Spunky Frollet..... Also Mr. Jarrett's TNA Action is when you squeeze his legs together his head gets bigger and bigger till it explodes, we call here at Bro Inc. ' The Ego Stroke '....... The very first edition of The Jarrett doll will include cages with Glass Ceilings so you can put your other TNA superstars in for well-keeping and keep there ego's in check... Mr. Jarrett's TNA Talk Button on his back when pressed will be the crying of a newborn baby...... Buy your Jerry Jarrett doll that includes a bottle to stick in Jeff's mouth to quiet the crying.....
3. Konnan - Konnan's doll comes equipped with jeans that hang low, with interchangeable underwear included, Flannel shirt and various bandana's to adorn his head with..... Konnan's doll comes with a couch and a sign to place in his hand that has 'ZZZZzzzzz' on it..... Konann's doll also comes with an oxygen pack so you can put it over his mouth while playing with it so it doesn't become winded..... Squeeze Konnan's Legs together to see Jean Grabbing action...... Konann's TNA Talk Button comes with the following sayings ' La Viva LA Resthold '.... ' I Can't Breathe ' and ' I've lost my suspenders '.......
4. AMW..... The Tag Team that thrills the crowd, AMW.... AMW will come in a two pack... Chris Harris will be wearing a sequined jacket,Bret Hart Sunglasses and Wrestling Panties that say ' Wildcat ' on them..... He will also come with Fanny Packs that attach to his hips, A can of WD-40 for his hair and Cue Cards..... James Storm will come equipped with a Cowboy Hat,Fake Shooting Cap guns and a Jacket...... Storm will also have a shovel included..... Harris' TNA Talk Button comes with the Following Statments in Screaming Tones ' I CAN ACT!!!!! ' and ' Do You think my Bandana's make my Hair Look Greasy? Storms TNA Talk Button when pressed reveals Billy Bob Thronton's Voice in Sling Blade talking instead......
5. Sandman - Oh yes the loveable, huggable, intoxicated hardcore legend...... Sandman's doll will come with a 6 pack,singapore cane and directions on how to get to the ring...... Also included is when you squeeze Sandman's legs together he burps....... When the Sandman action figure is dropped from a heights or takes a bump all the body parts fall off, but are easily put back together..... Sandman's TNA Talk button includes him saying ' Non Filetered are for panty wastes ' and ' Lites are for douche-bags '...... Sandman's doll also comes with bleeding action, scrape a body part and watch it really bleed with Sandman's real blood... Replaced with Water Colored Corn Syrup in UT,RI and MN......
6. Goldylocks... TNA's backtage interviewer...... Goldylocks comes with cut and design your own clothing... We take various scrap meatrial and let you design her clothes...... Goldylocks come with a Microphone and when you squeeze her legs together he face morphs into different expressions such as ' You must have ate an Indian Sewer Cleaner for lunch ' expression and many many more..... Also her TNA Talk button has her famous catchphrases such as ' Jesus God!!! '... ' Accccccccccck' and .... ' Argghhhhhhhhhhhhh '.... Also gather up your other TNA Superstars and press Goldies' TNA button and watch all the other TNA Dolls' ears bleed, continue to press it and blood comes from every orifice of there body.....
Well thats the first edition of TNA Action Dolls, I'll be back again with the second edition...... thebro1869@hotmail.com
Bro's Open Letter to Vince Russo
You know over the last 24 hours there has been 2 Open Letters addressed to Vince Russo about all his transgressions and about basically him being the Bain of Wrestling........ I, for one am in total opposition to these people..... I've been asked by someone to pen my own ' Open Letter to Vince Russo ' and so here it is. Also, the exclusive segment with Vapor , The Disruntled TNA Employee, will be put up on Tuesday, anything involving Russo takes precedence........ So withought further adieu, here's my,
Open Letter to Vince Russo, From A Supporter......
Dear Mr. Russo, Most people in the internet land would take what I say and think that I was being an @sshole or a cynical reporter, but for once I'm gonna write something that comes from the heart and something I truly believe in. When I was young I was introduced to wrestling at like 4 years old and was instantly hooked, The outlandish characters and storylines were something that attracted me..... My family was in the business when I was little so it was forced upon me, but I always accepted it with open arms because I was always a little different than most and actually enjoyed wrestling...... I never missed a show when I was little, watched everything I could from USWA on Saturday mornings to Superstars on Saturday Nights, rented all the PPV's, Cheered when Hogan beat Andre, Cried when Hogan lost to Warrior..... Yes I was a Hulkamaniac, at one time, Now I wish He would donate his skin to a leather factory and go crawl in a shallow grave, but more on that later...... While watching wrestling I was always into other sports, such as baseball and football, and then I started getting into chicks and started to get into the popular crowd at school, and well, Wrestling wasn't really the cool thing to watch when you were cool... So I took about 3-4 years away from wrestling where I only caught brief parts of shows and the characters and storylines were ridiculous and insulted my intelligence beyond belief....... Then One Night it all changed.......
One of my friends in High School had continued to watch wrestling and he would tell me what all was going on and keep me up to date with storylines and plot turns and stuff like that. Anyways, he calls me up one night and say's ' Dude, you need to turn it over to RAW, because Steve Austin is breaking into Brian Pillman's House '..... Now you have to remember I haven't watched wrestling in forever and the only exposure I had to Steve Austin was with Brian Pillman as the Hollywood Blondes in WCW, so I was like ' so what? ' Cause I was with a chick and switching from a movie we were watching to Wrestling, wouldn't go over to well... But he implored me, so I switched the channel...... What I saw was actually the most riveting and coolest things I had seen in wrestling...... And why??? Because it wasn't that cookie-cutter B.S. that had been going on before I left and soured me on the product this was cutting edge and actually had me not wanting Raw to go off the air that night...... And plus I scored some tang that night afterwards so it left a mark on my brain, because the chick actually dug it.......
The next monday I was hooked, I got introduced to the new and improved word of Wrestling.... I got acquainted with a bad ass called, Stone Cold Steve Austin, I got introduced to a cutting edge Bret Hart, not that crappy Bret Hart that was always a fan favorite, but the Bret Hart that was hated and fought his own personal demons, I was introduced to a cutting edge group called D-X, that had Shawn Michaels doing and saying stuff that I thought would never come out of his mouth, I got introduced to Sable and Rocky Maiva with the Nation and Farooq..... This stuff actually had me riveted to my television thanks to one man, Vince Russo, now alot of people will say he had people who helped to develop these characters and storylines and that all my be true, but he was the main focus guy who put the stuff out there..... He took what appealed to the masses in geberal everyday life, characters that appealed to the masses and put them on wrestling for the world to see.... Love him or hate him, you have to agree that Vince Russo's storylines and characters created arguably the biggest buzz in the history of wrestling, he made wrestling the cool thing, the acceptable alt-entertainment for that time period..... He took guys that were never supposed to be great, guys that were held down for whatever reason over the past years of political and tyranical bullsh*t and made them stars.
People all over the country hate Russo, Wrestling purists hate Russo, they believe he is a cancer to the business, I believe otherwise...... Withought Russo these people wouldn't have a chance to complain, because there would probably be no big-time wrestling anymore, it would only be small indy feds, Russo saved wrestling from my vantage point. After Vince's steroid trial and all the misjudgements in business Vince made he needed something to rejuvenate the business and make him money or otherwise, I personally believe there would be no WWE today, so what did they do??? Russo and McMahon created two of the biggest superstars in wrestling history in The Rock and Stone Cold...... Both had never experienced the popularity before WWE and it took someone to pull out that personality that was behind the people, that man, was Vince Russo....... So instead of people detracting from Vince I wanna say thank you Vince, thank you for saving the genre of alt-entertainment that I love....... Thank you for making it become one of the top money making sport alternatives during a 2 year period, thank you for breathing fresh life into a stale product and thank you most importantly for having balls and standing up to those who oppose you......
Now I know I'll get tons of emails from people bashing me, because bashing Russo ' is the cool thing to do '... You ain't cool in wrestling unless you bash Russo, because he singlehandedly ruined WCW...... Did Vince cut the checks??? Did Vince make the Financial decisions of the company??? Ask yourself those questions and then ask yourself did Vince really kill WCW, or was it the people who were given a position of responsibility with the finances that ruined it??? The only thing Vince did was elevate people who deserved it, people like Booker T, Jeff Jarrett ( At the time ),Billy Kidman,Filthy Animals,New Blood and so on and so forth, he gave them all the ball and some dropped it and some carried it, but at least he gave them a shot that they rightly deserved...... People were tired of Hogan and all the political bullsh*t that went on, and Russo went out of his way to give the people Hogan held down a shot...... It wasn't there fault and it wasn't Russo's fault that WCW closed down, I can think of a million and one financial blunders that cost WCW the longevity that others seem to think Russo killed... Malone,Leno and Eubanks to name three.... How much money did they waste on those guys???? Let's not forget Rodman by any means and Hogan bilking the money dry...... But yeah let's pen it all on Russo because he made Arquette the champion as a publicity stunt to try and save the company by getting any and all press from the mainstream media...... IDIOTIC..... Russo tried his best and in the end was basically the fall guy for a major corporation. Tenay knows it, he's just afraid to admit it as it's ' The Cool thing to Do ' to bash Russo..... But withought Russo you wouldn't have Booker T being a huge star in WWE right now, Why do you think the Radicalz left??? Because they got there feelings hurt by being mistreated??? One of the many, but it took alot of moxy and conviction for Benoit to leave after he had won the belt??? That Russo's fault??? Hardly!!!!!! Russo was replaced by Sullivan and they didn't agree, I don't blame them, again another corpse making decisions to feed his ego...... But let's blame Russo for WCW's downfall, because everyone knows that WCW was a pristine ship when Russo took it over, and it was russo's fault that the past trangressions of WCW's financial decisions caught up with them, I mean he was working for them in 1995-1998 when the cracks started to form in the foundation...... If you truly still believe Russo killed WCW, I suggest going and laying in a lane of traffic on the interstate......
But on to today's current content of wrestling....... When I heard Russo was hired by TNA, I was about as happy as I could be.... When I went to see TNA for the first show here at the Municipal Auditorium the shows were good with good basic storylines and potent content that was cutting edge as well as hillbilly to appease the mulletosed mullitia.... Then I hear Russo had been demoted and had actually left the company, and this may shock alot of people but ther shows lost there cutting edge appeal and turned mainly torward no storyline based wrestling, where people just fought for no apparent reason and the show began to suck.... Then a fateful day back in November found Jarrett taking on Truth for the NWA title and in the ring comes Mr. Wrestling in a hood, hits Truth with the guitar and Jarrett covers for the pin, the hood is pulled back to reveal Russo..... I was one of the few that marked out and cheered because I knew the pace and the flow of the shows would pick up and between November and Janurary you can argue that TNA had shows that were compelling and captivating with the invention of S.E.X. and Jarrett and Russo's feud.... People would complain that there was way too much talking and whatnot but to those I say if you want pure mat wrestling go watch R.O.H. or something... I need storylines and captivating characters to hold my attention, If I wanna see two friends fight, Me and The Doug will duke it out, but I wanna see two guys who hate each other for whatever reason fight, because it's appealking and that's what Russo brings to the table.... Russo gets people talking, Russo is the ultimate heel in professional wrestling...... Russo rejuvenated TNA and withought him, I seriously doubt TNA would be appealing to 50 percent of there core audience.... Sure he makes bad judgements, we all do, you think Nick Bockwinkle never made a bad judgement??? You think Art Barr never did anything wrong??? Of course they did, but the business wasn't as exposed as it is today...... Today's internet world can start any rumor, any unbased lie and turn it into something that is a monster...... If the internet had been around in the 20's-80's the hero's that you talk about who were perfect images would be marred I'm sure by now........
Russo is a scapegoat for wrestling, always has been and always will be..... But he also is a liability and a phoenix for the wrestling business...... And if you can't seem to give him any credit, at least he gets people talking and creates a buzz about things..... In the end, I'd just like to thank Russo for renewing my interest in wrestling a few years back and bringing me abck to something that i truly enjoy and consider to be an escape from the real world's bullsh*t...... I'd also like to challenge you to look deep and see what really was the cause of WCW's demise, and give this man a second chance to prove himself.... Russo is wrestling ultimate scapegoat, but withought him and McMahon, wrestling as you know it today would be dead... Russo has his place in wrestling, quit the negativity and realize that Russo is trying his best to push the talent that deserve it and give you, the fan, the best possible product for your money...... Thanks, Vince for everything you have done..... I hope that you continue on and help this alt-entertainment outlet survive and prosper for years to come and stay on TV..... Your the Ultimate Heel!
USA Wrestling Legendsfest Results 6/10/03
Whattup it's Tuesday and I felt like writing a little write-up on the Legends Show that took place at the Fairgrounds on Saturday Night.... It won't be in-depth or anything since this is Tuesday and it happened on Saturday Night and there have been many beers in between then and now and they seem to alter my memory...... Had a talk with ChickenHat before the event just asking him a few questions and I asked him about the infamous Kid Kash altercation between Kash and himself and he told me that ' Kash crossed the line by knocking his hat off, and he had to let him know that it wasn't right ' Too me that's just way funny, because you can do anything to ChickenHat just don't touch the Hat, it's like some mythical extension of himself, maybe the straw is actually little bones of his underveloped siamese twin that was stillborn, so he never wanted to be too far away??? Maybe ChickenHat was that mysterious stalker of John Stamos and he actually killed him and that's him stitched into his hat, think, I haven't seen John Stamos in a long while..... Or maybe ChickenHat is a Tard who is in love with a cheap 2.00 Shotgun Red Authentic Straw Hat???? My money is on the last one.. Either way he's entertaining and is a staple among wrestling fans..... And he's a Bro Icon...........
Anyways on to the show....... Just like the circus they send in the midgets to entertain us before the real show starts..... Yes that's right it's those loveable,huggable,looks like we got pie faced with a griddle, The Victory Twins taking on The Phoenix Twins...... OR The " Fey "-nix Twins as I called them..... The Midge's had some Biker looking Dude as there manager, actually he sorta resembled what would happen if the Father from Happy Days and The Fonz would have produced a baby.... His name was like K-9 Kohl or something like that...... The Victory Twins were wearing the choice of all Midget Bullies in High School : Pleated Docker Kahki's and White Hanes Beefy T's....... I wonder if they shop in the Husky Dept. of the Boys section..... Husky!!!!!!! Anyways the Victory Twins defeated The ' Fey '-Nix Twins..... And that my friends is not good....... I'm glad Willy let them off of work before there shift ended.......
Next up was Lazz taking on Adam Evans...... Evans had on some Generic Wrestler Shorts # 12521 with some weird hieroglyphic writing on it that I guess you have to be a scrotum muncher to understand.... Cause I couldn't figure out what it said, although there was some weird writing over his junk...... Prolly said ' Kick me here for no effect '...... Lazz resembled what would happen if Sting and Richard Simmons had a baby....... He had face paint on, but came out dancing to Britney Spears and wearing chick clothes...... Insert Typical Stereotyped Gay Moveset in this match..... Lazz was actually decent despite his character creeping me out...... He got the win over.... Man I already forgot that dude's name... That's not a good thing..... But I guess that's what you get when you use Adam Evans as your wrestling name......
Next match was ' Sexy Rex ' Sexton taking on Hot Rod Biggs w/ Athena..... Before the match even started ' Sexy Rex ' put on a 5-star match with his tights.... I swear his groin area got more action before the match by his own hands than he has probably seen in about a month...... Next time don't order the size ' I'd like to see every little vein in my bozac '...... Hot Rod schooled this chump but somehow he got the win...... Maybe Hot Rod felt sorry for the kid and his tight problem..... Athena was up to her usual ' Heel ' managerial self...... ChickenHat got into it with her and I thinked I sensed some repressed sexual tension between the two...... Why TNA hasn't used Hot Rod at least for a Dark Match is beyond me and why TNA hasn't used Athena in a ' Heel ' Role is beyond me as well... Maybe I should start drinking Bolt Cola and eating Swedish Fish, then it would all be clear, I guess.....
Big Bully Douglas was up next taking on ' The Vocalist ' Matthew Catalano...... Catalano's new gimmick is great..... And it's Matthew not Matt...... He wants to be addressed properly cause he's a superstar, unlike those hillbillies in attendance...... Seeing Bully as a face is really disheartening as he's a great Heel..... Oh well... things change.... But he really made an awesome recovery from his injury..... Infynity was Catalano's manager and I think she needs to listen to the song ' Shout ' because when she is on the mic she is barely audible, other than that she's a good Heel Manager, although when the Joad Family comes attacking you, they shouldn't be smiling, target ChickenHat, Verbally abuse him, really good to get some good heel heat..... Bully got the win over Catalano.......
Next Match was Arrick Andrews and April taking on Hammerjack with Athena and Lollipop....... Arrick Andrews has what quite possibly could be the gayest intro music in wrestling history..... I mean I can see him going to the nearest music shop and going ' Hey, give me the gayest sounding music you got '....... Vinyl cries everytime Arrick comes out...... I bet if you barely put a finger on him when he first comes out, you'd slide past him at about 85 miles per hour, everything is slick...... Hammerjack rules!!!!!!!!!!! and Arrick knew what was best when he let the girls go at it, so he didn't have to lose to Hammerjack...... ' Don't turn your back on Hammerjack B*tch! '... Plus Triple H wishes he owned the sledgehammer like ' Jack does.... Lollipop was one of his Heel Valets with Athena and I haven't been to a USA show in like 2 months and she has progressed as a good Heel Valet...... She has a long way to go to reach Athena Status, but she has developed alot, and not in the two most obvious ways, but she has developed into a good Heel Valet...... I was thinking of making a sign that say's ' Arrick is Afraid of Statutory Laws '..... Seriously he has 5 year olds marking out for him......
Next was James Storm taking on Matt Borne, I hadn't put the clues together until someone told me he was Doink...... But he came out to this Lumberjack routine, with some cool looking contacts in...... Storm did his usual 25 minute intro.... Maybe he thinks he can lull his opponent into a trance and then get the easy win with his 25 minute intro to the ring..... My feelings get hurt everytime 'cause he never comes and hugs me ( BURP! )...... Anyways this match was way too long, there's only enough Storm someone can take...... he got the win over Borne....
Man now this was the battle next was a dream match..... The Bert Butt Bowl 2004...... Kasey James taking on Mike Rapada..... Kasey James resembles James Storm after Storm has seen Jesus and the Burning Bush, cause K?asey James has platinum hair, but Jesus in the face he and Storm are almost indentical... ' Storm saw Jesus!!!! '....... The lamest thing about Kasey James, depsite his boufant platinum hair, his manager being Bert Prentice and the fact that he wears his tights way to tight is the fact he wears ' IceMan ' sunglasses from Top Gun... I always thought IceMan was the coolest, until now... Thanks Kasey..... Anyways Rapada was as dumb looking as always.... Wearing his glittery jacket that is like 2 sizes too small... ' Yes i'd like my jacket to hit me just below the belly button, please '... ' But sir, that ruins the whole point of having a jacket '... ' What did I say, I am the two time NWA Champ '....... ' Right away your queerness '....... There's nothing like a good ' Brakes,Mufflers and More ' commercial to get a good laugh outta me...... Especially when he's wearing his wrestling jacket and walks past the car and the dude walks by afterwards and works on the car like he never saw that mulletosed dude walking by..... HA... and then the whole pose at the end, where they look like there gripping a pair of b@lls.... Man, thanks for the unintenional humor Mike...... Anyways seeing Bert playing a Fey manager, makes me laugh...... For many reasons... He plays it so well, it's almost like he lives the lifestyle....... couch, cough...... Anyways Kasey James got the win... and the key to unlock Bert's Chasity Plug......
Final match of the night was the Main Event of Risky Business ( Rick Santel and Chris ' Atreyu ' Vaughn ) taking on The Naturals ( Andy Douglas and Chase Stevens )...... Man even though the Naturals are the Heels, as much cheating as Risky Business does, you'd expect them to be.. Santel is always trying to come in the ring withought tagging... Either the ref needs to learn Spanish or Santel needs to learn english....... Plus Santel and Vaughn always hit with a closed fist.... There not the purveyors of virtue and chaste like Douglas and Stevens are...... Ponch and John got the victory, but had to cheat to get the pinfall....... Heard Rick got a new job recently driving trucks..... Rick, please get some AC in the cabins because your precious cargo of human life, need it back there buddy....... Just remember when the cops are trying to pull you over, your truck outweighs them by at least 6 tons..... plus you can just scream to the others in the back ' It's a modern Day Alamo ' and i'm sure they can help you fight the cops off.... Hey, everyone's gotta make a living...... On another note TNA needs to sign the Naturals... these guys are great and work great as a team together... plus the Tag Team ranks in TNA are basically sh*t besides Triple X.......
The main event was supposed to be Dusty Rhodes vs. Humongous but Dusty's mother died before the show and Humongous was booked in LA... So they did the best with what they had, and it was a good show...... I reccomend going to check it out sometime....... Plus they got TV tapings coming up soon..... Anyways Peace.... Bro thebro1869@hotmail.com
NEWS AND REVIEWS FOR 5/27/03
Whattup, been awhile since I've just written a column for the rant effect.... But here's one..... I'm gonna be touching on a variety of subjects today, so sit back, go get yourself a bowl and a beer and relax....... I've been reading people's online diaries and I have to say we as an internet community are some lame mofugger's..... I see people complaining about everything and some of the lamest things I have ever read in my life are 35-40 year old men talking about how sad it was that Disney and Lizzie Maguire have parted ways...... Seriously either you need to place your head in the way of oncoming traffic or go find an overstuffed pillow and relieve your sexual fustration....... Then there's one dude's diary that has the days and hours counting down until the Olsen twins are legal...... I thought I was like alot of people and my countdown was to the day I could legally buy a gun and rid the world of those two talentless shovel faces..... Seriously when the bible talks about the AXIS of EVIL, I'm pretty sure they're talking about the Olsen Twins...... Even Bob Saget admitted on Stern that one night he creeped in there trailer on the set with a pair of scissors ready to do them in, but they woke up and he played it off like he was sleepwalking..... When Mild Mannered Danny Tanner wants to make your face resemble a Freddy Krueger Art project, you know you have played with fire...... Currently I'm listening to Van Halen....... Ha!!!!!!! No sh*t, I'm a Van Halen Mark, More Sammy Hagar than David Lee Roth, because he was a self absorbed idiot, who now could do stunt work for ' Doc ' off Back to the Future...... ' Marty let's set the time machine for 1985, when i could actually score some ' tang from chicks who aren't on social security and who I don't have to spray ' Bugg-off ' on my bozac afterwards '........... No sh*t people there's actually a chick at my work who eats Krystal's at officially 8:18 A.M., WEIRDO.......
NOW ON TO WRESTLING
Before I go off on wrestling I'm now listening to ' Insolence ' one of the best Nu Metal ( I feel like I'm educated writing it that way and down with the ' hip ' crowd ) bands around, they have a song called ' Poison Well ' that truly kicks the fat off Anna Nicole and adds the beef to the song....... It's been out for awhile and even was on ' Driven ' that stupid Sylvester Stallone Indy racing movie..... Yeah I buy that the bumbletard Stallone could ever operate a car that goes over 200 mph...... I somehow imagine him with a cowboy hat on with a walkie talkie stuck underneath and Mickey from Heaven giving him directions on how to operate the car, a la Spongebob....... Two farts in the face for Stallone, one of America's true talentless actors..... Ok, now on to wrestling.... TNA to be specific...... Alot of speculation over whether the Anniversary show will be the FINAL show...... PWTorch is reporting that early indications point to the Anniversary Show being the FINAL show...... There main source of reasoning with this is the fact that there InDemand contract runs out and we have yet to hear word on a new contract being reached and with 95 percent of the revenue coming from the PPV, the company could not survive withought InDemand...... Since I'm the worst authority for news in TNA-land I think I'll give my two cents here..... F*ck that my cents are worth more than two, more like 5... Mint that Sh*t down...... The Anniversary show may well be there last, but I believe it will be one of the last PPV shows..... See I believe at the Anniversary show a deal with a cable company will be announced....... Probably not starting until around August or September, but something will be announced, I mean Turner did get control over TNT or whatever that station was and Turner loves wrestling and TNA hired the guy that used to work for TNT to market there product to cable outlets... Coincidence??? Maybe, but the signs point to something....... Even if they don't get a cable deal, they could survive off Xplosion and make that there weekly show....... But if TNA did just fold up after the anniversary show it would probably make me a tiny bit upset..... I mean there are ways to run a business withought having to have cable and PPV revenues coming in...... In Ryder's latest ' Notes from Backstage ' he asks people to spread the word and getting the word out there that there is an alternative....... Myself and many others over the past months have always marketed the product for people to order, even though I may be cynical and take potshots at the product, I always encourage people to buy the product or go to it live.... I never say ' Don't Go '....... Here's some simple, yet useful ways to get the message out there to the masses.....
1. Sign Theory - See the best way to advertise is to infiltrate the biggest and baddest way ever...... I say offer free tickets to the show ( For people that live close ) or Free PPV order ( with special codes they could tell the cable operator, they have those... ) if you get your sign advertising TNA on RAW or Smackdown or a WWE PPV event....... It's not hard and everyone loves free stuff..... Even if the sign just said www.nwatna.com it would be promotion enough and think one free PPV could result in many PPV buys in the long run..... There are many,many people who haven't even heard of TNA, that's the simplest method around......
2. Street Team - I know we have a local street team that gives out free tickets to the local shows but that's just locally..... See all hype is from word of mouth and getting out there and getting your hands dirty...... Many bands, including my old one ( sniff, sniff ) and my new one ( HOOORAY FOR ME AND BOOBIES ) would use other people to spread the word...... Set up an National Street Team on your site where people can sign up in different states and meet certain qualifications such as.... Over the Age of 18, have transportation, willing to get kicked out of live events and get harrased by security, the usual..... And you could send them flyers,posters,little promotional videos to hand out to people at local indy wrestling shows,concerts,WWE Events,Racing Events,Pro-Sport Events, even hitting up various wrestling message boards with www.nwatna.com so other fans can go check it out....... and then offer the people doing this work, Free PPV Orders...... and T-Shirts that they can wear around and people ask, Hey what's TNA??? It's not hard and it's simple.... You would only need like 2 people from each market that you wanna hit to hand out the promotional junk....... Come on, TNA , this is not rocket science on how to promote and market......
3. Find your three biggest markets........ Call the Biggest Movie Theatre in those markets and advertise on those ads before the movie...... You know those annoying ads, that say ' Withought Advertising Nothing Happens ' that sign is so lame, yet oh so true.... Anyways your target demographic is the age that goes and spends money on movies, especially during the summer season...... And it's really,very very cheap to advertise on there...... So call them and place an ad on the pre-preview ads... It could be one of those early TNA flyers with all the stars and the web address on there and it would still get the message out there.......
4. The Dark Match guys that come in for a tryout match, give them flyers and posters and T-Shirts to hand out at there local show to promote the product amongst the fans there...... It couldn't hurt and could only help get the word out
5. Seriously guys let's drop the Nascar relationship....... Most Nascar fans don't know how to brush there teeth or take a bath let alone order a PPV or read.... so marketing on a car going 150 mph around a track is bad business and wasting money... Take that money, cancel the relationship with Nascar and use that money for other things like, Commercial Time, Buying Billboard space, Buying ads on a Bus downtown in Nashville, buying a few minutes of ads during RAW ever week or Smackdown...... There's so many htings you could use that money for besides stupid-ass Nascar B.S...... And John Boy and Billy are two of the Un-Funniest mofuugers in the history of Un-Funniness, I mean I probably laugh more at Funerals than I do at there shows..... Market the product on local radio station in the biggest markets you have, send pretaped ads to air on there stations, form a working relationship with the DJ's and station managers, send them free stuff, they'll plug your junk, trust me... DJ's are whores for free junk........
6. More Merchandise........ Come on.... Let the think tank roll and come up with some new merchandise and sell it.... People wanna know what happened to D-Lo, so makret his shirt so someone on the street see's you wearing it and goes ' Where's he at now? ', you know simple stuff like that....... Make cooler TNA shirts reminiscent of the old ECW shirts....... They don't have to be PC, in fact being crude and vulgar will get you more attention........
Well those are some plans, the first two being the most effective and fruitful...... I may now have ' Prior Experience ' in marketing and I'm not qualified because I don't have a degree in it, but these have all proven successfull in the past for many people, including myself...... It's not hard and quite easy......Anyways remember to come back tommorrow for my TNA PPV Preview for tommorrow night's show...... thebro1869@hotmail.com
Bro's News and Reviews for 5/23/03
Wow, It's Friday and I'm writing..... That's right kiddies something important must have happened for me to be writing..... You see I was up late last night surfing the internet for News on Newt Gingrich...... ok I was actually trying to find out if anyone had any ' Super Friends ' Cartoons on Tape out there in net land, when I was like ' hmmmmmmmm, I see an add for butt-plugs and sexual devices for women, I wonder if Jeremy Borash has any sites dedicated to just little ol' him....' You know because Borash and Butt-Plugs correlate together so well... So I went to google and typed in his name and of course the first 10 or so pages were his ' From the Inside ' Reports linked to various websites then I came across a glowing RED link that smelled of sulfur and brimstone, it Said ' Jeremy Borash Shrine ' at first I thought it was a joke, but then I clicked on it and sure enough this chcik has a shrine on Jeremy Borash....... I'm pretty sure she's Satan incarnate, but that has yet to be determined..... Anyways for your viewing pleasure....... Jeremy Borash Stalker Material!!!!!!!!
News and Reviews for 5/13/03
Things I HATE Volume 2..........
I Hate People that wear Berets....... I mean lets face it, there automatically d*ckheads if they were Berets... Have you ever seen a cool person wear a Beret??? Nope..... It's like these Berets have mystical powers or something, like you're automatically ten times smarter when wearing a Beret.... I swear you put a Beret on a sh*t slinging monkey and he would calm down, pull out a cigar, put on one of those eyeglass thingies that are attached to his vest, sip on a glass of wine and discuss world politics with you...... COMMERCIAL INTERLUDE : The Super Smart Beret, put it on and you are amazingly blessed with infinite knowledge....... Husband with yellow stained face looks into Camera ' Honey I pissed in my face this morning!!!!!! ' the wife then replies ' Oh honey..... You didn't have your super smart Beret on ' The husband... ' I'll be a cat and paint me yellow, you're right!!! ' The Husband then starts peeing in the toilet with a thumbs up and smile with a shooting star on his teeth!!!!! We then cut to a man in the front yard trying to have sex with a garden hose..... ' Oh man..... this really hurts, what's the problem??? ' Wife comes out puts hands on hip and cocks head sideways with a smile ' Honey are you trying to procreate with the Garden Hose... Again???? ' Husband replies ' Well I'll be a sewer rat drenched in mucus, you're right!!!! ' Wife then puts on his Beret for him ' Much Better Dear, thanks...... ' they then do it as he waters the lawn........ God I should do commercials they would so rock........ Just don't wear berets!!!!!
You know what else I hate...... White Guys who wear oversize Tommy Hilfigger stuff..... You know those guys... with the shaved head, Mr. T. starter kit around there neck, Jean Shorts and then and Oversize Tommy Hilfigger Shirt, that could double as a dress on Ricki Lake..... It's ridiculous, it's like let me see how I can closesly resemble a potato sack, withought actually wearing one.... And then they always shoot you looks in the mall like you just killed there mother, played volleyball with her skull then french kissed it...... It's like ' Dude, I know you're angry because your XXXL shirt looks ridiculously stupid on your 125 lbs frame, but it's cool, at least if you fall off a building somewhere you got your on built in parachute dog ' I mean seriously did they actually walk into a store and go ' Give me the biggest you got, Playa...... ' If I worked at the counter, I'd be like ' Biggest Body Frame???? cause you look like an anorexic ant ' It's ridiculous...... And it's like Tommy Shirts exude bad-assiness....... Yeah I'm really threatened by a shirt, that was made by a Gay designer.... SCARY!!!!!!!!
And lastly for Volume 2 of things I hate.... I hate old people that still drive at the ripe old age of 85....... Hello your 85, you should be hooked up to a catheter somewhere lying in bed watching The Price is Right and having the corns massaged on your feet....... But Noooooooo! you find the time to ruin my perfectly good drive somewhere by driving like it was the 1920's and your in a horse and buggy..... I swear these old people must get into a car, and the world changes to dirt roads and they're riding on a wagon led by horses, cause they just weave in and out of traffic withought looking, cause we all know old people can't turn there head or they'll snap there neck into from the momentum... Right???? I mean seriously here peeps ( Christian!!!!! Christian!!!!! At last you're on your own!!!! ) Old people never turn there heads, there always driving with there hands firmly clenched on the steering wheel at the 11 o clock and 1 o' clock position, gripping the wheel so tightly that metamucil is seeping from the pours on there knuckles with there head barely being able to see the road between there dashboard and the upper portion of the steering wheel.... But yet these people are allowed to drive and drive on the interstate and merge into oncoming 65 mph traffic at 25........ AMAZING!!!!!! These are the same people that need help using the bathroom, and even washing themselves, but yet they can operate a piece of machinery that weighs close to 2 tons....... Is there any justice... When I get old, I'm gonna hire me a driver!!!!!!!
News and Reviews for 5/10/03
What's up??? Today I was gonna write about ' Marks ' and how we are looked upon like a Parapalegic,Midgetty,Sars infected Japaneese Fisherman... But more on that Monday.... When I was checking out the news site came across this on www.1wrestling.com and it's from My Lord and Savior Vince Russo..... As much as I love and admire Russo, I look at him from both my vantage point and others and have always seen good in what he does.... Today Vince showed that he cares about the people, even the people that could give a shit about him, and thats what makes him Uncle Vince..... He's like that Uncle, the crazy one you always shit on and are mean to, but ultimately, you like him and he has a heart of gold... Yeah that guy... So I present to you Uncle Vince's message to anyone who will listen.... Show the man some respect......
-------AN OPEN LETTER TO MAYBE ONE PERSON THAT WILL LISTEN
Ive just seen it too many times. . .and every time it breaks my heart even more.
Maybe some will disagree with what Im about to write, but as a caring human beingI feel its my responsibility. Ive been involved in the sports/entertainment/wrestling business for over 10 years nowand as you can imagineIve seen, and been through it all. Some like me, some cant stand me, but thats OKit all comes with the job. I try to make it a habit to be the Teflon Man and just let things slide right off --but on this occasionI cant.
Its common knowledge to those that knew, but Miss" Elizabeth, as she always was to me, wasnt a big fan of mine. We had some differences when it came to business, and thats just part of the territory. Even though Im sure Liz never knew itI was a big fan of hers. From that one unforgettable spot at SummerSlam at MSG back in the 80s I was hooked. She was a class actand the ultimate Diva before Diva was in.
But this open letter isnt a tribute to Liz. Yes, Im deeply sorry that I never took the time to tell her that she had such a big influence on me in the businessbut theres nothing I can do about that now. But maybetheres something I can do for somebody else in the future.
As an outsider looking in, and never being one of the boys, Ive always been distraught over the drug abuse that goes with our business. Prescription, or not, drugs are being abusednot only every day. . .but every second. Nobody has done a damn thing about thisand it sickens me. How many wives are going to have to lose a husband, or children lose a parent before something is done? It seems as if every week somebody I worked with, somebody I cared about, is just gone in the prime of their life.
And I always get the same answer as to why. Due to a year-round schedule the boys are constantly asked to go above and beyond the call of duty. And they dotheyre the boysbut the price theyre paying is becoming deadly. With pain comes pills and with pills come addiction. Its just the nature of the beast. NoI havent been there so I dont knowbut what I do know is thisNOTHINGNOTHING is worth your life. Not a paydaynot a main eventnot even icon status.
Ive said it before, and Ill say it againthis business is the coldest and harshest business Ive ever been involved in. One day your phone is ringing of the hookthe next day they wont even allow you to put up the ring. Butthe bottom line is this. When the glory is goneand that spotlight goes outall you have is your family. In the end nothing else matters, not how many houses you sold out, not how many pay-per-views you headlined, not how much money you madeNOTHING.
The question isdo you want to be there for them?
Think about that before you take your next pill.
Hate me if you willbut somebody had to say something.
Vince Russo ------------- Again, Credit www.1wrestling.com
thebro1869@hotmail.com
News and Reviews for 4/21/03
Well it's Monday...... Yippee!!!!!!! ( Fart ) I liken Monday to a sh*t stain on clean underwear, just a bad thing... Hell, Raw doesn't even get me excited for Monday's anymore...... Well the reason I'm really down on Monday is the fact that I've been sick for the past three days and have sh*t enough waste out of me to feed the hungry kids in Ethipoia and tell them it's Mud Pudding.... Seriously though I've lost 5 lbs in 3 days... 'The Amazing Sh*t Diet....... Forget the Hollywood Diet.... This is the Bro's Sh*t Diet...... Sh*t your brains out for 3 days straight and lose 5 lbs immediatly.....' Excuse me while I take this call from Bert Prentice...... Speaking of..... Bert if you read this, I'd appreciate an email as to where I can pick up one of those ' Tonight, Tonight, Tonight ' T-Shirts, Once again gotta give props to my mom who saw Bert and Kasey ' Freddy ' James working out, Bert was adorned in a ' Tonight, Tonight, Tonight ' T-Shirt........ Now onto another Hot Topic......
The Bro......... What??? Why would I be talking about myself for??? Hmmmmm Let me break it down for you real simple..... The Bro is a gimmick..... For those of you not in the know.... A Gimmick is a persona you take on to convey certain messages and or actions...... Wrestlers have gimmicks so why can't I ???? I don't copy anybodies gimmick so I decided to come up with The Bro which is basically My Alter Ego, kinda like a Jeckyll and Hyde thing going on..... People wonder why The Bro doesn't have women surrounding him at TNA shows??? Well because I'm not the Iced Out, Pimp, Playa like the Bro is in real-life...... You don't need to know the real me, you come here to be entertained and that's what I try to do best for you..... My Real Life and what goes on behind The Curtains is of no concern to you or anyone else, just like I could give two sh*ts about what happens in a wrestlers personal life...... It's not my business, they entertain me, and that's what it's about..... But I like how people can't differentiate between a gimmick and real life sh*t..... People like to claim The Bro leaves with ringrats , a different one every week, mind you.... To these people I say I appreciate you're undying and loyal support to The Bro character, but unless you consider Males from The HeelSection, ringrats , then you have a problem...... Do you seriously think Undertaker used to sacrifice puppies to Satan??? Do you think that Mr. Perfect was always Perfect??? If so a better name would have been Mr. Jesus..... Do you think Hogan actually said his prayers and took his vitamins ( Well vitamins that didn't come out of a needle anyways )???? No becuase they were gimmicks....... Everyone has an alter-ego, I embrace mine..... I suggest you do the same..... See sometimes I get busy with my ' other ' stuff and I have 2 other ' Bro's ' post stuff..... I could tell you the two other ' Bro's ' but why??? That's the mystery and mystique behind The Bro.... I can tell you one of the ' Bro's ' is actually a reall, really well known person in the industry..... But that's just me teasing you.... So we'll move on...... You just need to understand when you see the Bro and he isn't acting like The Bro.... It's because The Bro is a gimmick... I'm here to entertain you..... i'm here to make you laugh and see things from a different perspective than others.... And withought rooty-toot-tooting my horn, I think I do a damn fine job of that........ The Bro will be getting more cynical,more controversial,more hard edged in the coming weeks..... Are You Ready??? I hope So, because It's all a Gimmick, Baby! thebro1869@hotmail.com
4/14/03 - Added Bro's Movie Reviews Section... Click on it in Navigation Links........
Bro's News and Reviews for 4/11/03
Whattup it's Friday and There's nothing going on, but a Helly Fresh weekend to look forward to...... I probably have written about what I'm about to write about again, but I was up late last night and caught this program again and it just made me laugh outloud...... It's the Ted DiBiase Christian Speech thingie whatever...... now look before I get all you fundamentalist Christians out there emailing saying such things as ' God's gonna get you, you Satan Worshipping Homo ' or ' May you burn in a lake of Fihire, and your sould be nipped by Demon's flying on the wing's of Lucifer hisself ' Which are actual two lines from emails I have recieved in the past..... I like God... Sure we have a strained relationship like anyone else, he's done some messed up things, I've done some messed up things, but we get along, like Buds..... I have a different perception of God than many others..... I picture God as a cool dude, with a cool Bathrobe on, with sunglasses on, eating Butterfingers and watching TV all day.... I mean if you were God, wouldn't you do that??? I don't picture God as a vengeful person who will come down and condemn ' you and yours to a lake of fire and eat your first baby for breakfast if you make him upset ' God seems like a cool dude, but alot of people are scared of him..... This all leads up to my story for today.....
Last night after coughing up the inner lining of my lungs for two hours I decided to watch TV..... Not much to choose from at 2 A.M. unless your a bored housewife in need of some self satisfaction from watching Tony Little Infomercials..... I think if I ever met Tony Little, I'd Donkey Punch him in the balls, because he's annoying and he has a ponytail...... But flipping through I stopped on the Trinity Broadcasting Network, no not the Ass Made from God that works for TNA, but the Christian Station with that crazy looking woman with a beehive hairdo and makeup caked on to resemble that of a person possesed by a demonic force, instead of God... you know who I'm talking about.... Anyways I stopped on this because Ted DiBiase was on it..... Sans Virgil mind you..... He was on there portraying a villanous Devil who sent his seven deadly sins out to get you... Creepy Stuff folks, I almost blinked an eyelash in terror...... Anyways they unveiled a wrestling ring and the Demons got in and started doing some weird like dance..... It reminded me of Wrestling meets West Side Story, only with God in it..... Anyways out of the rafters who appears but Sting to come down and combat the Seven Deadly sins... WITH A BASEBALL BAT..... ON A CHRISTIAN NETWORK WITH KIDS IN THE LIVE AUDIENCE HE BEATS PEOPLE UP WITH A DAMN BASEBALL BAT, and they wanna complain about Teets!!!!!!!!! These are those same Christians that tell you never to raise a hand in anger, but it's ok to beat people up with baseball bats..... I hope none of those kids ever run into anyone on the streat wearing T Shirts that say Sloth,Gluttony or the ever Cool Lust.... They'd be in danger...... I may have to get me one of those shirts and test this theory out..... Anyways I couldn't help but laugh because Church and Wrestling go together like HHH and jobbing..... Or Jeff Jarrett and Cool Haircut.... They just don't mix......
Then I hear AJ Styles wrestles for the Christian Wrestling Alliance and all that jazz..... It's all very humorous to me..... I love AJ Styles to death and if we could reprise the roles of Arnold Schwarznegger and Danny Devito in that movie where Arnold gets pregnant and has a baby, I'd be Arnold and I'd have his kids, but this Christian Wrestling is not good.... I bet you God, would turn the station and watch Soprano's instead if he had the option..... And of course he has the option, I bet he's got every satellite system known to man up there, but back to my point..... I think mixing wrestling and christianity is a bad idea... it just don't flow, I mean the wrestlers can love God and all that, but I mean why feel the need to diss all things ' not godly '..... I mean there are reports that AJ didn't like the Teet segment with Lollipop awhile back, and whether those rumors are true or not, it makes me go ' But you kick people's @sses every week, in front of little kids, and you said the word f@ggot ' which one's worse???? Why feel the need to slam something just because it isn't ' godly '????? ARGGGHHHH this is fustrating...... Anyways I highly doubt God considers himself part owner of the Christian Wrestling Alliance...... I mean that sorta makes you an elitist that only Christians can wrestle there doesn't it??? Oh well... My point is I found it amusing that they were beating people up in front of cheering kids with baseball bats and it seemed acceptable, but Teets are not...... Only because God endorsed this @ss kicking..... Until next time Homos...... thebro1869@hotmail.com
Bro's News and Reviews for 4/8/03
Today's little article is about things that I despise and you should too...... I'm a very bitter, bitter man..... Very Cynical and the littlest things usually make me upset, So I thought I would compose a list of things that I consider to Suck..... So withought further adieu... Let's start....
1. I Hate Wrestling Message Boards..... - But Bro, you have one on your site.... Yeah and mine doesn't suck, look it's fruitless to argue with me, because I own you and I'm right..... But look it's like this, any half brained, inbred moron who believes his own sh*t can post what he feels and people take it for gospel..... Such as ' HHH rulz and has petty haer ' Do I care??? no.... Why don't you go watch some Sandra Bullock Movies or something Gay like that.....
2. I hate people that drive the following trucks...... Ford Rangers,Chevy S-10's,Mazda trucks that look like Rangers or any other small truck...... Why??? Because most have small penis envy to begin with, so they go ' Hey I'll buy a truck and ride people's @sses with it, and I'll feel like I'm in charge, despite the fact that last night I spent 100.00 on a hooker and she had to use a magnifying glass,binoculars and a set of tweezers and epson salt to find my wanker '... Look if you're gonna buy a truck, go all out and buy like a big truck..... Don't buy the females of the truck kingdom...... :) I like chicks.... Seriously, but I hate small brained jocks who drive those little trucks and then rag them out like they are auditioning for ' The Fast and The Pathetically Ignorant '... Seriously I probably score more @ss in my granny car, than those packers do in a lifetime...... See below for a pic of my Granny's doo-doo brown car... It's not an easy task
3. Rednecks...... I despise them with a passion..... I look on them like I do a retarded boy in a wheelchair..... See there just a victim of something that they had no control over, but I still have no compassion for them..... For instance.... Most rednecks think they are better than you, and that's kinda like your sh*t yelling at you from your toilet bowl telling you all your faults..... they believe that the lifestyle they lead makes them superior to you in a way...... They believe indoor plumbing and electricity and toothpaste are for ' dem fancy yankee bastards ' And that's another thing... If you don't agree with these idiots or live there lifestyle, you're a yankee bastard...... Even if you were born in the south.... but that's redneck logic for you..... And they generally smell and believe showers are a once a week privilege when the Crik swells..... Please.....
4. Hot Topic - Yes I hate that store in the mall, even though I usually shop there and buy cool stuff, the thing is, that you have to dress a certain way and act a certain way to be accepted to shop there..... It's basivcally run by those gothic type people who hated the very types they have become in high school..... they have become the elitist group that made them wanna vomit back in the day... See they are totally against Ambercrombie and Fitch and American Eagle, but if you go and shop in there store, not dressed in the latest funeral home fashions, with corpse paint on your face and torn fishnet stocking, you're looked on as a preppy tool..... Hey man look don't give me the Ol' Evil Eye because I don't believe in wearing Cannibal Corpse T-Shirts and watching Anime' 24/7...... Mainly I'm mad because in 1998 I applied and they said I didn't have the look for the store, I was too mainstream... Isn't that discrimination??? Yeah forget the NAACP, I'm gonna start a PFETONSP... That's People For The Ethical Treatment Of Non Sucky People......
5. Fat Chicks at My Work..... See I used to be fat as a kid, and I'd do my best for people not to notice me, you know wear baggy, sweatpanty clothing and Never talk, so people wouldn't look at my fat face..... but these fat chicks nowadays wear the tightest and smallest clothing so you can see her 451st Fat Fold on her Upper Thigh and that Mole with a hair growing out of it, because they don't make a fat persons razor that can curve and contour to the shape of fat folds, so it's hard for them to shave those areas..... Anyways that so doesn't get on my nerves, but this does.... When Fat People order a Diet Coke, but also order 3 Snickers and an Extra Super Biggie Size Value Meal, thinking the Diet Coke has some Mysterious Power to automatically zap the calories away... Hey Newsflash fatties.... Diet Coke was invented to make fat people spend money on another coke product because it makes them feel healthy, when in all actuality it does nothing but taste like rusty metal...... And don't sit there and complain about your feet hurting all day.... It's not your feet's fault that you decided to balloon yourself up to the size of a baby elephant.... There just small human feet, made to carry a regular human's frame..... But you had to go and put added stress on them, if I were your feet I'd break myself for good, and make you have to ride around in a wheelchair.... Embrace your fatness, I did for years and maybe someday you can contact a disease like I did and lose all the pounds.... I'm sure I'll ballon to the size of a small bus when i get older, because of this... at least I won't complain 24/7... I'll just be fat and happy... I like food!
6. Girls that leave you hanging...... Guys you can relate with me here..... You know when a chick and you are making out or whatever and she starts fondling Today's Prime Beef Special and then she stops????..... I mean come on...... Take one for the team baby...... They do it on purpose, most like to see us squirm and ask for it...... Chicks dig that power..... I'm gonna make a Shirt that say's ' No C*ck Teases ' and on the back.... ' All other Applicants see Shirt wearer ' That would sell like hotcakes and weave through all the chicks who do that to us.... It's not our fault god blessed us with that stuff...... Remember girls... Guys can do the same thing, and it sucks for you....... Chicks in general, with the power they have over us suck! I just gotta keep reminding myself they were made out of one Rib... We're far more superior!
7. Those people who have that generic cartoon person pissing on whatever...... Do you think seriously One, I'm Serious here, One Person ever looked at that sticker and go ' Wow that's the funniest thing I've ever seen Yeah piss on Chevy'..... If they have I'll pay for your vacation into the Ebola infested African village of Lickmynutsuti..... While we're at it, let's add the creator of those stupid stickers to the list as well.... He's a millionaire of a stupid sticker.... Like those silly W.W.J.D. stickers...... People who put those stickers on there cars are automatically bad drivers, it's amazing... Everytime I'm behind one of these idiots, you're sure to hear one of these statements from my mouth ' Jesus wouldn't drive 45 in a 65 mph zone you f*cking moron '... ' Jesus would use his blinker sh*t for brains ' and various others..... I mean if you're gonna be so religious to go ' I do what Jesus does, you better be pretty freaking perfect.......
8. Handicap People - Not all, just those people who get the placards because there fat, or they got them because they have a crooked spine and they park right up front at the grocery store...... That's ridiculous, I'll seriously mess you up to where you have to be handicap and those placards can be used more wisely...... I mean even the wheelchair parking should be in the back of the parking lot... They got freaking wheels.... and most are motorized, so there's no physical effort, but yet the get the upfront parking spaces while I have to hike a 2 mile journey to get to the store to get some food, and usually the handicap people take the last thing off the aisle before i get there, because they zoom around in those motorized grocery carts..... And they usually have some stupid stickers on them that say ' I can't drive 55 ' Yeah no sh*t idiot... You can't even walk.... I'm a heartless b@stard, but you love me!
There will be more lists to come my friends, and don't forget tommorrow is TNA PPV Preview time... So come on back...... Peace... thebro1869@hotmail.com
| MY Doo-Doo Brown Pimp-Mobile, |
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| 'Cept mines got a bicycle rack on the Trunk... Jealous???? |
Bro's News and Reviews for 4/4/03
Well it's Friday and man you know what???? I'm ready to get wasted!!!!!!! Actually I'm going to the Mule Days show in Columbia tonight, and no it's not some stupid horse show, but it's a wrestling event... Pretty big I suggest going..... Speaking of Horses... I find them funny.... they make me laugh for some reason, they have eyes on the side of there head and things like that make me laugh..... especially patches over there eyes...... I like patches too, ever since Swamp Thing came out and the Bad Guy had a patch over his eye.... That rocked...... Speaking of Horses, The Bro is The Horse of the Penile Kingdom...... I'm really off on a tangent today.....
After this column there are some pictures taken by the Photoshop Mofo...... they are great and he should do his own slideshow...... Can never get enough Bearded Tacos,Hairy Clams,Swollen Pink Eyes or Beef Curtains..... I was reading Bo's ' Rum and Coke Buzz ' from www.totalnonstop.com when I related to something he said.... He talked about people not turning on the fan in the bathroom after they had just laid something that makes New Jersey smell like a Rose in the toilet..... See at my work it's a little different...... I go into the bathroom to clear my sinuses.... This time of year is killer for my allergies and sinuses and I've found the perfect remedy...... As soon as I enter my bathroom the smell of Human Fecal Matter, Urine, Sweat and Uclean Bozaks is a deadly combo, but with me It clears my sinuses to where I can breathe... So I'd like to thank all the dirty people that use my bathroom for clearing my sinuses for me.... ( Tips Hat ) Now for my boos, I'd like to clear up something.... When I'm dropping my Brown Headed kids off at the pool, please do not sit there and try to converse with me in the stall... I swear everytime I go to the bathroom to do my biz, my boos seems to walk in, he sits down, clears his throat and goes ' You gonna have those reports done for me by business end today? ' I wanna say ' Sure, Man.... After I get done squeezing the poop out my @ss, I'll run to my desk, withought washing my hands and finish those reports written in a nice smelly scratch and sniff marker..... ' But I don't...... I say ' Sure ' and quickly clean up and leave..... While i'm barraged with ' Ohhhhhh, yeah that one right there, oh god ' by my boss.... I never knew taking a dump could turn into the soundtrack for a porn movie, but he made it possible.... SCAT Porn Rules!!!!!! What weirds me out is my boss can just tell it's me by my shoes.... I try to vary them up now, but he must be the shoe-champ as he always knows it's me...... SCARY......
But this is just a lead-in with scat to unveil my new wrestling rating system..... TURDS..... That's right from now on I'll be rating wrestling matches with TURDS..... I'm tired of people going that was a five star match...... Ok.... stars... Who cares... TURDS are better..... See lets say Dusty Rhodes fought Brian Lawler in a ladder match, Oh my bad they are..... Going into the match I might rank that a Diarrhea Turd..... You know messy,smelly,sloppy and generally reaks havoc on your system..... But let's say we get another Lynn vs. Kash match... That my friends would be the Petrified Turd..... You know those White Turds your dog leaves and you find them eight months later..... There Stiff,Don't Smell and actually are quite appealing to the eye.... So look for the unveiling of the TURD ranking system next week, only from The True Original Cynical, Bro.....
So I'm out I got work to do, and don't have time to entertain anymore today... Go to Mule Days and all that jazz.... I'll be there,so you know the ladies will too..... Have a good weekend and drink and burn one for me! Bro
News and Reviews for 4/2/03
Go check out Brosef's Views for my TNA PPV Preview for tonight's show.....!!!!!
NEWS AND REVIEWS FOR 3/20/03
Added TNA PPV Review to Brosef's views and updated Hottie of the night, Best and Worst Signs and PPV Awards, go check that out....
News and Reviews for 3/18/03
Well it's Tuesday and like many Tuesday's it's boring as sh*t..... But d' Bro be here to kick into high gear..... Last week on NWA/TNA we saw the surprise appearance of D-Lo Brown making his debut, Now make him a heel and it will all be good..... Think about it..... Look at how the fans reacted to Cuba Gooding Brown, you'd think he came to the ring giving out free samples of Oil Paintings of Jesus Christ and At-Home Wife Beating Kits by the Pop he got....... So what better way to swerve the fans and make him insta-heel than to have him turn on Mullet in Training, JJ.... Also last week Hacksaw Jim Duggan appeared as a surprise and well, yeah he appeared.... Look there's no way around it..... Hacksaw is nuttier than a bladder bag full of Squirrel Shit, Seriously Hacksaw should just considering retiring and then offering his services to The American Council For Sterilizing Fallopian Tubes to be there poster child. He was entertaining when I was 5, when I hit 6 I realized he was a goof....... Get rid of him and hire New Jack or Balls Mahoney or Axl Rotten, all much better talent and better spent money......
If you're looking for a good article to read go check out ' The Rum and Coke Buzz ' over on www.totalnonstop.com ....... It's a good read especially with The War looming.......
God....... I swear does Holly-Wood look like a sleazier Beulah McGillicuty or what??? And you know in my book Sluttier = Fun for my Boolly Bags...... I think I'll always love Beulah..... She was probably one of the first women that introduced my fingers to my Beef Bar in a non pee-pee capacity...... If you know what I mean Imogene......
Well I'll be back tommorrow with a TNA PPV Preview....... Sorry this is short but D'Bro be angry.... Email me hot chicks to cheer me up..... thebro1869@hotmail.com
News and Notes for 3/14/03
Hey whattup, You know it's been a while since D' Bro wrote a weekday update, but I'm in a meeting this morning at work and have nothing better to do so I decided to come back and write like a fly drawn to sh*t...... You know if there's such a thing as reincarnation could you imagine how bad you'd have to piss off God to become a fly.....???? I mean your two main sources of food are Fecal Matter and Vomit...... Gebbus Helly Christo!!!!!!!!!
On to today's Notes and News....... Teets...... Teets......Teets...... God I swear I've never seen so much fuss over a pair of Teets in my entire life..... You'd think Lollipop would have gotten into the ring,snorted a line of crack,de-brained a young child and Gone snorklin' for clams in the middle of the ring, with the outrage that has been all over internet sites..... Comes on people it's Teets for Christ's Sakes...... She did nothing but what someone asked her to do..... Don't give me that Horsesh*t line about ' There were kids there ', personally if there were kids there then it was there parents fault and there parents should take full responsibility for whatever there child see's at the show..... If you take your kid to an R-Rated movie, which I've seen many parents take there 7-8 year old kids to R-Rated movies, you know what's going to be on screen, you know cuss words are going to be used, dead bodies splattered against the screen,Teets all over the place..... Which brings me back to my point..... Wrestling should Never,Ever be considered a babysitter for these kids, it should never be considered a form of entertainment for kids, and if it is then they need to be explained everything they see...... Today's parents are lousy, they sit at home while there sons and daughters go in there room smoke crack,play with guns,plot suicide killing spree's and read my site and then they go ' Oh my God, there's Teets on my television screen, what's the world coming too!!!!!!!!! ' Hey spend some time with your kids, teach them ( Dusty Speech ) ' Wight o Wong ' and lay down the rules every once in awhile...... Oh and while we're at it why don't you email your local ABC affiliate and get mad at them for having the words ' Semen ' ' Dumb@ss ' ' Damn ' and ' B*tch ' said from the hours of 8-9 on one great ABC show...... I guess that's acceptable though since it's on ABC where kids could flip the switch and get it for free, but TNA is on a PPV basis so going into it, you know when buying it that there could be some questionable acts...... I see the inane logic.....
Oh and I saw someone write..... ' Remember all the kids in the audience especially you're biggest fan in the front row, Star ' Ok don't get me started.... I've been going to wrestling in Nashville for years and Star has been there with her Grandmother, Bonnie Baldwin for years and if Teets is the worse this girl has ever seen or heard then I'm The Pope..... Bonnie constantly gets in the wrestler's faces and uses those intelligated words that are too complicated for me to understand but they sound like 'Duck ' with an F..... and ' Caggot ' with an F...... But Lollipop should feel so bad for what she did...... Anyone seen ' Are you Hot '???? There's enough skin on there to make Dahmer a happy man for the rest of eternity, yet noone claims for the bad moral message it sends to the kids, who will think ' Damn I gotta look like them to be hot ' that in turn leads to them turning to ephedra that will prolly kill 10 percent of the people who take it, or they will turn to bulimia or that other disease I can't remember :) but that's all acceptable, because Hey it's not wrestling....... Wrestling fans are a jaded lot anyway I mean there like Vultures.... ' I'm so pissed at wrestling and Triple H, I'n gonna sit on my perch and when they mess up once I will swoop down upon thee with great vengeance and fury '...... Give me a break.....So check yourself before you start crucifying someone for something....... I was like many at first, and was like ' Well that wasn't good ' But undersdtanding the position they were in and she was in, I understand both sides..... Look below the surface sometimes and maybe you'd understand what happened Wed. night was not that big of a deal at all.... With thoughts of War,Terrorism and Buffy getting killed off, we all have more important things to worry about..... But, let's all blame wrestling for the world's and our kid's problems... YAY....... They were Teets people, plain and simple that's what it comes down too.... If it was a bearded taco, I may understand but Teets, come on...... We all suckled on them when we were younger, why shy away now??? I mean I'm sure statistics will prove that a child seeing Teets didn't go out and kill anyone, turn into a stripper, turn into a whore, or anything like that... Wake up from your self righteous rhetoric and look beyond the paper thin reality world you surround yourself in..... Watch something and laugh... Geez, life's to short to be so bitter...... Teets,Teets,Teets....
On to other news...... Conducted an interview with a valet on the independent scene named Infynity.... She works for USA Championship Wrestling and Manages ' The Master of the Mindgames ' Matt Catalano..... She also wrestles too and she did this interview... go check it out under the Interviews section..... She's a super duper Down Chick who will someday be in TNA.... That's a Bro guarantee..... That doesn't come cheaply my friend...... I predicted such shockers as J.R. getting shot on Dallas, Last year I broke the news to someone that Milli Vanilli was lip-synching and yesterday I broke the news that Michael Jackson burned his hair in a pepsi commercial, so yeah I'm pretty good and almost Nostradomus-esque........
Also if you haven't read my Review of the TNA show go check it out under Brosef's Views...... Have a good weekend,drink alot and party till you poop your pants....... thebro1869@hotmail.com
Thought of the Day : Which came first the peanut or the turd.....????
3/12/03 - Added TNA PPV PReview to Brosef's Views section... Go Check it out, Snozberry Smuggler
3/10/03 - Added a New ' Real ' From the Inside to that section, click in Navigation Area.....
3/5/03 - Added TNA PPV Preview to Brosef's Views... Go Check it Out ........
News and Reviews 3/4/03
Whattup Holmes, It's Tuesday and as usual fare for Tuesday's it's boring as a fat chick giving you a lap dance..... While scouring the internet for odd things I came across this story someone re-told that made me die laughing.... Read it and you will too
----- If anyone here wonders about the problems with wrestling with a stomach virus, there's a story the Undertaker told in an interview about wresting Sid around WM13. Sid was suffering from stomach flu, and when powerslammed, he seems to have shat himself. This was disgusting, and Taker told the ref and they ended the match. -----------
To me and probably me alone this has to be the best story I have ever heard..... Could you imagine being the Undertaker and lifting him up to powerbomb him and somewhere between the release and hitting the mat hearing a ' splllllliiiiiiiittttt ' that would totally make me die laughing and make me puke, Cause if he had Stomach flu it was probably runny and smelly..... :) It would be hard to cover someone up like that for the three count, I mean you'd be worried about inhaling some poop particles or just smelling the rancid smell..... Gross..... I bet Sid had smelly poop too, just because he sorta looked smelly.....
Wellthat's it for today, remember to check out The REAL From Teh Inside..... If not I don't care do what you want.... I'll be back tommorrow for a TNA PPV Preview, if anyone cares, if not... I don't....... Peace and remember kids, choose your friends wisely...... Bro thebro1869@hotmail.com
News and Reviews 3/3/03
Added all new section called, The ' REAL ' from the Inside... go check it out, click on it in the navigation menu... It's where I pick apart Borash's weekly ' From The Inside Report '
2/24/03 Bro's Personal Interview with ' Bullet Bob '
You know in my line of duty my job is to track down information and report on it...... Well not my job since I don't get paid but it's my duty to report it to you..... Recently one ' Bullet ' Bob Armstrong was replaced by JJ Dillon as the figurehead of the NWA..... TNA reported it was because ' Bullet ' Bob Armstrong had asked for the leave because the war between NWA and S.E.X. had gotten to personal...... PROPOGANDA!!!!!!!!!!! I know propoganda when I hear it people, remember when McDonalds gave out those little plastic records with there meals and if it played the whole Big Mac Ingredient song you won some money???? But noone I ever knew ever got the money and I never heard a followup.... WHY???? Because people McDonalds was subliminally making you crave Big Macs by inserting subliminal messages into the record..... Kinda like when Chicago's ' 25 or 6 to 4 ' song is played backwards it say's ' Sweet Satan is your Lord ' the big Mac song when played backwards to say ' I request you to eat my juicy,succulent beef ' and that my friends is no lie...... Now looking back on it.... Ronald McDoanld was either requesting you to eat a Big Mac or he was singing a homoerotic love song to you...... But all this is leading up to is PROPOGANDA..... NWA tells it's side of the story but did ' Bullet ' Bob tell his???? NO!!!!!! Why?????, I'll tell you why.... How am I gonna tell you why???? Because my friends I scored the interview of a lifetime with one ' Bullet ' Bob Armstrong..... At first The Bullet was a little aprehensive to do an interview with The Bro..... He sighted the fact about how I talk about his beloved sweatpants, the way I make fun of his bed pan and The Heat Magnet that is The Bro..... But his anger at not being able to tell the true story about what happened got the best of him.... This is the ' Bullet Bob ' Interview......
When pulling up to Shady Acres Retirement Home I noticed that this was a nice building for a Retirement home, Nice garden out front with a fountain and a Golf Course, man this was plush...... I parked my car and walked in and requested to talk to a Bob Armstrong..... The attendant looked at me as if I laid a liverworst laiden fart in her face.... ' We don't have a Bob Armstrong here!!!!!! ' I looked puzzled at the email in my hand that had the address and directions, I was in the right place and asked the lady to recheck her computer.... She did and still the same results..... A Room Attendant walked by as I said ' Bob Armstrong ' and chuckled.... I turned and asked do you know him??? The Attendant replied ' I don't know a Bob Armstrong, but there is a guy on the 5th floor who calls himself ' Dung Bomber Bob ' ' I looked at my email and sure as Percy hasn't seen his p*nis in 15 years, the email said 5th floor..... I made my way up the stairs and when I got to the 5th floor a warden screamed ' Lookout ' and pushed me down.... something flew over my head and splattered against the wall, I turned and was disgusted by human feces...... The Warden informed me that they had to move all the patients off this floor because ' Bob ' had become too much to handle..... Having heard this Bob screwed out ' This is for taking away my Liver flavored puddin' you sons-a-b*tches ' with that he flung another ball of feces at the Warden this time hitting him in the arm... He fell down screaming ' I've been hit, I've been hit ' The orderly's ran to check on there fallen Warden...... This was my time to move in as Bob wasn't looking in my direction...... I stealthily sneaked up to Bob who had his Hospital Gown on, but had aWWII era Army hat on..... The first words out of my mouth were ' Holy sh*t , what has happened to you ' Bob replied ' It's sh*t but I don't know how holy it is..... Who are you anyways you remind me of some queer hippie ' I replied my name is The Bro... I requested an interview to get your side of the story as to why you were replaced on TNA....... Bob replied ' Well let me get some respectable like clothes on, it's been years since I've seen a pair of firm t*tt*es and a tight @$$, Chicks dig when I take out my gums cause it feels like a newborn baby suckling ' I replied ' No... Bob, I'm here to interview you about wrestling, you know NWA/TNA the company you worked for?? '....... Bob replied ' Well let me go empty out my Bladder Bag, My goldfish need a fresh environment '.... So with that I knew this interview would be one of craziness and intrigue ensuing.....
The Bro : So Bob, let's start with the basics...... You're name, Age, and how you got started in professional wrestling.....
Bob : ' Well that incident with the Mule, I'll tell you what, When a mule say's No... it means No!!!!! But it sure did look sexy in that Minnie Pearl Dress '
The Bro : ' Riiiiiiiigt........ Interesting...... Moving right along here Bob, How did you first come into contact, or how did you get your job with TNA '
Bob : ' Well I answered an ad in the paper..... The Ad said ' Give your life to Science, Embalm Yourself Now and Save Time and Money ' With an offer like that how could I pass it up...... So I went to the address in the paper and was filling out paperwork........
The Bro : ' Bob is there something wrong are you not understanding my questions??? '
Bob : ' Listen here Sonny... you came here, you ask the questions, I give you the answers...... Oh Geez..... My Hemmorhoids are bleeding again... Hold on...... '
Bob headed to the bathroom when I saw on the TV tray by his bed a small Hearing Aide...... When Bob returned sucking the analgesic cream off his fingers and commenting on how ' Momma's Chocolate Pudding tasted stale this time around ' I handed him his Hearing Aide and we went along with the interview after scalding my hands in the sink and apllying 15 coats of Antiseptic Gel, mind you.....
The Bro : Ok Bob the people have got to know...... What's up with the sweatpants.... Why Wear sweatpants with a Sport Jacket???
Bob : Funny you should ask... I've read your site among others with this rig-a-morole about my sweatpants why you fruitcakes care about my Sweatpants is beyond me..... But truth be told I'll tell you what it is... And it isn't a bladder bag or anything like that... When I was born I had a Twin that was attached to my outer thigh, the operation to seperate did go as planned so now I have my Twins head still connected to my outer thigh..... He needs room to breathe down there so I wear sweatpants so the oxygen can circulate better.....
The Bro : Is this True about this or are you joking?
Bob : Wanna see it..... Here it is...... ( Bob Pulled down his pants..... Sure enough there was a head down there, when I looked the thing said ' Hey you why don't you score me some Pabst and a Baby Ruth...... Don't just stand there mofugger, go get me some b*tch.... Bob scolded the little head for yelling at me.... The thing apologized and asked if I liked his new hat...... The Hat said ' Sexy Diva ' it was hot pink and fishnet.... I held back my laughter at this Mongloid head that looked like John Madden with a stroke and said' Yes it's very flattering ' With that he offered to perform an act on me which cannot be discussed...... Man I never knew mongloid heads attached to someone's outer thighs were such perverts..... Bob pulled his pants up and apologized..... One thing of note... Bob was sporting some new underwear with Bill Clinton's Face over his crotch and a fake cigar poking out where, well you get the gist.... it looked airbrushed and the words... ' Puff on this ' were placed beside Clinton's cartoony airbrushed head.... )
The Bro : Well that sure was disturbing...... Sorry I asked..... Moving right along...... Alot of speculation has been surrounding why you left the company.... Care to share????
Bob : Of course I'll share...... You see it all started back a month ago...... I was backstage dousing my hair with some Grecian Hair Formula when Percy Pringle walked in....... Being that I no longer work with the company I don't mind sharing a few secrets...... You see Percy Pringle always had a crush on me and I mean look at me, who wouldn't, but he was a man... He was obese, and he liked to where women's lingerie undernetah his clothing..... So this one day he pops in while I was maincuring my hairs and shut the door behind him.... I said ' Percy today we're not playing Where did I hide the HotDog we ain't playing My Pencil needs to be sharpened and we damn sure ain't playing Mr. Hot Dog takes a trip to the Fudge Factory.... ' With that Percy got upset..... He said ' Well Big Boy, I guess you don't want none of this.... ' He dropped his pants and revelead himself to be wearing Silky Black Stocking and Women lingerie...... Now..... Let me tell you this..... I'd still be here counting the purple bubbles in his cellulite if I wanted to, but I'm a straight man, I don't need that, I don't need this behemoth of a man hitting on me.... It's just wrong..... Anyways back to my story.... I said ' What in the Wild Wild West are you doing.....???' He say's ' I'm here to show you Mr. Sexy Sweatpant Man, how much I love you....... ' With that he charged at me like a rhino.... I didn't have time to move, so he clobbered me up against the wall........ Luckily That little dude..... What's his name...... James BallRash came in and punched Percy in the ass knocking him down..... In the melee' I cracked two ribs...... I'm on Worker's Comp. now... So that's why they replaced me......
The Bro : So all this stemmed from you getting Attacked by Percival Pringle????
Bob : Yeah I mean it was later found out he ran a website for BBOW ( Big Beautiful Old Wrestler's ) in Lingerie.... It's Pretty sick, In fact I'd like to go on record as saying either Randy Savage is trying to save a rainforest by growing one on his crotch or the man is afraid of razor's...... And looking at the way he acts... He ain't afraid of Razor's if you know what I mean......
The Bro : Right, So what are you doing at a nursing home????
Bob : Well I'll tell you, that no good son of mine B.G. James claimed that he had a family emergency to take care of this past Wednesday, that emergency..... Admitting me into here, saying I couldn't take care of myself...... I'm so embarrased to be here... I was doing fine at home eating toothpaste and purifying my own piss..... I could have made it, but no....... He wants all of my money to himself...... For What???? I don't know... Maybe you can do some investigating reporting to find out what my money is being spent on..... When he was a child he used to steal my money and run out and by Those Skin Magazines, they were'nt normal ones either, no Penthouse or Playboy but stuff like Lactating Grannies dressed as an English Dandy Magazines... Really Disturbing.....
The Bro : Wow..... I would have never guessed all of this.... This is quite simply amazing....... Thanks for all the insight you have given me today.......
Bob : No, thank you for letting me speak my mind..... I needed to get this story out, Currently I'm still in hiatus, I will be back and when I do come back you better believe I'll have pictures to back up my claims.... Percy is going down...... Now.... If you'll be so kind as to hand me my enema... I got some Poop to be bombing people with sharply at 5 p.m. soldier......
With that I handed him his water enema and walked out the door...... I heard Bob scream ' INCOMING ' but before I could duck A Poop Patty landed on the back of my head..... I smiled.... Turned and shot him the thumbs up....... Thanks, Bullet Bob...... Thanks for your insight and truthfullness.......
Of course this interview was fake, but it would have been good to actually conduct an interview with him....... Also I guess my site was TNA Friendly enough to get plugged on Xplosion..... Good, last thing I wanted to be was friendly....... Oh well TNA is just in Denial about Bro World Domination........ thebro1869@hotmail.com
Go check out Brosef's Views for a TNA PPV Review,Hottie of The Week,Best and Worst Signs and PPV Awards......
USA Championship Wrestling Review 2/18/03
Hey whattup..... Sorry for no report yesterday, I was celebrating President's Day..... Well not really celebrating but you know..... In fact what are you supposed to do on President's Day????? Noone has officially come out and given us set rules for how to enjoy President's Day.... Am I supposed to whittle wooden figures of my favorite American President's, Am I supposed to go up to everyone, shake there hand and tell them if they give me 5.00 I'll fart the Chorus of ' I'll Always Love You '???? ( alluding to the fact that the government takes our money and bold face lies to us ) or maybe I'll dress up the neighborhood kids and have them run around with cardboard cutouts of certain countries taped to there head while I toss Water Balloons labeled as ' The Nuke ' at there head..... Ahhh yes fun,fun President's Day..... Either way it gave me an extra day and it gave me an opportunity to check out Daredevil so it's all good..... Speaking of Daredevil ( The Movie ) it was great..... not awesome, but Great.... Awesome gets reserved for The Hulk..... But I seriously hope Daredevil wears a jock underneath his Leather Pants as sweating in Leather pants, causes serious chaffing, (I've heard.....)
Anyways before my weekend really got interesting Saturday Night I went to check out the USA Championship Wrestling Show....... Sorry for the late recap, but better late than never, so let's get to it......
The very first match on the card is The Evil Twins taking on The Misfits...... The Evil Twins are The Wrestling Worlds Equivilant to Emmanuel Lewis and Gary Coleman...... People who ' think ' they are stars but really are just midgets underneath...... I guess the Evil Twins would be ok, if they weren't short, They didn't look like Lex Luger, They didn't have Bowl Cut haircuts that there granny used her bed pan to sculp it with, and They didn't come out in Bugle Boy Business Wear....Oh wait.... I guess they Evil Twins would be good if they weren't The Evil Twins... period..... It's funny watching the match, The Twins were sporting the Business Casual Collection from Bugle Boy but they were still wearing the same yellow urine stained wrestling boots..... Classic! Anyways The Misfits are good, but young..... And it seems like the lack of anything stiff between there legs makes the Twins like to fight stiff with there opponents...... There actually scary stiff, like Those retards you piss of when you steal there candy and then they turn Mongloid Beast Baby on you.... Yeah that kind of stiff.... Someday they will hurt someone if they haven't already..... The ending to this match when Rat Fink Twin Number Two crawled under the ring and got a plank of wood half the size of himself and holding it into the corner for his partner to whip one of the Misfits into.... The Misfit reversed the move and sent Rat Fink Twin Number One into the board instead and The Misfits got the win..... Funny spot during this match was when one of The Rat Fink Twins holding the board got his finger caught when the Misfit slammed into the board...... Oh yeah and the Misfits get props for having there intro Music by Crossbreed..... They fuggin' Rock!!!!!!!
So on to the next match where we get The Adult version of The Evil Twins in Shane Eden taking on Matt Catalano..... For those that don't know... Shane is a local worker that has been on the local independent scene for years..... If there was a place in the wrestling hall of fame for missed spots, Shane Eden would be Babe Ruth..... Catalano is young, but already looks good as a wrestler and plays the Heel Role really well..... Some people say Shane resembles a Spider Monkey, to me he just resembles one of those Monkey's that are on a string attached to a music box with a bellhop uniform on..... You know the one that spins and hops and does twisty thingies.... Yep that one..... Plus the dude was wearing Swimming Trunks...... Fishnet Ball Holsters rock..... Eden got a chain and hit Catalano with it... They roll outside to the floor and Catalano beats the ' gay ' out of Eden..... They get counted out by an ever so inconspicuous ' Face ' ref Rudy....... Eden decides to give a roaring Fist with the chain on top of Catalano's head for a goodbye hit..... Great.... I farted....
The next match was Arrick Andrews taking on The Thug...... On his way to the ring Arrick likes to hug Tards and Heffers and Handi's..... But tonight he did something unspeakable, something that will forever be right up there in my databank of things to think about to get my Broner to go down..... He actually got out of the ring and started dancing with Bert...... Bert trying to ' twerk ' it like Andrews was a site ' not ' to behold..... Be thankful you weren't there to see it, The Dr. advises me the bandages should come off in 3 weeks..... But you know what for what moral decency Andrews lacks..... April sure makes up for.... April sure makes up for alot.... Man she was sporting some major assets tonight... She looked like one of those Secretaries in porn movies.... Blue Tight Sweater Tank and black oh so short to see the goods mini skirt..... Ummmmm I wish I was her boss.... Oh to be Bert.... I'm jealous of a Dom Deluise impersonator, Life's Grand..... Arrick was getting his @ss, or should I say Bert's @ss, handed to him...... Andrews hits a sunset flip but Thug holds onto the ropes.... Classic Move..... Rudy The Ref, decides to kick The Thugs arms making him lose the grip and then makes the fast 3 count..... Rudy, or shall we say Mr. Burns..... You are hereby requested to remove said sideburns..... We here at the center for Heelish Sideburns believe that you misrepresent all Burn wearers with your blatant misuse and misrepresentaion of those patches of hair known as sideburns...... Any and all use hither will be turned over to our lawyers to further legal action..... It's hard to be suave as myself and The Doug..... Get your own gimmick pal if you can't perform up to the task of your burns.... Thanks, The Bro..... C.E.O. of The Heelish Sideburns Foundation.....
The next match was a classic..... Hot Rod Biggs and Mitch Ryder taking on Chris Vaughn and Rick Santel...... Hot Rod and Mitch work great together and for Heels, may be the best I have seen in quite some time at the old school heelish persona...... Rick Santel and Chris Vaughn, yeah there the best at..... Ummmmm Security.... Rick and Chris did do there Mr. Perfect salute complete with tights and gum and towel, it was nice, but then they had to wrestle.... Andy Douglas came to ringside to support his 'friends' complete with crutches..... Biggs and Ryder completely worked the match like Heelish Greats.... Santel and Vaughn came in withought tags to begin with but soon Rudy started to notice..... 5 minutes to late that they were doing this and decided to lay down the law... This allowed Ryder and Biggs to work over Vaughn's knee...... Santel not really grasping d'English Language as of now had a hard time understanding American Wrestling Rules of ' You cannot enter a ring withought a tag '...... So therefore Ryder and Biggs worked over Vaughn's Knee totally devasting him..... Vaughn made the Hot Tag to Santel who started wailing on Biggs and Ryder, Totally unbelievable that A Mexican Window Washing Expert could do that, but I digress.... Santel got the three count, barely....... Then afterwards Santel and Vaughn were celebrating in the ring and Douglas came in to celebrate with them, but Douglas took his crutch and beat them down with both...... he broke one over Santel's Back... Hey watch the back Douglas that man's Window Washing Power comes from his back muscles..... Douglas is a new hero as he totally had people buying he loved these dudes.... Now Ponch and John can go back to Ponch's Mud Adobe cry a bit and drink some herbal tea..... Just goes to prove there's only so much Man to Man oil rubbing a guy can witness before he snaps.....
Next match was the Main Event of Brian Lee vs. Humongous.... This match was very short..... They brawled on the outside and on the inside, classic big man brawl..... Lee put a vicious looking DDT on Humongous.... Biggs,Douglas and Ryder all come to the ring... Biggs and Ryder distract the ref as Humongous in whipped into the ropes letting Douglas hit Humongous with his crutch, allowing Lee to get the pin...... The stip before the match was a hair vs. mask match, so Humongous had to unmask to revela himself to be Tiny Head Todd..... I swear to God this dude is huge but his head resembles that of a newborn..... Weird, but he's still cool and has bigger breasts than most women..... Actually while writing this remember the Indian Headshrinking Doctor in Beetlejuice....??? Yeah that's what Humongous reminds me of..... Small Head, Huge Giganto Body.... He did have a bloody noce underneath the mash after the mtach, probably remnants of the DDT he recieved, looked to be broken but who nose...... Hahahahahahaha who nose... get it??? Yeah it sucks..... Anyways the show was good.... good storylines, glad to see stoprylines used, there's only so much of Bert's Man Beef Brigade I can take withought sotrylines..... No Athena, No Lollipop which if rumors true when she returns will be to the delight of all fans.... But April made up for it.... Step into my Parlor said the Spider to the Fly..... Score!!!!!! thebro1869@hotmail.com
Bro's News and Reviews 2/14/03
Well it's Valentine Day....... And for the first time in ages The Bro doesn't have a Valentine's this year..... It's probably all for the better anyways..... Everytime I had a valentine's on the day I ended up spending around 200.00 on her that day and for what???? Yes, that's right 200.00 for her to pinch a loaf on my face...... I'm not bitter at all as I'm more pissed off that I could be that stupid, I should have known better than to spend 200.00 on someone who wouldn't watch wrestling with me, wouldn't appreciate Spongebob,Didn't Understand Bottle Rocket, Couldn't laugh at Tenacious D and all around just wanted to watch Lifetime...... So yeah I'm a little bitter about this whole Valentine's Day fiasco thing...... I'm pretty sure this fat girl who was prolly sitting on her couch while munching on some tasty cheese poofs with a shirt that had Scooby Doo on it saying ' I'm the Cutest ', probably while watching Lifetime about a cheating lawyer husband having an affair with his receptionist decided ' Hey We need love to ' And came up with this whole Valentine's Day thingie...... Red is also one of my least favorite colors so that combined with pink, which all male's should hate anyway kinda make this a depressing Holiday...... D@mn I just realized how pathetically stupid I just sounded.... Ok Girls this is your opportunity to be The Bro's Valentine Day Sweety...... Just send an email to TheBro1869@hotmail.com stating your qualifications for being my Valentines Day Hottie and at the end of the day today I'll make my choice and the winner gets The Title of ' Bro's 2003 Valentine's Day Hottie Award ' along with some Candy or something..... I know Desire,Trinity,April,Goldylocks,Athena,Lollipop,Molly and The J, just to name a few will be busting my email as I write this to win this award.... I mean come on, I am The Bro, and I do have a way with the ladies..... So again if you want to be in the running send an email to thebro1869@hotmail.com with your qualifications and I'll make a decision by the end of the day, and we'll put your picture up and give you props and then give you candy..... Candy Rocks.... Specially Cotton Candy..... As one of my favorite songs say's ' Cotton Candy don't get wet until it's in your mouth '
Now on to the wrestling side of things....... Hmmm whatever shall I write about today..... Let me think..... The Infamous Skullkrusher from www.nwasex.com has an interview up with My Lord and Savior Vince Russo up on his site..... It's a good read for those that are interested and if you're not then there's always a good Winnie The Pooh book to read somewhere.... Or what do you think about The pic above with Borash and Miss Molly??? Borash was cracking under pressure from being around such a hot little piece of ACE..... ' That Miss Molly is a peice of AAAACEEE ' Actually when writing that I have realized that Broash's Hot little old lady hasn't been in attendance lately..... Guess The Bro has been too much of an overwhelming factor in her life and the mere thought of being in the same building as myself would drive her crazy...... It's my musky scent..... It has the effect....... That picture of Borash was sent in my Photoshop Mofo who takes awesome pics and we will be collaborating to deliver a helping dose of pictures that are a little out there.... The underbelly of life is a very cool thing..... And the Mofo was also talking about Bro coming out with his own line of Bro products and I was like WORD..... And he suggested the first Item that I'm proud to introduce to you now......
( Speaking in Generic Infomercial Voice ) Do you have a problem???? You know that problem.... It's late at night, you are looking at Lactating Transgender Grannies dressed as Minnie Pearl Porn sites and you splooge all over the place... ( Insert Shocked Fat Dude striking a Macauley Culkin Stare and Scream ) Well my Friend you need The Bro's SPLOOGEe, That's right folks from the pimp of all pimps comes The Bro SPLOOGEe, specifically designed to clean up all Splooge Spills, Wherever, Whenever..... Even works on Human Skin as well...... The SPLOOGEe comes in 3 different colors.... Pink with a David Hasselhoff Face coated handle...... Yellow, with a Gary Coleman Face Covered Handle and Red with a Bro face colored handle.... Order yours today and we'll throw in A Case of Bro flavored Beef Bars.... LAdies ever wanted to take the Taste of The Bro on the road,To Work, To School, even to Church with you??? Then don't miss out on this exciting offer of a Free Case of Bro Flavored Beef Bars with your SPLOOGEe... What better way to say I love you than with the Gift of SPLOOGEe...... Just 4.95 if you call now 1-800-Bro-Beef... That's 1-800-Bro-Beef.......
So yeah order some SPLOOGEe's and have fun this Valentines Day and Ladies don't forget in order to be eiligible for Bro's Valentine Day Hottie, send your qualifications to thebro1869@hotmail.com..... the lucky winner will not be dissapointed..... I'm Out
2/12/03 - Go Check Out Brosef's Views for a PPV Preview for tonight's TNA PPV
News and Views 2/11/03
Well it's Tuesday and I usually would do my TNA Real World Story, but under the current circumstances I think I'll just wait to do it and talk about other stuff..... As everyone knows Curt Hennig died yesterday...... Noone knows the cause as of now, so speculation is something that noone should partake in..... Everyone is wondering, ' Bro what do you think of this???? I mean this dude tried to punk you out '..... The way I feel is this..... It's sad...... It's sad whenever anyone dies, but it's weird because this dude was all up in my grill like a month ago..... And whether I like them or not wrestlers have always been like superheroes to me, then they go and die and it sucks..... So I'm not gonna ramble but I hope his friends and family are ok and Thanks to him for good memories.........
Anyways on to other stuff...... Got a new Message Board so go over to the column section and click on the Message Board link and go and talk some sh*t..... I mean The Bro always starts something with his mouth and I know my visitors are the same way or otherwise they wouldn't come to this site, so go there and post some stuff, there's nothing that I like more than to hear from everyone whether it be good or bad..... Even the ' Brosef is a f@g ' column on my old message board made me laugh..... And you ladies out there.... You know who you are..... Go there and post, leave your home phone number, address and measurements, and what time of the month your ' visitor ' comes, and after I get all the other chicks taken care of and wrapped up, I'll come and we can partake in a game of tongue bathing..... Either way go to the message board and talk.....
Wanna hear about a dream I had last night???? Well if you don't too bad here it goes...... I went into a CD Wharehouse to trade in some CD's, I go up to the counter and lo and behold Vince Russo is working there, I was like in awe and was like ' Ummmmm I'd like to trade in these CD's for some money please ' and He was like ' Hey I know you, you're The Bro ' and he came around the counter and was like ' Dude I like all your stuff blah blah blah ' and then he brought up about how I defend him all the time and that he wanted to bring the pain to all those people who talk crap about him..... I said good idea and we went back to his house where he had some computer system that printed off the addresses of everyone who ever talked bad about him..... So we headed out to pay these people a visit.... We get to the first person's house and We go to the back of the trunk he say's ' We need to teach this punk a little lesson in respect but put on this outfit and I'll put on mine ' So he handed me one of those San Diego Chicken Outfits and Russo put on a bellhop outfit and we go to the door..... He rings the door bell when a pimply faced teenager answers.... Russo pulls out a tray with a card on it..... The Card say's ' Your singing Telegram ' and Russo starts singing ' I am your signing Telegram, I bring joy I bring fun, Here's a greeting from my old shotgun ' and with that I blasted dude.... We high fived and ran to our car ( A mexican molester van with tassles and a stained glass etching of the Virgin Mary on the back bubble winfow ) We went from town to town doing this..... Then we decided Whew we need some food... And for some reason with our outfits on we went to eat at one of those Ethiopian cuisine restaurants..... While eating some pita bread and tomatoes Goldberg came in to eat in his wrestling tights and when he walked in the door his sparlerks and smoke went off..... In fact it set one of the pillows that you sit on the floor with on fire..... He came over and screamed ' You're Next ' and he picked Russo up and Jackhammered him on the floor it's at that point I pulled out my cattle prod and shocked him, he sat down and said ' You know guys, I love you ' We all hugged and then left.... We went to Russo's house and he showed me all these full body suits of famous wrestlers he had.... Hogan,Andre,Stone Cold,Rock,Triple H,Vince McMahon,Jarrett and for some reason Dionk..... He said those people never existed, it was me the whole time in the body suits...... I said ' Whoaaaa awesome ' and that's when Goldberg went to the back and I found out he was actually Russo's tailor that stitched all these body suits for him..... Russo explained that Goldberg is mentally retarded and flips out every once in awhile and the cattle prod calms him down for an hour or two then he snaps again..... All of a sudden the door busted open and it was the cops.... That's when I woke up..... It was one of those weird dreams that when you wake up, you try to go back to sleep real quick to hopefully pick up on the ending of the last dream, but it never works..... Weird dream though..... Must have been some bad food I ate, I told her to take a bath.... ( cha-ching )
I'll be back tommorrow with my TNA Preview for tommorrow nights PPV.... Go hit up the Message Board and Start talking.... Peace, thebro1869@hotmail.com
News and Reviews for 2/10/03 - R.I.P. The Death of a Legend
Ahhhh yes it's monday and I'd like to take this time to address a problem that has been brought to my attention through a third party..... The word that has become synonomous with The Bro..... that word is ' Splooge '..... You see the word ' Splooge ' is a funny word to me, it may not be to you, or your mother, or your nappy headed granny, but to me that word is funny, so therefore I use the word ' Splooge ' to refer to chicks that I think are hot..... Why the word ' Splooge ' you ask??? Well the word ' Splooge ' defintly sounds better than some other more crude, shall you , words that I could use..... But I've been told this word makes certain ' persons ' feel dirty and violated..... Dirty and violated are words that should be used in the same sentence as fondling and molesting, not ' Splooge ', but I digress..... The main problem that I have with this whole ' Splooge ' controversy is that most of the people I use the word for, I have asked if it was alright, as I am pretty respectful and was told ' No it's cool ' so therefore I was under the assumption that everything was cool...... Ahhh but that was before a little birdie left some information in my ear, and this little birdie is more than credible so I 100 percent believe this person..... So therefore I have decided to abandon the word ' Splooge ' and have gone after more family friendly words to describe my human excretion for getting excited over a hot chick..... It was hard to part with a Word that has kinda become a Bro catchphrase to just drop it off on the side of the road for some other ' family ' to pick up and take home and nurture it and give it love, but I had to do what I had to do..... ' But Bro, what other words could take over for the word ' Splooge ' ? ' Well I'll tell you it was hard coming up with another word or phrase to take over such a historic word, but I've done it......
I sent out Reaper to go to the local ' Home for Abandoned Cool Cathchphrases ' and he came back with one that I thought was suitable,family friendly and not dirty, so said persons wouldn't have to feel violated..... We nurtured the phrase and got it back to full 100 percent strength, I got up in the middle of the nights for the feedings and changed it's poo-poo diapers...... So now I present to you the new Phrase to summarize my Human Excretion for hot chicks...... The phrase is ready for it's debut and I feel it to be pretty catchy in it's own right...... That phrase follows ( Cue the theme from 2001 : A Space Odyssey ) ................................................................... Peter Powder ................................................... Ahh yes Peter Powder, as in ' That girl was so hot, I'd like to sprinkle her with my Peter Powder '....... I figure that was ' family friendly ' but still humorous, at least for me..... Peter everyone loves, just ask Michael Jackson, he thinks he is Peter Pan, and who wouldn't..... And Powder, well I don't know about you, but I can't have a night of hot Brosex withought my special Lubrication Fairie Powder that I sprinkle on the heads of unsuspecting hotties, that turn them into savages craving a Beef Bone..... And Backing Soda Powder, who doesn't use that to get rid of that god-awful three week old stench in your refrigerator....???? That's why Peter Powder was chosen...... It has wholesome names, but it means something ' Dirty '.... OH NO, there's that word again...... Anyways keep ' Splooge ' alive on your own.... Splooge will always be remembred and never forgotten, it's legacy will always live on...... But there's a new kid on the block.... Peter Powder..... Keep it real..... Or to some keep it fake, but pretend to keep it real..... Bro...... thebro1869@hotmail.com P.S. Go check out Brosef's Views for Bro's Review on USA Championship Wrestling
Bro's View 2/7/03
You know what burns me more than anything in the world???? Dumbass Internet People..... Who am I talking about??? You know the dudes who sit on there computers all day typing on message boards about how fucking terrible TNA is and how terrible Russo is and How terrible it is there fingers stick to there keyboards from playing with themselves to pictures of Triple H in his underwear..... I'm sick of these people..... For one I could be classified into a wrestling smart mark for voicing my opinions so I share a burden of responsibility, but I never said I didn't..... For Two, if you wanna book a whole 2 hour show then please call Jerry Jarrett and tell him you want to book, then shitlicker we can talk about how fucking piss poor you're job was.... You cannot make these internet message board mofo's happy.... I mean they have this preconceieved notion that Russo killed WCW so therefore he's the antichrist.... Give me a fucking break...... Check this out.... Once in High School there was this toilet that had a crackat the bottom and it continually got worse, and this dude we named Twiz cause he was about 6 ft and weighed 100lbs had to go take a shit... Over the years the crack at the bottom of the toilet had gotten bigger and bigger till one day Twiz's skinny ass sat on it and it broke..... did he cause the toilet seat to break??? Fuck No!!!! and if it was your ass that had sat on it, you'd be all like ' It was breaking to begin with '.... Same with Russo.... Those stale ass people in WCW were running the product in the ground and when Russo got there the crack was already almost 100 percent.... He was there when it broke and you blame him... Give me a break..... Yeah Yeah I'm a Russo supporter so I'm biased but I also have common fucking sense to,unlike most of you.....
After this Wednesday's PPV people were bitching about how bad it was and how it had to be a fucking Russo writing job.... Do you know that??? Were you there in the fucking production meeting??? Are you down with Jerry Jarrett and call him at every whim to ask him your burning questions??? NO!!!! You ASSume..... See you all point you're finger at Russo killing WCW but let's look at what you bitched about when WCW was out of business.... ' WWF never pushes the young guys ' ( cough ) Russo always pushes the young guys.... NBT,Kidman,New Blood, but that's a fact and you don't deal with those..... Let's look to today's TNA and what you complain about..... ' Russo is more storyline oriented and takes the focus off wrestling ' hey assholes go watch Ring of Honor and That Japaneese stuff if that's what gets you off... I mean personally I need sotrylines and I need to be entertained but at the same time can appreciate good wrestling... SHOCKER!!!!!! Oh no, the world must be ending because someone can understand good wrestling,enjoy good storylines and also wanna see hot chicks and nice asses... Oh God, the internet wrestling communities very structured was rattled....
Then I read this post on www.totalnonstop.com this morning http://pub65.ezboard.com/fnwatnafrm2.showMessage?topicID=1579.topic... Is this guy serious???? Come on give me a break..... I loved that segment, It's wrestling asshole, it's not America's Social Problem Solver, never has been never will be... Go jerkoff to Art Barr performing an arm bar submission..... For me and the other's that love that stuff we will support it, and believe me buddy there's more of us perverts out there than you.... Geez this guy really got under my skin, for one, how dare you talk about my girls Desire and Goldy, but then you think you have ' The Solution '... I have the solution, It starts with a ' Tech ' and ends with a ' Nine '..... Oh and John Travolta called and wanted his Rydell High look back.... ( thanks to the Z for that one )...... Look people it's wrestling dammit, not fucking politics and not fucking religion... you don't like TNA, fine I'm sure ROH needs a few more veiwers..... And I actually like ROH, but the wrestling I dig has characters and has storylines and has people who hate each other beating the shit out of each other..... Chill out and enjoy the ride... Remember when we all marked out for Hogan's leg drop ( The Worst move in History ) Ric Flair's Figure Four, The Honky Tonk Man's Shake Rattle and Roll, etc. etc. withought going, well that mvoe was fucking terrible Hogan's leg didn't hit the 70 degree mark on his elevation..... Fucking stop being a over analyzer and enjoy the sport again.... Russo is doing his best along with everyone at TNA to do what they can to make a viable competitor to the WWE... So let's all get behind them and your favorite hated mofo of all time Russo and that way Monday Night Wars can start again.... Remember those fun nights???? And look sorry if I offended everyone but let's just chill and take wrestling with a grain of salt, I swear you'd think these people would fucking shrivel up and die if wrestling wasn't around..... It's an escape from the real world, but yet everyone wants to bring the real world when talking about it and overnanlyzing things..... It's retarded..... the Bro is here for your entertainment, so is TNA, hell so is WWE, let them fucking entertain us.... Some things we'll like and some things we won't but I guarantee it'll at least be fun..... Try to look at thing through Bro colored glasses, the world would be so much better... I.M.O.
Also I'm not a TNA apologists so lets get that straight... i'll call them out just like everyone else, but this recent lashings have been fucking ridiculous..... Let's all try to get along and support a common cause..... Ok... Let's hold hands and sing now... I love you all.... thebro1869@hotmail.com
TNA Real World Part 2
As we left off last, the residents of the house, Russo, Athena, Tenay and Borash were shocked to see who entered the house next..... Who was it???? Read on.......
Russo : ' Oh God no!!!! Someone please slice my wrists with a cheese grater......
The Dead Body of Bullet Body : ' Oh that's right Russo, I'm the dead body of Bullet Bob, and if I could ever turn myself over, I'd kick your @$$ from pillar to pillar up in this house..... '
Borash : ' I guess he told you chump!!!!!!! '
Russo : ' Hey Rash.... Go Eat some Scat '... with that Russo dropped trow and laid a steamer in his hand and hurled it and smacked The Rash in the face......
Borash : ' Hey, If I wasn't enjoying this wonderful tasting substance I'd be kicking your @$$ '
Tenay : ' From the texture and smell of the poop I can tell that this turd had been festering in your bowels for 13 days, originally it came from a burrito from Taco Hut which was made by a world famous ex-luchador manager Lupe 'The Goiter' Gonzalez......
Russo : ' I'm speechless at just how much of a douche you truly are '
Athena : ' Golly Gee Willickers you guys...... Let's all try to get along, we're gonna be here for awhile let's try to live in Harmony..... ' with that Athena pulls out her acoustic guitar and tunes it up.....
Russo : ' Look at the way that broad tunes that guitar, I bet she's good with her hands '
The Dead Body of Bullet Bob : ' You know I just realized something.... If you laced some strings on me, I could be the first human guitar..... '
Tenay : ' I've heard everything now..... '
Athena : ' Gather 'round children let's sing a song..... ' Cumbaya... My Lord.... Cumbaya...... Cumbaya, My Lord..... Cumbaya '
Russo : ' Oh God...... Please I'm asking you Lord..... If you have any pity on me whatsoever, please let a pack of wild beetles infestate my butthole and bore a hole right to my brain.... KILL ME NOW '
Athena : ' Fine if you don't like my song, I'll stop...' with that Athena darts off to her bedroom crying.....
Russo : ' Well boys now that the old downer has left I took the liberty of hiring two ' entertainers ' to come and liven up this party......
With that the door opens and The TNA Dancers walk in... Miss Molly and Miss Lollypop......
Russo : ' You can think me later..... Someone start some music '
Borash : ' You're in luck ladies..... I always keep a copy of my favorite band in my back pocket..... '
With that Borash pulls out a tape and enters it into the cassette player.... The soothing sounds of ' Girl you know it's true..... Ew, Ew, Ew, I love you....... Yes you know it's true.... Gr...Gr...Gr... Girl..... '
Russo : ' Dance Ladies....Dance.... Earn your money... come on.... Hey someone go into the kitchen and get some of that bologna '
Tenay : ' This Party has become fecal matter tossed into a DC-10 engine '
Borash : ' Yeah straight Turd Action '
The Dead Body of Bullet Bob returns from the kitchen with some Bolgna.....
Russo : ' You may not be so bad after all Bullet Bob '
The Dead Body of Bullet Bob : ' Who doesn't like to toss lunch meat at shaking booties.... '
Russo : ' I couldn't agree more my man..... '
So with that Russo and The Dead Body of Bullet Bob start tossing Bologna slices at the dancing TNA girls dancing to the soothing grooves of Milli Vanilli......
Borash : ' Give me some of that..... '
Russo : ' Hey man this ain't hooters or Deja Vu and we don't have similac or diapers.... '
Tenay : ' Oh my God who is it..... What is it... What is he doing.... Oh sh*t it's the dead body of Bullet Bob..... '
With that the guys turn there attention to the girls who are still dancing but the Dead Body of Bullet Bob has somehow slid over to them, took off his clothes and is only wearing a elephant headed thong squirming on the floor......
Russo : ' Now this is a party...... '
Dead Body of Bullet Body : ' You can say that again, if only I could right myself, but unfortunately I'm dead so I'll just have to do the cabbage patch on my back on the floor.... These fine young b*tches make me feel like 75 again...... '
Russo,Tenay and Borash all share a laugh watching The Dead Body of Bullet Bob,clad only in an elephant head thong, squirm across the floor trying to dance......
Meanwhile in the kitchen Athena is cooking up some Brownies to try to win some friends over in the house..... She comes out after the dancers have already left and it seems the guys are comparing the size of there packages with one another....
Russo : ' Rash, if I were you I wouldn't walk past the neonatal maternity ward at a hospital anytime soon if you vaule your confidence.... '
Borash : ' Oh whatever Russo..... It's not the size of the wave it's the motion in the ocean.... '
Russo : ' And it looks like your dingy capsized my man...... '
Athena : ' Boys I made you some world famous Athena's Awesome Brownies.... '
Tenay : ' Did you know that the recipe for brownies was invented by a little known french wh*re in the 17th century who had only one leg but by all accounts could do stuff with her hands that would make you forget about the fact she had one leg... Anyways as the legend goes.... '
Russo : ' Ahhhh Tenay shut the fugg up and eat some dang brownies..... '
With that all the boys got up and ate the brownies... Athena had already ate two and The Dead Body of Bullet bob was muching on about 5 at one time......
The Dead Body of Bullet Bob : ' Boy I tell you I sure worked up an appetite something fierce..... These brownies hit the spot for sure '
Russo : ' These taste Funny '
Athena : ' Well I used some of your baggy full of green grass, I like to make my Brownies natural with the earth's goodness...'
Russo : ' You know good wench, that was my bag man... I paid good money for that..... Oh god... that was my saving grace here, I thought hey I'll get fed up with these people, can outside and smoke some to forget about it all, but know, you little no good wench had to go and ruin all my fun.... '
Tenay : ' Hahahahahahahaha Have you ever noticed the Blue Turtles walking around on the floor..... '
Athena : ' You mean everyone is high now off my brownies... ??? '
Russo : ' Yeah off my stuff too, you little wench !!!! '
Athena : ' Oh yeah daddy, momma likes when you talk to her like that..... I love your musty scent, makes you a real man... Let little momma show you how I will make it up to you.... '
Russo : ' Whatever I'm out of here... All of you are crazy and high '
Borash : ' My belly button lint tastes like Gouda cheese... Yummmm '
Russo goes outside to enjoy the cool night air and let everyone chill out and come down..... He lits up a cigarette and talks into the camera... ' You know I get a bad rap, I'm not as horrendous as everyone thinks I am, it's my gimmick, I'm actually a nice person, I help old ladies across the street, granted I steal there purses later, but hey it's my severance for my good deed.... I don't ask much, just for people to like me..... I'm a good guy, I'm gonna go inside and see if everyone is cool.....
Russo enters and Tenay and The Rash are asleep...... Russo laughs as he walks by Tenay who has his Tux off revealing a ' No Fat Chicks ' T-shirt on and a g-string..... The Rash is pashed out with his shirt pulled up his finger in his belly button and quarters over his eyes..... Russo here's a bump upstairs and goes in to see what's the deal..... He goes into his room to see what the noise is.... What he see's shocks him to the bone and actually makes him wanna vomit......
USA Championship Wrestling Review 2/3/03
So like Bert should thank me...... The Bro skipped out on some Poon-tang to attend Wrestling Saturday night...... ' Why Bro???, Why would you skip Poon to attend a wrestling show???? ' Well for one this was an old splooge sponge, In fact when people come back to recreate human's with DNA, like in that movie Jurrasic Park, if they tapped this chick there would be about 16 million little Bro's running around..... Also there were helly fine chicks on the card..... Athena,Lollipop, and April and some new Redhead Milf..... WORD.... So it was on, and with that, here's the review.....
Well surprise, surprise the first match of the night was The Evil Twins taking on The Palm Beach Boys, who came out to the sellout sounds of Incubus..... Did the Misfits sign a contract with Bugle Boy clothiers???? They were dressed in a circa 1997 black Henley and some dress slacks that were about as stiff as my broner after a Desire/Trinity match.... I don't know what they were going after but they sorta resembled a Midget Mafioso..... I guess when DeNiro said ' Say Hello to my little friend ' he meant The Evil Twins.... The Palm Beach Boys looked good in the match, although as always The Evil Twins were working ... Very Very stiff..... These guys must have ate there Wheaties before the match..... The Palm Beach Boys had there own T-Shirts so I guess they worked for some other promotions, who knows???? The Evil Twins won, and Blackie West has a new bad-@$$ persona..... Man still I cannot get over the fact these these Midge's are scary..... I mean they get pissed very very easily..... My mom is a few inches away from being a midge and she doesn't have a bad temper..... I don't know but these guy's frighten me....... So like I said The Evil Twins went over, but The PBB looked pretty good in the match.....
The Next match was Hot Rod Biggs and Big Bully Douglas taking on Andy Douglas and Rick Santel..... Hit Rod and Bully shouldn't have even showed up..... I mean come on, These Two against inferior opponents like Santel and Douglas.... Geez.... In fact I'll go on record as to say Santel vs. Christopher Reeve would probably be a hotly contested fight..... Santel and Douglas matched in there Yellow Panty Pants.... The Yellow Yankers..... Santel and Douglas both had bumm legs after the match after Hot Rod and Big Bully used there superb ring psychology and worked on there knees and legs ( Douglas had apparently hurt his leg or knee after ramming into a ring post ) Hot Rod and Bully double teamed Douglas after Santel couldn't understand why he can't get in the ring while his partner was in there.... Rudy doesn't speak Spanish so I guess the words were not understood, that or Santel was just used to having that many people in a closed space like that..... ( cough... mattress,trailer....cough ) So during the match when Douglas was getting worked over.... Vaugh ndecided he'd come down and inject his infinite wisdom and try to translate for his former CLC partner..... Of course this led to shenanigans behind Rudy's back and allowed Douglas and Santel to get the win..... Remember The Alamo..... Rudy's reffing abilities have gone downhill since the growth of his sideburns, after seeing how sauve The Bro and The Doug look with there sideburns Rudy decided to get him some official Heel Sideburns.... But The Burns don't make you Heel my friend, it's all about what's in the Blood..... And you my friend are a Babyface Sellout..... So go join little ChickenHat with the ' Face Section ' and maybe he can make you a straw hat so you can fit in with him, just trim the burns....
So after Bert's Zany Intermission the next match out of the gate was My Fantasy Matcup Splooge Spectacular..... Aarrick Andrews and Athena and Ernest T taking on Lollipop with Mortimer Plumtree..... Mortimer cut a good promo on Athena and Aarrick and Ernest T who's main objective it seems is to waste my oxygen and to do his best impersonation of a stone statue with the occasional stupid little hand mannerism that may have been funny in the 1920's, but that would be stretching the humor of it..... Lollipop was looking fine as ever and when her and Athena were brawling it actually looked good... I mean they actually looked like they hated each other, which is good, intensity is good..... Athena did her cartwheel move which looked good..... Aarrick knocked Mortimer out...... So he was a non factor..... Then this chick came down the ramp and delivered a vicious looking DDT on Lollipop... I mean I'm pretty sure her face went through the ring...... But it was all good, because this hcik was hotter than sh*t..... She was an older looking chick, a Milf shall I, with red hair and two massive mammaries...... All she was missing was a smock with ' I'm for Dessert ' a plate of cookies and milk running from her lips and it would have been heaven... Either way she is a new Milf on the seen, speaking of milfs, she look very, very similar to a chick I seen once, ahhh nevermind...... And Athena,Arick and The New chick left oh and Ernest T, who for once I was envious of, and Aarrick, well I've been envious since day one of that lucky b@stard......
The next match was Manny ' Bulldozer ' LeDuc taking on Chase Stevens...... The Doug pointed out that LeDuc resembles Bluto off Popeye and there is a striking resemblance, even down to his voice.... Chase is a babyface now and the same people who would have pissed in his open wounds two weeks ago is now loved by these people...... The match was alright, but Manny could use some lessons on how to sell properly.... I mean he was worse than Undertaker could ever be.... Chase would wail on this dude and he'd laugh and say ' bring it on' or something.... Even when he was supposed to sell it seemed like he wouldn't, hell put me in there and I'll act like I got shot with a pump action shotgun to the chest 500 times in 5 seconds.... Anyways Chase got the win.... LeDuc went to the back to figure out why Baggy Zubaz pants are tight on him.....
The main event was Chris Vaughn vs. Paul Adams' ' Mystery Opponent ', the Mystery Opponent came out dressed as in a flamy black shirt with ruffles and a mask... The turtlehead was popping out so it was obvious it was Bart Sawyer...... And then to make it worse when the masked wrestler got in the ring he talked, in Bart's voice..... Vaughn won..... Bart was unmasked.... Humongous who had been out in every match turned face and saved Vaughn from all the heels..... Humongous delivered some vicious powerbombs..... Vicious.... But too bad he's face... Sellout......
Man, you know what these Bert's shows have been getting better and better week after week, the storylines are easy to follow and you understand them which is a plus.... Go out and check this stuff out... The has been approved by The Bro's Sexual Splooge Stamp of Approval with all the hot ladies..... So go out and support it..... Peace, thebro1869@hotmail.com
1/31/03 - TNA.....Real World
Yes that's right boys and girls as a part of Russo's Real Life Storylines.... TNA borrowed the idea from MTV's real world and put some TNA superstars in a house to see how they get along...... This is there ' True ' Story..........
Yes..... This is the house TNA decided for them to stay in, They decided to see there true reactions from living basically in a sh*t lined shoe..... So let's me the participants.......
The first participant is none other than Vince Russo......
Russo :'Hey, whazzup..... There better be some Broads,Some Brew and a plethora of porn up in this sh*thole or so help me God I'll decapitate you all, I am Jesus Christ Russo....... '
The Second participant enter's.... The lovely Athena......
Athena :' Oh God of all people to be stuck with it has to be you.....'
Russo : ' Thank you dear Lord...... Yes Toots, It's me, now show me those cans or get to steppin'..... By any chance did you bring some knee pads???? '
Athena : ' Does everything have to be so vulgar???? I think we need to try to get along as best as possible..... I brought some milk and cookies and some distilled bottle water.....'
Russo : ' Athena.... two words..... Blow Me '
Athena : ' I'm just gonna ignore you..... I come from a land of Milk and Honey and I live in the clouds and fly with the birds, little kids draw me pictures..... '
Russo : ' Shuttup you friggin' Hippy.... Make yourself usefull woman and make me some dinner yo..... '
With the love already flowing the next participant enters...... The ever so ominous Tool Jeremy Borash
Russo : ' Great... God really does hate me '
Borash ' Hi Gang..... I think this is a totally awesome idea.... I brought Parchessi, Monopoly and everyone's favorite..... pick up sticks.... '
Russo : ' If I gave you a broken broom stick would you sit on it??? '
Borash : ' Negativity is not good in this house on the first day.... '
Russo : ' What's that smell???? '
Athena : ' Sorry guys..... I farted '
Russo : ' Thanks for the info, but that's not what I smell, it smells like a friggin' pile of dog hair on fire '
Borash : ' Oh hahaha.... that's be my feet.... See I don't wear socks and I have this sweat gland in my feet that produces an abundance of sweat and that combined with my Yak Fur lined loafers makes a deadly combination '
Russo : ' For some reason I'm thinking a house full of Hogan,Goldberg and Mike Tenay would have been better '
With that the next participant enters...... The professor Mike Tenay.....
Tenay : ' Thanks announcer man for announcing me..... Did you know this house dates back to the 1800's.... A little know luchador, Pablo Macares Jr. once owned this place.... He was a classicly trained mat wrestle trained by mat legend..... '
Russo : ' Awwwwww shut the fugg up Mike..... Do you know you're still wearing a Tux '
Tenay : ' Yeah I realize that, and did you know you singlehandedly killed WCW.... Did you know you put the belt on an actor David Arquette, did you know you made a mockery of the company I loved and went to battle for....???? '
Russo : ' Cry me a frickin' river Tenay..... Let me know when the embalming fluid does it's job..... '
Athena : ' Can't we get along, I'm a babyface and I believe in harmony.... Peace and love..... I believe we do this for the kids and give them the best show possible..... '
Everyone : ' Shut Up! '
Borash : ' Hey gang... I got a grand idea..... Let's play Win lose or Draw '
Everyone : ' Anything to pass the time '
Athena is the first to start her drawing......
' What is it guys???? '
Russo : ' T*ts and @ss '
Athena : ' God... No '
Borash : ' I'm guessing it's me '
Athena : ' No..... Anyone Anyone.... '
Tenay : ' I'm gonna guess it's a recreation of Art Barr winning the AWA heavyweight championship in 1961 over Bruiser Brody with an arm bar submission move...... Which mind you was invented in the early 1900's by a young man that goes by the name of Abraham Lincoln.... '
Russo : ' Tenay, you're truly a backed up toilet.... Full of sh*t '
Tenay : ' You know what Russo I've had enough you want some, come get some.... Let Tenay bring you the pain '
Russo : ' Literally I just pissed my pants laughing at you....'
Tenay : ' You won't be laughing when I put you in the cross-face spine buster front flip la plancha.... Mind you invented in a whore house in San Juan, Puerto Rico by a drunken Guerrero family member when someone stole his drink..... That in turn....'
With that his sentence suddenly ended as a the Next person entered the house everyone was shocked....... Keep checking back to the next chapter in this story......... Should be up sometime tommorrow........ thebro1869@hotmail.com
1/29/03
Go check out Brosef's Views for a TNA PPV Preview
News and Reviews for 1/28/03
Whattup, It's Tuesday and like any other tuesday it's boring as sh*t..... Tommorrow I'll have my TNA Preview up for tommorrow night's PPV....... Up above is my interpretation of what really happened between Brock and Curt on the airplane..... Brock is really my brother, see the BRO in BROck..... My family wanted our names sorta similar, plus they named him with a rhyme to a male appendage because he was strapped like a 50 ft. whale......
You know I like to rant about stuff so today I'm gonna go off for a few minutes on the sexual references in 1980's music..... See everyone wants to go ' Wow these teenagers sure do listen to some awful stuff, they sure don't make bands like Dexy's Midnight Runner's anymore ' Ahhhhh contraire Mon frere ( I'm not a French Major but you get the point ) Listen to ' Come On Eileen ' By first glance at the name of the song one would assume it means ' Hey Eileen hurry your @$$ up, there's a two for one sale on ultra glides ' but you'd be mistaken let's look at the lyrics shall we..... One would mistakenly think the lyrics sounded like this ' Come On Eileen, well I swear what he means, At this moment you mean everything, with you in that dress, my thoughts I confess, verge on dirty, Ah Come on Eileen ' that's what the official lyrics said, but when listening to the song in full effect I get this out of it ' Come on Eileen, well I swear on your knees, at this moment you mean everything, with you in that dress, my thoughts I confess, verge on dirty, I come on Eileen ' and you don't have to work for Vivid Video to understand what he means by that statement..... Then let's look at the ambiguously gay trio... Frankie Goes to Hollywood.... The song ' Relax ' has always been a classic 80's song, and it had a really good face lift by The Bloodhound Gang two years ago.... But let's look at the lyrics shall we..... Keep in mind the trio is about as fruity as liberache singing the theme to ' Ellen '...... ' Relax, don't do it, when you wanna go to it, Relax, don't do it when you wanna come... Relax, don't do it, when you wanna sock it to it, Relax when you wanna come...... ' Now I'm no brain surgeon but this song is so blatantly sexual it just slaps you in the face with it's tallywhacker ( My granny's word ) Let me run down the lyrics again for you....' Relax, don't do it, when you wanna go to it, Relax, don't do it when you wanna come, Relax, don't do it when you wanna sock it to it, Relax don't do it, when you wanna Come.... ' Get my point.... Better yet get there point??? Plus all the shouts of Come and the reverberation of Come over and over is enough to make Greg Luganis smile bigger than Ronald McDonald..... Not saying there's anything wrong with the music as I love 80's music but don't think each generation of music hasn't had it's risky, pushing the envelope music, we just weren't smart enough back then to pick up on it..... Don't even get me started on ' WollyBully '... Oh God thinking about all these songs, makes me think of Bert PRentice and The Colorado Kid dancing in there sh*t stained BVD's to ' Relax while massaging each other with Mayonaisse.... Yeeeezzzz.
Well that's enough ranting today, I'll be back tommorrow with my TNA PPV Preview... Till then..... Peace... Bro
News and Reviews for 1/27/03
Whattup..... Well The weekend was kind of a drag until Saturday night, then things sorta picked up for The Bro..... The pic above is a recent pic of what Curt Hennig has been up to the last two weeks.... Please if you wanna help out an ex-champion send all donations to
Curt Hennig
C/O The Bro
P. O. Box 51248
Nashville, TN. 37214
So you ask, Bro what were you up to Saturday night??? Well my little friends, First I went to go see a pretty good band play called popular genius, Scott from the Heel Section, is a member of this group, there site can be found at www.populargenius.com....... Anyways afterwards I had a little rendevous with a lucky mamma, who was the girl??? Ahhhh I won't kiss and tell and ruin the surprise, but soon the secret will be revealed..... And trust me children the surprise will be good..... But anyways, The Super Bowl sucked.... The commercials were decent.... I've seen better..... But then again I'm quite cynical......
I was talking to someone the other day who sorta scoffed at the ideas of my reality based shows I wanna start..... Bo from www.totalnonstop.com told me about an old wrestling promotion he and Greg ran called The Apartment Wrestling Federation or something like that, so I was like the best idea for a reality show is this...... Apartment Attack, get this you take 5 people, perferably homeless or broke..... The goal is for them to make it through 5 weeks of knocking on a random apartments door and then attacking the inhabitant behind the door, you get points for the moves and the win.... You lose points by losing...... The catchphrase for the show would be ' You never know who's behind the Door ' Cause literally you could get a granny on oxygen who would be easy or you could get a 6'8 380 lbs, judo champion, then that would be tough...... To win you have toi have the person either give up or you just knock them unconscious...... After 5 weeks the total points are tallied and the winnder gets like a million dollars..... The best part, you, the audience, could be part of the show at anytime!!!!! WORD.... The people I have told this idea to called me an idiot and kind of shrugged it off, but to me it's golden......
Another idea I had was this...... Armed Robbery RunDown..... The premise, you take a down on his luck guy, make him fakley hold up a bank but don't tell anyone it's staged..... let him get to his car then, he has to make it to a checkpoint in a police chase..... If he makes it to the checkpoint then the chase is called off as we would remotely tell the police ' it's staged ' and then he gets a million dollars, but if he wrecks or gets caught or gets shot or whatever then he gets no money..... Reality TV needs a good kick in the ass and I'd be able to do it with these shows..... Who cares about Joe Millionaire, if you think he's not rich, he is, his parent sor something owns Marriot Hotels, reality TV is not reality, it's the reality the producers want you to see, I'll give you REALITY........
My final Grand idea is this... You take a regular dude who wants to make some money..... Send his to a Maximum Security Prison, noone knows, the guards don't know, the only person that knows is the warden and the TV people.... Tell the inmates he is a repeat felon with assaults against kids ( That makes the likelihood of a beatdown high ) and if he can make it a month in prison withought biting the bullet ( Not Bob ) then he gets a million dollars... Tell me, I dare ya, tell me you wouldn't watch this every week..... I would, but then again I do have an absurb taste for the tastlesness......
Speaking of tastelessness The Bro will be debuting in the coming weeks a new writer on my staff...... Staff..... hahahahahahah! Anyways I'll be debuting a new writer pretty soon that loves to wallow in the rinds of tastelessness such as myself..... The challenge I put out to my adoring public is this, is there anyone else who thinks they can write for The Bro's site????? Anyone??? You not only get to work with The Coolest,Hottest,Hippest and Suavest Internet Reporter in America, but you alo get the exclusive privilege of being included on the ' I wanna kick The Bro's Ass ' list..... So all inquiries and submissions can be sent to thebro1869@hotmail.com.... Anyone can apply.... I'm looking for some help, so ' Help a Bruhta Out ' I'm out like Liberache.....
| Babyfaces seem to have all The Fun... HUH????? |
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News and Reviews 1/24/03
The picture above questions why do Babyfaces have more fun???? How come those midgets and stuff can't come out to celebrate when Heels win???? Some people are traitors like pictured above to there true feelings and emotions..... They would just as much would love to b*tch slap a retarded kid in a wheelchair than to be a babyface but they sellout...... S.S.S...Sellout...... Anyways moving right along today.... Not much out there so I decided to right the true life story of Scut Farcus..... Who's Scut Farcus you ask???? He was the Red-Head kid of Christmas Story who beat up Richie, until one fateful day when Ritchie turned the tide and overtook Farcus..... Farcus had an up and down life but his recent turn of events in becoming a WWE Superstar is one for the records....
Scut Farcas had a rough start to his film career after losing out on key roles to Danny Bonaduche he almost hung up his boots, but that'e when his phone rang...... ' Scut ' The other voice on the line said ' We have a job for you '..... Scut wasn't one to turn down the offers so he took them up on it...... Little did he know the role he played in the movie ' A Christmas Story ' would be a cult classic..... Scut was cast as the Red Head bully who always picked on and tortured Ritchie, the story's main character...... Toward the end of the movie Ritchie got the best of Scut and the rest is, like they say, history.....
Scutt tried to use his glory to land him roles, but the executives weren't busting down the door..... Scut turned to a life of crime, he broke into homes stole women's soiled underpanties and sold them on Ebay for dough.... Then he would turn around and spend that money on his addiction, Yes that's right kid's Scut had an addiction, and addiction to Lil' Smokies, those cocktail weinies..... He used to love em, wrapped in biscuits,dipped in barbeque sauce,dipped in mustard,dipped in ketchup, he just couldn't get enough.....
Then one day Scut was dipping his weinies into a bowl of unusually good Bar-B-Que sauce, he looked at the wrapper and it said J.R.'s SlobberKnocker Bar-B-Que sauce..... He decided to write this mysterious J.R. and ask him about the recipe for such a delicious sauce came from, and also ask him if he was a crack baby like himself.... He sent off a letter to J.R. that read something like this... ' Deer J.R. I'ze luv ur Barb-e-q sus.... It's tangee ritch flavur makes mi gumms bleed, but maybe cuz dat's why I'ze gut d dcease Entitilitous.... Peez send me your recuhpe..... Or I will haz no utter choice but to kill your puppy dog ' J. R. got this letter and was shocked by the threat at the end, but was also touched in the heart by a sincere letter as such..... He went to pay old Scut a visit
Arriving in Neckville J.R. Spotted the cardboard lining from a Douche Bag box and knew this was Scut's house.... He introduced himself as J.R. and Scut started crying..... He said ' I thought you were dead... I loved Dallas.... Please J.R. don't go back home, they'ze gonna kill you ' J.R. explained he wasn't the J.R. but a fat replice witha cowboy hat on who works for a huge wrestling company..... Scut was intrigued and asked if he could come back with J.R. and see what this wrestling thjing was all about..... J. R. obligied
Scut and J.R. arrived at WWE headquarters where J.R. introduced his new friend to everyone... McMahon saw the kid and said... This guy's got potential....... McMahon handed him a pouch and said take two of these and call me in the morning...... Scut went back to his hotel and opened up the bag to see two syringes, after trying to swallow them and being unsuccessful he called J.r. and asked what he should do..... J. R. instructed him on how to properly insert a syringe..... Scut did as was told and woke up the next morning with his clothes torn to shreads.... What had happened???? Who had doen this???? Scut got out of bed only to realize that his feet went through the floor, what was wrong with him???? He looked in the mirror and he saw himself as a new and improved Scut.....
He called J.R. and Mcmahon and they both told him they liked what they saw and they were gonna use him as a wrestler..... Scut was truly honored and had to take speech lessons to cure his lisp and redneck accent..... They gave him a new name Brock Lesnar and the rest is shall we say history.... Check the pic... Peace... thebro1869@hotmail.com
| THE SCUT FARCAS STORY SUMMARY |
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1/22/03
Go check out Brosef's Views for a Preview of Tonight's TNA PPV.......
Bro's News and Reviews 1/20/02
Check this shit out...... I went to work this morning under the assumption that I had to work... I get there the place looks as empty as a Kosher Meet festival in Jerusalem. So thank you Martin Luther King.... I will now write my news and reviews.....
Saturday Night I went to USA Championship Wrestling at the fairgrounds..... On the way there it was snowing and I was thinking on the way there in my car ' If this snow gets really bad and I crash and die, I would crash and die with the last action being, going to Bert's Show.... Damn, that's a fucked up way to go, so I drove really slowly '.... Getting there I knew The Heel Section wasn't coming beforehand so I knew I'd be alone, ( Yes believe it or not boys and girls all the hot ass chick attention can get annoying sometimes, and I just need time for me ) Anyways Bert did his raffle before the show hyping his super cool gifts you could win for 50 cents a ticket..... For those of you who don't know Bert, Bert is a Nashville promoter that is 'notorious' in the wrestling industry..... The best way to describe him was what I saw wrote by someone off of PWtorch.com, it said ' A man resembling Dom Deluise in Fatso ' and it is quite an uncanny resemblance, plus he likes to breathe really heavily and he sweats profusely and he walks like a land sloth.... That being said let's go to the review........
Shit, I fucking hate when I start to tell you a story and I get sidetracked... What I was trying to say about the raffle was he had what he called a ' Athena Bear ', now being a true cynic I was weary of something called an ' Athena Bear ' so I perused the gifts to see what he could mean... What I saw surprised me.... It was a minitaure Teddy Bear, that I'm sure Bert beat up a retarded homeless-kid with leprosy to get, and it had a button with Athena's picture on it.... I'm all about Athena and all but an ' Athena Bear ' that's funny... Like Target endorses it or something... ' Hey Bert I got something for you to raffle off, I'll go take a shit, let it petrify and turn white and you can call it ' Bro's Official Shit Chalk ', all the kiddies will lvoe it and the best part.... It won't turn your fingers brown.....Anyways enough of that shit let's get to the matches.....
Oh shit, no way it couldn't be The Victory Twins ( Now known as the Evil Twins ) vs. The Misfits.... Ahhh this would be match number 5098765 in there illustrious history..... The Victory Twins have always disturbed me, I remember seeing them in Madison when they wrestled there and I remember one walking past me and the faint smell of rotten eggs wafted through the air, I said ' Whoooaa one of those dudes just farted around me ' ( which it seems like The Bro always brings the gas out of the ass with wrestlers ) and it disturbed me, I grew up on Willy Wonka and Time Bandits where midgets were cool and didn't fart.... But he broke that whole image with one teeny tiny queef..... Plus Midgets with attitudes disturb me, because what would happen if you got your ass beat down by one of these Midgets, you might as well commit suicide, you couldn't be seen in public and your mother would disown you cause you got your ass beat by a midget..... I would let a midge beat me down because it's like a girl, you would have to let them win because you sorta feel sorry for them... You know what really disturbs me..... They keep on shrinking but there hands keep on growing... DAMN.... OK OK OK back to the matches enough about fucking midgets..... The match was decent as decent could be between the two.... The Misfits have a good luck and with experience I think will become very good, they're still young and green but they have potential.... The Misfits well, they're good as far as midget wrestlers go..... Don't think they'll be headlining Wrestlemania against The Rock anytime soon, but you know..... The Twins got the win when there Manager Blackie West ( The Baddest Mullet in the South ) took his shoe and hit on of the Misfits...... The Twins covered the Misfit
Next match was Arrick ' The Dragon ' Andrews taking on Anthony ' The Freak ' Ingram.... Bert informed us that Arrick was in second place to Chris Vaughn in running for the ' Rookie of the Year ' balloting.... I think Bert will rig the voting..... Bert should really just name this award ' The Wrestler with the prettiest Lips ' Award for his own satisfaction..... Anyways the match was kinda slow until halfway in when the action picked up.... Arrick was on the defensive most of the match..... The Freak has a good gimmick going and plays it better than most have tried.... Planet Stasiak could use some fucking lessons from him.... Arrick had on his Black and Yellow Bumble Bee pants on, Dusty would have been proud.... Arrick got the win after Anthony got the win to begin with but he cheated so Rudy continued the match... Arrick hit his frog splash which gets better every week, and got the win....
The next match was a loser leaves town for a year match... Bart ' The penis popping King ' recruited The Evil Twins and The Misfits to be his tag partners to ensure he didn't lose and have to leave for a year.... His opponents were Rick ' Would you like Sauce with that ' Santel and Chris ' That Fat Girl Thrilla Jr. ' Vaughn... I knew going in that Bert wouldn't let ' the pretty boys lose so he was gonna have Bart or his team lose... After about 15 minutes of Bart not tagging in and letting everyone do the work for him, he refused to tag in which lead to The Misfits and The Victory Twins leaving his side allowing Vaughn and Santel to do what they do best... Beat up on people who are outnumbered..... Bart Swayer lost and so therefore he has to leave town for a year which in Bert's words were ' We won't see you back until April 14th 2003 ' Ummmmm Hey Bert.... It was Janurary 18th and I know in the land of Fatty Fillibusters the calnder is a litle different, but not that different...Geez
Ahhhhh The Girls.... Oh how I love the girls..... April Pennington had broken a rib or something, note to self : Remember not to be so rough when hitting it from behind from now on... Remember like Mr. Miagi said... Wax On, Wax Off, Buff that shit... Softly.... , But April was made special referee and man was she looking fuckable and suckable.... Anyways the match was between Athena and Lollipop, both of which if they played there cards right could end up being Brotized into a river of orgasmic tides and be screaming the name of the new Sexual Savior... Bro.... Damn Should I cut promos or what???? Anyways this match wasn't about technique or wrestling moves... This match was about titties and ass... Lumberjacks surrounding the ring waiting to bust there asses, well Lollipops at least... Athena did an impressive Cartwheel manuever into the corner into Lollipop, it looked really good... They did the typical fake muff-diving stuff, just to get a pop from the guys.... My zipper was all that was popping, I didn't want my Broner to show so I just thought... Janet Reno dressed as Richard Simmons fondling and french-kissing Julia Childs.... That's what keeps my boys down..... Athena got the win.... Lollipop left the ring with all the redneck chicks hating her because if God said I'll improve your looks by 600 percent they would still look like Goat Vomit....... Jealousy Rules.....
The Main Event was Humongous and Hot Rod Biggs taking on America's Most Wanted... Originally David Flair was supposed to show but wheather prevented it.... Whatever I know the true story... Moopy was double booked for two birthday parties and couldn't make the show..... Typical America' s Most Wanted match..... Playing the beaten team till the end where they get the win.... So America' s Most Wanted got the win and all The Redneck Girls could go home eat some grits, wallow in there own piss and shit, play with themselves to pictures of Bo Duke and rest assured that there true heroes... America's Most Wanted were still Tag Champs... Until this week Boy's.....
Anyways this was a short event as the weather was blamed.... It was adecent show, most people would enjoy it, I do, I don't go to watch great wrestling , I go to be entertained and that's what I get... Of Course you could dress two pigs up like Milli Vanilli and have them have sex and I would find that amusing... But still everyone should go out and support the local indy scene... Peace, Bro thebro1869@hotmail.com
News and Reviews 1/17/03
Well I wasn't going to update today as I'm at work and we are like so far behind cause everyone is out... But I got an Instant Message from someone who said ' Dude, Christopher Reeve walked today ' I said ' Huh, you serious?' They said ' Not not really but that'll be next cause Satan's offspring himself plugged you ' I said ' Who???' He said ' The Rash dude, Jeremy Borash plugged you and the Heel Section in his From The Inside ' I quickly punched myself in the nuts to make sure I was in the real world and went to check it out.... Sure enough In the print The Rash plugs..... The Bro..... Now either his girlfriend wrote article cause we all know how much she digs on The Bro or Borash has some evil plan in store ( Maybe making my site crash cause too many hits, not enough bandwidth???? ) Either way it was cool of him.... He's not off the hook as of yet though..... He still owes me that interview he promised awhile back..... He still owes me that night of passionate baby making that his girlfriend has requested with me.....
So if you're new to this site because Borash plugged me... I'm The Bro..... The Bro's thought's are not for the weak at heart, They're not for the elderly, and there not for the kids.... Well maybe chicks from age 15-18..... Like a true hero of mine once said..... ' The best thing about high school girls is..... I get older but they stay the same age ' I'm a little out there as a kid I would place my G.I. Joe's in the line of The Orkin Pest Control Guy then go and lick off the pesticide... People have said that contributed to my diseased brain.... I have a family linneage ( Or however the f*ck you spell that word ) in Wrestling My grandfather was Mack York in the 60's and my Cousin was Ricky Morton who used to tell me all the time ' Sure I'll take a picture with you so all the kids will know you're my cousin and leave you alone because you resemble Mama Cass as a dude ' But he never did, I still have hard feelings for him about that as I was nicknamed ' The Rock n' Roll Liar '....... If you want perfect grammar and spelling go somewhere else, because I was blessed with the ability to smoke hash and drink as much Vodkaa as humanly possible when I was younger so that has impaired me as well..... I'm sure there's some people who want to kick my @$$ for the things I say.... a' la C*nt Hennig, Chris Harris and James Storm... But most find my stuff appealing.....
So to Borash once again... ' I thank ye young cricket..... The Master has taught ye well, Now The Master Asks that ye be so kind to lend your woman so I can get a little sticky-stick up in this '.... Anyways a little directory for you.... News and Reviews is where I update regularly, Brosef's Views is where you can find my TNA PPV Previews and Reviews, NWA-TNA Articles is where you can find my reports that Borash loves with my photoshop non-expertise....Order yourself some Bro Merchandise from that section and check out PPV Awards and Best and Worst signs of the Night and for the regulars there favorite is always Hottie of the Week..... You can always email me at thebro1869@hotmail.com Also you will learn all about TNA's number one fan and the fans number one douche-bag.... ChickenHat..... Peace
News and Reviews 1/14/03
Well it's Tuesday and it's boring as sh*t...... Tonight is the Tenth Anniversary of Raw and well I'm pretty excited about it.... Why??? Well because the good days of the WWF will be on showcase.... Plus I want to see who all shows up because I expect fully to see Austion and Foley on there....... Plus I wanna see what Sable looks like today.... I heard she has lost alot of her looks and looks like she got hit with the jacked up stick....... And Sunny will probably be on there and we all know she has ballooned up.... I went to her and Missy Hyatt's site once to look at some porn and they might as well been doused with blood and cutting off the head's of midgets with toothpicks, because they were so totally unnatractive now....
Tommorrow I'll have my Preview of TNA's PPV up for you to look at.... Someone I forgot who it was has said there will be two surprises tommorrow night.... All I care about is my Penile Storage Unit coming back..... Yes Trinity will be back up in the Asylum sporting Bro love..... When the lord made little Trinity he said ' Ye are The Bro's Penile Storage Unit, If ye band anyone else but The Bro, Ye will be stricken with Leprosy and your boobies will fall off... And why the hell do I saw Ye for all the time....???? ' So she knows her role, and it's time for her to open her mouth..... :) Speaking of women where's Priscilla??? Not like anyone cares but I haven't seen her on PPV in awhile and as old Martha would say ' That's a Good thing '...... You know I'm pretty harsh on her..... It's hard working a double at the Huddle House and then going to TNA so I'll cut her break..... No I won't..... I wouldn't DO Priscilla unless it was with Curt Hennig's Wanker, that way when I did do her I could give the Wanker back to Hennig and with all the diseases The King has Hennig's Wanker would have surely caught something and hopefully within a few months it would fall off from the disease.... Then we wouldn't have to listen to anymore terrible ' I tackled Brock at 35,000 ft 'cause he wouldn't let me felch his sack ' Brock Lesnar promo's as he has defintly got a hard-on for him.....
Speaking of Hennig... I wanna have a goos sign for him when he comes out tommorrow night since he wanted to start a fight with The Bro..... Fool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's a damn fool to try to start a war with The Bro, I'm what, at least 50 years younger than him???? so if you have any good sign ideas for Hennig leave them in the forum or email me at thebro1869@hotmail.com...... I bet he smells like butt cheese??? You know how you look at certain people and go ' Wow I bet that guy stinks! ' well I'm sure he smells like a various corncopia of cheeses with Crab or Butt Cheese being the prominent smell.....
Wow... I meant to tell you that Saturday Night at Bert's show Goldylocks was there.... And boy was she looking good.... She also cut the National Anthem and like I have stated before, I've never really looked at the National Anthem as an arousing song, but when sung by her.... Boing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I swear if I had a stray pube for everytime I had a dirty thought about her I'd have enough to make my lifesize pubic hair model of Wheezy Jefferson......
Also I think it's this weekend but TNA is having the Search for Miss TNA contest..... They are gonna have judges judge chicks to be the new Miss TNA.... Come on is there a more copable person to judge women than The Bro.... God practically made me a female body Inspector, in fact I got this awesome fishnet hat at the fairgrounds once that said F.B.I. (Female Body Inspector), so I think that qualifies me enough with a hat like that...... They aren't hot until they get The Bro's seal of approval smacked on there ass..... So I will consider all winners of this Miss TNA contest phonies unless they are routed afterwards for me to judge there assets and qualifications...... I've got a measuring stick they have to be able to perform up to it's qualifications, the stick never lies......
Anyways check back tommorrow for my TNA Preview.... Peace
News and Reviews 1/13/03
Well after downing a few beers during the Steelers-Titans game I decided I cannot watch this game, cause yours truly has and always will be a Steelers fan..... Why???? well because they are the true Heels of the NFL, no matter how bad the Steelers are they will make you pay, they are the dirtiest team in the NFL and I'm very proud to call them my own..... They were screwed Saturday night bottom line, no doubt about it, Nedney choked like Mama Cass on a Turkey Leg twice.... And all he can claim is that he is a good actor... Hey Buddy this is the NFL, not Hollywood.... Trust me those comments he made after the game are his doom next year when the Steelers play them.... Someone needs to go ahead and adopt his kids or buy him a super duper wheelchair/stroller cause he will be a Gimp before too long..... Oh and Steve McNair.... Yeah he's a poor-man's running back at quaterback..... Why isn't this guy in the pro-bowl??? Hmmm maybe because all the passes he completes are within 10 yards and anyone with an arm could complete those passes, He can run, YES!!!!!!! But as a throwing quaterback he's terrible....... In fact I'd trade him for a wheelchair bound Christopher Reeve...... He's still Superman and that's good enough for me.....
Oh yeah the reason I'm writing this is because I went to USA Championship Wrestling at the Fairgrounds Saturday Night to try to get my mind off the game..... But as I walked in the door, Bert and others were gathered around a radio listening to the game so I was doubly doomed because not only was I going to have to listen to the Steelers doom, but I was gonna have to watch people celebrate the win who collectively have a half tooth to share in between them..... The Titans won and you would have thought Bert got goosed down at the jungle and ' It's Raining Men ' was playing on the radio, because he jumped and celebrated like crazy.... It was at this moment that I realized that dying from papercuts placed strategically on my body with lemon juice poured in the open wounds would have been much more sweeter than this.....
On to the matches..... Of course as always it's gonna be hard for me to remember as Saturday Night I got a little toasted when I got home and decided it'd be fun to dress up like He-Man and go diving after the hydra that resided in the hottub in my backyard..... So if my matches are out of order..... Please get a life....... The First match I remember was Chase Stevens vs. Anthony ' The Freak ' Williams... This match was decent... It kept my attention mainly because Chase was harrassing ChickenHat and ChickenHat kept on telling himself ' Must control myself, must control my anger ' that alone was Great!!!!! It was like ChickenHat was acting like The Hulk, well the afterbirth that fell out after The Hulk was born is a more concise description of him, but still ChickenHat Banner was in full effect..... The Freak has a good gimmick and actually plays it off better than Stasiak ever could, in fact Stasiak could even pluck the nut hairs from The Freaks sack..... Chase won the match...... Someone tell this man not to hit a moonsault as I heard The Freaks unborn children screaming when Chase's leg's crashed into The Freaks Nut sack......
After that Bert got into the ring and started talking about how Chris Vaughn and Rick Santel are the future and that they are two of the brightest stars in USA Championship Wrestling...... If Rick Santel is the future then Someone get me Doc's number and let me rent a Dolorean cause my @$$ is going back to 1985.... A future of Burrito on a pole matches and an armbar showdown are not my ideal of a lovely future... Anyways during this promo Mitch Ryder and Bart Swayer come out and say how they've paid there dues in the business for 20 years and they deserve to be in TNA, and then the Electrified Spider Monkey of Doom, Shane Eden, comes out and acts like he's going to take up for Santel and Vaughn but instead beats them down..... Chase Stevens then comes out and helps out Vaughn and Santel.... They clear the ring and Bert sets a match between all six for tonight... Santel and Vaughn are not sure whether to trust Chase or not but Chase assures then ' He's TNA ' so they then hug and felch each other and return to the back.....
The next match was Arrick ' The Rookie of the Year ' Andrews taking on Hot Rod Biggs....... Arrick ditched the old pants he wore??? Don't know why,those were cool and these new ones look like he's wearing a bloody diaper with black stockings on.... The old pants were much better..... Arrick got the win with a frogsplash at the end.... Hot Rod is the quintessential Heel..... The Mohawk screams Hell, it screams ' This is my Mohawk , mofo, fear my mohawk, talk bad about it and I'll make you vomit blood '.........
The next match was the triple threat match of Chase,Santel and Vaughn taking on Mitch Ryder,Bart and Shane Eden.... This match was good, alot of intensity and the angle to build up to the match was very well put together.... Note to Bert : Storylines and Angles are good for the sport....... It explains why people don't like other people besides hey you're heel and I'm face and you farted and it stunk! The match was a double count out as the action went outside the ring and up the ramp..... Santel,Chase and Vaughn held there hands in Victory afterwards in front of the TNA sign..... All I can hear at this point is the Ween Song ' There's 30 color's in the Homo Rainbow '.... Side Note Santel was videotaping myself and HeelSection 2 and Uncle Heel for some reason???? Probably took it home, sucked the meat out of the burrito and got a box of kleenex to fantasize about us all.... Santel loves me.... But The Bro is all woman... I mean The Bro only wants Women!
The next match was the match of the night....... The Triple Threat Lingerie Rip and Tear Match between Lollipop,April and Athena..... I was going to buy some Duct Tape to keep Big Bro under control but decided to but Wet Cement instead with all the @$$ and boobies that would be dancing across my eyeballs.... Lollipop came out frist in her Superman PJ's, hey baby The Bro has a stick of Kryptonite swinging between his legs that will make you go weak in the knees..... April came out with a Teddy Bear and her PJ's on..... Hey Arpil is my favorite she makes Big Bro do dances in his pant compartment.... In fact if you could see in my pants, Big Bro would be breakdancing 80's style doing headpsins and everything when April came out..... Hey it's not like I haven't seen these PJ's before, they practically stay in my room... GEEZ..... And Next was Athena who came out dressed in her PJ's,they were silver and rocked..... So after adjusting my seat so noone would get speared in the eye or the back of the head the match was started.... Bert brought out pillows and I swear if them rolling around and landing on top of each other simulating oral $ex, I needed a splooge protector..... After Lollipop stripped Athena out of her pants and she had on these white panties with Stockings I thought I was gonna drench my whole row in The Bro's Special Sauce but contained it until April got stripped to her Bra.... IT was over..... Bro was out of control..... The Bro had more XXX thoughts than a week of renting The Playboy Channel for a week..... The ending had Hot Rod coming out and giving a cookie sheet in a pillow to Lollipop, she then attacked the others getting the win..... Then the whole catfight ensued making every male member of the back come out to cop free feels, making me very jealous and actually bringing me to tears, that they all got to get free touches... and not The Bro, The Bro is a purveyor of fine women so not to touch and give my appraisal is a dang shame.... I should start a Women Appraisal show like those Antique shows.... People bring there chicks to me and I appriase them for the other person..... That's a Golden Idea......
The main event had America's Most Wanted who made me hate them even more with there Tennessee Titans Jersey's on taking on David Flair and Humongous..... People say I look like Flair... He wishes he looked like the Bro, I like Flair and all but comparing anyone to The Bro is just an unfair just to them..... Flair has grown as a heel and gets the crowd worked up really well...... Of course America's Most Wanted got the win..... Someone said they saw James Storm leaving with Eddie George but I didn't start that rumor.....
Overall a good show..... Really I'd recommend this show to anyone wanting to get out on a Saturday night plus all the chicks on the show.... Please...... It's Golden... you could have to legless people fighting for 2 hours and as long as I got to see my three ltitle lovely ladies who all adore me wrestle, I'd be happy..... The Triple Threat for my Drawers is what they should be called...... thebro1869@hotmail.com
News and Reviews for 1/10/03
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.......
Now you're probably asking yourself ' Why the fuck does he have part of the constituion above his report for today? ' Well I'll tell you why..... Becasue some people wanna hate on The Bro and hold The Bro down.... You see The first admendment gives me the right to say or express the way I feel about things freely.... When you read my columns or talk to me you will get the real me, The real Bro that if you walked into a bar and sat down with would tell you the same stuff he puts on here.... You see I guess people like Hennig and others take what I say on here wayyyyy to personal.... You see it's not like I'm on here going I bet this guy is a real fucker in real life I bet he rapes women and punches puppy dogs in the face..... Why don't I say it??? Because it isn't true and to be honest I could give two shits about these people's personal lives..... They come to entertain me so therefore I write on MY site about what entertains me or what I felt suck, and here's a shocker sometimes when things suck they still entertain me... Curt Hennig sucks in my opinion nowadays but his mullet and his cowboy boot tuck entertain me..... Maybe Hennig hasn't read my site and he was just jealous that he wasn't The Bro, I mean I would steal half his ringrat action and being the sexiest Mark in attendance with a close second by Doug who sat behind me, He probably felt threatened... But if he did read my site and took offense to it, then all I gotta say is I'm not sorry..... You see I walk down the street and someone makes fun of me or say's something about me I turn it into a joke and we all laugh about it, it seems others don't have that ability, they would most likely if they heard something like that... decpiatate you and drink the blood out of your head while muching on your scrotum sack..... That's what's wrong with the world today, everybody is so fucking uptight!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate uptight people.... Like half the murders in the world are made by uptight people.... Let me fill you in on an episode that happened with me after the show.....
You see I go to Madison's Friday Night Wrestling alot to check out the action, granted sometimes the out of ring action is better than the in-ring so I report what I feel and what I see... Anyways this dude came up to me who looked like he just lost the battle to a bag full of 'retarded' and he tells me that some guy doesn't want me to talk bad about him on my website anymore and that ' they ' didn't like it...... Ok one question.... if this dude is considered part of the posse, they must be headlining the main event at Cloverbottom cause this dude was the straight up poster child for abortion..... But anyways I told him I had no idea what he was talking about and that I only report what I see..... After sticking around for a few I was leaving and almost ran into another guy, I said ' Whoops ' he said ' Yeah Whoops ' all smugly so I went back and asked what the deal was, he told me he was the one who had a problem with what I wrote and that he took offense to it..... Ok please people if you have a beef with me come talk to me, we can work it out and come to an mutual understanding, ask Chris Harris..... Who would love to violate me with a set of rusty lawnmower blades but sees where I'm coming from..... But after talking to this dude for 3 minutes I think I convinced him that it's me, The Bro, I don't sit on my site and attack you personally I attack what I think is funny, I will never call someone a bad guy in real life unless I know facts..... Anyways the thing that bothered me the most about all of this was at the beggining he threatened me with little innuendos like " If you keep it up, some people may want to hurt you " or something along the lines of that...... All I gotta say to that is if it makes a wrestler who has been trained to fight take down a skinny internent reporter that absolutely sucks anyways then fine go ahead.... I mean it made me feel better when I beat up my Grannies best friend who was in a wheelchair because she called me a ' hussie ' ( Disclaimer : Only joking I just Donkey Punched her once in the gut, seriously though I think you get my point ) But for real if this dude or Curt Hennig wants to beat me up, that's fine roll the dice cause The Bro will take a beating and be fine, but will you??? Will your conscience be good knowing you beat up someone who's quote unqoute job is to let fans read what he feels... just like your job is to entertain us.... Bottom line talk to me if you have a problem with me, I mean I talk about you if I have a problem with you on here don't I????
Last but not least the guy called me a 'Mark', I am a 'Mark' but I totally hate that fucking word.... Withought ' Marks ' in this time of wrestling where would local shows or quite possibly TNA be withought ' Marks '??? I mean seriously step back and think.... Local shows have always thrived off ' Marks ' for the business otherwise noone would come.... But recently even the casual fan has left the wrestling world leaving people like WWE and TNA hurting..... Take a look around at TNA for a minute..... what section is always full before the PPV???? General admission where 80 percent of the seats were given away freely...... Why because alot of people refuse to pay to watch wrestling.... But if you look closer at the ringside seating who is there???? It's your ' Marks ' the people that will pay the bigger price to be closer to the action.... The ringside seating is always slower to fill up and hell even when it does I see the fills that work for TNA sitting there sometimes.... All I'm saying is look at the core audience, the people who would return whether you raised the tickets to 20.00 or had Doink winning the Belt.... There ' Marks '!!!!! It's not good for people like this dude or Curt Hennig to actually fucking hate us since we pay the money and at least 2 percent of my 15.00 went into your payoff..... So don't fucking call us 'Marks', we're fucking fans, your fucking fans and the wrestling business' fucking fans..... TNA gets the idea better than most with the Russo shoot style and everything but damn.... Don't alienate the ' Marks ' as there your real cash-flow......
Basically this is probably stupid and noone will care when they read this but just like these wrestlers go out and bust there ass to entertain, I do too.... I work full time, I even go to a second job, and I have two- basically three kids to take care of but yet I always find time for the sport I love to watch.... Why??? Because I want it to succeed, I want wrestling to be around when my kids get older so they can enjoy it..... I work on wrestling and this website at workj and at home with my kids, to entertain the certain people that like this so don't give me that bullshit line of ' you're the fucking reason the industry is the way it is right now ' Casue withought us there would be no industry right now.... And don't give me that horeshit line about we can't do what you can do bullshit either..... I played 15 years of oprganized baseball, had a free scholarship to UTK and also lettered in football and track in high-school, It may not look like it cause I'm small but I work out everyday, so under the right circumstances with the right training I could do what you can do.... Could I do what AJ Styles or Low Ki do???? Hell No cause those fuckers were born with an instinct to wrestle, like Jordan was born with that Basketball instinct they were born with there wrestling instinct, but I could do what 60 percent of you guys do under the right circumstances, and I'm not putting you down as I'm seriously sure under the right circumstances you could come into my job and be trained to do what I do...... I'm an athlete, I take care of my body except for the alcholol.... which fuels me :) But don't underestitmate us, not only do we fuel the industry, but we also have some ability besides typing away at a keyboard.....
Noone is gonna hold me down or make me shut up, It's me you can either start you're on site called www.iwishallmarkswouldchokeonafatdildo.com or you can go to other sites... but The Bro will alwyas be here to make your life one happy fucking place..... thebro1869@hotmail.com
Oh and shout out's go to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ Russo for mentioning The Bro in his promo..... All Hail the King of Wrestling
News and Reviews for 1/8/03
TNA PPV PREVIEW 1/8/03
Whattup Ho's and Tard's The Bro is back with his weekly preview of the TNA PPV..... It's been a long two weeks and I'm happy TNA is back... I'm happy cause Trinity and Desire will be back to give The Bro more wet dream material... And that's a good thing cause Trinity dressed as Little Bo-Peep and Desire milking a Cow is getting old and there's only so much you can visualize in that scenario..... TNA being on break has given me time ,as my chum Bo from www.totalnonstop.com, to play all the new PS2 games I got and shatter two controllers in the process..... Oh damn have you checked out the new T-shirts on www.nwatna.com??? Those are super schweeet The SEX shirt rocks..... If Trinity ever joins SEX I'll Goooo my pants and have a heart attack, as two of my future claimants in civil court for charges of stalking will be in the same group!!!!!!!!
Well tonight the card really hasn't been revealed very much, what we do know I will run-down..... Sonny Siaki vs. Jason Cross for the X-Division Title is a match that should be good..... Siaki in his hot pants and Cross with his panties with an arrow that points to his privies should be a fashion statement match...... It's probably way to early on in Cross' push to expect him to win, although I do expect him to make a near fall on Siaki..... Siaki will win the match with the help of S.E.X. ...... During the match Russo will probably come down with Desire and say he's giving Desire to The Bro so that they can do the tango with there tongues during his match..... Russo loves me so he gives me what I want.... Like I said expect Siaki to win, but Cross will prolly hit the Crossfire or at least attempt it...... The Crossfire makes me feel 13 again, what can you mean by that Bro???, Well let me tell you when I was 13 I had these crazy ideas that just popped into my head and one of those was to get a seat which was rubber and put it on this flexible pole i had in my backyard for games.... Anyways the object was for my friends to pull the seat all the way to the ground with a rope thus making the pole snap back into place making me go flying into the air..... So my friends put me in the seat and pulled back on the rope at the last minute I noticed one of my shoe strings had been snagged on a ragged part of the seat before I could Scream ' NO! ' the seat was released..... Well the seat snapped back into place I went falling out and my shoestring was caught so i did like 4 front flips before landing with my leg over my neighbors cat...... I had accidently broken her back...... The cat was never the same and somewhere in the bushes Jason Cross stole my move.....
Another match on the card tonight is Kid Kash and EZ Money taking on David Young and Tony Mamaluke...... David Young's BrainBusters are f*cking vicious..... He's like the fattest cool dude I know.... I bet you Arn Anderson is jealous of the BrainBuster' David Young puts on people... I remember when Young wrestled for Bert at the fairgrounds and he used to team with Air Paris and he had no carisma and no character but one night he turned on Air Paris and gave him a BrainBuster and I thought for sure that Paris' head landed somewhere in the third row..... I used to be like ' Ahhh another fat jobber ' until he hit the BrainBuster and I was like Holy Sh*t that was vicious..... Now EZ Money that's another thing..... His entrance music alone has caused the suicide of countless scores of people..... Plus the whole Chippendales thing get's on my nerves..... And that stupid beyond belief Booker T hand Pose is enough to make me donkey punch a nun...... If I was that lame I think I'd take a jump from a highrise and put the scores of people who hate me out of misery..... Kid Kash is great too bad he has to carry dead weight tonight in EZ.... expect Kash to swerve on Money.... Kash needs a persona and that would be awesome. Mamaluke is an untapped respource in the X-Division his submission holds are something that I'd only want to be in if it were with A couple Smoking Hotties..... I expect Young and Mamaluke to get the win by the Swerving of Kash...... Does anyone think that cloning babies is wrong???? If so hate EZ Money it seems as if someone through Ed Leslie, A Chippendale out of work model and A Rat into a cloning machine and made EZ Money......
And then the only other match that has been announced is Harris and Storm taking on Slash and Lee..... Now some people have said this is gonna be a cage match.... I'm all about cage matches buthow will they put a cage together in enough time is the 4 million dollar question..... If it works out it will be great seeing as how Strom and Harris being in a cage,getting cut open and dying from massive blood loss seems like a great plan to me..... I seriosuly believe one will swerve the other one tonight and thus setting up a major feud between the two..... Hopefully it'll be Harris turning his back on Storm he has the perfect storyline ready for when he does and it should be tonight as this is the ' Last ' Chapter in there matches..... Cages RULE!!!!!!!!!
So those were the only matches announced for tonight.... You know My Lord and Savior Russo will be there with SEX...... Supposedly Roddy Piper is making a return.... I promise if I see Piper come out of the stage I will fling a big bag of rat feces against his face and scream ' Go back you Yeast Infection, nobody wants you here TURD! ' Turd is the funniest word in the American Language..... Think about the sounding TURD... Itjust sounds funny..... Also slated to be on the card is AJ Styles and Jeff Jarrett so hopefully we'll find out what's up between these two..... Will ChickenHat be there tonight??? Like flies and sh*t he will...... TNA keeps on pushing the Expect the Unexpected catchphrase.... I expect surprise appaerances now so does that mean I should come to expect Trinity and Desire in a Match where they come to the ring get covered in Honey which I apply mind you, they then have a series of fights in the nude covered in honey in various setting like A bedroom Scene, A Shower Scene and a Principal's Office Scene..... That all leads to the final match where it's them fighting in the ring still covered in honey and there clothes are suspended above the ring and the only way to get them is to jump on a trampoline as high as you can.... the winner Gets to puff on my peace pipe while the loser gets to get licked cleanly by me, like a momma cat...... See Ya Tonight and I'll be back tommorrow with my TNA PPV Review... Also on Friday I'll be posting my interview with the one and only Big Don West...... thebro1869@hotmail.com
News and Reviews for 1/7/03
Hey Whattup..... Well Holmes I'll tell you what's up it's my Birthday today..... All Hail the king!!!!!!!..... Today God takes A day off to commemorate such a great specimen he created such as me...... The only thing is I still have to work..... :/ But that's ok cause I get the birthday excuse.... What's that you ask, well let me tell you..... My Boss ' Matt it seems you only did 5 claims today, the daily average is 75 '...... Bro ' Oh my bad it's my Birthday that means I don't have to do sh*t... did you not get the memo??? '
My Birthday always sucked when I was younger cause it was just a week and a half after Christmas so I always got the gifts that people were going to return that they didn't like, Like once when I was 8 I got an adult size XXXL Tennessee Sweater, not only was it XXXL for an adult man but Tennessee was spelled Tennesseee on it..... I still got it for people that still don't believe I got it... My uncle was like 'you'll grow into it boy'.... Yeah in 40 years maybe, maybe you'll grow to love my fist being connected to your sideburns BIYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But now that I'm older people get me Gift Certificates which I love or Money which I love more..... If money is the root of all evil then I love Evil..... Anyways I'm 24 today which depresses me in a way seeing as how I'm 16 years away from 40...... That scares me more than depresses me Because 40 is like Old... Well so is 30 but my God 40??? Geez! I'll still be pimping at 40 though so all my little Bro's out there don't fret..... All the people wishing to send The Bro Happy Birthday wishes which I'm sure all of you do hit me up at thebro1869@hotmail.com and I'm up to 12 women in the Hummer line I cut it off at 24..... I mean not literally vut my weiner off but cut off the line... I figure one an hour.....
Tommorrow I'll be back for a TNA PPV Preview.... I'm glad that TNA is back because well I'm just glad.... I was talking to someone the other day.... And It was someone who wasn't associated with TNA in any way shape or form but He knows some people and he told me that this is a PPV that if you missed you'll be kicking yourself in the @$$ for it..... When this guy has told me that in the past it has led to me being more excited than a altar boy in a Priests cocubine..... And it rarely ever let me down.... So tommorrow I'm expecting something big to happen.... There's two possibilities that are being thrown around that I'll discuss tommorrow...... Also there is talks of a cage match between AMW and Disciples of the New Church for the Tag Belts..... All I can say is James Storm in a cage.... Bloody, screaming like a little girl, begging for his life is a good image for me......
Well I'm out to go drink the glass off the bottle..... Actually I have to work for 8 hours then go do that..... If anyone wants to take The Bro to some t*tty bars hit me up on email and we'll go, seeing as how all my friends have uptight girlfriends..... They don't realize anything.... Like these girls would actually hit on us in real life.... Come to think of it most of them would me but other's no..... Actually they probably would for Similac and Diapers.... So totally throw that point out the window..... My ex wife was a stripper so I have some biased opinions on some strippers, others are as sweet as a bee's ass..... Like I said on a post on Trent's Board yesterday there's something about The Bro that drives the lady-folk wild.... It must be my scent... The Bro's Bearded Clam Opening Juice.....
Anyways hit me up in an email.... thebro1869@hotmail.com it never gets old to hear happy birthday... Peace Out see Ya Tommorrow with a preview of the PPV......
| I KID YOU NOT!!!!!! |
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| BRITNEY SPEARS HAS BEEN TO THIS SITE!!!!! I GUARANTEE SOON MORE DETAILS |
News and Reviews for 1/6/03
Whattup this is a Wookie Free Zone...... Yeah The Bro took his fair share of heat for getting up on the closest human relative of the Yetti, but hey I can admit when my judgement gets skewered from alcohol..... Plus there were other people trying to get up on it from what I was told..... Something about she-beasts and body hair is such a turn on for me...... Hey good news The Bro's momma has decided to help him out and next week The Bro will be a fully functional site with no more bandwidth problems.... Wow I'm such a momma's boy.....I'm pathetic.....
So like this weekend I had my kids... So after they drove me crazy all day I decided it was time to go out and get some Adult Entertainment on Saturday Night.... There's only so many Scooby Doo DVD's and Crocodile Hunter DVD's a man can watch before he's ready to ram his head into the wall..... I swear my son can't watch anything but Scooby Doo DVD's, I try to turn it over and watch the playoofs, he tells me there too scary and starts crying..... even commercials are too scary for him..... Give me a break, Kids know how to play people better than the She Beast Yetti of The Alps..... Anyways so I went to Bert's show Saturday Night and this will be my review......
The first thing I notice when entering is that The Cameras are not there for Bert's Worldwide Television show..... I thought he was gonna have a weekly show???? Well who knows.... I always thought it was funny him saying WorldWide... I mean am I supposed to believe in South Africa in a Bamboo Hut some dude is checking out U.S.A. Championship Wrestling??? I highly doubt it and if he did he may try to spear the TV after seeing Bert's rotund face on there thinking it was a land whale perching in his tent..... So the first match that I can remember was Bart Sawyer taking on Mark Jaguar..... Jaguar is cool, Bart is not..... He came out wearing his Frat shirt that I guess Roddy Piper gave him since he tries to emulate him so much, which to me is about as big of a role modelas O. J. Simpson..... In fact if you wanna read something funny head on over to www.lethalwrestling.com where Honky Tonk man is a column writer and read what Roddy Piper sent him in an email and how he tried to decipher what it said.... Anyways I just noticed that three sentences in my paragraph were taken up by Roddy Piper so for that I need to kill myself.... Bart got the win I think, if not I don't think anyone will be sh*tting themselves going ' Oh My God Who Won This Match'.....
Another match on the card were The Victory Twins vs. The Misfits..... I posed the question to someone about the family that sits in the front row, who's mental i.q. if added together would equal that of a stray pube on a public bathroom toilet seat, I asked ' Could God hate a whole family that much??? ' I think I found my answer in the form of Two Midgets clad in wrestling tights.... Yes, God could hate someone that much, but he also could hate others more harshly!!!!!!! To borrow a line from a great movie..... ' If The Victory Twins had a brain, they'd eat it ' Anyways, this match was the 54th installment of the classic series between the Misfits and Twins..... It's hard to distinguish which twin is actually fighting as they both were the same wrestling tights, but I've found a fool-proof way to make sure you know you're favorite Victory Twin midget is the one in the ring..... One has pearly white boots.... The other has Come stained yellow tinted boots on.... So look for those signs in spotting you're favorite midgety supastah!!!!! Anyways before the last person in the house fell asleep they had Humongous come in and kill all 4 participants..... To show his love of Midget Porn, James Storm came in the ring to beat up Humongous... Yeah, that didn't work, so JErry Lynn came in to save his @$$ and after Jerry took out Humongous, Storm attacked Jerry Lynn..... In my opinion Storm felt inferior to Lynn so he attacked him first much like a wounded lion will attack another one to show ' Hey I'm not as lame as you think ' But in all actuality they are and worse, so Jerry and Storm agreed to have a match later on between the two.....
Arrick Andrews took on The Thug...... Arrick deserved to have his penis cut off and eaten by a certain wrestling promoter for the comments he made about me and Chewy while coming to the ring... Hey Brah everyone makes mistakes.... You wouldn't want the Bro to point out a major mistake would you???? Nah!!!!! Didn't think so... So the Bro will let By-Gones be By-Gones, but be rest assured Mr. Andrews the next time you call someone out.... The Truth will be told..... Bert did his typical spiel of ' Rookie of the Year ' talk and said that in the coming weeks you can vote for him and other awards... In the first ever.... Big Gay Bert Wrestling Awards...... Seems as if a certain Bert PRentice has been stealing ideas from The Bro..... It's ok Bert not everyone can be a pimp like me, I know you tried hard but it'll never happen, you can get close so keep trying..... Anyways Thug taught Arrick some respect although Arrick got the win......
Now here's the match that really got me...... Seems as if Bert's playtoy has come home to roost... That's right ladies and Gentleman Shane Eden is back and in full Gay Effect.... Shane thinks he is the hottest guy pn TV or so he claims??? I mean I guess he needs to build up that ego considering he has more teeth in his mouth than people who think he's sexy..... And people trust me that's not saying much..... If Shane was a carved pumpkin he'd be half-priced considering they have more teeth than he does..... Hey did you know that the Toothbrush was invented in Tennessee??? Oh you didn't.... Well it was, because if it was invented anywhere else it would have been called the Teethbrush....... Just had to say that..... Anyways Eden and Freak went at it and actually this was a good match...... Not like scientifically good but it was good as old Memphis style matches go..... Shane was on the outisde for one part of the match and The Freak took it easy on him with some chair-shots, I guess Bert sent out a memo before the show saying ' Noone is to throw Shane's Back out of place.... That's for me..... Tap Tap Tapperoo ' Anyways Freak and Shane took turns tossing a chain to each other when the ref wasn't looking so The Freak took out another chain and knocked Eden out..... 1,2,3..... Freak wins.... Shane's on his back which is an improvement from Ashy Kneecaps.....
Chris Vaughn took on Mitch Ryder...... Mitch is a cool Heel as he feeds off of fan interaction..... Chris Vaughn is cool just because he recognizes The Section..... But there was some controversy in this match as Vaughn claimed to have been calling for his famous Top-Rope Eye Poke but he said the Heel Section didn't chant for him and left him out to dry...... My young Wild One, One only has to look at your partner in crime Ponch ( Rick Santel ) to see why this blunder occured.... He called for us to cheer, we did, you did nothing..... So therefore why cheer again....??? One has to look at Santel's deep rooted jealousy..... For one Vaughn was born in this country, he didn't have to ride in on a Donkey, for two it seems like Vaughn can score with Women.... The only thing Santel can score with are the teenage ring rats who hit him up at Taco Bell for free Mexi-Melts after hours, and he doesn't realize they are using him for just that reason..... So be suffice to say Santel will turn his back on you Vaughn Saturday night's swerve was just the beggining of the end..... But don't hate yourself kid, it's not your fault you were born in a house and he was born in a mud adobe..... Jealousy can be so hard...... Vaughn got the win..... Santel cheered like a little Mexican Schoolgirl getting her first taste of Spanish Fly...... Santel was dressed spiffy Saturday night and his cell phone never left his side... He must have been on call with his troupe of Mariachi singers......... Life's Tough when you're a one man Mexican Wrecking Crew..... I think Taco Bell needs to name a item off there menu in honor of there spokesman... Maybe the Bean Burrito...... The outer appearance looks fine, but when you bite in it get's sloppy and doesn't taste very well and the monstrous gas attack after eating is enough to make 3 week old vomit smell good.....
The Match of the Night was The Street Fight between Lollipop and April with Athena as guest referee..... Lollipop was sporting some jeans and a tank.... both were very nicely added to my databank of wet dreams..... And April was in jeans and a Yellow Tank..... April was led to the ring by, something that looked like I forgot to flush, Earnest T why he was out there with April I have no idea.... God seriously doesn't like me... First Chicken Hat is a lumberjack and gets to smack her @$$ then Earnest T, who's only ability in life is to take up the precious thing called Oxygen, is her manager..... ARGHHHHHHHH...... The match was good for perverts like me who only care who's face is getting sat on..... The ending had Lollipop getting pissed at Athena and trying to do a flip on her, but Athena pushed her and then a big brawl took place between all three and the boys had to come out to seperate..... Not just one or two but the whole lockeroom...... If I was in there I would have grabbed April and stuck my hands down her pants and be like it's ok calm down The Bro has Magical Fingers let them do the work... B-Doll...... Bart Sawyer grabbed the thongs that Lollipop used to Choke April with, he cherishes them because that's as close as he's come to a woman in 50 plus years.... Ahhhh The Bro was given a gift by Bert, at least 500 different Wet Dreams to play with in my mind..... the Bro will defintly have chaffe on my Ivory Rythym Stick in a few weeks.....
The Main Event was Storm taking on Lynn...... ' Yee-Haw Buckaroo I'ze here to get my ass kicked by a real man pard'ner.... so let me mosey out into the ring after my 45 minute entrance, shoot off my guns, hope they don't backfire and do the job... speaking of Backfire anyone see Prentice??? ' ( Drumroll for the punchline ) Anyways this match was decent for a Storm match, he's progressing, but The Bro could still take him.... Anyways the match ended when Humongous came down and beat the living damn out of both men....... But then they worked together to knock Humongous out..... They shook hands and that was the end of the show... Jerry let me down by shaking hands with a moppy like Storm but I'll get over it, in my opinion Lynn could shoot the Pope and make love to the corpse and I'd still be a fan.....
Hottie of the night tonight was a redhead chick that sat over in General Admission...... She had to be a wrestlers chick seeinmg as how she sat alone in General Admission.... She was super fresh though.... The Bro offers you an open invitation to puff on my magical Ivory Cigar..... Peace Out..... Sorry for the lame Review, I'm not into it much today cause tommorrow is my birthday Whoop-Whoop!!!! Send me some happy birthday Emails... thebro1869@hotmail.com.... And remember ladies.... Birthday Hummers will be accepted freely... take a number and I'll call it sooner or later, the demnad is just way to great!!!!!
| Columbian Coffe Beans unveils it's New Spokesman |
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| Juan Santel |
News and Reviews for 1/3/02
For those of you sellouts and suckas who didn't show up to The Heel Section New Year's Party you missed out, I'm sure you had better stuff to do like not hangout with The American Pimps of the year and To sit around by yourself withought fly mammies all up on your junk..... Yeah! Anyways since some didn't show up I thought ' Well Hell there's no wrestling reports to do so let's do a Heel Section Party Review for all the non-cool people ' Now this is a disclaimer I was drunk about 80 percent of this party so the names and individuals may have been changed to protect there identity.....
So like before I even showed up I was at another party for the UT vs. Maryland Game, I was depressed because UT looked like they had had a bus crash killing all the players and they had to dress up retards from the school of tards to play.... They were terrible but anyways so when leaving this party a friend of mine hands me a 20 oz. coke and say's there's something special in it...... So I was all about something special in my coke so I left to go to the Heel Section party..... Now for the ladies out there who don't know, which are few and far between, Doug, the leader of the Heel Section, has a great pad for parties and for the ladies.... So after checking out his pad I start to drink my coke..... The first sip I believe tasted like pure sulfuric acid with a taste of lemon so it caught me off guard but I'm all about toughing it out and taking one for myself..... So the people start rolling in..... Members of The Heel Section, some ladies up in the house, other people who will remain nameless so we're all just chillin getting our drunk on and talking getting to know everyone... Well about this time I started getting a little woozy and my head was telling me that I had a system overload and my feet coudln't function properly so I sat down on the floor..... Doug came in with a bottle of Popcorn Schnapps and I took a shot..... After that I followed up with a chaser of Whiskey.... Whatever the chick gave me before plus these two put me over the edge and I was out like Brian Boitano......
Mind you the popcorn schnapps may have a weird name but the taste was pure excitement..... kind of a caramel flavor to it, good stuff.... So I go to check out the surroundings in my drunken state.... I remember thinking to myself yeah there's some fly hotties here that The Bro could score with, to bad I'm drunk and can't really make out what they look like... So I go stand in the corner and start talking to people I don't know...... This chick comes up to me and starts talking about music and about how she can sing, so automatically this chick is cool in my book right.....????? Anyways I remember only a few details of this misadventure so I'll do my best to recount the events as they happened..... There was some flirting, I was drunk mind you and in my drunken state I can get turned on by a set of power tools, so it doesn't take much for a female to get my tent to be pitched, so you know in my drunken state I'm thinking WhoooWheeee the boys are gonna get action tonight...' Who wants a ride on The Bro's Boys of Love, Oh you do Sexy Mamma??? Well Then hop right on, it's a bumpy ride here's my hands to hold you on ' So anyways I remember going to a bedroom and after that it's kinda a blur as I was tired and drunk so I prolly passed out..... All I remember was this excrusciating pain in my stomach when I woke up... I sat up where someone was mouthing the words ' Run for your life, you're in danger ' or some stuff like that... So I get up and go to see what this is all about....... I was told some interesting stuff and then kinda looked to see who my assailant was...... Yep that's right boys and girls, The Bro made out with a wookie..... Now I'm not being mean, I'm just being honest...... The Bro has high standards and those standards get jeopardize and lowered when I'm drunk..... I guess I thought I was making out with Britney Spears then awoken from my drunken slumber to find out that instead I was making out with Chewbacca.....' Whaaaargghhhhh'..... If anything will make me go sober it's making my rep get disgraced..... Now to the people who saw me go into this room with this 'Gloid ' Hey Fugg You ' thanks for having my back, luckily I have some people who tried to help.....
After walking around trying to calm myself down and realizing that I was gonna have to go home and gargle with clorox and sterilize my lips with seering irons I finnally sobered up..... The Bro as stated previously is not an equal opportunity ride..... You have to at least meet a couple of my standards..... ' I was drunk please forgive me! All my little Bro's out there the Bro'ster apologizes for making it seem alright to settle for inferior poontang, It's not!!!!!!!! drink your vodka and say your cuss words cause The Bro'ster has your back, you go after the hottest flyest mamma at a party and let Brostermania run wild on her Brother! ' The Bro just needed some love, the Bro needs love.... And The Bro sunk to an all time low... now I know how Ed Leslie feels..... And to the mamma who took advantage of The Bro in this drunken state, don't stalk me I'm not worth it, trust me, I'm worth it to all the other little Bro stalkers out there but not for you, I'll just be mean and rude, plus your info has been saved in a clear capsule in case you decide to kill me or have someone kill me now so all info will point back at you, I come prepared as when you are the hottest internet reviewer of all time you get your share of weirdo's..... :) Just let it go... let it go!
Actually the whole reason I hooked up with this chick was because it was Doug's party..... Doug made all this possible so I went ahead and took myself out of the equation for Doug... Other people from the Baggin's family don't do stuff like that for Doug they like to think of themselves as pimps and Lord's of the Ring and score with some chick that the other guys were just wanting to do to get there rocks off...... In my opinion people like this our masters of only one ring and that's the O-ring inside an ass..... Take one for the team Brah, Doug made all this possible so if he wanted to give a drunken baggy the thrill of her life then let him, there will be plenty of hobbity little chicks for you to bang later on.....
All in all a great party except for my 'crying game' experience...... But I'm sure I gave her the thrill of her life..... :) Anyways take it easy.... The Bro is on the road...... See Ya....... thebro1869@hotmail.com Down Below is what I saw when drunk, followed by what I saw when Sober......
| While Drunk Most Girls appear to Look Like This |
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| BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| WHEN SOBER YOU SEE WHAT THEY REALLY ARE............. WOOKIES!!!!!!! |
News and Reviews for 1/2/03
Hey what's up, Its the first of the year... So you know what that means...... I was drinking until I was almost in the sack with a mongloid beast until someone pointed out that Hey Bro youre making out with a urinary tract infection...!!!! :) Last year I remember getting so sh*t-faced that I still had a hangover on the 7th, which mind you is my Birthday!!! Whoop-Whoop!!!!! All the girls who want to give me a birthday hummer can line up and take a number.... BLAMMMM! Anyways this year for me personally has been decent, it's had it's up's and down's but hell every day has it's up's and down's, I wouldn't classify it as a Great Year but an O.K. year would be more suffice, better than last year when I was unemployed for like 6 months and recently got divorced, so yeah this year is better.... Can you believe I'm only 23 and Divorced already???? WOW It sure is hard to live with The Bro.... My ex only made it three months, three months that's pathetic..... I like to use Dog Years for my marriage and say I made it 7 years and three months, sounds better than just three months.... But anyways enough about Satan and Hell let's get to my report for today... The Bro's 2002 Season - Ending Report.....
First of I want to thank numerous people in the Nashville and the internet Wrestling community for helping The Bro carve a little niche of madness into an often too serious sport..... Trent Van Drisse, Trent has always been like a cool dude to me, I've always respected the fact that no matter who wants to punch his mother for creating him he still speaks his mind, you have to admire that..... Bob Ryder, Trent's number 1 fan and a self proclaimed fan of The Bro.... But hey aren't we all??? Bob also set-up the infamous Beer exchange between Myself and Borash, and he's a genuinely nice dude....... Lonewolf, Lonewolf was the very first wrestling site in Nashville I ever checked out.... He's always been a cool dude, Is down with the green and hails from L.A. and all that my friend = coolness in my book!!!!! Bo from TotalNonStop.com, This dude is super cool, He likes the Hulk and that for one makes him cool, But he also digs Metal and he has a crazy stalker, anytime you have a stalker you know you have made it dude....... Goldylocks, Thanks for being the first to ever venture into a Bro interview.... Noone knew what to expect but now The Bro's interviews have become wildly known as the best interviews in the world, well not yet, but they will, Thanks!!!!!..... Borash, Ahhh yes thank you Borash for giving me the ability to joke on you, it's not every day that a true gem such as yourself graces the everday lives of a person like me, but when it does and all those factors come together at once..... It's magic!!!!! I've heard Borash actually enjoys my stories.... Is that what I wanted???? Chicken Hat Charles, We've come a long way, What more can I say about the legend in the business, the man who has been the butt of 90 percent of my jokes, the man with the hat..... I have made you a star my friend, write your checks payable to The Bro and you can just give them to me when you see me again... K, pal? My Milf and Trinity and Desire and Lollypop and April and about 98 percent of the chicks in wrestling, thank you for giving me nice thoughts to use to put me to sleep, if only there was an invention to not get the sticky kleenex's stuck to my toes when going to use the bathroom I'd be in heaven, oh and thanks for making my right bicep 80 percent bigger than my left..... Athena = Gnome..... HeelSection, thanks for letting The Bro sit with people who are as sick and twisted in the head as himself, now if we can somehow find a way to euthanize certain people who will remain nameless, we'd all be ecstatic...... Shivan, You're a cool dude, thanks for your help and remember to do your own website so people can't mess with it..... TNA, thanks for giving me and everyone else an alternative, and thanks for putting it here in Nashville where I can see it every week, I may b*tch about the product and complain but withought TNA here wrestling would suck, so thanks for coming along and helping the landscape..... All my fans and the 8,000 + visitors so far, Thanks for giving this site the chance to express it's opinions, sometimes you may agree, sometimes you may disagree, sometimes you may want to disembowl me but thanks for the support, spread the Word, 2003 should be bigger and better!!!!! There are many, many other people to thank I just couldn't remember, staying up till 3 drinking Vodka and then getting up at 6 to go to work kinda messes with the Ol Brian, but to those people I forgot thanks for helping.....
Now to The Bro's New Years Resolutions...... I resolve this coming year to 1. Brotize the following people Trinity,Desire,April,Lollypop,My Milf,Borash's Old Lady... Well Trinity again you know :) 2. I will somehow find the way's and means to wear a Chicken Hat to the Shows..... 3. To branch off and do more stories like The Borash one's but with different people to make it more entertaining 4. Interview Russo 5. Date Russo 6. Have Babies with Russo 7. Strike 5 and 6 from record....... 8. Make an impact in the wrestling industry the likes which have never been seen.... this is a guarantee my friends 9. Get A New Hat, Nahhhhh Fugg that and Fugg you if you don't like my hat..... 10. Try to hone my skills and refine them to that of which I can be called The American Pimp 11. Not To splooge when I go see The Hulk 12. Challenge Borash to a no Hold's Street Fight to win the honor of his Old Lady..... 13. Give Sonny Siaki a pair of pants that don't scream ' If your @$$ is a Chinese Resturant I'll have the poo-poo platter ' 14. Be Rich 15. Distribute my Chicken Hat merchandise to the right people, come on people buy this stuff, it's Golden!!!!!! 16. Buy more Bandwidth, which in turn means get a credit card 17. Remove Elian Gonzalez from the Stomach of Percy Pringle 18. Take Bullet Bob to The Mens Warehouse 19. Worldwide Domination 20. Have TNA hire the following people : Sabu ( for good ) New Jack, Sandman, El Dandy ( for humor purposes ), Mick Foley, Mike Awesome, Joel Gertner, Fonzie, Francine and Jasmin, Daffney, Messiah and The Insane Clown Posse ( Nothing spells controverys like I.C.P. ) 21. Locate where Truth left all his intense promos and give them back to him 22. Hug Brian Christopher - All he needs is a little hug people 23. Donkey Punch Brian Christopher - Scratch the last one, all this guy needs is a Donkey Punch.. Speaking of Which 24. Have some guy make The Donkey Punch his finishing move..... Donkey Punches rock!!!!!!! Nothing beats a good Donkey Punch to the balls 25. Perfect the ' Heyoooooo' by Jim Duggan, I've been practicing for 15 years and still haven't gotten that right 26. Grow 3 lovesicles since I'm soooo in demand with the ladies 27. Make sure when I get drunk to not make out with Mongloid Sloths.
Well thats about it. Got a few interviews lined up for the coming new year.. Plus many more stories in the work and new columns coming from new columnists Thanks for coming to the site and lets make this site the biggest and baddest site much to everyones demise. PEACE thebro1869@hotmail.com
News and Reviews for 12/30/02
Hey what's up well this weekend was pretty stale, went to two wrestling shows but The Bro didn't get any this weekend so that's why it was stale, also I picked up the Sixth Joker's Card from The Insane Clown Posse..... Now let me rant on this topic for a moment if I will...... See I was a down-ass juggalo since Carnival of Carnage, what is a juggalo you ask go to the links and hit up there site and you'll find out , I've been down with the clowns since the inception...... Ever since the beggining I.C.P. they have always been about being underground and rapping and talking about stuff that other people were afraid to discuss. But recently last year they parted ways with there long time producer, Mike E. Clark... Let me explain them parting ways would be like The Bro parting with his ' make girls wet' looks..... They parted ways and I took a hiatus from ICP because it's like they sold out to me, they had always been about being underground and not caring what the mainstream people cared but then they started doing promotiuons like ' please get our sh*t on MTV ' and stuff like that.... So anyways The Sixth has been out for like 2 months and I finnally decided to get it since it was the final chapter in a long legacy.... I opened up the package popped it into my CD player and I'll be damned if it doesn't sound like Elton John produced this CD...... They sold me out, they sold all the original juggalos out, they turned soft and poppy sounding like they actually believe they are great rappers and muscians, there was a time when ICP knew they were a joke and loved it, that was the best part for us juggalos was that they were normal scrubby people like us who somehow made it big with no talent..... But now it's like they actually believe they are artist and that offends me as a juggalo...... Anyways I'll end this before it gets too long and people get bored..... In wrestling terms it'd be like New Jack going to the WWE, putting on a tux and serving tea and crumpets to all the wrestlers..... (SELLING OUT)...... Supposedly they got a darker album coming out soon, but they may have lost this juggalo forever, they don't care though it was all about my 15.00 to them anyways..... The last song though was a good ending to the whole Juggalo legacy, it actually reveals what they are all about, and what I have been telling people they have been about since 7th grade.....
Anyways this weekend I also watched my favorite movie of 2001 that I finally got on DVD called ' The One', if you get a chance to see this movie do it..... It has Jet Li kicking some super duper retarded @$$.... I bet Jet Li is so fast he could kick his own @$$... You can't beat this movie within the first 5 minutes it has the best opening segment ever in all fighting movie historium..... He kicks @$$ in bullet-time motion with ' Bodies ' playing in the background by Drowning Pool, withought even knowing it, I had started punching my Spongebob lifesize pillow and bludgeoning it with my fists, that's what this movie does to you, I demand ye to go rent it or buy it.....
So yeah I went to Madison Friday night to check out USWO.... On the way there it was like 26 degrees outside and these Mexicanos were driving down the interstate with 5 of them in the bed of there truck... Ok they were going at least 70, in the open air and these dues only had T-shirts on but they were smiling and happy..... One was petting a cat in the back and I couldn't help but laugh and think about that thing jumping out of his arms and slamming up against my windshield and seeing there faces..... Man they had to be cold...! Anyways so at USWO the crowd was good, very vocal and very retardy looking..... I sat in The Madison Heel Section who has a guy in there called Chris , I believe , anyways this dude is probably on the hit list of all the wrestlers there, he is constant non-stop hecking it's great..... Anyways on to the review..... The match order and some matches may have escaped me but here's the gist..... Slacker J took on Dynamite Dan, now Dan had some chick who had like a do-able body.... on the Bro Scale she was a 3 drink special, meaning it'd take 3 drinks for me to look past some of the flaws and hit it like a caveman..... On the other end there was Rocksan who was sportin' some pig tails or as I like to call them Blow Handles for obvious reasons.... On The Bro scale Rocksan is a No Drink special, I'd be hitting her like Sammy Sosa drilling it into deep center..... Whoooo I don't care about her attitude or whatever, forget that I'd just do her.... Who cares just put a muzzle on her and it's all good..... Anyways Say what you will about Slacker J being a spotfest King he's the most entertaining thing Madison has right now besides Chicken Hat..... He does some good moves for a big guy and takes bumps and sells them like Marion Barry sells crack..... Dynamite Dan got disqualified for using a chair and hitting J in the head with it...... Dynamite Dan looks like he could front the new wave invasion of the Beatles with his froppish hair cut.... Froppish Dandy Dan should be his name.....
The next match I remember was The Bomb Squad taking on the Do-Rites or whatever...... For real the Bomb Squad doesn't even look fit enough to clean my toilet let alone wrestle..... Actually they look like they could be good trashmen but for some reason the Madison people love these guys..... Maybe cause they can relate??? The Do-Rites are a joke as well..... It really looks like they pulled some of these wrestlers from the lobotomy clinic and the clinic for the terminally redneck....... I think the Bomb Squad won, but really does it matter???? They did get mad because some of the Madison Heel Section was chanting ' Bum Squad ' Don't really know why??? I mean when people chant ' Bro's a Pimp ' I don't get angry.......
Next match I remember was Cyrina with the Heartbreakers taking on Superfly P and Robby Ruffin, While Cyrina is banging with her body she defintly needs to work more on being vocal and being a b*tch.... I could teach in return for a few favors... HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! I'm Lame.... Anyways Superfly P and Robby Ruffin won the match and kept the belts...... Robby Ruffin if he grew his hair out long and borrowed X-Pac's hair grease could look like Rhyno... Just thought you'd like to know that useless tidbit of info.....
Rex Sexton took on Lonestar... To me Rex Sexton is a mystery to me, I mean I'm the hottest dude at my work but I get no promotion and I don't get the top spots.... Why does this dude who the bumblef*cks out in Madison think looks soo good able to be in a main event championship match??? Nothing against the kid but I doubt he could even execute a Ronnie Brown clothesline correctly and that's saying alot as even a mentally retarded chimpanzee who just had his legs legs cut off could perform that move and make it look good...... What I'm trying to say is this, Rex Sexton has a look but I mean he doesn't have the ability yet..... Plus he looks like someone just de-brained him cause he always has this look on his face like ' Ghoooollly i's sure am glad to be here tonight ' he needs drool to be running out of the side of his mouth for the full effect.... Anyways Lonestar retians the belt.... Whooppity F*cking Doooo!
Oh yeah forgot to mention The ring girl was absent until about three matches in..... This girl looks really really young, like the type of young that you look at with evil thought's in your head but then visions of handcuffs, big beefy hands and being down on your knees run though your head..... She'd be a 10 drink special as it would take 10 drinks of straight alcohol and a stash of 50,000 by my side for bail money for me to step to that..... She kept on coming over to dance but she only danced in front of my section when the lights were off then she danced in front of Charles, see strike number 2, never pass The Bro up in favor of Bumblef*ck Charles.... Oh yeah Bumblef*ck is The Bro's new Favorite Word...... Don't you wish you could come up with cool catchy phrases like that...???? Don't you wish you could score mad fly honey's like The Bro?????...... Well you can't but you can learn.... Life's Tough
The last match I remember was for the TV title it was Jeff Daniels with Joel Gertner vs. Tim Renesto vs. Chris Gatlin vs. Shane Eden.... This match was good, pretty decent... Renesto is a good worker, Daniels is too, Eden and Gatlin well to be nice, I'd say the uncircumscised skin from my pee-pee when I was a baby had more talent..... During the match that Chris guy was heckling Shane calling him ' queer ' and that he should go work down at the jungle and stuff about him and Bert... So Shane mooned him, unfortunately I was right next to him.... Was that A condom in his crack??? No it couldn't be, could it??? Anyways Eden won did his dance like Electric Currents were pulsing through his body and then Renesto's Brother jumped in the ring and all hell broke loose, Daniels and Renesto tried to go after Eden, Eden didn't want any so he left.. Anyways all in all a good show, not a great show..... Got to see Rocksan and that's always a good thing, plus she was sportin a Fu-Manchu shirt.... I'd like to Fu-Manchu that @$$..... WORD!!!!!!! Tony Faulk is a good guy I suggest going to see one of his shows.....
Now onto Bert's show Saturday night.... I was all excited cause I had just bought the first and second season of '' Mr. Show ' on DVD and was all geeked... I suggest going out and buying a copy yourself, it is a fine edition to any Tard's DVD collection.... Anyways I get there and go in, now I was expecting a little bigger house as Jerry Lynn and David Flair were there and the names I thought would bring in more people, but Bert's outlandish prices prolly drove them away.... Anyways the show started off with The Victory Twins ( Hold your excitement for that sh*t you gotta do later ) taking on the USA Misfits..... You know how like AJ Styles and Jerry Lynn got old after the 10th time??? Well the Victory Twins and Misfits have been fighting for at least 12 weeks straight..... And well there talent is nowhere near AJ and Jerry, Misfits are young so they have time to learn.... The Victory Twins are just Midgets..... Midgets will never be entertaining, but there the scary looking type midgets that would be petting your cat one minute and then eating the cat's face as soon as you turn your head.... I swear it looks like when they were young they took frying pans and smacked each other as hard as they could right in the face.... Someone was asking how can you tell them apart.... Ahh that's easy my friend, one has dingy come( you know the proper spelling ) stained boots and the other has not so dingy boots, that's how I tell them apart.... Plus one sports a Millhouse haircut..... Anyways The Misfits won.... Hooray, Yay, Yippeee... FART!
Arrick Andrews took on Matt Catalano... April was missed truly by The Bro for not being ringside, although I have to admit it was my fault guys, she was out buying lubricants and jellies and oils for our night of passion on New Years Eve....( And now a public Service announcement from Booker T ) ' Don't hate tha Playa... Hate tha Game '...... Anyways Arrick Andrews won the match, I believe he hit a frogsplash, he actually has improved this move and it looks good when he lands it ( Note To Self : Go cash 5.00 check from Arrick Andrews A.S.A.P. )
Bart Sawyer and Mark Jaguar took on Big Bully Douglas and someone I forgot... Maybe Cause Bart was wrestling and he kinda sucks the life right out of me...... Bart wrestled the whole entire time with a wedgie up his @$$, guess he's used to having things up in that region, but for me that would be disturbing..... Jaguar was good in this match but Bully totally dominated the match, then Bart turned his back on Jaguar and joined up to beat him down..... Great Bart's heel turn had no reaction from the crowd.... WOWZERS Bart you are a star!!!!!!! So Bully and the dude he teamed with who I forgot left with Bart and Jaguar was left by himself.....
Chase Stevens with Lollypop took on Chris Vaughn I believe???? Anyways the only memorable thing in this match was Lollypop sucking on the sucker and Charles spitting on Chase Stevens to which everyone just chalked up to Charles being Charles and I hate that excuse........ If I were Chase I'd just take my chances and make his face even more retarded looking.......
Colorado Kid took on David Flair.... Flair has really developed his heel character and it's something that goes well with him..... The Talent on the other side of the ring smelt like a dirty diaper locked inside a hot car all day..... Colorado Kid who no matter how short his haircut will always sport a mullet and Earnest T who if you combined the Brain cells between him and a dead horse would equal 1..... Flair carried the match and it was sad because he was trying to set up moves and The Colorado Kid looked like he was doing his best impersonation of a dead body..... Flair got the win by using the old Chain in the Knee pad routine..... After the match one dude in the front row with a lazy eye, tried to attack Flair...... Something about Lazy Eye's and short fuses and rednecks.... seem to go hand in hand like The Bro, April and Condoms.......
Main event was Jerry Lynn taking on Humongous..... Talk about a clash of styles...... Jerry did the job for Humongous, for what reason I've yet to determine..... Maybe to advance his push as being unstoppable?? Who knows??? Humongous didn't have Athena with him so that sucked..... No audience participation with ' You slut go to HAIL '..... Like I said Humongous got the win.... Jerry looked good and made Humongous look good by putting him over.....
Also I forgot to add for that one fan on Rick Santel that he took on Hot Rodd and I forgot the outcome but man did that arena stink when he came out...... Smelled like he was farting Burritos and burping Enchiladas.... I swear to God this dude has a Golden Gimmick if he came out dressed like
Juan Valdez with a mule, that'd be tight....
P.S. go vote in my Bro Awards.... The ending day to vote is January 6th..... Come on...... And tommorrow check back for some New Years Resolutions from me and staff..... Peace
The Bro will be back on Monday unless something bites my balls and I decide to write.... Hey The Bro needs breaks and nothing is going on, but you need to go to the polls and vote..... !!!!!!!!!!!!! Go to Navigation and hit up the Bro awards, they will only last to January 5th.... Peace... Bro thebro1869@hotmail.com
News and Reviews for 12/26/02
Well The Bro is back.... After drinking heavily all day Christmas and then going to Bert's Christmas show last night Christmas was a good day...... I got everything I wanted except for Trinity's Ass.... Ahhh but my Birthday is only a week and a half away so maybe just maybe The Magical Birthday Yak will deliver me that wish.... Let's see what I got shall we..... I got Castle Greyskull along with the 5 original He-Man action Figures, I think I actually started shedding tears when I saw this thing of beauty... ' I have the POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ', sorry I mark out for He-Man, I suggest going to rent the 1988 Movie, Masters of the Universe, with Dolph Lundgren as He-Man and that ever so Sexy Courtney Cox..... I got Hitman 2, Maxx Payne, Batman Vengeance,GTA : Vice City, Smackdown 2 all for Playstation 2... My mom was actually asked how old was the person she was buying for when she bought GTA : Vice City, what a joke, all kids need to learn the valuable art of contract killings and the slaughter of innocent individuals..... I kid you :) I got some Helly Gift Certificates... WORD!!!!!!!!!! and then you get to the loony Grandma Gifts, you know the ones where she goes to Walmart and goes ' Wow these look good on my 75 year old husband so they must look good on my 22 year old Grandchild ' Yeah I got a sorted allotment of WalMart Cherokee brand sweatsuit outfits..... I'm sure I'll be sportin' those while trying to pick up the ladies.... ' Hey baby you like this Sweatsuit outfit..... Only the best for The Bro baby.... come back to my place and let me show you my collection of dead skin and belly button lint from famous Chiropractors..... ' Nothing will turn the ladies on like that.... I also got Shallow Hal, Orange County, Happy Texas, Office Space, Spiderman, The Royal Tennebaums, Mr. Deeds and Beverly Hills Ninja ( Truly Chis Farley's most underappreciated movie ) all on DVD, so yeah The Bro racked up, but the Ass is still missing......
So what all did you get???? Email me and let me know, and I'll post it on my site for everyone to see, I like to know what other people get it makes me feel good to know other people get crazy stuff.... My Grandmother is the best ever but she gives out stuff that noone could want, like yesterday for instance my 5 year old cousin got a handmade pipe.... OK what is a 5- year old gonna do with a pipe??? Not only was it a handmade pipe but it had a carved face of Roy Orbison on the front.... Talk about crazy and weird..... But here's the real kicker..... The package was wrapped in Kwanzaa wrapping paper???? I'm all for Kwanzaa and Hannukah or whatever but I just find it funny that my 90 something year old Grandmother wraps a handmade Roy Orbison carved pipe in Kwanzaa wrapping paper and gives it to a 5 year old...... Classic...... Gotta love the G-Moms....
So yeah anyways after all the Christmas stuff had been done Reaper and Myself headed down to the fairgrounds to check out Bert's show.... The card kinda looked stale on Saturday so I had no idea what to expect.... So like a scrotum here it is in a nutshell.... My report.....
Ok so the Victory Twins came out to start the show off..... they were taking on Justin Saine and Loonie Lane or something like that... The Looney Lane dude looked like one of those Gay Porn Stars that dresses like an aerobics instructor, you know his midriff all showing with a cool mullet flowing in the wind and a general ' I believe I just shat my pants ' look on his face the whole time.... The Victory Twins came out with Blackie West who is the epitome of coolness and I mean that in a good way, he makes a mullet look good..... When this man comes out I here the song ' Strokin ' being played and him popping out of a Trans-Am with a Denim Jacket on and a Stroh's in his hand..... Some people were born to sport Mullets and Blackie is one of those people.... Anyways to the match, if you would call it that..... The Victory Twins lost after Blackie accidently nailed one with his shoe... I'm sure getting hit in the head with shoes is a very common oocurence with the Victory Twins... Walking down the street it'd be so hard not to kick one of those guys in the head while walking.....
Next match I remember was Chris Vaughn and Rick Santel taking on Kory Williams and The Freak.... It brought back old memories of The New South..... The best Tag Team Evahhhhhh...... Rick Santel, The Love child of Juan Valdez and Julio Iglesias, was getting beat on in this match... which mind you is a position he is in alot and must truly enjoy.... Is it any wonder who won the match...????? Yes El Flame-o Faggio and His Mexican Jumping Bean pal won the match over the true talent of Kory Williams... Afterwards Kory was heard saying ' I wish Ashley was with me ' Maybe a hint or wishful thinking??? Ponder that I must......
Ahhh the next match was an absolute beeeee-u-tiful match..... It was April with Arrick Andrews taking on Hot Rod Biggs with Lollypop and Athena..... 3 Hot women in one area with The Bro... how could THEY contain themselves???? Athena was in a christmas outfit that got The Bro's old Yule Time Log blazing and then to top that off April was in a Miss Clause outfit that would make me trade in my dashing good looks and Suave-ness to be Santa Clause and let her rub on my candy cane..... I didn't care who won or lost this match even though Arrick Andrews won by a frog splash... All I know is that April's cleavage was the MVP of the Bro's Christmas.... Good Lord, talking about spilling my Egg-Nog ( Sexual Innuendo ).... GEEZ!!!!!!!! Arrick my man you make me cry with jealousy......
Next match was Big Bully Douglas taking on Jett Jaguar.... Good match except I could have done withought Ernest T in the match in fact to drive home this point I'll quote some lyrics from the Bloodhound Gang to drive home this point ( I hope you flip some guy the bird, he cuts you off and your forced to swerve, in front of the Beatles Tourbus, A bookmobile and a Mack Truck carrying Hazardous Biological Waste, the light runs red and you have no breaks and hard copy gets it all on tape so you can see the look on your face....... I hope your pinto begins to spin and takes out a disabled Vietnam Veteran, mows down a nobel peace prize winner and maybe some orphans who are having christmas dinner, perhaps even The British Royal Family and the Rabbi that's clutching the bottle-fed puppy, and we can't forget the newlyweds and those Jerry's Kid's are as good as dead..... )Ok so maybe that was a little harsh... then again maybe not.....??? But I do suggest you go out and buy all The Bloodhound CD's and inject some humor in your life..... Snootchies!..... Anyways Bully got the win......
Turtle Heads in the Hizzouse..... Bart Sawyer taking on Humongous..... I'll give you two guesses on who won this match... Lord Humongous or Christopher Reeve???? That's right Lord Humongous won in what better way over Bart.... A Squash..... Turtle Head popped out and went back in, he didn't want none of The Beast..... You know... I only see a turtle head on bart.... No balliosos..... Just goes to prove he's a d*ck with no b@lls..... I don't know him personally it's just a funny saying.....
Main Event time.... Marcus Bagwell called out because he was in the hospital it seems he had an emergency operation to get his mother out of his @$$hole..... Hope he's doing better.... NOPE!..... So Jeff Jarrett had to take on Ron Harris..... Jarrett won, like there was any other ending.....
All in all a very lackluster show... but April's TaTa's saved the day for The Bro....... Luminaries there last night were Bob Ryder and Joel Gertner who has new highlights in his hair..... Also Josh who seemingly everyone in the wrestling industry knows..... So if you know Josh you must be important so he's a luminary...... Peace out and attached after this is my first Movie I ever directed... It's about the Ol' Buckaroo James Storm........... Peace, Bro thebro1869@hotmail.com
News and Reviews for 12/24/02
What's up it's Christmas Eve, nothing new to report on except for everyone to have a great Christmas.... Be safe out there as there are drunkard fuggers driving... See when The Bro gets drunk he has someone drive him around much like everyone else should.... Hopefully you'll get everything you want for Christmas and if not I guess that means you sucked and Santa felt you didn't need what you wanted.... Oh well sometimes life's a bitch...... Anyways have a Happy Holidays and remember if you drink alot this year, make some you save some for The Bro.... Happy Holidays I'll be back Thursday to discuss Christmas and The USA Show on Christmas Night... Peace... Bro thebro1869@hotmail.com
| This is all I ever wanted for Christmas |
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| Santa Kicks Ass!!!!! |
News and Reviews 12/23/02
Hey what's up...... Well it's two days till Christmas and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be one of those people who have to rush out at the last minute to by a gift..... I hate shopping during Christmas I wish there was a little Christmas Weebil who you could give your list to and a handful of greenbacks and he bring you back what you needed, now that would be f*cking tight!!!!!!! But since we don't have that I have to go out and do my own shopping.....
But I got a phonecall from someone last night and they were like 'Bro, what do you want for Christmas?' and after thanking them for waiting so long to buy me something I ran off a list of things like Castle Greyskull, The Original 5-man Action Figure set of He-Man Figures, The Batcave ( for myself ), and a gift certificate to J. Barleycorn's ( Whoop Whoop )... After that we said goobye and hung up the phone..... But what I meant to say was..... I want Trinity's Ass to be permanetly connected to my hands, I want Sonny Siaki's Chick Desire's Lips to be another layer of skin on my Ivory Rythym Stick, I want Jeremy Borash to wear socks, I want Russo to get into the Ring and admit that his idol is The Bro, I want TNA to add a Hardcore Division and bring in New Jack,Sabu,Sandman,Messiah and more, I want Bullet Bob to learn English, I wanna see Francine and Jasmin back in TNA, but this time no lap dances for the Marmie Borash, only Lap Dances for the Bro.... Ohhh sweet sweet Francine, you'd think my trouser snake was in the Chorus Line on Broadway when she came out..... , I want to see TNA reamin at The Fairgrounds, as moving back to Municipal would be dumb and would make it look half full as usual, packed houses at the Fairgrounds make it look good, I want to see Joey Styles be the third man added to the announce team, I want Trinity's ass to be permantly connected to my hands, I want Mike Tenay to come out in a shirt that say's ' No Fat Chicks, Khaki Shorts and Sandals with a bud in his hand, just once.... no more tux's Mike!!!!! I wanna see The Bro become S.E.X.'s #1 Announcer and kick Borash's little marmie @$$ all over the ring, I want Trinity's ass to be permantely attached to The Bro's hand, I want Red to win the X-Title, I want Jerry Lynn to win the Heavyweight Belt, just once.... and I want Chris Hamrick back and be allowed to be Chris Hamrick..... Oh and I want Trinity's ass to be permantly connected to my hand......
I'm not a picky dude, those are all reasonably attainable gifts..... So for everyone out there with the means and power to get me those gifts, I'll expect those soon.... :) Anyways Remember to go vote for the 2002 Bro Awards, it's over in the Navigation tab..... Come on it's fun and You'll actually see the pictures posted on here of me giving the Awards to the special winners, Can't you imagine me handing Borash the ' Bro could kick your ass' award... That would be a classic shot.... So come on and cast your votes..... And I'll be back tommorrow with a small update and won't be back till Thursday or Friday...... Peace Out and Be Safe... Bro
News and Reviews for 12/20/02
Damn, it's 5 days to Christmas and The Bro hasn't gotten any presents from anyone......, that sucks!!!!!!! I was expecting a little something from someone as I always get stuff before Christmas, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.. Noone got me anything yet, heartless b@stards......!!!!!!! I'm at work writing this and everyone is giving someone a present... where's mine??? Ummmmm nowhere.... Noone got me a gift can you believe that???? Well my hotties here aren't here yet but still noone has given me a gift yet, I can't get over this misjustice....
So like I was driving to work today and I was like you know everyone does end of the year awards.... Well this year I will do the same because you know how original The Bro is...., but my awards will be a little different..... They won't be like all the typical end of the year awards they will be a little different with that sassy and spicy taste of The Bro tossed in..... Speaking of tasting the spicy sweet taste of The Bro, there will be an award called ' Thanks for giving my Goods something to jump about ' that award will be given to the hottest chick so far this year.... Now I already have these awards bought and ready to hand out to the people who win, and rest assured they will be given to the people who win them..... I will take my camera and get the pics with the awards and the winners..... So either today or tommorrow I will open up the polls for people to vote on there will be a total of 10 awards to vote on, I strongly urge you to participate..... As this will be fun and the people who win will get to meet The Bro and given the award..... I would think meeting me alone would be award enough but I'll give them a little statue.... The award... you ask about what the award will look like???? Well I have all these unused wooden blocks and I'm gonna tape a piece of paper to them that say's The Bro's ' whatever award they won ' winner of the year..... and on top of the block will be a little bendy figure that I bought for like 3.00 i got 50 in a bag and my face will be on the figure... Now this will be a great addition to any wrestlers awards...... I mean this is better than being ranked no. 1 on the PWI wrestling list...... So again I urge you all to vote when the polls go up.....
Well that's it for today.... You know Russo gets the award for The Person Bro will most likely Stalk...... But anyways peace out and Take Care... Be Safe as it will be a busy-ass weekend... Bro thebro1869@hotmail.com
News and Reviews for 12/17/02
That's right it's Tuesday.... One more day till TNA's last PPV of the year........ Tommorrow I'll have my TNA PPV Preview up for a rundown of Bro's thoughts on tommorrow night's PPV... Some News that I heard... Supposedly Mike Awesome said he was going to be in Contacts with Jerry Jarrett about working some TNA shows.... That would be awesome... If you ever wanna see the Bro's underwear resmeble that of a fudge factory explosion, bring in Awesome and have him Awesome Bomb someone through a table from the top rope...... Hell I'll even take the bump.... He's great...... Also I heard somewhere that Christopher Daniels will be in the X-Division gauntlet... Don't take that as a fact as the person I got this from also told me that Hogan and Warrior were gonna be down headlining the Fairgrounds in 1992... So I take my fat self and go buy a Hulkamania Shirt and considering I was fat it was way super tight.. so the word Hulkamania was stretched across my fat chest distortedly.... Also I spent three hours putting on my Warrior Makeup so it was kinda like a hybrid of Warrior / Hulk...... Anyways to make a long story short.... I show up to the fairgrounds with my costume on and people are laughing and then I ask someone what the main event was and they told me it was like Stan Lane vs. someone so I was like ' oh o.k. '..... seriously to this day I still would puke in this guy's open mouth as he sleeps to get revenge.... But he promises that Christopher Daniels will be there tommorrow, so we'll see......
A couple of updates on interviews..... Seems as if The Rash has snubbed my interview..... Maybe he's jealous of The Bro's good looks???? Maybe he realizes just how bad his Girlfriend jones' for my Jimmy Dean Beef Link..... Either way I hope he comes around and goes ' Hey me and The Bro can tag-team they ain't nothing wrong with a little simultaneous loving going on... I'll do that interview! '.... So if you wanna see The Rash and Bro go at it one on one... mano e mano, or however you spell that word...... Email him and let him know.... TNABorash@aol.com..... The Bro don't bite... The Bro Donkey Punches..... Also got an interview lined up with Gordon a.k.a. Commisioner Gordon from NWA Main Event..... Hey and if you want me to do an interview with someone let me know... Thebro1869@hotmail.com just hit me up and let me know and I'll arrange it.. everyone loves The Bro... It's all about the Bro.....
I'm drinking no Skyy's right now but I am drinking Pink Lemonade.... Yeah I know what you're thinking... the Bro drinks pink lemonade.... No way.... YES WAY!!!! I love the fruity refreshment that a pink lemonade offers me... granted it is a disgrace to the whole beverage family..... But hot d@mn me loves me some pink lemonade....
You know the internet is a very powerful tool, if i wanted to make up a rumor and put it on my site to get hits I could do that but I don't..... So be careful out there webmasters with what info you put on your site.. some people get upset and feel they have been used worse than toilet paper after The Bro's hunger filled romp through the buffet at Mexican Village.... Speaking of Mexican Village me and some of the boys were wondering what it would be like if someone filmed a documentary on Chicken Hat..... I mean for real Cannes would clammer for a bio about a man who is as messed up as the hat.... Look for a story about that in the very near future.... Does anyone else think his Burt Reynold and Tom Selleck inspired mustache is the sexiest thing aside from Anna Nicole in her Butterfly costume....?????
Movies that The Bro reccomends you seeing..... Bottle Rocket, Happy Texas, Trainspotting, Clerks, Mallrats, The Royal Tannenbaums, Bowling for Columbine, UHF, Freaked, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Rushmore, 1 Hour Photo and the Best Movie of All Time Big Money Hustla's..... If you watch all those movies you will see where The Bro's sense of humor comes from.... Otherwise you will be lost..... But lost is good.. I remember one time I got lost in Missouri... and I pulled into this gas station..... I was helly hungry and there was the flyest chick I had ever seen behind the counter.... I explained my problem to her about how I was lost.... She gave me her pack of half eaten peanut-butter crackers and gave me great directions.... The best part was those crackers were the best I'd ever eaten... Her saliva was on one and it rocked!!!!! I felt a connection..... Later on i about shat my brains out from stale crackers but it was all worth it... WhoooHoooo
Speaking of shat last time I spotted Monty Brown he was cleaning The Bathrooms at Taco Bell... Rick Santel was off that night from what he said... But he said soon he and Santel would be back to rule the wrestling world..... He got his inspiration obviously from a Taco Bell food item when he said there new tag team would be called ChocoTaco.... But either way I wish them the best of luck..... Coming from cleaning Toilets at Taco Bell all the way to winning Tag Team belts.... I'm a huge Mark..... ChocoTaco will rule the wrestling world in 2003...... And they will have merchandise for sale soon.... You can buy an official hairnet with shat particles on it that Monty Brown wore to clean bathrooms and you can also buy Rick Santel's dignity... he lost it a few weeks back after stacking chairs at the PPV.... Good luck guys.... FART!
Remember to check back tommorrow for a preview of Tommorrow night's PPV.... And maybe I'll have a story up for you all... Peace Bro thebro1869@hotmail.com
News and Reviews 12/16/02
( Cue Theme from 2001 : Space Odyssey )
Thats right Tards. The Bro is back....... Thanks for all your support and understanding. The Bro needed some love. The Bro is so underappreciated.. I wonder why I speak in third person???? Maybe its a God Complex but damn when you are 100 percent grade A hunk of Man Meat like me it would be hard not to be.
Lets look at a few things shall we......? Last night was Armageddon and I have to say that was easily one of The Worst PPV's I have ever witnessed in all my years of witnessing PPVs..... WWE needs something and they need it like now. Whenever I see Albert and Bull Buchanan on a PPV I know one of two things just happened.... 1. I arrived in Hell 2. I've lost all my sexual powers.. Since selection number 2 would never happen I must be in hell. And what the hell was up with the Dawn Marie and Torrie thing. Just when I had unzipped my fly to make some room.. they are gonna go and stop it??? PLEASE!!!!!!! AL WILSON I HATE YOU MAY A CATTLE OF WILD MONGOOSE COME AND RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND DESECRATE YOUR SKULL WITH THERE MONGOOSE LOVE SAUCE!!!!!!!! And another thing what was Victoria wearing last night??? It looked like Hospital Panties and Top. Yeah thats sexy and that God-Awful theme music.. Victoria is supposed to be Psycho but yet they have a group like the A-teens doing her intro music HORRIFYING!!!!!! Tripple H and HBK had a good match but if the outcome surprised you please go overdose on some laxatives and rid the world of your idiotic existence..
Went to Berts USA Championship Wrestling show Saturday night and it was by far the biggest crowd he has had since being back at the fairgrounds.. If they dont get another person to play the music before the matches start I will cut off my testicles and give them to the P.A. guy as Im starting to question his sexuality and manhood.. I mean Country Music and Christmas Tunes dont get me in the mood to kick some @$$ or to see ass get kicked..... Don't remember the match order dont really care to be honest. I'm not going to do a long review on the show Ill just give you some thoughts. Turtle Heads were in full effect once again as The Victory Twins and Bart Sawyer were representing the Turtle Head Posse by not wearing cups again. I guess they think that its sexy I dont know. Bart's Turtle Head looked like a Spear. Kinda sharp....... Defintly frightening...... The April vs. Lollipop match was good. These two had obviously practiced as the sexual innuendos they did in the ring were nearly flawless. The fact that ChickenHat was a lumberjack in the match and got to smack there asses surely proved that God hates my soul and has condemned me to hell.. April was looking finer than ever. A couple of guys were remarking how she looks better with the house lights during Berts shows than at TNA. I'd do her either way.. She got scared of my Mack Daddyness at the show so she walked by as if to talk and then turned around, I guess the fear of rejection got to her. Well at least she got to smell the Bro and thats more than some are allowed.. Athena was being heckled by some f*cktards in the front row...... Now.... I'm gonna make this as straight as it can be. It seems if you were afflicted with a disease that made your ass look like a supermodel compared to your face you'd be a little nicer to people, and it would seem that if you had your 3 year old kid in your lap you'd refrain from using the words ' f*ck' ' Whore ' ' Shit ' ' GD ' and all the other words that could possibly be used. Her son had a mullet which prolly means he sits in his on feces in his parents doublewide while they watch reruns of mama's family and downing some Southpaw Beer, because the Good stuff is just too pricey. I'm sure this kids first words will be somewhere along the lines of ' F*ck you mommy you wh*re, bring me my GD food woman go to HAIL' Rednecks who mispronounce words are funny.. its Hell skullf*cks get it right..
Borash was in attendance he and my no. 1 fan that poses as his girlfriend were viewing the wrestling up from the upper balcony. She was shooting me the eye while he was watching and laughing and giggling like a little school girl watching Barney. Im not joking when I tell you his girlfriend wants me.. She undresses me with those eyes. I know it She wants The Bro, remember its all about The Bro.
April was in the ring during intermission so you could get your pic taken with her for a fee..... First up God's Playtoy ChickenHat.. The look on her face was priceless like What is that thing??? but she was a good sport and tried to get her picture taken but the camera wouldn't work She had a look after about 3 tries of 'Hurry the f*ck up this guy smells like Dog Vomit and hes freaking me out 'Obviously the camera had a hard time capturing something so hideous and so undescribeable that it just couldnt take the picture. After awhile it finally took the picture and April looked relived beyond belief. I thought for sure I was gonna have to go in there and protect my new Penis Pouch.
Chris Vaughn at the end of the main event looked legitimately injured but then I started to question things as why would someone with a neck injury be rolled onto a canvas stretcher that sags in the middle???? Why would untrained wrestlers be touching a guy with a neck injury??? Where was the neck brace??? All this leads up to my conclusion that the neck injury was a work but a very good and very convincing work. As Bert looked like He had lost issue no. 57 of Male Manbeef Monthly as he was running around cussing and trying to get help. They pulled off the act very well.. if it's a shoot and he really got hurt I wish him the best but if not it was a good work as well...... By the way whos Berts new dude???? He truly looks like a gimp. Like Bert opens up his suitcase and this dude falls out to do all of Berts Evil doings and deeds..
Hey when is Bart Sawyer gonna realize he isnt Rowdy Roddy. I hate Rowdy Roddy and I hate Bart Sawyer why???? Because a couple years ago I was down at the fairgrounds and I took this chick I was into and he comes over and shoots her the smile and she goes' Hes cute to be old 'I was like 'whoooaaaahoho, hold on there hes a gimp who dresses in yellow and has a receding hairline and he suck on a sucker as if he knows how to suck on a sucker if you know what I mean' . That skank had the nerve to say I was jealous of Bart f*ckin Sawyer I told her she could go rub some Grecian hair formula in a sensual way on his head if she wanted him that bad. Stupid wanker. I hope her and the end of someones fist meets up soon.. The Bro or Bart Sawyer.. Comes on thats like going to a female Bikini Wax or ChickenHat..... The choice is obvious and unanimous..
I think someone needs to donkey punch Bonnie Baldwin in the gut..... In Berts program Saturday night he said Chris Harris would someday be WWE Champion, what happened to TNA??? Hey I seriously suggest going to www.wildcatchrisharris.com and checking out those super steamy pictures of him and Bert. Super sweet! April needs to contact me by email at thebro1869@hotmail.com to do an interview and to fulfill all her sexual fantasies in 3 minutes..
I think the TNA Asylum should be called The Retard Roost on Saturday night as it seems Cloverbottom has a Saturday Night Outing to wrestling..
Ill be back later with another update Peace Out. Bro thebro1869@hotmail.com
| Taken by Doug from www.heelction.com |
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| Oddly enough after this attack The Hat was not phased |
News and Reviews for 12/13/02
Whattup this is Reaper up in this bizznitch.... I'm usually too busy to write but The Bro said ' Hey Reaper I'm taking a few days off to refuel my twisted thinking capsules, can you fill in '.... After he promised to let me borrow his 13 set collection of Girls Gone Wild, I decided hey what the hell I could help the guy out.... The Bro did wanna send out a message to his fans that he sent me as an email... I will just post what he says instead of rephrasing it.....
I got called into my second job ( which to clear up the rumors once and for all I am a Male Stripper that makes house calls :) ) last night.... last minute which did not allow me to keep up with my emails but when I got home there were 25 emails 23 of which were dealing with my website issue..... I asked for 5, I got 23.... You guys shocked me beyond belief...... I wasn't feeling loved yesterday... I think my little kitten shat in my Wheaties..... My kitten farts alot.... That bothers me, it smells like gasoline....... Ok so back on track, 23 emails was cool.... I only do this site for you guys... no one else.... No one else could like the things I say enough to keep coming back.... So please keep coming back and send me some emails every once in awhile... thebro1869@hotmail.com I've asked Reaper to take over duties until Monday at which point I will make my return... I just got burnt out, It's hard being the sexiest,smartest and most loveable internet journalist out there.... But hey someone's gotta do it.... Hey someone buy my shirts.... I need Skyy Money and we all know when The Bro hits the Skyy my way of thinking becomes more jacked up than Michael Jackson's face..... I'll be going to two shows this weekend...So if you see me say Whattup.... Peace and See Ya
So yeah The Bro is not quitting which is a good thing in my opinion.... I don't know of anyone else who can lay it on the line like The Bro and just say ' F*ck You ' to people who don't like it.... For some that don't know there have been offers for The Bro to sell out to the man and to tone down his site to work for other people, The Bro refused on the sole purpose of you guys, he didn't want to sell you guys out..... There have been an occasional threatening email written to The Bro by people who are in the business... did The Bro care??? Ha! I don't think so.... The one thing about The Bro that alot of people don't realize is this dude does all this while maintaining three jobs at some times and raising 2 kids.... I'm actually writing this like you wanna know his personal life, he will prolly string me up by the balls but I don't care.... The dudes always had my back since day one we are cousins but are more down than that..... I love wrestling but don't attend many shows for the plain and simple fact that wrestling has become so monotonous and predictable that I don't bother wasting my money..... I do order the PPV's on occasion and watch those but nothing has perked my intrest.....
I'm not gonna sit here and try to write like The Bro.... for one nobody can write like The Bro and for 2. I'd need to become inebriated and mispell every fourth word, so I'm gonna hop off here for now... I'll be back this weekend for an update... that's right a weekend update on The Bro's site.... The Reaper doesn't have obligations like The Bro on the weekend so I can update it.... Remember The Bro will be back Monday... prolly rejuiced and ready to spew forth his nonsensical rhetoric.....I say people keep on emailing him at thebro1869@hotmail.com and keep on letting him know what's on your mind..... If he were toi recieve more emails he would truly feel more loved.... The Bro needs good lovin' of the female kind.... I need to go scrounge up some loose change and see how much those ' sucky-sucky wang wang ' girls cost...... Me love you long time Bro.... I love the Bro's fans too they are cool... Take Care and may The Gods keep you safe..... Reaper....... Email the Bro
News and Reviews for 12/10/02
Oh wow it's like 15 days till Christmas.... Great now I gotta go over to my dysfunctional family get together... that'll be alot of fun... You know the get-togethers where everyone acts like your friend and then when you walk away they start to gossip and say mean sh*t about you???? You know the get-togethers where your psycho family memeber goes and breaks down in another room because The Christmas Egg Nog wasn't spiked the right way???? Ahh yes the joys of Christmas... America's most f*cked up time a year.... What do I want for Christmas this year.... hmmm lets see... I want a chick with the face and boobies of April, but the ass of Lollipop followed with the body of Trinity..... I'd like to get the opportunity to pull out Rowdy Roddy Piper's pubic hairs with a pair of Rusty Pliers then pour lemon juice on the wounds.... I'd like for Sonny Siaki to purchase himself some new wrestling pants, those raspberry tort and Super Fruity Roll-Up pants have been getting on my nerves..... I'd like for all My Hotties of the Night's to have a night of Simultaneous Lovin' with the Bro, Ohhh yeah I got's enough to go around that's for damn sure..... :) I'd like for Bert Prentice to officially pull that stick out of his ass or whatever it is and hug all his paying customers as they came in the door and give out free,crisp 20 dollar bills as a show of his appreciation..... I'd like an official Chicken Hat, no imiatations here baby, I want the beads, the polyetser feathers, the little tiny American Flags and the wrapped around bandana...... I'd like a tape of that time on the Home Shopping Netwrok where Don West got on the ground and started prentending to swim when selling something, I've seen the pics, I just want the tape.... I'd like to see TNA give the fans what they want.... B...R...O... I'd like to see Francine and Jasmin back in TNA..... Why??? because I've exhausted all my wet dreams on the few women they have there, I need new material to work with here people!!!!!!!! Finnally above all else I'd like for Borash's old-lady to confess her love for The Bro, Yeah momma you know you like it, come on over to the Dark Side :)
Man I'll tell you if I got all of that for Christmas I'd be one Happy Mofugger.... Chances are I'll wind up with one of those holiday collections of Old Spice and a tie with Tazz on it.... Damn you Family, I never nor will I ever like WB cartoons like Bugs Bunny,Daffy Duck,Tazz... there all stupid.... Now onto other stupid things.... RAW, it got so bad last night I officially stopped watching to give my butthole a bikini wax..... It was horrible.... I'm pretty sure in two years WWE will be out of business IF it keeps going down the road it's currently on.... I mean look McMahon is a smart business man and if he continues to lose money, when will he pull the plug???? When does TNN go ' Hey dudes, you're ratings are not living up to the expectations you promised, we're cancelling you for re-runs of Maude ' I think a pivotal night in wrestling to save the WWE will be the RAW Anniversary show... Think about it you will have tons of old superstars there, plus I'm sure there will be surprises, well what better way to shock the world than to do something spectacular that night considering your fan base that night will probably be larger than any other in recent months...... I say you have Eric Bischoff come out to the ring to announce some people as guests of RAW, before he gets a chance a dude in all black comes out and beats him up and takes him away..... Later on in the night towards the end say you have a camera crew that found Bischoff..... The dude is still in all black and he talks to Eric about how he screwed him and that he showeed no class and that he still owes him money and that tonight he's hear to collect or take retribution... Eric says he has no idea what he is talking about and make him look all scared for his life.... The Camera zooms out and you can see there on top of a skyskraper... The dude in all black starts recollecting things that only he and Bischoff would know..... Bischoff eyes get wider as he starts to figure it out who it is and is even more in fear of his life.... Finnally the guy in black say's I've been waiting 6 long years to do this to you, you took away my life and didn't give a sh*t about me or my family so tonight I pay you back for that......... The man in black picks him up and holds him over the edge of the building as Bischoff is screaming at the top of his lungs..... The guy pulls Bischoff closer and all we hear him say is ' Tell the Devil and your momma hello for me.... you mealy mouthed bastard ' and at which point the guy rips off the mask, we only see the behind shot and lets Bischoff fall, of course not really fall, but fall and he turns around to the Camera and Lo and Behold if it isn't Stone Cold.... He says to the Camera, you see that Vince???? You see what I just did to someone who screwed me??? If I remember correctly Vince you tried to screw me like you screwed Bret but it didn't happen.... See what happens with you mess with the baddest sumabitch on the planet???? Like the name says Vince I'm like a rattlesnake I'll strike your ass at anytime... This is a warning Vince, I suggest you either leave the company or surround yourself with a bunch of God Fearing Men because Stone Cold is about to come and bring a Nightmare into your life so devastating and so frightening you'd wish I'd thrown you over the building..... In the past it was always me and you Vince fighting each other, but that was storyline..... Now I hate your ass, I wanna see you die 1,000 deaths and even then that might not be enough.... You, your family, your fans, your wrestlers are not safe... I'm back and I'm coming..... 'with that the camera fades and that leads us to the next weeks RAW.... Damn that was long.... It totally sucked but you get the general idea they need to do something shocking and sell the fact Eric is dead but really just working backstage Geez, I'm tired of looking at his ' I just f*cked your mother behind your back' smile anyways.....
Hey how many of you all would be interested in some Bro Merchandise???? How many of you all would want a commemorative Chicken Hat T-Shirt???? A Bro hottie of the night T-shirt, A Bro hottie of the night thong??? Well baby it's all in the works... Along with many other weird and unique things.....
Well tommorrow is another TNA PPV so remember to check back here tommorrow for a Preview of the show and go down and read about USA Championship Wrestlings show last Saturday.... Peace Out... Bro
News and Reviews for 12/09/02
Well damn another Monday.... I swear if God could just move Monday's and call them Fun-days we'd all be o.k. something about the word Monday makes you wanna drive your car stright into the oncoming path of a Tractor going 85 and loaded with various cattle parts..... But besides it being Monday I'm all cool.... Had my kids this weekend, but I got to check out Bert's USA Championship wrestling on Saturday night... So I'll write a little review about it... Wanna hear it, here it go!.....
After getting my ticket and taking a seat at the Fairgrounds I like to scope out the area and check out all who is there..... 'Oh look, how sweet, it's a mother consolling her daughter by calling her daughter's friend a 'whore' because she wanted to go talk to a wrestler'..... 'Oh look, there's a woman who, if you combined all the mullet's in that country group Diamond Rio, it would never value the length and sheen of that beautiful FEMullet.... ' Oh look there's Chicken Hat doing some f*cked up dancing by himself to a slow song', Actually, it looks like Charles was doing some Aerobics from 'A Barbie Workout'.... That's something about the fairgrounds if you ever wanna see a subculture that lives under rocks for 165 hours a week and then pops out for three on Saturday nights come out, I will guarantee you will have fun at the fans expense if all else fails.....
Ok so the first match of the night was Lucky West or whatever he's calling himself this week and Anthony 'The Freak' Ingram taking on those loveable,huggable, look what God did to us, Midgets The Victory Twins..... Like I'm sure The Victory Twins could kick my ass because they are absolutely the stiffest workers I have ever seen...... It's scary because there tall for Midgets, I guess you could call them The Wrolds Tallest Midget's... There's something about midgets that frighten me, it's either there large overly pudgy hands, there squished faces because God ran out of room to work with, or The Mullets that 90 percent of all Midgets sport..... They were managed by Earnest T who if you have followed Nashville Wrestling for sometime is just a stupid 'Money Mark' with an affection for The Andy Griffith Show..... Anyways I believe Lucky 'The Mullet' West and Anthony Ingram beat The Victory Twins and then beat them with a shoe afterwards.....
Next match was Chase Stevens taking on Arrick Andrews...... Now Chase Stevens is accompanied to the ring by The best Ass Shaker in the world, Lollipop but I'll be damned if April didn't come out with Arrick and actually look 10 times better..... Maybe it was the fact that her nipples were so hard she could have stabbed someone with them and cut there skin, or maybe it was those tight,short shorts she had on that rode up her ass and into the great divide... Either way if Arrick Andrews isn't hitting it, I most certainly will!!!!!! This match was good, I'll be the first to say when I saw Arrick Andrews fight to begin with I wasn't impressed, but this time he was very solid and very good.... Maybe it was because he fought larger and slow people the previous times I saw him so he had to slow down his game or maybe it was because he knows who The Bro is now and could easily kick my ass in a street fight, either way his work was good and very improved from my standpoint..... This match was back and forth on the offensive standpoint with each landing some impressive moves.... Lollipop kept on interfering and slapping Arrick, but April was two busy envisioning The Bro, Her, Champagne, My Hot Tub and Gary Coleman rubbing her feet under water, to even help... Can't blame her can you??? Anyways Lollipop hit Arrick with something and knocked him out allowing Chase to get the win.... Afterwards there was a catfight between April and Lollipop.... Oh damn look April used to work out at this gym I used to be a personal trainer for and she used to shoot me the old ' come hither and hit it like a cavemam ' look... too bad I didn't... Next week Bert said they would be in a match with lumberjacks around the ring... Please let me be chosen to be a lumberjack, I'll gladly use my lumber to jack that ass of her's..... ' I love you baby but all I can think about is Keibalsa Sausage your butt cheese is warm '.
So after Bert's first intermission The Next match was Hot Rod Biggs and Big Bully Douglas with my hottie of the week last week Athena taking on Rick Santel and Rowdy Roddy... err I mean Bart Sawyer... This match was good although Bart Sawyer was definitly not wearing a cup and his turtle head and camel toes were poking out saying subconciously to you ' Hey look at me dammit, I'm beautiful, I got magical powers, look at me and I will steal your soul hahahahahahahahaha ' Anyways after diverting ym eyes quicly from Bart's vittles the match was good, as usual The fans were really into this match.. Charles was calling Athena a 'Cheap Bitch' everytime she walked by... She said one time to him ' Don't you have a bus to catch soon? ' That was funny.... So he retorted.... ' Mind your business you Cheap Bitch ' Now Charles honestly would your Goat Mother approve of you using vulgarity in the presence of another female??? I highly doubt it.... Rick Santel was heavily distracted by The Bro in the front row and couldn't really focus on The Match, although later he came up to me and asked me the number for a Mexican Family with an extra matrress in the attic..... Bart played the part of getting his ass kicked pretty well all match... That dude is soo goofy looking when he wrestles.... Dude you're not The Hot Rod nor should you strive to be..... I wonder how many times he has been under the kilt??? I don't remember who got the win here??? I'm pretty sure Hot Rod and Bully got the win.....
The next match was Ron Harris with Lollipop taking on James Storm.... Halfway during this match Ron Harris was thrown over the top rope and landed awkwardly on his knee or leg and he seriously hurt it and couldn't continue..... That sucks who's gonna take his push now with Russo??? I got three letter's for ya ho's...... B R O....... I'll gladly take his spot and be next to Russo... F*ck yeah nerdy asses The Bro and Russo SEX never sounded so good... Ok that didn't sound right, but I'm fantasizing.... Ok that didn't sound right either.... Umm I am dreaming... damn I'll just stop ;)..... Anyways during the time were they were checking on Ron Harris, Storm does what anyone would do in this occasion and bend Lollipop over his knee and smack that ass.... He lived out everyman's dream, in fact the guy sitting down from me ran to the bathroom with his kid forever in shock and there was a big sploogy on his head.....
So after the second Intermission where Bert begged people to bring more fans as next weeks show will be taped for TV airing..... Chase Stevens came to the ring and challenged James Storm for a match..... Storm wanted some more of Lollipop and really boys and girls who could blame him... she likes to be spanked and she had that grin on her face while he was doing it that said ' Come on baby smack it harder, momma likes!' James Storm got the win in this impromptu match that was put on to compensate for Ron Harris getting hurt....
The last match was the main event it was Humongous taking on Chris Harris.... Or how some people, well shit most in attendance would call him HAHris.... come on Chris HAHris... Humongous was led to the ring by the ever so lovely Athena..... This match was ok as Chris HAHris actually took Humongous down... But the funniest thing was Chicken Hat sitting over there talking to someone who was pretty damned funny in his imaginary cell-phone.... He was sitting there actually laughing and talking to someone who wasn't there..... Thats Disturbing, he also held two chairs next to him like they would break and get hurt if someone hit them.... Maybe it's the ghosts of those damned Chicken He killed to make that hat that follow him around???? Humongous was disqualified as Bully hit the ring and helped Humongous beat on Chris Harris.....
All in all it was a fun show, attendance was way low as 60 seemed to be there but that may be overstating it.... Goldy was there, she must have heard The Bro was gonna be there.... Ryder and Plumtree were there and some Old Country Music dude who sings a song about Bert was there..... The dude sitting down the row from me was funny as he was talking aboiut how to roll joints, how to perform oral sex on a chick and he was wearing an 8-ball shirt in front of his kids.... Great!!!!!! Anyways I do reccommend going to a show.. it's well worth the money to make fun of the fans at least..... Anyways I'll be back.... I'm out like Aprils Nipples... Peace thebro1869@hotmail.com
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